How do you get trust back?

[hillview]

I am struggling to trust DH. Long story I won't get into. Any tips for re-establishing trust?
Thanks!
/hillary

[bubbaray]

It just takes time. :hug:

[Pinky]

It just takes time. :hug:

:yeahthat: SHe's right... really I think time is the only thing that can really help.

I suppose it would also help if your DH knew what sort of things made you not trust him so that if he was willing he could try to be more open and up front about those situations so you had less reason to not trust him.

Good luck!

[gatorsmom]

Openness and willingness to talk about anything can help. And the patience to listen with out jumping to conclusions. And time. :hug:

[hillview]

Thanks ladies. We do talk and he knows my thoughts. I just want to go back to the way it was before but I can't mentally get myself there. It is like it is fine for days and then BAM I am all wrapped around the axle on it. It is impacting my sleep and stress level a lot. I am exercising a ton and trying to take care of myself but ... well ... it is just hard.

[gatorsmom]

Thanks ladies. We do talk and he knows my thoughts. I just want to go back to the way it was before but I can't mentally get myself there. It is like it is fine for days and then BAM I am all wrapped around the axle on it. It is impacting my sleep and stress level a lot. I am exercising a ton and trying to take care of myself but ... well ... it is just hard.

It IS hard. Try to spend some quality time together whenever you can. And over time the distrust will fade.

[dogmom]

I think you have to treat it a little like a death, it's a grieving process. Depending on how much the betrayal of trust is, I think it is reasonable not to make any progress for a few months. After that, however, you can concentrate on the positives. A lot of couples I know are still together after a loss of trust because two people are working very hard and communicating well. So I've seen a lot of marriages come out stronger. But be prepared to get smacked in the face with it out of the blue for at least a year.

[infomama]

As pp have said, it's hard and it takes time. I think forgiveness plays a huge role. True forgiveness for what he has done.

[mackmama]

I think it takes time while also seeing consistency in behavior and actions from the other person over the long term.

[Jrwusch]

It might help if you stop focusing on "I want to trust him again." Try to let it go and don't think about it too much. If you feel like you can't trust him, that's okay. Work with/around that. If you keep dwelling on what you wish you could do, it'll make things even harder. Just my two cents. :hug:

[Twin Mom]

Maybe couples therapy would help?