New Job! Pregnant! HELP! (for a friend)

[ha98ed14]

Desperate help needed from professional/ career gals!

BFF, I have posted about her before, was just offered a new job, a real step up, more money, more autonomy, everything is a GO! She signed the contract two weeks ago. She's giving her 3.5 weeks notice at her current job on TUESDAY! She starts July 1. She called me last night in a panic. There's two lines. OMG! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

BUT... she 's 35, married to a good guy, and they both want a child. She's been off BC for a year (after 10+ years on it), and "trying", but that was before this new job opportunity came along. In her current job, she has weeks of vacation and sick leave saved up. With this new job, she starts over completely. The only ray of hope as I see it is that this is a public institution, a city university administration position. It's NOT corporate or law or finance. It's academia-ish. Her hours in her current job are reasonable. Occasional weekend and travel, but very regular. We have reason to believe the new job will have similar hours. ETA: Despite it's regular hours, her current job situation is miserable, so from a psychological perspective, I think being in her current office prego is equally stressful to starting a new job prego.

But she's still freaked. When she asked me, "What am I going to do?" I told her, "You're gonna take the d@mn job!" It's going to sound incredibly selfish for me to say this, but she has worked so hard for so long for an opportunity like this, and now it is here. She can't (and doesn't want to) let being pregnant keep her from starting this new job. But they want the baby too.

If you've BTDT, WTH did you do???

[crl]

I'd take the job. I made all sorts of career plans based on having kids and none of them worked out. And I know someone who interviewed visibly pregnant, was offered and took the job and has had a great run at that job.

Catherine

[hillview]

Take it -- her pg is in early days and not confirmed (not to be negative). Good luck to her!
/hillary

[smiles33]

Take it! I had a new coworker who either was pregnant at the interview or at least pregnant before accepting the job and had her baby 8 months later. Not ideal, but she was the best candidate of the pool and ended up being fine without consequences (other than a short maternity leave since she didn't have vacation/sick leave to extend it without taking it unpaid). We are at a private university so also a more forgiving environment than typical.

[BabbyO]

TAKE IT, TAKE IT, TAKE IT!!

I was in a VERY similar position 2 year ago. I accepted a job offer, set my start day for 2 weeks later and the following weekend (before I started the new job) found out I was expecting.

It all worked out...very well. When I told my new boss...he was nearly as excited as DH was. HR was very accommodating and I even got my full 12 weeks of leave despite not being eligible for FMLA (because I hadn't worked for the company for a full year when I had my son). They allowed me to take a 6 wk, unpaid, personal leave of absence after my 6 wk short term disability was up. The only down side was that they could not save my position while I was gone...but by that time I knew the culture of the company and there was virtually no way that would happen.

It was one of the best moves I've made...and just dumb luck that it occurred at the same time that I got pregnant.

[misshollygolightly]

Yeah, take it for sure! And then kick back and celebrate the double dose of good news (job AND a long-awaited pregnancy) :-)

[frugal mom]

I've BTDT-- found out I was pg 4 days after being offered the new job. She should take the job and continue with the plan she has. Either way, she'll be working while pg (assuming all goes well), so why would she stay at a job where she is unhappy, just because she'd received this good news? If this new job affords her a better quality of life, she should take it, even if it means less paid time off, or a shorter maternity leave. (I gave up five full months of accrued paid sick leave when I left my old job-- at least my new job approved unpaid time off for maternity leave).
Employers accommodate maternity leaves-- they have to by law. So, what it really boils down to is the worry about how new co-workers respond. I worried about that, too. I happily share this experience: my new office was so supportive and genuinely excited for us. They even threw us a big baby shower. Best of luck to her!

[smiles33]

I came back to add more food for thought because I also thought of a second coworker (she replaced the first one who gave birth 8 months after accepting). The second woman gave birth about 10 months after starting the job (accidental pregnancy). The difference is that the first woman did not tell anyone she was pregnant until she was about 6 months pregnant and could no longer button her coat (some ladies were already gossiping about her being pregnant by then as she was very slim and wearing baggy clothes).

The second woman immediately told us she was accidentally pregnant and then used that as an excuse for unprofessional behavior. She started napping in her office, coming in late, and leaving early because of bad morning sickness (so she said, but I could hear her watching YouTube videos, im'ing friends as her computer would chime every few seconds, etc.)

My boss at the time was too afraid of being accused of pregnancy discrimination, so nothing happened. The second woman got away with pretty much not doing any work, which made the rest of us bitter. So I just thought I would advise OP to tell her friend to try to work harder than normal, as using pregnancy as a shield for poor performance would alienate colleagues, even if it is legitimate compared to my second coworker. Thankfully, the second woman finally left on her own accord for personal reasons but my workplace would never have fired her for laziness/poor performance (the biggest downside to this work setting!).

[Melbel]

Add me to the chorus of TAKE THE JOB and don't look back. I was about 8 months pregnant with DS when I switched law firms (think small build, short waisted mom with a huge 9+ pounder on board). I ended up with much better maternity leave, benefits, pay and work atmosphere. The Pregnancy Discrimination Act protects pregnant women from adverse employment actions based upon pregnancy. The only draw back is that it is difficult to prove yourself in a new work environment when you are not at your best physically. Wishing your friend the best in her new job (hopefully she will take it) and with her pregnancy. What a blessing after so many years.