S/O Spoiled Children/Gifts & Winter B-Days

[sariana]

I was scanning the post about spoiled/entitled children and noticed one of the points mentioned was that gifts are given only at birthdays and Christmas. What do those of you whose DC's have winter birthdays do about this?

DS was born in July. It has been convenient for him to get new backpacks, lunchboxes, special clothes, etc. for the next school year as birthday gifts.

DD was born in January. That's too early for "back-to-school" gifts. She starts preschool in the fall and will need a backpack and a lunch box. I am going to have to get them as random summer gifts, but I worry that is unfair to DS, who has received those things as b-day gifts in the past.

Also, what about sports equipment and such? DS got a bike at 4 1/2 and a scooter at 5 1/2, both from Santa. If DD gets the same for Christmas, she gets them either much younger or much older than DS got them. (In this example, for my family, this works b/c DD is much more adept than DS ever was. But I still wonder about fairness.)

Sorry, this post got longer than I planned.

[niccig]

Well, I don't consider school things like a backpack to be a gift, it's a need - he needs to have a backpack for school. So I don't get that or lunchbox etc to be a gift.

I started that spoiled thread and DS's birthday is Christmas Day - so we get SO many things on that one day. It's too overwhelming for me, let alone DS. And it is one of my concerns, as it is too much to open - I know to work with him more on appreciating each gift rather than just reaching for the next one.

[Elilly]

The Easter bunny has always brought new backpacks for our kids as well as things needed for the summer...... Goggles, sidewalk chalk etc.

[egoldber]

Not exactly the same situation, but as a family we celebrate the actual 8 nights of Hanukkah, plus Christmas at my mother's house and then a "floating Hanukkah" with my ILs. It's really just too much. I cut way back last year, but it was still too much. At the Hanukkah with my ILs (MIL, FIL, the 4 of us, 2 SILs + DHs + lotso kids) it isn't even really fun because there are just so many gifts and it takes simply forever to open them all. The kids are done and over it by about 15 minutes and then it's another 2 hours (not joking) of torture. But my MIL and FIL really enjoy it.

I am going to try and totally re-think things this year. Plus we are not going to my mother's house for Christmas this year, so that will help. I really don't know how to stop the Hanukkah madness at my IL's though.

Also, I don't typically give "needs" like backpacks, lunch boxes, etc. as gifts.

[maestramommy]

My kids don't have winter bdays, but we follow a general principle. One gift for Christmas, period. It's not their bday, it's Jesus's bday. Besides, between the gifts they get from relatives and a couple of friends, they still get a lot. We are trying to rein that in by suggesting group gifts, books, subscriptions.

For their bday, they have a list. Depending on what they ask for, what they need, we get them a couple off the list. In general their list is very short because they're young, and tend to hone in on very few things. For example, last year Dora wanted a fairy and a piggy bank. So she got both. This year Arwyn wanted a new Dora doll, some $10 figure she saw at the Target. But she has also been lusting after Dora's dress shoes, and she needs a new pair anyway, so I got her both items. She had to wait almost 6 months though. Every time she asked about the doll, I just kept telling her, "well put it on your bday list."

Big items like bikes, we've gotten as needed, for their bday if it happens to fall at the convenient time. Back to school items like backpacks I've just gotten them, like I would buy them clothes they've needed.

So I'd say that if they're asking for something that's just a toy, not something they really need, I make it clear they have to wait until a special occasion, and that could be a LONG time. And even then they may or may not get it. My reasoning (for me) is that because they are young, their wants may change during the waiting period, so I don't want another thing cluttering up the house because they got it right away, then lost interested after a few months.

But I still think in some ways my kids are spoiled, in the sense that they truly want for nothing, have all their needs met and then some, without ever having to worry about it. To the point where they fight over toys in the silliest fashion (she has it right now, so I want it. Grrrr). I know part of it is just their age. But part of it is also because of what I just said above. Which is a good thing I suppose. It just means I have to wait until they are quite a bit older before they can truly internalize how lucky they are to have the life they do, and to be thankful for it. Just as long as it happens before they go off to college :tongue5:

[SnuggleBuggles]

Those items wouldn;t be presents here. Those are special, needed items (most of the time). I really wouldn't count like shin guards and a ball as a present. I'd count a new train, a Hot Wheels' set, a board game...as presents but a backpack is something for school (however I also don't bu new ones of those every year).

Ds2 has a winter b-day, before Christmas, and he gets shortchanged compared to ds1 gift wise from me and dh on both occasions as a result. I should add that this year I have reevaluated the amount of gifts they get for holidays so maybe that isn't a fair comparison. I just know ds1 used to get a lot more for b-days that ds2 does. The time of year of their b-days matter and in the summer I am happy to spend more and bring more into my home than when the house is all crowded at the holidays.

My boys get things throughout the year. If they get the gimmes too bad then we go on a no new toy cycle. They know not to ask for anything for x amount of time and it really seems to work well. I don't mind buying them new things- I like it, in fact.

Beth

[brittone2]

My kids' bdays are all winterish through very early spring. Sometimes I give springy/summery stuff for Easter (they got swim goggles, new water bottles, bubbles, etc. in their Easter baskets this year).

THey do get a few things throughout the year but we mostly save gifts for their bday. DS1 gets an allowance and is good about saving for things he wants.

[AngelaS]

My oldest is a Christmas baby. We have always limited her Christmas gifts to three. We continued that tradition with her sisters as well. For birthdays they each get one or two gifts. For these two gift giving occasions, I always buy them something they want--- toys, books, art supplies, etc. Clothes and school supplies are necessities and they are purchased as needed.

We don't do the Easter bunny so they don't get gifts then either. If there are other small toys that they want, I buy them on sale and put them in the mom shop. They earn mom bucks for doing their chores and they can spend those in the mom shop. :)

[Ceepa]

I would just buy both DC school supplies as needed in the summer and not label them as any kind of gift.

[Seitvonzu]

reading this and the other threads makes me feel like a big spoiler :( i don't consider backpacks/school supplies are "gifts." that said, i also didn't feel like a preschool backpack was a necessity when my child had her first semi-real preschool experience (it was a drop-off situation at a local highschool....don't get me started on THAT). i sent her with a paper grocery bag with her name on it (they suggested that and i thought "sounds fine to me")

EVERY child had an adorable "preschool" backpack with characters or their name embroidered on it or whatever. i went that day, sans coupon, and bought the skiphop pink mouse backpack at barnes and noble. i gave it to lucy immediately and she was in LOVE. yeah...it wasn't the cheapest thing. yeah....it wasn't researched or planned. yeah...i just GAVE IT TO HER THAT DAY without lots of fanfare or "this is a special gift" prep.

even though we haven't officially started preschool we still use the backpack in the car for "outings." it was wonderful to have it at my best friends babyshower. i'd stuffed it with stickers/paper and it actually kept pretty much all the kids that were milling around busy for a solid hour plus. lots of grateful moms that day! this seems to be a running theme with the "gifts" i give lucy-- it makes MY life easier. like previoius poster said, *I* like giving lu things throughout the year.

we also have an enviable "collection" of art supplies of all kinds...this weekend i read a thread about glitter paint and immeadiately ran to fill a cart full of it at discount school supply....i haven't ordered (yet) but i probably will. i have a weakness for supplies...BUT i see this as *MY* problem and not my childs (yet).

whoah...i got on a tangent. i DO have a winter baby (2 days before christmas birthday) and she gets SO overwhelmed at that time of year. my inlaws especially bring her a metric ton of gifts. it's too much, but all efforts to reign things in have been met with flat out refusal to change. we deal with it. and then i spoil through the year. we joke that we really need another baby to end it, but honestly? i don't think it would change much ;)