How do I explain the death of a pet

[newg]

to a 3yr. old?? This has not happened yet, but is very likely in the next few days/weeks and I'd like to be prepared.......

Our 10yr. old greyhound is at the vet for a few days to figure out if she has cancer or not.....she's been on a steady decline since last week and we took her to the vet yesterday.
DD1 picked up on Ruby being sad this weekend and she asked me why Ruby is so sad.......I said "Ruby is sad because she doesn't feel good." I then told DD1 that we are taking Ruby to her doctor so she can get some medicine and feel better.

We did this yesterday. DD1 understands that Ruby has to stay at the doctor to keep getting her medicine (just like mommy had to stay at the hospital while DD2 was in mommy's tummy, to help mommy feel better....)

Ruby will probably come home Friday...........but she either has Pancreatitis (sp?) or cancer........so either diagnosis is not good....I'm guessing she'll be with us a lot longer if it's the pancreatitis.
But, DD1 is very tuned in to Ruby being sick and she is worried about her. She reads emotions very very well for 3, so I need to have a good explination ready for when Ruby dies (whether that's this weekend or three months from now...)

any BTDT advice?? This will be the first pet death in the family. I was in elementary school when our first family dog died.

Like I said, DD1 is very tuned in to emotions and that Ruby is not at home with us because she is sick right now.......

Thank you.

[ha98ed14]

She reads emotions very very well for 3, so I need to have a good explination ready for when Ruby dies (whether that's this weekend or three months from now...)


I think the explanation is that living things eventually die. We've been talking about this with DD because she picks flowers, puts them in water and eventually they die. She wants to know why, and I told her because their life has passed; the season for their life is over. I think the same explanation holds for pets and even people. It's not easy, but it is true. IMO, best not to pretend that it doesn't happen.

[smiles33]

I agree with ha98ed14 and just wanted to add that you should be prepared for unusual interpretations. My dog recently had to be put to sleep in the middle of the night at the emergency vet and we told DD1 (who recently turned 5) that he had been really sick and the doctor couldn't fix him. We then explained he was in heaven watching over us and playing with my in-laws' dogs.

We never told her he was put to sleep, but she may have overheard us talking to someone else. She started crying a couple days later and it turns out she was afraid of never waking up again.

[crayonblue]

A little different scenario but when my daughter was dying, grief counselors told us 1) to avoid saying "sick" and dying in the same conversation as to avoid young children being afraid that when they or you get sick, the next step is to die and 2) give specifics such as heart stopped beating, lungs stopped breathing, etc. so that they understand what actually happened. Following their advice, older DD seemed to have no problem with the actual physical part of watching her sister die. Now, the emotional part is a whole different story.

[Clarity]

I told my then 3 year old that our dog "had lived all the life that he had to live" that he had died and that he would not be coming home. She wanted to know what it meant to have died and I let her know that it meant that his body didn't move anymore. Keep it simple but be honest.

In the months that passed, she asked about him and talked about him regularly. It's been 2 years and she still brings him up sometimes. (We do have a picture hanging where we can see it so it is a bit of a reminder.) FWIW, when I talk about death, I always talk about how memories of our loved ones live on in our hearts always. She seems to like that.

[elephantmeg]

we had about 6 months warning when our dog was dying but as the time became closer we told them that she had something called cancer and some day her body just wouldn't work anymore. We didn't tell them we were putting her down when the day came but we did tell that that she was not doing well at all. When they came home from daycare we told them that her body stopped working and that she died and that we had buried her in x spot. They talk about her sometimes still. We had also gotten a new dog in between the diagnosis and our first dog's death for which I am glad.

[MoJo]

I was surprised how often Jelly Bean has asked where our dog is. . . so be prepared with an answer for that. I did tell her that everything eventually gets old and dies, and I believe our dog is in heaven. Of course, she wants to know where that is. . . and if we can see her there. . . and if we need a leash to take our other (almost as old dog) there too.

Grandma's dog just died this week too. I've been surprised that Jelly Bean has not reacted emotionally to either loss.

:hug: on a difficult time all the way around.

[elektra]

My dad's dog died last week and DD saw me crying about it and I just told her I was sad because Grandpa's dog died.
It was a little different than if our own dog died, but she still knew the dog.
We have talked about death before (other relatives, etc.) so she knew that things die.
So far, we have always told her that everything dies but that it usually happens when you are very old so she has nothing to worry about. We will miss the dog but she had a long, happy life, etc.
I know it isn't always true that people/animals/things only die when they are old ( hugs to crayonblue ) but it's how I decided to handle it with my own DD.
We also did not mention anything with "sleep" even though my dad's dog had to be put to sleep. I have enough sleep issues with DD already and I did not want her making that association.

[amldaley]

DD is 3 months shy of her 3rd birthday. 2 weeks ago we took her to the funeral of a good friend whom she had met and knew and recently seen.

We just told her that Mike went to heaven. He was sick and so God called him to heaven. "But where IS he?", she asked. "His body is not here any more. And his spirit went to Heaven."

We don't attend church regularly and only occassionally remember to pray for a meal or at bed time. But I have read Nancy Tillman's "On the Night You Were Born" to her every night for the last 10 months. So, she sort of has a pretty picturesque idea of heaven.

As a PP said, watch for interesting interpretations. When DD heard the bugler playing TAPS, I told her it was just like "Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn..." and now whenever she hears big band, jazz, parade music or military marching band music, and she hears a horn, she mentions Mike.

We would treat the death of a family pet the same way at this age. I don't know how much more they are capable of comprehending and a family pet may be even more important to your DD than a family friend.

[newg]

Thank you for all the advice ladies!
Ruby seems to be responding to the meds, so fingers crossed she makes a full recovery and comes home on the up-and-up.
She is 10 this summer......and our other greyhound will be 12 this month.......so the death of a pet will be coming sooner than later for us.

DD1 hasn't had to experience the loss of anything yet, so this will be new territory for all of us.
Thanks again!!