Weddings with/without children

[SkyrMommy]

A close family member is getting married soon and we just received the invitation and I was unsure if DD was invited or not. Turns out it's a 'not' and they are having an adult only ceremony and reception. Is this normal still??? Most wedding that we've been to in the past 10 years have been more and more informal and relaxed with whole families included.

Sigh... I guess I'm just sad that DD can't come with us and I have to find a reliable babysitter since all the grandmothers and other family members who would normally sit are going to be at the wedding.

[weech]

We've got three weddings this summer and DS is only allowed at one of them (the only bride who has kids). It really frustrated me. :irked:

[boolady]

We've rarely been to weddings where kids were invited, especially evening weddings. At least at the weddings we've been invited to, no kids (except maybe the ones in the bridal party) is the norm. I realize that there's a lot of divided opinion on this issue on this board, but depending on the time, venue, and formality of the occasion, I don't think that a bride and groom feel bad if they don't want a lot of kids running around. If they do, that's great. If they don't, it's their money and their prerogative.

I'm curious...why does it make you sad that you can't take your DD?
I'd try and look at it as a nice night out with your DH, other than your childcare issues complicating things. At this point, weddings are one of the only times DH and I get all dolled up, go, get to mingle, have a cocktail or two, and be able to just enjoy talking with the adults. I'm not being critical, just thinking maybe you can look at it like a nice date night out.

[SkyrMommy]

At this point, weddings are one of the only times DH and I get all dolled up, go, get to mingle, have a cocktail or two, and be able to just enjoy talking with the adults.

True... I do look forward to spending time with DH and getting all dressed up. I guess I'm saddest because this side of the family has always been very close and all of our other weddings have included children and the families have such beautiful photographs and memories of us all. I was thinking that because it's an afternoon wedding we'd be having a similar day. But each couple deserves the day that they want so I'll take what it is and enjoy the day as best I can.

[SpaceGal]

Most weddings I have been to, have children there. Only this summer did a friend tell me about going to a wedding and there were no kids there...very strange to me since the married couple have a child together already. I would feel sad too if I was invited to a wedding and couldn't bring my kids either. Granted I understand those that look at it as a time for a husband and wife to get alone time but I'm one to want to bring my kids too.

[Green_Tea]

I have been to at least 15 weddings in the past 8 years (probably more like 20) and my children have not been invited to a single one. I think inviting children is the exception, not the rule, and I'm OK with that.

[ha98ed14]

True... I do look forward to spending time with DH and getting all dressed up. I guess I'm saddest because this side of the family has always been very close and all of our other weddings have included children and the families have such beautiful photographs and memories of us all. I was thinking that because it's an afternoon wedding we'd be having a similar day. But each couple deserves the day that they want so I'll take what it is and enjoy the day as best I can.

That's a really great attitude! :)

[TwinFoxes]

I think it's a regional/cultural/particular circle of friends thing. I also think this is one of those hot button issues right up there with the money dance, so I'll be backing out of is thread now. ;)

[weech]

We've rarely been to weddings where kids were invited, especially evening weddings. At least at the weddings we've been invited to, no kids (except maybe the ones in the bridal party) is the norm. I realize that there's a lot of divided opinion on this issue on this board, but depending on the time, venue, and formality of the occasion, I don't think that a bride and groom feel bad if they don't want a lot of kids running around. If they do, that's great. If they don't, it's their money and their prerogative.

I'm curious...why does it make you sad that you can't take your DD?
I'd try and look at it as a nice night out with your DH, other than your childcare issues complicating things. At this point, weddings are one of the only times DH and I get all dolled up, go, get to mingle, have a cocktail or two, and be able to just enjoy talking with the adults. I'm not being critical, just thinking maybe you can look at it like a nice date night out.

IMHO, going to a wedding is a chore (and an expensive one at that). I prefer to spend nights out with my DH with close friends or by ourselves, Neither of us really enjoys mingling with folks we don't know. And at least in my case, the weddings are out of town and I don't love leaving DS overnight.

I honestly don't remember if kids were allowed at the weddings we went to pre-DS... never thought to check, I guess.

[SnuggleBuggles]

50/50 for me. I decided after the last non-family wedding to find a sitter whenever possible. Weddings are so romantic and fun- like a good date- so I prefer not to bring the kids when possible now. If it was family and the kids were invited then I'd bring them. Family and they weren't invited? I'd look for the positive and have a good time. :)

Beth

[boolady]

IMHO, going to a wedding is a chore (and an expensive one at that). I prefer to spend nights out with my DH with close friends or by ourselves, Neither of us really enjoys mingling with folks we don't know. And at least in my case, the weddings are out of town and I don't love leaving DS overnight.

I honestly don't remember if kids were allowed at the weddings we went to pre-DS... never thought to check, I guess.

I guess if I were going to weddings where I really didn't know many folks or were out-of-town, I'd feel differently, but I really can't remember the last time I wasn't at a wedding that was within 1 or 2 hours of our home and/or we didn't know at least 8 or 10 other couples that were going to be there. If we got invited to a wedding that wasn't close family or close friends and required us to spend the money and time to be away overnight, we probably just wouldn't go, though I know that's not a great answer.

[boolady]

50/50 for me. I decided after the last non-family wedding to find a sitter whenever possible. Weddings are so romantic and fun- like a good date- so I prefer not to bring the kids when possible now. If it was family and the kids were invited then I'd bring them. Family and they weren't invited? I'd look for the positive and have a good time. :)

Beth

You said exactly what I was trying to say in about 1/3 of the words. :)

[kerridean]

We have never received a wedding invitation to which our children have been invited. Even if they were invited, I would not bring them. I prefer to hire a sitter when we attend weddings. I do not feel that wedding receptions are a place for children with the exception of the flower girl and ring bearer.

[carolinamama]

We get both. It doesn't really bother me when my kids aren't invited since I figure it's not my day - the bride and groom can do whatever they want and can afford. Plus it is an awesome chance to get out with DH and maybe even a night oot without our kids!

[Dr C]

Honestly, when we've brought kids to weddings, they've been hot, bored, miserable, and (as the evening wears on) exhausted. And we've been the same, and didn't get to talk to anybody except the other parent chasing a kid out on the grass. We barely get to eat, much less enjoy the food. The kids not being invited gives you a great excuse to get a sitter, which you might not otherwise do, resulting in a much more enjoyable night for all involved. Don't be too mad. The wedding venue should be able to suggest local sitters. Yes, it's a leap of faith but you can always check references, etc.

[SkyrMommy]

I'm not mad at all as the bride and groom certainly deserve the day they want. I guess I was more surprised and sad as I said in a previous post that this side of the family always seemed close and children were at all the other weddings in recent years and we all have lots of fond memories and great photographs.

I was more curious what the norm was today with children being included in weddings as a huge majority that we've been to have included whole families.

I'm now on the search for a good reliable sitter and will enjoy the afternoon out with DH. Besides it gives me a good excuse to go buy a beautiful dress. :wink2:

[MMMommy]

I think inviting children is the exception and not the norm. Most weddings I've been to only invited children that were part of the bridal party or very, very close relatives of the bride and groom.

Also, I think cost is a factor. It already costs a lot per head for adults. Factoring in children would add to the cost factor, even if a "kids" meal is served.

[crayonblue]

I'm not mad at all as the bride and groom certainly deserve the day they want. I guess I was more surprised and sad as I said in a previous post that this side of the family always seemed close and children were at all the other weddings in recent years and we all have lots of fond memories and great photographs.

I was more curious what the norm was today with children being included in weddings as a huge majority that we've been to have included whole families.

I'm now on the search for a good reliable sitter and will enjoy the afternoon out with DH. Besides it gives me a good excuse to go buy a beautiful dress. :wink2:

I love taking DD to weddings! To her, they are lovely and magical. I do understand that some couples do not want children attending. But, I always totally appreciate when DD is invited! A few years ago one of DH's coworkers got married. He called and asked what DD would like to eat at the reception. DH said something about chicken nuggets, peas, mac & cheese, etc. We went to the wedding and reception and the waiter brought out a plate made especially for DD. I thought that was SO awesome and considerate!

All that to say, OP, I totally get what you are saying/feeling.

[indigo99]

Don't know if it's regional, but most of the weddings around here (in the south) do allow kids. As the photographer, I don't usually see the invites so I don't know if they're actually invited or if they just show up. Kids in the elementary school group seem to really enjoy weddings usually. Those who are younger tend to be more of a pain for their parents.

[TxCat]

50/50 for me. I decided after the last non-family wedding to find a sitter whenever possible. Weddings are so romantic and fun- like a good date- so I prefer not to bring the kids when possible now. If it was family and the kids were invited then I'd bring them. Family and they weren't invited? I'd look for the positive and have a good time. :)

Beth

ITA (and agree with boolady's post too). Most of the weddings I've been to (the South and the East) have not had children at the reception. We're going to our first wedding post-DD next weekend and the invitation or website specifically mentioned no children. So, we're gearing up finding a babysitter. I'm a little nervous, but I'm also excited to have a nice, late night out for the first time in months! (and to not feel guilty about it - like we "have" to go out because it's a wedding!).

[waitingforgrace]

I've only been to one wedding that requested no children and we took DD. The wedding was DH's sister and over 5 hours away. We weren't willing to leave her for the weekend and anyone who could watch her was going to be at the wedding. We asked the bride ahead of time and she was ok with it.

For us the norm has been to include kids. We are in the midwest and they are not black tie events. Nice weddings but not overly formal events.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Most of the weddings I've been to I believe allowed kids...tho I don't really remember because for all but two of them we didnt have kids ourselves, so I didn't really notice.

I agree with the pps who said going to weddings with babies/kids can be a real pain. I went to my cousins wedding when ds was 7 mo and it was a bit crazy during the reception...ds wanted to grab everything and was getting so antsy. My ds kept getting tossed between me, dh, my mom and random relatives during the reception so we'd all have a chance to eat. Now that ds is 16mo I can't imagine taking him to a wedding. we'd probably last 30mins before we'd have to give up and leave.

Now with a 2month old as well, honestly I would LOVE to attend a no-kids wedding!! I would love to get an opportunity To get a date night with dh and get dressed up and have five hours of socializing, dancing, eating. I get the feeling that if our kids were invited along with us to a wedding (esp a family one) we'd sort of feel obligated to bring them, which would mean dh & I wouldn't get to enjoy the wedding much as we'd be chasing after ds the whole time.

[Cuckoomamma]

We've only received one invitation where children weren't included. We live in the Northeast and the weddings have been very pricey. We declined the invite that was adults only.

[mackmama]

Most weddings that I have been to have included kids, but I also think it's okay not to invite/include kids. It might affect whether I'd attend or for how long I'd stay, but I think it's the couple's right to invite (or not invite) whoever they want.

[JoyNChrist]

Every wedding I've been to has included children (I live in the South). I would find it odd in our family or social circle if children were not welcome (although of course that's the bride and groom's prerogative).

Having said that, I don't plan to bring our kids to either of the two weddings we're attending this summer. :bag

[MommyAllison]

Since DD was born, we've only been invited to 1 wedding where kids were not invited, and didn't end up going, for various reasons. So in our circle/area, no-kid weddings are somewhat uncommon - or maybe people just don't invite us if they're having a no-kid wedding? :)

[weech]

I guess if I were going to weddings where I really didn't know many folks or were out-of-town, I'd feel differently, but I really can't remember the last time I wasn't at a wedding that was within 1 or 2 hours of our home and/or we didn't know at least 8 or 10 other couples that were going to be there. If we got invited to a wedding that wasn't close family or close friends and required us to spend the money and time to be away overnight, we probably just wouldn't go, though I know that's not a great answer.

haha, no, I know the feeling. I tried not going, but DH was not down :) He has a lot of friends from college who have moved all over the country and made bunches of different friends, so we end up having to fly somewhere, stay overnight, and we know MAYBE one couple other than the bride or groom.

[Melaine]

Every wedding I've been to has included children (I live in the South). I would find it odd in our family or social circle if children were not welcome (although of course that's the bride and groom's prerogative).


:yeahthat: From my Southern perspective.
I am fairly certain we've never been invited to one without the girls. And we probably wouldn't go if we were. I know that I have never been to a child-free wedding, that would feel very odd to me. I totally see where you are coming from OP, I would be hurt if they didn't include the kids in a family wedding. That would just feel incomplete to me. Plus, I think it's so fun to have kids at a wedding. The girls were in two weddings this month and they just adored getting dressed up and dancing. And eating the "fancy" food and the music and blowing bubbles to send off the bride and groom. These were very special events to them and they will remember them for a long time. If my brother hadn't had kids at their wedding, it would be sad that couldn't remember their uncle and aunt's wedding. I can't imagine excluding my nieces and nephews from our wedding!

JMO, but I don't get child-free weddings.

[shawnandangel]

This is still normal. Our wedding was kid friendly, I think that kids bring so much fun to weddings, especially when they get out on the floor and dance! I believe weddings, and especially the receptions are a celebration of joining families. Families aren't complete without the children who continue them.

[lowrioh]

Most of the weddings we have gone to have been kid friendly but unless it is a family affair we leave the kids at home and get a sitter.

We didn't have kids at our wedding and it caused a bit of a brouhaha in my family. One cousin RSVPed that her kids were coming and my mother had to call and explain that kids weren't invited. It was awkward but in the end they respected the decision.
I did have another cousin call to ask if she could bring her 7 year old daughter to the ceremony only because she wanted to see all the beautiful dresses etc. I had no problem with that so you might want to call the bride (or her mother) if that is something that you'd like to do.

[Roni]

My kids haven't been invited to any of the family weddings except my sister's. It super-stinks, because they've all been out-of-town, and of course none of my family members could baby-sit because they were all at the wedding! We did somehow make it work at all of them, except for one wedding when a friend of my cousin's was supposed to babysit, and her car broke down. So, dd crashed the reception.

[BabbyO]

In my family, (and with most of our friends) it's pretty normal to invite kids to a wedding. I would have never thought of not bringing them, but then my cousin asked if her daughters were invited to my brother's wedding last year...so I guess outside of our family and friends it's fairly common to not have kids at the wedding.

It doesn't really bother me either way. In a way...I dread bringing DS to weddings...because we either leave 1/2 way through dinner (so that he isn't TOO late getting to bed) or we stay WAY past his bed time and pay for it for several days.

[lizzywednesday]

Most of the weddings I've attended, both pre-DD and post-DD, have been child-free.

These have been primarily formal evening events, not less formal afternoon events, however, so I don't think it's unusual not to include children in something that would likely take place at their bedtimes!

The exceptions at these events have been children who were in the wedding party - flower girls, ring bearers, etc. - but even then, they've stayed for part of the reception and then can be taken away to another location so they can sleep, whether it's a hotel room immediately upstairs or another relative's home.

For weddings where children were welcome, they've been late-morning/early afternoon ceremonies and fairly casual receptions, so it's really comparing apples to oranges.

At my own wedding, I had no problem with including children, but when we did a headcount of all the kids in both of our families, the cost was far too much for us to handle. We then evaluated it on a case-by-case basis - family traveling from quite a distance got preferential treatment and we did say it was OK to include our flower girl, though her mother's parents did take her upstairs to nap after she'd spent an hour or so at the reception. (She was 4; I hardly expected her to last much past the ceremony!)

[DietCokeLover]

We had an evening wedding, and had several people attending and in the wedding who had very small children. So, we provided childcare during the actual service. After the service was over, the children were at the reception. We did this to make it easier for the parents to enjoy and participate in the service.

But, I have been to both recently - kids and no kids. That is the one day that the bride and groom get to have as they wish, so I'm not offended if it's a no kids affair. It's their perogative. And, then I am able to decide at that point if I can be there or not as well.

[dogmom]

I've also seen brides in a bind when they know there are relatives who want to bring their children and they also know from family gatherings that those kids are not well behaved. I've seen more than one wedding not include any kids because there is no easy way to say no kids to one family and yes to another. On top of that I think most catering places charge full price for kids, so that can be a huge expense.

I am no well past the age that my friends are getting married, at least for the first time, and I'm glad to be done with it.

[R2sweetboys]

The majority of weddings that I've attended have been no kids except those in the wedding. Many have been evening weddings if that matters. It seems to be more the norm here and it doesn't bother me at all. I enjoy the free time with DH! We did not have kids at our wedding either. It really had nothing to do with wanting them there or not. Very few of our friends/family had kids at the time so it was a non-issue. It was a Friday night wedding with lots of dancing and drinking so it really was best that it was only adults. I do see how it is different depending on what part of the country you live in though.

ETA: Some families are really large so inviting everyone's children adds a lot of money and can make it difficult to find a large enough venue.