Teacher Gifts for less-than-beloved teachers

[jhamman]

Hi all,

Do you give an end-of-the-year teacher's gift to your DC's teacher,
even when you haven't had a good relationship with them ?

I have gift cards sitting on my desk, and I'm staring at them,
trying to figure out what to do.

My DH says that he has no interest in giving this teacher anything
that might be construed as a reward, or as approval of her teaching style.

On the other hand, my mother is freaked out by the notion of NOT giving a gift,
because she fears the entire school faculty will soon know that we didn't give
this teacher a gift, and we will be THAT family in the eyes of the faculty,
and our DS will be treated differently for the rest of his school career.

Personally, I am just ready for this school year to be over.
I certainly don't want to reward this particular teacher in any way,
but I don't want to feel weird about NOT giving a gift, either.

Have you been in this situation ? What have you done ?
Oh, for what it's worth, we did give the teacher a generous
gift at Christmas, as well as a gift for Teacher Appreciation Day
(just because I felt guilty...).

Thanks for your thoughts on this!

[WatchingThemGrow]

Just slap a note in a card "Have a great summer!" and send it on with a small gift card. She'll be thankful you thought of her despite the way things went between you during the year. It's over now.

[Laurel]

I'd go with something very small and impersonal.

However, teacher gifts are in no way expected or required. When I was a teacher, I may have mentioned some of the more special gifts I received to my peers but I never once mentioned a family who didn't give a gift. Teachers aren't in it for the end of year gifts. If you skip it, you will not be "that " family.

[SpaceGal]

We don't do end of the year gifts. DH is in the school of why can't people just do their jobs and not expect gifts. Not to say teachers expect a gift but we've come into a time that you almost feel badly if you don't give every person involved in your day to day life something (mail carrier, doorman, teachers, teachers aides, etc.) I see his point and I agree to some extent.

To me, I give something small when I feel the person did something nice and kind for my child, me, or my family. Otherwise I don't bother if it wasn't anything huge.

Don't take me as a scrooge just sometimes it's hard to hear all these things that people feel they "have" to give when it's a person's job to do what they are doing.

[crl]

I had this situation with one of ds' preschool teachers. I am still mad when I think about her. My solution was to give a book to the classroom. That way I felt like I was doing something, but for the kids rather than the teacher. Now whether or not she will keep that book when she retires, I have no idea. But I don't really care.

Catherine

[egoldber]

In this case I have simply given $5 to the group gift (typically the room mom organizes something) and called it a year.

[jhamman]

Thanks, you're right. I'll send along a quick note & a small gift card,
(or maybe a book for the classroom...thanks for the idea, crl),
and then I'll stop thinking about this so much!

And spacegal, I don't think you're a scrooge at all, and I agree with
your DH's perspective, to some extent.

I think I was torn about this issue because in the past we've had pretty good
luck with our teachers, and I've enjoyed giving them small gifts of appreciation.
This year is a different story altogether, unfortunately.

In between my own disappointment in how the school year went,
my DH's punitive gift-withholding policy, and my mother's fear-based gift-giving policy,
I appreciate the advice from clear-headed moms...thank you!!

[SpaceGal]

In between my own disappointment in how the school year went,
my DH's punitive gift-withholding policy, and my mother's fear-based gift-giving policy,
I appreciate the advice from clear-headed moms...thank you!!

If it makes you feel any better, I had a rough time really enjoying my DS1's kindergarten experience. His teacher was off on a lot of things. He wasn't bad just not great at all. And maybe because I had thought DS1 would get an experienced female kindergarten teacher....he got the other end which was a new to kindergarten male teacher. I never sent along a gift for Christmas or teacher appreciation.

In the past we have given the classroom a gift, our former pre-k teacher would have a wishlist of things and we were more than happy to oblige that way. Something that gives back to the teacher and the kids is a win win.

Honestly don't feel bad if it's a "weenie" gift...still better than nothing.