Help, going crazy with DH putting DS to sleep!

[Lupe]

I have recently started working and since we cannot afford a nanny full time (and we are 150 on the waiting list for daycare,which we have been on since I was 3 months preggo).
DH works from home once a week and I do another day at home.
The problem is that when stays with him once a week, he completely destroys DS routines. I have told him to put him down to nap after 1.5-2 hours awake, but he tries 5 minutes and it doesn't work and then wants to feed him. The next nap it is even harder to put him to sleep because he is overtired, and it snowballs. Also, because he is feeding him more I cannot keep up with my pumping.
DH stayed at home wednesday, called me at work that DS was crying non-stop, came home from work early. That night DS, who now was sleeping "through the night" (10-4), woke up in the middle of the night, and it has been bad napping/night sleeping since then. Today is my day to work from home, and it has been really hard to get anything done because It has taken way more work to make him nap. It takes 2-3 days to get him back to his routines, like if you go on a holiday
So it does not matter how much work I put into getting DS into his routine, in which he behaves pretty well, DH will shake it up once a week!
It is driving my crazy, but DH is trying, so if I criticize him to much he will just try less (why do men do that?) and we cannot afford a nanny full time.

DS does not nurse to sleep anymore, at some point breastfeeding before bed became such a struggle (DS gets mad when there is less milk) that it was not calming, so he gets rocked with his paci and songs
Last night he was trying to put him down to bed, he couldn't, I showed him what I did, he said he will try it. At night DS woke up, ate and wouldn't go back to sleep, so DH tried to soothe him. He did not try to soothe him how I showed him, he basically puts his iPod on and sits on the rocking chair with DS, stuffs the paci in his mouth and thinks that if he is tired he will fall asleep! it took and hour, poor DS basically got exhausted from crying.
I do not want to always jump and "fix" it, because DH will never learn how to do it when he is alone with DS
don't know what to do!

[drmeb]

Just wanted to say that I understand your frustration! I went through something similar with my DH in terms of getting DS to sleep, only ours was rocking, the pacifier and TV, not an iPod. And DS never went to sleep for DH. Here are a couple things that worked for me:

Instead of focusing on the schedule, I focused on showing DH how tired DS is when we are all together. After DS has been awake around 1.5-2 hrs, he gets fussy and his eyes get "glassy." When I saw that, I'd say, "Look how tired DS is! He is fussy and wants to be held, and his eyes are glassy. The poor baby needs to be put to sleep!" It was easier when DH could read the signs, too, because then he saw why we needed to get DS to sleep: it wasn't about a schedule, it was about DS needing to sleep.

I showed DH how I get DS to sleep, but I told him he could do whatever works for him. At that point, I rocked DS and sang to him. DH hates to sing, but he would hum. Rocking didn't work for him, so he walks with DS. I had to encourage him to find a method of putting DS to sleep that worked for him. I also asked him to put DS to sleep every night after I fed him so that he got practice. I know it's hard not to jump in, especially when DS is crying, but they both will learn with practice. Plus, I'd always praise DH when he got DS to sleep and tell him what a good job he did. That gave DH confidence, which he sorely needed. DS is 15 weeks old now, and DH is getting much better.

Dr. Sears has a list of ways to get baby to sleep which may help your DH find his own way:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/31-ways-get-your-baby-sleep-and-stay-asleep

I hope things get better for you!