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BabbyO
06-08-2011, 12:46 PM
Another MIL rant...maybe I'm just being ungrateful, but sometimes MIL just doesn't think things through.

DS turns 2 in July. I was planning his party the weekend of his birthday, but since SIL will be flying in over 4th of July we changed it to that weekend.

DH and I were discussing the invite list. We have a small house and 2 pretty large families so we decided last year for DS' birthday we were keeping the invite list to a minimum; our parents, our siblings, our grandmothers (only 2 living), DS' Godparents and the babysitter's family. This still brought about 20 people to our house.

We were thinking we'd do a similar guest list this year, but we wanted to invite DH's cousin and his wife who just had a baby. They are fairly young and we see them struggling with the fact that most of their friends aren't married and don't have kids...and they don't get to spend time with their old friends. We remember how tough the transition was for us...and thought they might enjoy an afternoon with us.

Anyway, this brought about a discussion with the IL's because we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by inviting some but not others. This led to the discussion of how DH's grandma didn't really enjoy the party last year because it was too hot and our house can't accommodate 20 people very well...so our parties are outside, and she doesn't like being around all that many people, esp if she doesn't know them...blah, blah, blah. MIL offered to just have a party at their house with DH's side of the family on the weekend of DS' birthday to avoid all the potential conflict (people not being invited, grandma not being comfortable, etc).

I really appreciate this. But...her first suggestion is Sunday. I HATE going to their house on Sunday's because they are perpetually 2 hours late with everything. We run into DS not eating until WAY later than he should, we can't get out the door before 8:30 pm (and we have an hour drive home) and it just is a pain because Sunday nights are already hectic trying to get ready for the week.

So I asked if Saturday would work instead. She said she'd ask FIL and get back to us.

Well, I just got an email from MIL...that was sent to DH's entire family. The party IS on Saturday (so I appreciate that), but its at 3 pm??? She didn't talk to us about the time at all. This is pretty much the witching hour with DS...he's overtired because he won't go down at his regular nap time, so usually somewhere between 3 and 4 we finally get him to nap. But he is a total bear to deal with until he passes out.

I guess I shouldn't complain...but seriously...the party is supposed to be for DS and he'll (hopefully) be asleep for the first 1-1.5 hours of it...or worse, he'll be cranky and crabby because he's too worked up (because he's at G-ma & G-pa's) to nap.

How hard would it have been to call or email and ask if 3 pm worked? I know she's not used to taking into account a toddler's nap schedule, but she just saw the meltdown that happens when it's not taken into account this weekend...and she's seen it for every get together they've had in the last 6 mo.

Sorry this is so long...I just needed to get that out. DH doesn't see the problem.

TwinFoxes
06-08-2011, 12:51 PM
What's his normal nap time? Can he nap then, and just show up in time for 3pm? I think I'm confused about why he can't just sleep during his regular naptime.

But honestly, I'd email her back (not ccing everyone!) and ask her to change the time if it's going to be a disaster.

BabbyO
06-08-2011, 01:12 PM
What's his normal nap time? Can he nap then, and just show up in time for 3pm? I think I'm confused about why he can't just sleep during his regular naptime.

But honestly, I'd email her back (not ccing everyone!) and ask her to change the time if it's going to be a disaster.

His normal nap time (M-F) at the sitters is 11:30 am. I have no idea why, but he won't nap at this time on the weekends for us. We've tried everything we can think of...and he just won't nap then for us. We regularly put him in his crib at this time...and he just sits there and talks to himself for a long as 1.5 hr, but he won't sleep.

So Sat and Sun generally go like this: Up, normal time. Getting sleepy around nap time (11:30 am) but won't sleep even if put in bed. Eat lunch. Depending on how the morning went, we may try for a nap after lunch - say 1-1:30 ish...it rarely works. By about 3 pm DS is overtired, crabby, whining, hitting, etc, and finally will fall asleep between 3 and 4 pm.

We've tried every combination of things we can think of: skipping 11:30 nap and just trying after lunch around 1-1:30, trying both times, etc and he NEVER naps until late in the day at our house. We try to get him outside playing so he wears himself out...but even that doesn't work. I think part of it is that he has 4 kids to interact with at the sitters and he's just more physically tired after playing for several hours with them.

HIU8
06-08-2011, 01:23 PM
Will your DS sleep in the car? Just a suggestion as a way of getting some sort of a nap in prior to the party. Maybe run an errand of two with DH and DS before going to the party to make sure DS is asleep and then travel the 1 hour to gma's house. At least that way your DS would get an hour of sleep. That used to work for us. It's not ideal but at least the crabbiness was held off for much longer.

WolfpackMom
06-08-2011, 01:28 PM
Will your DS sleep in the car? Just a suggestion as a way of getting some sort of a nap in prior to the party. Maybe run an errand of two with DH and DS before going to the party to make sure DS is asleep and then travel the 1 hour to gma's house. At least that way your DS would get an hour of sleep. That used to work for us. It's not ideal but at least the crabbiness was held off for much longer.

:yeahthat: This is what we do, we work REALLY hard to time the drive to my parents with his nap. Typically we drive there early though trying to get there before nap and he ends up falling asleep in the car and nap is spoiled, but at least he sleeps!

BabbyO
06-08-2011, 01:57 PM
Will your DS sleep in the car? Just a suggestion as a way of getting some sort of a nap in prior to the party. Maybe run an errand of two with DH and DS before going to the party to make sure DS is asleep and then travel the 1 hour to gma's house. At least that way your DS would get an hour of sleep. That used to work for us. It's not ideal but at least the crabbiness was held off for much longer.

This used to be our trick...but lately he doesn't fall asleep in the car until about 10 min before we get to grandma's, even if we run errands first. A couple of weekends ago we visited my brother (2.5 hr drive) and DS talked until 20 min before we got to my brother's house. We left about 11 am, so just 1/2 hr before regular nap time. He's a stinker with the naps lately!

I'm sure I'm just overreacting...We'll just have to do our best to wear him out earlier in the day and hope he'll nap on the way up there.

I agree...1 hr is better than nothing!

AnnieW625
06-08-2011, 02:24 PM
Honestly I would let it be. I don't fret over missed nap times esp. for parties or theme parks because there is so much going on. Hopefully he'll be over joyed to see family and grandma, and such and that will keep him in better spirits. DD1 went on nap strikes too right around her second birthday so hopefully it's just a phase.

BabbyO
06-08-2011, 05:04 PM
DD1 went on nap strikes too right around her second birthday so hopefully it's just a phase.

I do plan on letting it be...it was more of a frustration thing. As I said, I should probably be grateful that I don't have to host everyone at my house for a second party!

Good to know about the nap strike...I'm hoping its a phase, too...this gives me some hope!

alexsmommy
06-08-2011, 06:57 PM
I would have no problem sending out a mass "Thank you MIL so much for hosting a party for the X family for DS at your house1 Our home is just physically too small to hold all of the family we hold near and dear to us. Just wanted to let everyone know that DS has been having a bit of a 'nap issue' lately and he may just be out of commission for part of the party. So please excuse the honoree if he makes a little bit of a late appearance. If he's true to form, he'll fall asleep ten minutes before we would arrive. If that happens we make take the scenic route to let him get in a good 45 minutes so he's not the beast many of you remember with your own nap protesting stage kids may remember he is capable of being. We are so excited and grateful that you all are making time for this. Can't wait to see you! We promise to pull in the drive no later than X and wake Mr. Birthday up for his big day! Hopefully he'll cooperate better than we expect and we'll be there at 3p with a well rested child!"