Pity Party at my house, want to come?

[DietCokeLover]

I'll supply the tissues and the snacks.

DH wants to take me away for a night, just the two of us to a lovely B&B we went to on our 3rd anniversary. So sweet. We haven't done anything remotely like this since before kids.

However, we have literally No One to keep our children. It breaks my heart that we have no one to help us with anything.

And.... FIL and his hag of a wife live 1/2 mile from us.

Sigh.

[Clarity]

:grouphug:

[bubbaray]

I'm so sorry. We're in the same boat and it SUCKS.

[icunurse]

Same here -- one set of grandparents isn't healthy enough to watch for a couple days, the other doesn't have the interest to do so. Our siblings can't. So, we never get much time alone. I really envy those people who have grandparents or siblings who actually take an interest in their children and want to watch them or do an overnight once in a while.... I don't want someone at my beck and call, but just once in a while... *sigh*

[SnuggleBuggles]

That sucks. :( My friends just hired their babysitter for the weekend even though her parents live 10 minutes away (they "couldn't commit" to babysitting). It was $ well spent though, if that is an option.

Beth

[bubbaray]

There is no way I would ever hire a babysitter for overnight. Not happening.

[SnuggleBuggles]

There is no way I would ever hire a babysitter for overnight. Not happening.

They trusted theirs, had her for years. Different things I guess work for different families. I used to babysit overnight. I'd been with the family for years so it was no big deal.

Beth

[kep]

I just don't see leaving them with a sitter at night as a big deal. After all, you trust them during the day, alone with the kids and helping them with bathroom issues, etc. As long as you trust them and the kids are comfortable with them, I don't see a problem.

My only caveat being that I do not leave anyone under 18 mths overnight.

OP, I totally feel your pain. We moved from he west coast to the east coast 5 years ago, and I only very recently found someone I can have take the kids for regular babysiting. And I'm not even talking overnight. I was so, so excited!

[crl]

:grouphug:

Catherine

[hellokitty]

I'm sorry. {{{HUGS}}} We are in the same situation with family not being willing to help out at all with kids.

[Cam&Clay]

Same boat here. I just approached our usual sitter about doing an overnight for our anniversary in a few weeks. It will be the first time we've been alone overnight since DS2 was born.

Find a trusted sitter.

[mctlaw]

So sorry. Maybe if you can't do it now, you can plan it ahead enough to find a sitter you trust.

[wendibird22]

Any good friends who'd be willing to watch the kids with the expectation that you'd return the favor for them? We have a few couples that I'd totally trust with my kids and would be more than happy to watch theirs in exchange.

[larig]

I'll play. My DH has to leave tonight to go to see his ailing father. It's our 10th anniversary tomorrow. I'll be in Seattle, he'll be in east TN. And DS's third birthday is friday. DH gets back Friday night at 10. Boo. Hiss. Plus, I love FIL and it's sad he's not well.

[liz]

OP, I feel your pain. Our family is AWESOME when it comes to watching the kids during the day if they are needed. But for an overnight getaway, not so much. I don't see us having a vacation on our own for many, many years. :hug:

[niccig]

I'm sorry..that's just the pits.

Is there someone that could fly in to help? MIL isn't local, but we've arranged a few overnights when we're gone on one of her visits. We've also flown to her, and left DS with her and will be doing that again this Summer.

It does take time to find someone who you can trust with an overnight..maybe it's something that can be worked on in next year or two for a future anniversary.

[niccig]

There is no way I would ever hire a babysitter for overnight. Not happening.

Even one you knew for years?

I know 2 babysitters I could do with this. One has sat for us for 6 years. The other for 4 years. I suppose I don't see the difference between them being here for 6 hours, giving DS dinner, putting him to bed, and we're home at midnight, and them staying for another 8 hours and giving him breakfast the next morning? If I trust them for 6 hours, why not 14 hours?

Granted though, these 2 women are mid 20's, and we've known them for years, and they've taken care of DS hundreds of times. (one was weekly for 3 years, so 150 times easily)

We've never had them stay over, but both have said they would, and we would be OK with it.

Other babysitters we've used, but not that regularly or for as long..no probably not.

[sste]

We haven't used her yet but I would def. use one of our sitters overnight - - she is in her mid-twenties, has sat for us for two years, is finishing up her masters to be a preschool teacher, and has experience doing overnight sitting. She is way, way better a childcaregiver than me, dh or anyone on earth I have ever seen. That said, when we do this I will either have the kids in daycare/school and aftercare and then sitter doing overnight shift only OR hire another sitter to come in for a few hours and relieve sitter #1. I would be a little nervous about any sitter going 24 hours per day without a break or down time. My general rule is that if I wouldn't do it (or might lose my temper doing it) I won't ask a sitter to do it.

Dietcokerlover, if I recall your family is in somewhat of a savings mode right now and the downside of the sitter stuff is it can get pricey. Are there any home daycare providers in your area that do overnights? Or friends you can trade care with? Maybe those are options and you can start cultivating contacts for the future. Oh, and start making the voodoo doll of your inlaws . . .

[bubbaray]

Even one you knew for years?

I know 2 babysitters I could do with this. One has sat for us for 6 years. The other for 4 years. I suppose I don't see the difference between them being here for 6 hours, giving DS dinner, putting him to bed, and we're home at midnight, and them staying for another 8 hours and giving him breakfast the next morning? If I trust them for 6 hours, why not 14 hours?

Granted though, these 2 women are mid 20's, and we've known them for years, and they've taken care of DS hundreds of times. (one was weekly for 3 years, so 150 times easily)

We've never had them stay over, but both have said they would, and we would be OK with it.

Other babysitters we've used, but not that regularly or for as long..no probably not.


I guess it depends on what you mean by the term babysitter. When I use that term, I mean a teen girl still in highschool. So, yeah, no way no how would I use (even our trusted) a babysitter for that.

If we had a nanny instead of daycare, maybe. Still, not sure I would do that. I know people with nannies and the only ones who use them overnight are for business/travel reasons.

[dogmom]

It DOES get better. A friend of our DS (8 yo) is staying with us one night and another friend on the second night so his parents can go to a out of town wedding (which they definatly need). Their two older daughters are staying with friends. There will be a day when you can go.

[jenfromnj]

We're in the same boat, too, and it really does stink! I am so jealous that most everyone we know has at least one set of grandparents/aunts and uncles or other close relative who is more than happy to take their kids for a few days at a time, and for outings and day trips on the regular basis. I'd kill to be able to have someone like that!

[niccig]

I guess it depends on what you mean by the term babysitter. When I use that term, I mean a teen girl still in highschool. So, yeah, no way no how would I use (even our trusted) a babysitter for that.

If we had a nanny instead of daycare, maybe. Still, not sure I would do that. I know people with nannies and the only ones who use them overnight are for business/travel reasons.

I'm not talking about a teenager at all. I do have our 15 year old neighbour next door babysit until 10pm max. Anything later, and I use an older sitter. The two I were talking about, one is 26, married and just finished grad. school in Social Work. The other is engaged, 24 and working while contemplating grad school in Psychology. The key is that they've known DS for years and looked after him many many many times.

We haven't used them overnight, but I know that we could. We have close friends in town (godparents to each other's kids, legal guardians, friends of DH's for 20+ years), they would be our go to sleep over option. We've talked about setting this up. One weekend, they have DS overnight and we get to go out, stay out late and sleep in. Next weekend we have their 2 girls. This is the god-daughter that is familiar enough with me to give me attitude like she does her mother...so we're very close.

[HannaAddict]

We trust our nanny far more than our family. Our nanny doesn't have an agenda, or point to prove, knows CPR, good head on her shoulders, college degree and is kind. My in-laws would love to babysit and it isn't happening. No unsupervised visitation, my MIL is just not a kind person and doesn't pay attention to boot. We've only been gone overnight without them once though (Vegas baby), when there were only two of them and the youngest was two and half. It was weird at first but she knows the routine, the house, the dogs and is amazingly responsible and trustworthy and they had fun too.

It is a bummer not to have good child care options though. We lament not being able to just relax and let the grandparents hang out with them, since the nanny needs a break and it is expensive to pay to do errands without kids! Hope you can find a sitter you can trust for some point in the future.

[DietCokeLover]

Thanks for commiserating with me. We do have a couple of sets of friends we could trust, but everyone is so busy these days with their own kids, who are all older than ours.

There is no one in our town, it's tiny.

I think I'm just going to have to say this was a sweet idea from DH and leave it at that. :love5: Our 8th anniversary is coming up and we are never able to celebrate it due to being on July 5th and we run a business for tourists and can't get away anywhere near 4th of July. oh well, maybe in another life.

[trales]

We have an arrangement with a good set of friends, we each get one overnight per month. Their DD sleeps here one night a month, our DD sleeps at their house one night per month.

Neither of us have family in the area. It is really great. I have no worries at all. I trust them more than my own family.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

that must really suck to have family so close by but who are not willing to help. i have a few friends who this is the case (who have parents who live in town, but don't make an effort to see them or grandkids) and i just don't get that at all...who doesn't want to jump at the chance to see their grandkids??

in our case, we have no family around at all. my parents both still work and so they can't fly over whenever. it really does stink. DH's brother lives in same town as ILs and they get free babysitting all the time..they even help with pickups from school and such. as PP said, i'd kill for something like that. we have a great babysitter we know and totally trust, but it's not the same as having grandma who you can call at the drop of a hat and ask them to babysit when stuff comes up (illness, work situation, etc).


We have an arrangement with a good set of friends, we each get one overnight per month. Their DD sleeps here one night a month, our DD sleeps at their house one night per month.

Neither of us have family in the area. It is really great. I have no worries at all. I trust them more than my own family.

that is such a good idea and something i'd really like to consider when our kids are older. i could see my DH being opposed to it though, because he just thinks sleepovers at non-family member's houses are just totally "out there" and he is so paranoid about it. i'm trying to convince him though, that we will never have family around, so we really do have to create a "family" of close friends.

[Edensmum]

That sucks. I'm right there with you. It's our anniversary and we went out to dinner, with the kids. No one to watch them. ILs are even in town and they won't/can't.

[KpbS]

Oh, just saw this. :hug: Hoping for a different outcome for next year!

[kerridean]

Same situation here. We are military and have no family anywhere close. It is so depressing.