Ever have that feeling...

[Uno-Mom]

...of general embarrassment and insecurity? When you start analyzing all kinds of random past interactions, thinking you probably came off as a selfish cocky jerk? And you start doubting your interpersonal style and work performance? It starts to feel like mild acid in your stomach.

My boss brought up a small concern to me at work last week, some other co-worker was irritated by something I did. She (my boss) acted like it was minor. I'm not sure who brought up the problem to her. I'm sure it's done with as far as my boss is concerned. It really is minor. It pointed out something I wasn't necessarily doing wrong but I think I might try to do differently.

But I should be perfect, right? Right??? I HATE that I can wrangle out major conflicts with ease but this sort of thing can shake my confidence and mood for days! It's stupid because I get all kinds of positive feedback and affection both at work and at home. I trust that feedback because it comes from pretty honest folks. I shouldn't be this fragile but I just am sometimes. Harumph. Maybe writing about it will help me shake it off and do an extra-good job at work tomorrow.

[StantonHyde]

oh, honey--do I ever know this. Heck, I can play back crap I did in high school to make me feel bad about myself! I just have to look in the mirror and say, stop it. The following people love you. You know you are not a horrible person. Now get going.

I also understand the desire to be perfect. I took a really great leadership course and had all sorts of 360 degree feedback etc. I actually really liked it. Some things about myself I knew. But other stuff I could really change. And I did get to work on some things before I ended up leaving that job. One was having to use "feeling" words when working through problems with certain staff members. Now I can assure you that I would rather poke myself in the eye with a rusty fork than talk to co-workers/staff how the "feel" about something. How you think about it sure, but feel????? Well I did use all these feely words with a staff member of mine while talking through a situation she had to handle and hot dang if she didn't go out and knock that out of the ball park--with the hospital's medical director no less! That convinced me. ;)

It is still hard for me to take verbal feedback though. ugh.

[belovedgandp]

Hugs - absolutely! A self fulfilling cycle for me; once the first encounter happens than I read into every single interaction I have until I've made bad things happen. Good luck, you can do it!

[Clarity]

:hug: I know exactly how you feel. I can carry that feeling all day and into the next.

I just have to take a deep breath, relax and move past it or it will continue to eat at me. It's almost never as bad as the disaster status that I've amplified it to in my own head. Sometimes I just try to hard to be *perfect*. I'm not but it is hard to let go and move passed percieved imperfections.

[trales]

This is me exactly. I really thought I was the only one.

[Uno-Mom]

This is me exactly. I really thought I was the only one.

Oh lord, you did? It's an awful feeling, but I do know that many people feel the same way.

I would like to add an anti-bitch - DH came into the office last night right after I posted. I told him that this thing was still eating at me. Brilliant man, he asked me: "is it really the work comment...or is it a lot of other stuff that has you too stressed to handle the work thing reasonably?"

He was spot on! We ended up talking for over an hour, I did a little crying to blow off steam. The trouble really is that I'm working a stressful job and doing private consulting on the side...which has me overloaded and feeling guilty for all this time away from Sprog. I'm resentful while doing the extra work, and guilty for not working when I'm trying to relax. (I posted about this a while ago in the Lounge.)

This would all be ok because we're trying to blitz through our debt and build and emergency fund right now...but we've lost focus and it's feeling like this overwhelming situation is permanant! Anyway, DH forced me to think of a couple ways to organize myself better and we made a date for next weekend - we'll crunch numbers and get a vision for actually meeting our goals and ending this overwhelming situation!

Oh, how I love DH. I'd be a wreck otherwise. I still feel edgy and insecure but that doesn't matter as much because we have a plan. Well, it's back to work today where I'll prove myself charming and invaluable. :)

Thanks for the encouragement!

[veronica]

]...of general embarrassment and insecurity? When you start analyzing all kinds of random past interactions, thinking you probably came off as a selfish cocky jerk? And you start doubting your interpersonal style and work performance? It starts to feel like mild acid in your stomach.[/B]




I have moments, dating back to childhood, that still bring up these exact feelings. you have described it perfectly.

I hope things get better at work. Some people are just so much better at letting things go than others...