Everyone is mad at me...

[bisous]

Because I won't let my SIL watch the ten kids of the exchange (my two, her four, other SILs four) in the POOL for three hours by herself.

There will be 3 3yos, 1 4yo and a total of 5 non swimmers! Not to mention the fact that DS1 (who has Type 1 Diabetes) tends to drop precipitously low during swimming. I'm just not comfortable with that.

DH just told me "great, now nobody can go swimming because of you". Like I should fold to the peer pressure so others aren't inconvenienced.

Please, please tell me I'm not the only one who would have a problem with this!

The other kids are:

1 11 yo
2 9 yos
2 7 yos
1 6 yo
1 5 yo
3 3 yos

[sariana]

You are not the only one.

I'm sure people are thinking the older kids will help to watch the younger ones. That is naive and dangerous. You are absolutely right to stick to your guns on this.

[TwinFoxes]

You are not the only one.

I'm sure people are thinking the older kids will help to watch the younger ones. That is naive and dangerous. You are absolutely right to stick to your guns on this.

:yeahthat: I don't get why what you do matters to the rest of them.

ETA: and boy would I be mad at my DH.

[elizabethkott]

You are not crazy.
My local pool has more *TRAINED LIFEGUARDS* on duty than 1 to deal with that number of swimmers.
I believe the ratio is something like 1:7 swimmers or something.

[ladysoapmaker]

You are doing the right thing. And DH needs a swift kick in the shins for that comment. (why yes, I'm feeling quite blood thirsty this morning, not enough sleep).

As someone who pulled her daughter from the bottom of a pool (there was just her and her friend swimming) with 2 adults watching, I think one person for that many young kids is not acceptable.

And the older kids are not old enough to help keep an eye on the younger ones while in the pool. The Red Cross will not accept anyone younger then 15 for their lifeguard classes.

Please stick with your guns on this one.
Jen

[egoldber]

You are absolutely right. Maybe send them this link: http://mariovittone.com/2010/05/154/

And I would be furious with your DH.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Did I miss what kind of pool? I could almost see it working at a small baby pool but that's it. Sorry you are getting flack for a good choice!

eta- if there were lifeguards at a bigger pool, in close proximity to the baby pool, I probably would be ok with the big kids (5+) being solo and then mom is just with the little ones. Sorry, I keep picturing my pool. So small that she would be in arms' distance of all under 5s in the baby pool. It's still not a good plan but I can't dismiss it 100%.

[crl]

What, you mean nobody will DROWN because of you?!? That's just absurd. At our lifeguarded pool they require one adult in the water within arms reach of every child under the age of five.

Catherine

[alexsmommy]

Wow. If I were SIL there is no way I would be ok with that type of responsibility. That's a lot of kids to watch alone at a park, let alone a pool.
You are correct - ignore their comments.

[KpbS]

I wouldn't watch half that many if there was a non-swimmer. You are not being unreasonable!

[vejemom]

You are doing the right thing. And DH needs a swift kick in the shins for that comment. (why yes, I'm feeling quite blood thirsty this morning, not enough sleep).

Jen

Oh, I'd take it one further and say he needs a swift kick in another, more delicate part of his anatomy. OP, you're in the right here!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Oh, I'd take it one further and say he needs a swift kick in another, more delicate part of his anatomy. OP, you're in the right here!

:yeahthat: agreed. it's just outright physically impossible for ONE person to watch that many kids in the pool. what kind of person actually thinks this is remotely possible, and is willing to take this kind of responsibility ? at a pool i think i could handle my 2 at most, TEN is just so ridiculous beyond belief. this is messed up on so many levels. what do they want, that your SIL watch all these kids at the pool while you guys go somewhere? I don't get it. Sorry your DH and your family are being so unreasonable. And yes, this is one of the cases where a swift kick in the nuts for your DH is warranted. He owes you big-time for that comment.

[BabbyO]

ITA. And why can't ANYBODY go swimming because of you. SIL just needs another adult or two to help with the DC's.

I'm a fairly strong swimmer and I would NEVER agree to watch that many kids by myself...esp that many young, non-swimmers. *Maybe* IF ALL the non-swimmers had certified life preservers on...not innertubes and waterwings, would I even consider it, AND I would have to have the older kids promise to help with the younger kids, which just doesn't seem likely.

[bisous]

Thanks everyone. I was so upset last night I had trouble sleeping. I just had to know I wasn't crazy!!

We do a swap once a week where we watch that many kids (10!!) and SIL has a pool at her house. (It is well fenced and she is extremely responsible). I have no problem with the kids being at her house even though the pool makes me a little nervous.

She wants to take the kids INTO THE POOL by herself at her house. Her pool has a 8 foot deep end--no kiddie pool! It sounds absolutely insane to me. I actually think she would be extremely responsible but I just can't guarantee that she can respond to all the things going on with that many children and that little supervision!

I can't do it.

And I'm so glad I'm not alone.

And I'm very mad at DH who is usually a bigger worrier and more neurotic than I am!! Can you tell it is his family?

[artvandalay]

Oh no, no, no, you are 100% RIGHT in this situation. Pools make me nervous. The situation you just described is very dangerous. Last year we had a little boy in the area drown. I really don't understand people who don't get the dangers of too many children/non-swimmers in a pool (and this pool sounds deep, too) and not enough adult supervision. I would be angry at your DH/SIL.

[stefani]

Absolutely no way! Even with 5 swimmers, 7 years and up, I still insist on someone watching at all times (this is the situation my DS is in often times at a friend's house). 5 non-swimmers with 8-feet deep pool, including a 3 year old? No way. That 3 year old probably needs 1 adult dedicated to him / her.

[g-mama]

I agree with you 100%.

In fact, today, I have to go to a meeting with a friend. She hired a babysitter to watch our six kids. Just yesterday, she tells me she's going to have the sitter take the six kids to the pool for the afternoon. Her three kids (10, 8, 5) are all on the swim team and are good swimmers. My 10 yo is a pretty good swimmer. But my 7yo and 5yo are NOT good swimmers and they will try to keep up in the deeper water with the other kids. I said no way. I do not feel comfortable with it.

I know my friend probably thinks I'm crazy, but I just don't care. I don't sign the authorization to let my kids go to the pool for Parents Night Out at our gym because if I am not there to watch them, I cannot be 100% sure they are being watched carefully enough. It's just not a risk I am willing to take - one with fatal consequences if it goes wrong.

[SnuggleBuggles]

No way with that extra info.

Beth

[SkyrMommy]

I agree with PPs you are being very responsible and with the additional information of the home pool with only her is just nuts and a receipe for an awful thing to happen.

[hellokitty]

Wow, that's pretty crappy that they are trying to make you feel bad, b/c you are IMO putting safety first. I was at my friend's pool yesterday, I could barely watch my 3 kids (7, almost 6 and almost 2 yr old, NONE who are indep swimmers) and a friend went in to get food and asked me to watch her non-swimming 3 yr old. It made me really nervous, luckily, it was only for 10 min and toward the end, I made all the kids get out of the pool. So, no, you were right in this situation and the rest of them are jerks for making you feel bad about it. I would have said something to the effect that you would agree to watch the kids if 2 other adults did too, for safety ratio. And if they refused, then it is their fault for being unreasonable, even though they are jerks to even fathom that the situation with one adult and that many kids would have been ok to begin with. It would bounce the responsibility back onto them.

[StantonHyde]

Are they CUHRAZZZZZZY?????????? More kids die in swimming pools than by handguns--we have already had several drownings here. No way would I be ok with the situation you described. I can take 4 kids max--2 independent swimmers and 2 kids who can doggy paddle well. So 2 kids within a decent reach and 2 that I check on--and this is in a pool with lifeguards for crying out loud. Your SIL is nuts--that's just begging for a tragedy to happen.

[ha98ed14]

No freakin' way would I say yes to that. If your DH feels so strongly, let him go out there and sit with SIL and watch your kids. That was a really sh!tty thing to say to you!

[ABO Mama]

They are crazy!!! Kids can drown so quickly and so quietly. What if one of the 3yo's needs help in the potty...will the rest of the kids get out of the pool while she's away???

[KrisM]

No way.

I can just do my 3 in our gym pool and that's because DS1 can swim well enough and is responsible enough to stay in the play area where he can touch the bottom, DD wears a swim vest, and DS2 is within arm's reach of me at all times. It's zero entry, which also helps a lot, as DD and DS2 can stand in enough of it that they don't want to venture out.

Still, it's a bit stressfull. Last night we went without DS2 and it was much, much easier. He's nearly 3, so I can't imagine having more of them his age in there!

[KLD313]

I just saw in the paper where the aunt and 2 yo nephew of a guy I went to high school with drowned in 2 1/2 ft deep koi pond. I'm sickened by this and it opened my eyes up in a whole new way. Also, my mom, her neighbor and I were in a pool with the neighbors 3 yo in some kind of tube thing, he took it off and was bobbing up and down until I noticed and grabbed him. That was three adults and one kid. You're so right on with this and shame on the rest of them for not agreeing with you!

[BabbyO]

ok, so that clarifies things a bit more (why you're the one stopping everyone from swimming part).

I might consider letting the kids swim IF the kids broke up into "shifts" for swimming with only 3 kids at a time (preferably 2 swimmers and 1 non-swimmer)...but the math doesn't even work out for that type of arrangement.

I'd still lean toward no with a Diabetic child there, too.

What about the sprinkler? I could argue letting the swimming kids ONLY swim in the pool and let the non-swimmers play in the sprinkler.

[amldaley]

Don't rely on me for this info but I am fairly certain the Red Cross recommendation is 1 TRAINED LIFEGUARD to 10 SWIMMERS as a MAX. Not a mama who is really responsible. A TRAINED RESCUE SWIMMER.

I know I am echoing every one else here but this is INSANE to even consider. Not just the sheer chaos and impossibility of appropriately caring for the non-swimmers, but doing it for THREE hours? Exhaustion would soon set in for all parties, which makes the situation even more dangerous. What does she think the non-swimmers will do that whole time? What happens when one or two tires and is ready to go inside but the others aren't?

[niccig]

You are doing the right thing. And DH needs a swift kick in the shins for that comment. (why yes, I'm feeling quite blood thirsty this morning, not enough sleep).



Then I'm more blood thirsty - kick in the shins isn't close to what I would give DH for a) wanting our DC to be unsafe in the water b) for that comment.

[gatorsmom]

They are crazy!!! Kids can drown so quickly and so quietly. What if one of the 3yo's needs help in the potty...will the rest of the kids get out of the pool while she's away???

:yeahthat: My thoughts exactly. Who is going to watch the other two 3 yos while you are in the potty with one of them? Honestly, I'd be uncomfortable watching just 3, 3yos in a pool by myself!!

[Corie]

I've expressed my concerns with water and water safety here
many times!!

No way would I be okay with that scenario! I cannot believe that
your husband is not on the same page.

[sarahsthreads]

My goodness, I have a pool with an 8' deep end in my backyard, and I won't even take my TWO children in (neither one is a swimmer yet) by myself. Only if an adult friend comes over (with 2 or fewer kids) or DH is home do we go in the backyard pool.

I would NEVER EVER EVER want the kind of responsibility your SIL seems to be signing up for. If I had that many kids over and they really wanted to get wet we'd be going in a sprinkler.

You are not the crazy one, your SIL, DH and the rest of the family are!

Sarah

[Melanie]

WTF?! You are being safe. Why not suggest they hire a life guard or bring a sitter so as not to 'ruin the fun.' Or give up your day off so you can watch, too. Though to me, that is still too manytoo young kids for two responsible mamas to watch in a pool.

A drowning accident would also be a huge downer, Dh.

*eyeroll*

[longtallsally05]

Your ILs (and your DH too, sorry to say) sound as unreasonable re: water safety as my ILs are. You are 100% right to say NO to 10 kids + 1 adult in a pool. You are not the one who is responsible for nobody being able to swim; there aren't enough adults to monitor the situation. You are just the lone voice of reason in your family; stand your ground.

As a side note on family relations, my MIL thinks I'm depriving my kids (both non-swimmers) by not taking them to the pool by myself in the summer. In an attempt to convince me that I'm wrong, MIL has repeatedly told me that she used to take 5 kids (including non-swimmers) on day trips to the beach (at a NJ state park without lifeguard and rarely used by other beachgoers) by herself all the time when they were little. Yeah, I'm still not convinced of anything other than that my MIL is bonkers. Your ILs and your DH have several screws loose if they think 10:1 is a safe ratio for a swimming pool. It sounds to me like your DH's judgement is clouded by your ILs. You are RIGHT; don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[carolinamama]

No way, no how would I be comfortable with that. Swimming is not something to mess around with and a kid can drown in a heartbeat. You are not in the wrong.

[sdrew99]

Well, you got me at "Type 1 Diabetes." My 5 year old has it as well, and there is NO WAY IN HELL he'd ever go to a pool without me, let alone with one adult and a group that size!

Good for you for standing your ground...and I wouldn't even be comfortable with it if there wasn't a T1D kid involved. ((hugs))

[Gracemom]

We just had a drowning death in this area yesterday - a 16 year old boy who was watching his little sister. They were both found at the bottom of the pool. The sister survived. You just can't mess around with water - you are doing the right thing!

[bisous]

Thanks, all. I didn't budge so no swimming in the afternoon!

SIL sent a nice email saying she would never take children swimming where the mom wasn't totally comfortable. I think she wasn't "angry" so much as (rightfully) called out on a potentially very unsafe situation and so a little self-conscious. She is normally the model of amazing child-watching and I think I caught her in a serious mommy-brain incident! We actually went swimming as a family (with 6+ adults around) in the evening and she seemed embarrassed!

DH on the other hand...

At least he's dropped it but next time I leave alone with the kids I'm leaving VERY EXPLICIT instructions about the pool! Grrr! I'm really worried about some of our family members and their very glib attitude to kids in the pool!

I am so saddened by all these tales of drownings. :( I wish it were safer to do something so fun as swimming but as everyone has mentioned here kids in the pool is just something you don't mess around with!

[bisous]

Steph (Srdrew99) would you believe that SIL's daughter (4 years old) ALSO has Type 1 Diabetes?? So if you're doing the math that would be TWO kids with Type 1. SO SIL does have a fairly good grasp on what happens during a low, how to treat etc. but it DEFINITELY ups the ante to have to treat potentially TWO children with complicated medical situations...AND 8 other kids!

Imagine that her daughter needs a juice box and she runs into the house to get one! That moment could be fatal! That's a huge reason why I just can't imagine trying to watch 10 kids for 3 hours all by yourself!

Again, thanks for helping me feel not crazy. I think SIL realizes now how crazy it does. I suppose I'm glad to the be the bad guy. That could have been bad!

[AnnieW625]

pools in general don't make me nervous, but that situation would make me feel nervous.

[sdrew99]

Wow...2 kids with T1D to treat...and how would she have been able to check blood sugars every hour for 2 kids while treating (the inevitable!) lows AND watching all the other kids? Yikes...recipe for disaster!

Glad it worked out that you didn't go. And I think with husbands....I'm assuming you do the bulk of the diabetes care (I know I do!) and sometimes I think they just forget how quickly things can change with T1D.