is this PPD? or something else?

[♥ms.pacman♥]

over the past couple weeks i have started feeling extremely sad and overwhelmed most of the time. i have a general feeling of being stuck in a hopeless situation that is never going to get better. i have started having major sleep problems and feeling anxious about things that didn't bother me as much before. i've spent half the day thinking about about how i made all the wrong choices in life (moving away and putting career on hold, having 2 kids so close together, etc ). but i swear, i used to really enjoy being a SAHM and having 2 LOs so close in age but now i'm starting to really hate it and i feel like i can't enjoy being with my kids at all, which just makes me so incredibly sad. :(

anyway, at first i attributed this to just being stressed and getting adjusted to life with 2 kids, but i'm starting to think it's more than that. taking care of 2 little ones is stressful, but really to be perfectly honest i don't think it's THAT difficult, at least in my case...my kids are both healthy and relatively easy babies. my DD is sleeping decently at night and instead of feeling more rested i am starting to feeling worse. i do have a decent amount of help (i have a sitter come 2 mornings a week, cleaning service comes in 2x a month, cooking service 2x a month) and even with that i still feel extremely overwhelmed and unable to deal with life in general. realizing this makes me feel even worse, because i feel so uncapable. :(

i just feel so bad because it's starting to affect my DH as well. i know i've been complaining more and more about things and we have been fighting a lot more lately. a few days ago he literally started tearing up and saying how heartbroken he is to see me so sad like this :gloomy: and i know it's really stressing him out feeling like he can't do anything to help me. anyway i feel so bad but not sure what else i can do. i can't seem to get out of this funk and this feeling of sadness, hopelessness and isolation. don't know if its PPD, since it's been 3.5 months already since DD was born and this is probably the worst i've felt since then (this is probably the worst i've felt in years). after having DS i don't remember feeling this bad, at least for this long.

anyway, any suggestions would be helpful. depression and anxiety run in my family so i just want to nip this in the bud before it gets worse. if it could be PPD, not sure who to talk to about this, my OB or general care doctor. i wouldn't be opposed to taking meds but i would be somewhat concerned since i really want to continue nursing my DD.

[BeachBum]

I wrote a very similar post a few months ago.


I was definitely suffering from anxiety and depression. I saw my GP, started celexia and my whole life has changed for the better. I feel like "me" again. I feel like my default emotion is now back to my content self instead of feeling unhappy and hopeless all the time.
I just wish I would have done it sooner.

[MSWR0319]

I think it very well could be PPD. These are the exact symptoms my midwife told me to watch for. She said PPD could come up to 12 mo after delivery. I would think either dr could help you. Hang in there and hopefully you'll start feeling better. :hug:

[lizzywednesday]

I went through this a bit just before I went back to work, not the severe anxiety but the feeling overwhelmed (and I was!) and upset that most of my "bonding time" with my kid had been spent in the hospital or running around to doc visits, etc., and nobody gave me any help (of course I didn't ask!)

I "passed" the PPD screen on paper, but the OB who saw me for my 6-wk check thought I might be experiencing it anyway, based on talking with me. I was very weepy and scattered, but I tried to explain that the overwhelmed feeling was coupled with just feeling a little betrayed and a lot angry that my maternity leave didn't work the way I thought it would and I felt gypped out of the time I thought I was going to spend with my DD.

FWIW, PPD's a big deal here in NJ, as the last governor's wife (MaryJo Codey) was very public about her struggle with it herself, creating some very interesting sound bites that my DH thought were huge jokes but terrified me. (In light of some recent events in CA, I'm not even going to post the quote he found to be funniest.)

Anyway, definitely contact your doc. Both OBs and GPs should be able to either repeat your PPD screen or give you a referral to a psychiatrist.

[MommytoEliana]

I went through some of the same emotions several months after DS was born; looking back I'm sure I had PPD and should have gotten some help. I would definitely talk to your doctor--probably your OB as he/she may have some ideas that would enable you to keep breastfeeding since that is important to you. Hugs and P/PT coming your way!

[egoldber]

I think it does sound like PPD. The flag to me is that you are getting more sleep and the babies are getting easier, but you are feeling worse, not better. I would talk to your OB. :hug:

[twowhat?]

No advice other than yes, definitely see your OB. Sounds like it could be, esp with the sleep problems. It also doesn't help that you feel isolated and removed from what you were comfortable with and it's hard to get out with 2 little kids. If you can get help to get over the hump, do it. :hug:

[goldenpig]

I think it does sound like PPD. The flag to me is that you are getting more sleep and the babies are getting easier, but you are feeling worse, not better. I would talk to your OB. :hug:
:yeahthat: I would definitely get help from your OB or GP. I'm sure they can find a medication that can work for nursing moms. Hope you start to feel better soon! :hug:

[Indianamom2]

I think it sounds very much like PPD. It is definitely still within the norm, being only 3.5 month post-partum.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to seek help. It's nothing to be embarassed about and you would be amazed at how many other moms have gone through the same thing. They just don't always talk about it.

Good luck.

[ThreeofUs]

You've gotten great advice - just wanted to send a :hug:

[carolinamama]

Sounds very similar to how I was feeling after DS2. Overwhelmed, isolated, and in a rut I couldn't even contemplate getting out of. I saw my gp, got on meds (that I didn't want to take but knew I had to or else things were going to be really, really bad) and started working on me. It was a dark, dark time but here I am feeling much better and back to my laid-back, content self. Having kids is so hard and having them close together is even harder. Everyone has different limits and needs so don't feel badly about having help and still feeling overwhelmed. I am not supermom, nor super housekeeper and I have had to come to terms with it.

Many, many hugs coming your way.

[eh613c]

I think it very well could be PPD. These are the exact symptoms my midwife told me to watch for. She said PPD could come up to 12 mo after delivery. I would think either dr could help you. Hang in there and hopefully you'll start feeling better. :hug:

:yeahthat:

You should definitely get help immediately. Either doctor will be able to help you. The earlier you get treatment, the better....for you and your family.

Good luck.

[7pages]

I agree. I had PPD with DD3 and none of my others. I felt heavy inside if that makes sense, and just sad and unmotivated. Medication helped, once I got the correct dose. Be patient with yourself and the meds if you need them. I continued nursing my daughter while on the meds and the doctor said it was fine. I was on Zoloft. Just make sure they know you plan on continuing to nurse and they can find the best fit for you.
Hugs to you! :grouphug:

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thanks everyone for the replies. i do think i'm going to start by talking OB about this. it does really seem tied to my hormone levels. i do feel like i'm experiencing other hormone-related sideffects recently to bfing and being post-partum (hot flashes, major bloating, extreme hunger, feeling like i'm PMSing all the time) that probably isn't helping things either.

and lizzywednesday, i totally hear you re: the part with being upset about how the newborn bonding time being shadowed by hospital visits etc. i am still not totally over the fact that DD had to spend the first month of her life in a hospital, and for the first 3 weeks it was all focused on trying to get her to eat and just hoping that she would breathe normally and would stop having apnea/brady episodes. even though dd was a fairly late preemie (34/35 weeks) it was a *completely* different experience from DS's birth and it took a while to come to terms with that.

[blue]

You've gotten great advice - just wanted to send a :hug:

:yeahthat:

[Beth24]

Sending you a huge hug as well. :hug5:

[boogiemomz]

More hugs, and more encouragement to see the doc. This is not something you can talk yourself out of. :hug:

I completely relate to being disappointed in some of the newborn experiences that were beyond your control. I had a lovely birth experience with DD, but was socked with serious health problems myself shortly thereafter and as a result my time taking care of my newborn was vastly different from what I wanted. I still struggle with it sometimes, and have been struggling with some of the same things you're describing recently. My IRL friend was talking to me and encouraging me to try celexa too (funny that a PP mentioned that!), and I have an appt to talk to my GP about it next week.

I hope you can get in to see someone soon too, get feeling better, and start enjoying your sweet babies again. Keep us posted. :grouphug:

[alirebco]

I would definitely talk to your doctor about it but I did want to ask you if you are exercising at all. Exercise is a natural antidepressant and really helps with both anxiety and mood. Also, it will help with sleep problems.

DH and his whole family suffer from depression and anxiety and they all need to exercise almost every day in addition to taking meds. You will see results faster from that than from meds which can take 2-3 weeks to get into your system. It's worth a shot.

I have also suffered from long time insomnia and other sleep issues and found that working out helps get me to sleep faster and stay asleep.

Good luck and I hope you start feeling better soon.

[AnnieW625]

I would talk to you doctor, but I would have the sitter come an additional morning a week too or if you think that afternoons would be better then do an afternoon too. Good luck!

[lizzywednesday]

...

and lizzywednesday, i totally hear you re: the part with being upset about how the newborn bonding time being shadowed by hospital visits etc. i am still not totally over the fact that DD had to spend the first month of her life in a hospital, and for the first 3 weeks it was all focused on trying to get her to eat and just hoping that she would breathe normally and would stop having apnea/brady episodes. even though dd was a fairly late preemie (34/35 weeks) it was a *completely* different experience from DS's birth and it took a while to come to terms with that.

The PTSD over that doesn't help ... and I only had ONE infant to manage with DD! I just have a tiny glimpse of what you went through with your DD being a preemie, so I know a tiny bit of how it feels to spend that time pumping and traveling and talking to doctors and whatever.

Sending big huge hugs to you & your family while you get help; you're a great mom for asking for help! :grouphug:

[StantonHyde]

Big, big hugs.

1. Talk to your doctor. It sounds like PPD to me. I took Zoloft with both my kids and breastfed. There was a great study in a big-time peer reviewed journal that measured med levels in the milk/babies and several antidepressants were practically undetected--e.g your body metabolizes them and they don't get passed over.

2. Ask for referrals to a therapist. You really need to grieve for and process your child's birht experience. That is really tough. And it makes sense that you would be feeling it now that the CRISIS has passed. I can totally see that.

3. Exercise. yes, it helps. But you have to be able to get out of bed to do that!!!! There are lots of great things you can do for self care and a therapist will help you identify things to do. Some things are: 1. Get more help (sitter, DH, etc) 2. Get outside with the kids every day. I sat in a part and BFd DD while DS climbed on the equipment and played in the sandbox. It was shady so DD didn't overheat and DS wore himself out! 3. Try to eat good food--e.g. nutritious insteand of the junk food that I often found myself eating! 4. Get some perspective--it will get better etc. Start with baby steps. Right now everything will be overwhelming.

Good luck!! Recognizing that there is a problem is the first step!!

[sunnyside]

Big hugs to you. I'm sorry that you are not feeling better. I totally believe it is likely PPD. Talk to your doctor. You are a wonderful mom and you deserve to have this stress and discomfort lifted. I always enjoy your posts and hope that your Dr is able to help you! :) :hug:

[Fairy]

Just wanted to send (((hugs))).

[soon2b4]

:22: :hug: :22:
Hugs and PT headed your way.
Please talk to someone - pick whichever doctor you feel most comfortable with.
I would also recommend trying to find a way to get out and connect with other moms (or any friends) as much as possible. I found isolation to be a huge stumbling block for me. And please post more if you have more questions - this is a good place to find people who will say BTDT here's what helped.

[Tondi G]

Just wanted to send HUGS your way. Glad you are going to talk to your OB about your feelings. having been through PPD/PTSD after DS2 was born I know all those feelings you are having all too well. I took Lexapro and it did the trick. stayed on the meds till DS2 was around a year and a half. My SIL took celexa (the sister drug to Lexapro, lexapro is newer) at the end of her pregnancy and while nursing her DD's and all was well. There are a lot of meds that can be taken while nursing.