S/o: Kids putting the shoulder strap (seatbelt) behind them

[ShanaMama]

I am carpooling for the summer with a neighbor who has several children. Her 4 & 6 yo do not sit in any booster at all. In my car the 4 yo sits in my spare booster & the 6 yo in a plain seatbelt. (Don't flame me!)
These two kids as well as their 12 yo sister in the front seat always put the shoulder strap behind their body, so they are only secured with a lap belt. Clearly this is ok in their family's car or they would not be doing it.
On day one I gently showed them how to do it properly & siad that's the way we do it. Period, no discussion.
But every time they strap in, they put it behind them. So, every time, I show them how to correct it. To be clear, the 12 yo usually puts it on correctly (& helps everyone else!) but once kindof asked me if she could put it behind her. The answer is no!
So the question is do I make a big deal out of it, do I say anything to the mother, or just keep correcting them every day? It is a true safety hazard & I am not at all ok driving like that, but not sure it's my place to go around educating everyone. I am pretty close with the mother but I think she might have a complex that I have everything so together (yeah right) with my two kids vs her somewhat chaotic much larger family. So I don't want to strain things, IYKWIM.
Sorry this got so long- thanks for any advice!

[lalasmama]

My car, my rules... which means the car doesn't go until everyone is properly belted with seatbelts properly placed. The end. When friends' kids whine about it, I remind them that we all do things differently, and this is just another thing we do differently, and in my car, it's my rules, because I can't drive safely if my rules aren't being followed.

[TwinFoxes]

Personally I wouldn't say anything to the mom, it's not like she doesn't know it's not safe, she's just decided she's OK with the risk. :shake: I would, however, definitely continue to insist on the proper usage in my car.

[MamaSnoo]

My car, my rules... which means the car doesn't go until everyone is properly belted with seatbelts properly placed. The end. When friends' kids whine about it, I remind them that we all do things differently, and this is just another thing we do differently, and in my car, it's my rules, because I can't drive safely if my rules aren't being followed.

:yeahthat:

I could not have said it better. I would not say anything to the other mom, particularly in the setting you describe. The booster seat situation with the 4 and 6 yo would be illegal in my state. It would be hard to bring that up casually, though.

[egoldber]

Personally I wouldn't say anything to the mom, it's not like she doesn't know it's not safe, she's just decided she's OK with the risk. I would, however, definitely continue to insist on the proper usage in my car.

:yeahthat:

I'm sure the kids have probably already said something to the mom anyway.

[RunnerDuck]

What are seat belt laws in your state? If you get in an accident and passengers are not restrained properly, it goes on you, right? Or if you get pulled over for speeding, even. I don't know if it's illegal to wear a seat belt like that, same as no seat belt, but it does defeat the purpose of the seat belt.

I would just pull over when i see the kids not belted right and say you're not moving until they are. That is what I have taken to doing when my daughter undoes her chest clip and starts flapping around back there.

I know it's tricky when it's other people's kids but it's not like breaking up a fight over who took the ball, this is a safety/legal issue...

[Meatball Mommie]

I could not have said it better. I would not say anything to the other mom, particularly in the setting you describe. The booster seat situation with the 4 and 6 yo would be illegal in my state. It would be hard to bring that up casually, though.



I'm sure the kids have probably already said something to the mom anyway.

Yes, to both. It's illegal in our state to be "unboostered" at those ages, so I would have to insist on boosters for both kids. I would also insist on the "my car - my rules" (just as I do the "my house - my rules" for playdates). I like the explanation that every family has their own rules and this is how we do it in our family and leave it at that. I agree with Beth that the kids (esp. the 12 year old) have probably already said something to the mom (not nec. in a tattling kind of way but probably as an off-hand thing as they got into their own car). I wouldn't say anything to the mom.

eta: I have to give props to my DH. We had in-state friends of our come visit this past holiday weekend and he commented to the other dad "oh, you don't have boosters for your kids?" - leave it to a guy to be totally up front about it. The dad was kind of taken off-guard but laughed it off. Their kids are 6 and 9 (but their 9 year old is the same size as our almost 8 year old). They should have both had boosters - and it's the law here.

[Green_Tea]

I routinely tell my girls' friends that they must follow our family's rules in our cars. My DD1 is pretty much the only 8 year old we know who is still in any seat at all, and my DD2 has many friends going into 2nd grade who are also out of seats. And this is in a very well to do, highly educated area. I frequently field questions about why they must ride in seats, and rather than go into a long explanation I simply say, "My car, my rules."

[stefani]

I have been in a similar situation, and I would pull over and corrected them. Yes, you have to do it every single time. :-)

I don't worry about telling the parents, because eventually they will find out anyway, and I do believe that in my case they know the rules, they just choose to ignore them.

I do explain that I want them to be as safe as possible.

[mikeys_mom]

I insist that all kids in my car wear their seatbelts properly and when kids don't or start to move around too much, I lock the seatbelt so they can't move it behind them. I just say those are the rules in our car. End of discussion.

I wouldn't bother saying anything to the mother.