What to do with a jealous older brother?

[ourbabygirl]

My nephew (2.5) has been terrible to his baby brother ever since he was born (about 8 months ago), and my mom, who baby-sits them, is at her wits' end. She told me about it, so I'm asking for your advice, since my SIL & brother just minimize it and act like nothing's wrong.

When the baby's awake, my nephew will pinch him, push him over, grab his feet if they're on a walk in the double stroller, hit him, you name it. (FWIW, it's not like my younger nephew is even 'getting into' his brother's toys or anything, he's not even crawling yet.) My mom scolds him and puts him up in his room, where my nephew proceeds to scream and kick the door (I'm not sure for how long or what my mom does then).
But then when the baby's down for a nap, my nephew is a little angel and acts great, I guess.

She seriously dreads going to baby-sit them (just once or twice a week, but still) because she can't leave them alone for a second or the older boy will be terrorizing the younger one. It's just exhausting, I guess. (I told her she needs to wear the baby in a baby-carrier but I don't think that's going to happen.) It's so strange to hear, too, because my nephew does not seem like this kind of kid- whenever I'm around him, he's not rowdy or obnoxious or anything, though I guess I'm just around at big family get-togethers, where my brother probably has one kid and my SIL has the other.

Any BTDT? Advice I can give her?

Thanks! :)

[gatorsmom]

I dont' have a lot of time to reply, but I think there are some great ideas in this thread: http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=2439033#poststop

If you notice in my reply in this thread, my aunt had the same problem. My aunt's problem was that she would overprotect the baby. She wouldn't let the toddler cousins touch hiim or play with his toys. This led to very jealous feelings toward the baby and the older cousins would take it out on him. The key is to make sure the older children know that they are just as important and special as the baby by letting the older kids open baby's gifts, play with baby's toys (after all, baby won't know!), putting baby down when the older children needed attention, etc. gl!

[m448]

honestly it may not be the appropriate season for your mom to babysit since she sounds tired and overwhelmed. Having a similar spread between my older two boys meant I really couldn't leave the baby unattended with the older both as a newborn and then when the younger brother began to sit up and crawl. Some kids aren't physical with siblings but for younger kids it's actually quite age expected and really the only solution is direct and immediate supervision for safety purposes. Also practicing acceptable touches for the younger/older brother as they continue to grow.

[hillview]

My boys are 2 years apart and we went through this (although it was more severe when DS1 was 3) ... it was a very very hard time and required total supervision. We went to see a child therapist about it (without DS1) to get her opinion. She said that DS1 needs a lot of 1:1 attention since his world just got turned upside down and that it was "normal" and typical for male siblings.

Sorry -- it is very hard to watch/deal with. It DOES get better. In a WHILE.

[Green_Tea]

I don't have any great advice, but will tell you that from what I have observed with my own kids and with the kids of friends is that the 2nd half of the the first year with a new sib is much harder than the first 6 months. I think in the beginning the new baby is cute but boring. They sleep a lot. They're not super interactive. But in months 6-12 they are more fun and can sit up and play and sleep a bit less. And they get LOTS of attention for being so cute and responsive. I think this feeds the jealousy and bad behavior. And I think lots of 1:1 time and positive attention for the sib helps. I also think time helps. Sometime between 12 and 18 months the siblings can play more with each other and that seems to kill a little of the jealousy.