So what is the prevailing thought, tell people about DSs ADHD or not??

[bisous]

I think most people can guess that DS1 has ADHD. He's a CLASSIC case WITH hyperactivity for sure. He will be starting medication in a few weeks and we're hoping it will help him with his impulsivity and hyperactivity. So far, I've only told a few family members about the diagnosis and the medication, etc. Is this a wise option?

What are the advantages/disadvantages to telling others. I know that I've heard my BIL who works a lot with kids (he works with Boy Scouts) tell me about certain "ADHD" kids and it seems like some people will look at a label and never see the kid beyond it. On the other hand, maybe if people knew what DS was dealing with they'd be more patient? Clearly, the teacher and the administration at the school will be apprised but beyond that?

I see advantages when a disability or a special need is made "obvious" for example in the case of kids with Downs or Autism. I've seen kids really step up to bat for them and they flourish. It is awesome.

Is ADHD "big enough" for that?

WWYD?

All opinions welcome!

[Gena]

How old is your son and how does he feel about telling people?

[bisous]

Gena,

DS is 7 and he doesn't even know! He's very immature for his age in that way (which I guess is typical of his diagnosis!) but he's extremely happy and unaware...

[hillview]

Humm I think it depends on the situation. I think for a coach or playdate it might be helpful with the right sort of person. For me if DS was doing a playdate with a child who had ADHD and the parent said "DC has ADHD so that means that activities might need to be a little shorter or he might need some extra reminders to finish his lunch before he leaves the table" OTOH you could leave off the ADHD part and just give the guidance. That would help me (apologies as I am COMPLETELY ignorant about ADHD so I am making up scenarios that seem likely to me). If on the other hand DC was likely to behave in the non-ADHD range I might not say anything.

/hillary

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

we keep dd1's on a need to know basis. The school administration knows because it was required to list all meds with her iep. Which is great since the nurse needs to know.
Family knows because there was such a dramatic change in her for the better.
Her scout leader knows.
But-her friends and her mothers don't know until she has a sleepover with them which has happened twice.

I find that the only thing knowing makes a difference about is how people understand her.
If someone knows that dd has adhd then they're more likely to be understanding of her quirks and a lot more patient rather than having the attitude of "what's wrong with THAT kid"?.

But you know, there's so many children out there that are struggling with one thing or another I really find that most kids could care less about it.

[Gena]

Honestly, I would talk to him about it before spreading the news among family members. Otherwise there is always a chance that he will overhear about it or someone else will tell him and he will not have the tools to understand. If you cannot explain it to him at this stage, I would keep the information more private and only tell on a need to know basis, such as teachers, coaches, scout leaders, etc.

I do understand what you mean about being immature. However my DS is 7 and he knows that he has autism. (He also knows that he has asthma and a vision impairment.) He does not fully understand everything that means, but he can grasp the basics of it. He knows that his brain works differently from other kids, so he learns different and feels things differently. He knows that he was to work harder to learn some things, like making friends and talking to people. And that there are other things he's really good at , like reading and maps. It was important to us that DS get this information from us in the way we can present it than to learn it from someone else. We did not want "autism" to be a bad word or a scary word. It's just part of who he is.

[bisous]

Good point about talking to DS first. This will be hard. DH has ADHD and HATES labels (and medication for that matter!) The fact that he had a diagnosis and meds to take made his childhood difficult to say the least.

I'm afraid of the "What's wrong with that kid" syndrome. We've gotten that in the past. However, I'm not sure that telling people who make those kinds of judgments will improve their opinion of him, KWIM?

[sariana]

I think you'll need to take it on a case-by-case basis.

IMO, anyone who will be taking care of him on a regular basis (including school personnel) needs to know that he is taking medication and what possible side effects it may have. I don't take chances with meds. Full disclosure may not be necessary, but I think most people know the names of ADHD meds and will connect the dots. So you might as well tell them.

As for labels, you just tell your DS that he has a medical condition that requires meds. Some children take insulin, some take anti-rejection drugs, some take (fill in the blank). Our medical situations are personal, but we do what we need to do to stay healthy.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I disclose the ADD dx sometimes, and most people are very surprised by it. We just filled out his camp health info and I opted not to disclose it. Really and truly, I doubt the dx and he doesn't take meds. His behavior will be on par with every other kid there; I have seen that in action (even when he doesn't think I am watching). The lack of the "H" makes him easier to go under the radar, if I am comparing him to kids I know with the H vs without. I don't want him to be labeled when he is so high functioning and will fit in fine with neuro-typical kids.

But, I don't think there is anything wrong with telling people most of the time.

Beth

[HIU8]

We do it on a need to know basis. School knows, OT knows, speech therapist knows, camp knows (only the behavioral therapist knows--it's an inclusion camp so NT and SN kids are together). Hebrew School is not being told (it is of no benefit to tell them unless DS is having problems the 3 hours a week he is there). Close family knows (and a trusted cousin who is a K teacher and who has been helping me knows).

oh, and DS is aware but doesn't fully understand. He does understand a great deal of his sensory issues and how to self help (when he needs certain stimulation or not etc... but he has been in OT for 2 years and has grasped that he can help himself--does not always happen but it's starting to get more consistent. We have (I have) talked at length with him about ADHD and what it means for him (and that this does not mean he is any less than any of his friends/peers etc..., just that he learns differently and may have to have help paying attention so he gets it the first time).

[egoldber]

I do tell people sometimes and not others. But at this point, I think that most adults she interacts with regularly know.

Teachers and various administration know because she takes medication and has a 504 plan.

Her Girl Scout troop leader knows.

I used to not list anxiety on her camp forms, etc., but now that she is on medication for anxiety and her (occasional) behavior issues become more and more out of the norm vs. her age peers, I have found that telling them has become more important. She also does overnight camps, and those people need to know because they have to administer her medication.

My next door neighbors know because she is in and out of their homes regularly. They are also on her emergency pick up list, so I think knowing that she has anxiety and is on medication is important.

I also tell some medical personnel, like her dentist. And of course her ped, asthma doc, psychiatrist, psychologiost.... :dizzy:

[bisous]

Thank you for your thoughts. I think this is what we'll do. I'm hoping that with medication therapy that DS will be able to handle himself enough that the disparity with his peers isn't SO obvious. I just want everyone to think he's a great kid, because he is!