What would you do...

[sfmom]

If you knew your friend was being cheated on by her husband?

Would it make a difference to you if they had (small) children? If so, why?

[weech]

I would tell her.

Small kids, big kids, no kids... I would still tell her.

[lhafer]

If you have undeniable proof, I would tell her (as long as it's not you ;)).

[hillview]

If I KNEW ... like beyond a doubt, I would consider telling her depending on how close a friend she was. If I suspected I would not say anything.

[mackmama]

I would tell her if I knew for sure.

[Pear]

If I was 100% certain and she was a close friend I would tell her. If she was a distant acquaintance I would stay out of it.

[sfmom]

Let's say you know for sure 100%.

[cvanbrunt]

I wouldn't get involved.

[wencit]

Let's say you know for sure 100%.If I was 100% sure (and had proof), I'd tell her. If it was the other way around, I would want someone to tell me.

[Octobermommy]

Ouch, tough spot to be in. Do you know how long it has been going on?

I think I would tell. On a side note, my friend found out her husband was cheating on her with her friend (not my friend) and after she found out her neighbors told her they knew but they didn't want to tell her. She wished she had known earlier, you never know what could have happpened. By the time she found out, he was so "in love". Gag! There were small children involved.

[sfmom]

Ouch indeed, b/c it's my best friend who is struggling with this....

We went through the scenarios and it was just lose-lose-lose all around.

lose #1 - If she doesn't tell and it's discovered

lose #2 - she tells and the marriage collapses (she'll be blamed)

lose #3 - she tell and the wife stays (she knows the dirt and will be hated)

She asked me for advice and I just really didn't know what to tell her.

[MamaMolly]

Tough call. If I were the wife I'd want to know, but honestly I think that you are going to loose your friend at least for a little while. Blame the messenger or shame or what ever, I don't think she'll want to talk to you for a while.

[Melanie]

I would tell her what you know without sharing your opinions of the facts or conclusions you may have drawn.

I am sorry you are in this situation. :(

[mackmama]

I would tell her what you know without sharing your opinions of the facts or conclusions you may have drawn.

:yeahthat: I think it's a good idea to stick to the facts without stating any opinions. You never know if she already knows but has decided to stay or whatever.

[shawnandangel]

I would tell my friend because I believe it is honorable to do so. I would want someone to tell me.

[katerinasmom]

I can't tell you what I would do if I were the one with knowledge. If I were the one whose husband was cheating, I would want my friend to tell me. I would hope that a true friend would give me the facts, without judgment and would provide whatever support I needed - even if that support is to be left alone for a while or to take my misdirected wrath with compassion, understanding and forgiveness.
She needs to know. It's as simple as STD.

[L'sMommy]

I can't tell you what I would do if I were the one with knowledge. If I were the one whose husband was cheating, I would want my friend to tell me. I would hope that a true friend would give me the facts, without judgment and would provide whatever support I needed - even if that support is to be left alone for a while or to take my misdirected wrath with compassion, understanding and forgiveness.
She needs to know. It's as simple as STD.

:yeahthat:

[Cuckoomamma]

I would tell her in a very non-emotional way and stay the heck out of it after that, never bringing it up so her friend could "pretend" it never happened if she wanted to.

I also think this is more about being able to sleep with yourself at night rather than what will happen to the friendship. Can she live with herself knowing she said nothing? I could live without the friendship, just not with knowing and potentially devastating results for my firend.

[eh613c]

I would tell her.

Small kids, big kids, no kids... I would still tell her.

:yeahthat:

I don't want my friends to get hurt so I would tell her w/ or w/out kids.

[MelissaTC]

I would tell my friend because I believe it is honorable to do so. I would want someone to tell me.

This. If I was 100% certain, I would face the consequences but would sleep with a clear conscience.

I had a friend that this happened to. She told the woman and the woman chose to ignore it. Things are now strange because of it but her conscience is clear.

[happymom]

There was a similar thread recently...maybe you'll find it helpful:

http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=399170&highlight=cheating

[bubbaray]

I would not tell her. Having been through a similar situation, IME the wife won't believe it unless she is the one who finds out.

Flame away.....

ETA: Interesting, I said on that other thread I would want someone to tell me. Clearly, I am of two minds on this issue.... ;)

[momm]

:(

Am sorry. This is a tough situation for you to be in. Even more so for your friend of course.

I agree with PPs that since she is a close friend I would tell her. It is the right thing to do and she can always decide where to go from there, for herself. Therapy, staying together for the kids, all options

There was a thread on this before, I think the general advice Was to just stick with the facts, not be judgmental, and be there for your friend.

Good luck.

[rin]

If y'all are close, I would definitely tell her. If she's not a super close friend, I wouldn't get involved.

There was a similar thread a while back, and the OP there came up with a very sensitive way to handle it. http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=399170&highlight=anonymous+note

ETA: The OP's update is in post #73.

[SkyrMommy]

If I was 100% sure (and had proof), I'd tell her. If it was the other way around, I would want someone to tell me.

:yeahthat: Especially if we were very close friends.

[Laurel]

:yeahthat: I think it's a good idea to stick to the facts without stating any opinions. You never know if she already knows but has decided to stay or whatever.

This. I may be in the minority, but I would stay in/work on my marriage after (most kinds of) DH cheating. I would not want to feel like my friends were judging me for it.

[cntrymoon2]

I would absolutely tell. I would want someone to tell me. The sooner the better- maybe letting the secret out could prevent things from going farther down a slippery slope.