Do you let your kids cheat at games?

[mommylamb]

DH and DS spent a good portion of yesterday playing games. DS is totally into them these days (his favorites are Candy Land, Trouble and Chutes and Ladders). So, this morning DH was asking me how long he should continue to allow DS to cheat when he plays. Do you let your kids cheat? If so, when did you stop?

[vludmilla]

I think I let my daughter cheat a little when she was very young but I have not for a long time. I want her to be able to play nicely with friends and so I explain that cheating at a game makes it so that other people no longer want to play the game. I am gentle but firm that if she cheats, I don't play the game. I do give her a chance to "undo" her cheating so that the game can continue. She doesn't bother with trying to cheat anymore.

[crl]

We have never let ds cheat. Nor do we let him win. Maybe this is why he doesn't particularly like board games? Just the way we were both raised.

Catherine

[egoldber]

What do you mean by cheat?

We freely adapt many games when a rule is annoying. One example is actually Trouble, which has that awful rule that you have to get a 1 to get out of Home. HATE that rule and we just ignore it. My 4 year old literally spent half a game in Home because she didn't get a 1. That went well. Not.

And Candyland even suggests some adaptations for younger kids.

But I would not, for example, let them move 6 when they rolled a 1.

[Pennylane]

No, why would I do that?? I always tell my dc if they can't play the right way, then we won't play at all.

Ann

ETA: I have changed the rules when they were younger just to shorten the games :)

[crl]

Oh yeah, we have changed rules, but we change them for everyone.

Catherine

[egoldber]

but we change them for everyone

Yes, when we adapt we make the change for everyone. Usually to make the game faster or just simpler.

[mommylamb]

For example, DS may role the dice a second time if he didn't like his first role. That sort of thing.

[egoldber]

No, I don't let my kids do that.

[infomama]

Sportsmanship and her basic understanding (if the she get a card with one red block she moves to the next red block) of the game are most important to me so that is what we focus on. If she doesn't like her card/roll, that's too bad. So I guess the answer is no.

[vonfirmath]

I let my son get away with a little bit of "cheating" at HAba orchard -- but I don't think HE realizes what he is doing is cheating. (IE he LOVES working with the raven cards so occasionally he'll hold the die up with raven up and "Drop" it -- so of course he "rolls" the raven -- and is tickled.)

[HIU8]

Nope. We don't do that. we do alter the rules for everyone if we need to. But no "special" rules for just one person. also, we don't "let" the kids win. We have family game night and my kids are in to monopoly jr. You should see how competitive they get....

[boolady]

No. Like PPs, we have modified rules to make all of our lives easier, but DD doesn't even know that. She has to play by the rules everyone else does.

Of course, she is just like my mother, b/c we had game night one night last week, and after she lost at Candyland, dominoes and bingo, she told DH and me that we had to play one more game because she couldn't go to bed without winning one. That is exactly how I used to end up playing Scrabble with my mother until midnight. Not a good sign.

[ett]

For example, DS may role the dice a second time if he didn't like his first role. That sort of thing.

No, we do not allow that. We will, like PPs mentioned, adapt game rules to speed up the game. But the adapted rules apply to everyone.

[soon2b4]

We adapt the rules for everyone if there is going to be a change. Some rules we alter just to make the game more fun - in regular Monopoly you can collect the taxes that are accumulated if you land on Free Parking...
Now that she's older, we really don't change much, though.
Hmm... I have to admit though, when we play Pictureka, I will not "find" things even when I see them if I am very much ahead of DD and DH - which happens most of the time. She loves that game, and I don't want to discourage that.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Nope, not at all.

Beth

[niccig]

DS - no cheating
Me - stacking the candyland deck so the billionth game can finally be over...YES.

[hillview]

For example, DS may role the dice a second time if he didn't like his first role. That sort of thing.

nope. never would allow that (maybe if like 2 years old). like pp we modify rules for everyone (for Sorry! you don't have to get a perfect roll to get home etc).

[mommylamb]

Well, this is a pretty universal and resounding answer. I guess his cheating days are done ;).

[TwinFoxes]

DS - no cheating
Me - stacking the candyland deck so the billionth game can finally be over...YES.
:rotflmao:

No cheating here either. :)

[maestramommy]

How do you define cheating? And how does one cheat at Candyland?

When Dora was starting out with Memory games, I let her keep flipping cards until she found a match. Just so she could get the concept of matching. But eventually she was able to play it for real.

The funny thing is, she "helps" me. Is that cheating? When one of us wins, she's all happy, because someone won, even if it's not her. It's like she doesn't understand it's a competition.

[brittone2]

We are in the "sometimes we adapt the rules for everyone" camp. Rerolling? Nope.

[new_mommy25]

I have never let my kids cheat. Honestly, the thought has never even occurred to me.

[Seitvonzu]

another vote for "change of rules" but no re-rolls or the like.

an example -- we were having a little bit of a candyland problem. lu, at 3.5, has become OBSESSED with the "rainbow trail" (i blame the carebears for this!!!!). she would refuse to move her piece if she did not get an orange on her first pick. then if she got something that went PAST orange she would just take the rainbow trail. or whine. ALOT. we told her that she couldn't play like that, it wasn't fair and made the game less fun for us when she didn't follow the rules... it wasn't working. she was OBSESSED.

so our new rule is that ANYTIME ANYONE get's "single orange" (not double orange-- that's jus ta regular card) *before* the rainbow trail-- they can take the rainbow trail. this ended the whining, makes the game go faster and applies equally to all. oh, just to make it more complicated, you can only do the "single orange" rainbow path the FIRST time through that part of the game. if you have been sent bacK (gumdrop, gingerbread, candycane) you cannot take the rainbow trail :)

[deborah_r]

I never let them cheat, but I would do things they didn't know about to set them game in their favor. Like for Candyland I would switch the cards a bit so they would get the ice cream and I wouldn't, stuff like that. Matching game, I pretend I can't remember where the match is. DS1 loved to follow the rules - DS2 has been more difficult, but I try to be flexible with him, but not let him blatantly break the rules and continue the game. If he keeps not follwoing rules, I suggest maybe we do something else.

ETA: Pretty much the only time I used the setting the game up in their favor tricks were when they were very young and would start to lose interest. If they lose 10 out of 10 times, as a 2-3 year old, why would they even want to keep playing? This was kind of "intro to board game" time. Oh, I also will do things to "let them win" when I just want the game to be over. This often happens when we play a long game 2 or more times in a row.

[deborah_r]

How do you define cheating? And how does one cheat at Candyland?


With DS2, he would just move his piece to wherever on the board he wanted to regardless of what the card said. Maybe not so much "cheating", more like wishful thinking and not having patience for the game!

[KpbS]

I was just telling DH the other day that I am really opposed to this b/c when they play games w/ other kids the don't actually know the rules if you have changed them up so much the game is different/quite a bit easier.

[kijip]

I agree. No cheating. Rule modifications that benefit everyone? Yes. Cheating or do-overs? No. I also don't even let my kid win. When he wins, he won fair and square. The upside of that is that he learns games well. The downside is that I now realize that an 8 year old can beat me or at least hold his own with me at chess. And he is not a fantastic prodigy chess player or anything. I am just a crappy player. :p

[ett]

Hmm... I have to admit though, when we play Pictureka, I will not "find" things even when I see them if I am very much ahead of DD and DH - which happens most of the time. She loves that game, and I don't want to discourage that.

I do that too here and I don't consider that cheating. DS1 is not good at games requiring speed, so I want him to practice that. If I played to my full potential, then DS1 would never get anywhere in the game. So I do tend to "slow down" when playing those types of games.

[citymama]

I dont let DD (or my nieces/nephews) cheat when play games. But until 5 or 6, I do let them win more than lose. Not every time, mind you, but I play an easy game. I will always call them out if I find them cheating - not something I want to encourage! By that token, I try and de-emphasize "winning" as the goal of the game.

[KrisM]

No cheating here, either. I also modify rules if I need to. And, I do go slower on the Pictureka types of games.

[egoldber]

Yes, there are some games where I don't go all out to play. I have to do that less and less for older DD now. And there are plenty of games where she can beat the pants off of me in general. :)

[niccig]

One of the reasons I don't let DS cheat or win, is because when he plays with his friends, they will not let him cheat or win.

Being a good loser isn't easy. DS hated to lose and would have a meltdown. We've worked on that, and then he started to play a lot of boardgames at aftercare, and he would graciously accept that he didn't win. The other kids and counsellors don't tolerate sore losers.

[fivi2]

eh - we cheat on occasion. It depends on the mood and how many battles I have fought that day.

With twins, everything is a competition (at least in this house). Everything. So if one gets the !@#$ ice cream cone lady in Candyland and zooms ahead, the other flips out. So I might arrange it so that a similar card comes up quickly. Or they might work out a deal between themselves so that they both get to do something against the rules. I usually let it go. I figure negotiation is a good skill to learn also ;)

eta: if we are not in meltdown mode, we usually stick by the rules. I explain that people don't want to play with cheaters. But if they work out some creative rules between themselves I don't interfere.

[crayonblue]

We don't let kids cheat and we don't let them win. DH talks about how his dad taught him and his two brothers to play chess and when they could finally beat their dad, it was a huge day in their lives.

[mommylamb]

Maybe I'm just being sensitive, but I'm starting to feel a bit piled on here.

Tonight playing candy land he happened to get one of the character cards at the start of the game, but didn't want it because he knew the game would be over too soon, so he took another card to stay at the bottom of the board. So, maybe cheating is too strong of a word. It's more like not always playing by the rules. FTR, I ended up winning that game and he was really excited that I won.

[wencit]

I was just telling DH the other day that I am really opposed to this b/c when they play games w/ other kids the don't actually know the rules if you have changed them up so much the game is different/quite a bit easier.Last summer, when we went miniature golfing with DS1 for the first time, we let him "steer" the ball until it went into the hole. It was crowded, and we felt badly about holding up the people behind us. A couple weeks ago, he got an invitation to his first mini golfing birthday party, and was quite confused when we had to explain the "real" rules to him! So, DH and I learned our lesson on that one! :p

In general, I don't let DS1 cheat (as in, obvious rule-breaking; see above, LOL!), but I won't play super aggressively to the best of my abilities, either. I mean, he's a kid -- I want him to have fun with the game, but at the same time, learn how to be a good loser, too. DH, on the other hand, is excellent at games, and he claims it's because his dad never let him win. I think my kids would quickly lose interest in a game if they were losing almost every.single.time.

[fivi2]

Maybe I'm just being sensitive, but I'm starting to feel a bit piled on here.

Tonight playing candy land he happened to get one of the character cards at the start of the game, but didn't want it because he knew the game would be over too soon, so he took another card to stay at the bottom of the board. So, maybe cheating is too strong of a word. It's more like not always playing by the rules. FTR, I ended up winning that game and he was really excited that I won.

As I said above, we cheat on occasion and my girls are 5.5. We would totally do what you describe here. We discuss the real rules, but then they can negotiate a change.

[egoldber]

While I don't let my kids "cheat" per se (and in all honesty I can't swear I have *never* let them cheat, it could just be selective mommy memory :p ), I do think that being flexible with games is a good skill. Different families have different rules on how they play games. Kids will play games with other kids who have different interpretations of how to play even the basic games like Sorry, etc. So being adaptable and open to negotiating on this stuff is a good thing. :)

[Ceepa]

No cheating here. DH and I ease up when necessary (like not yelling out the tiles quickly in Zingo) but when it comes to dice or choosing cards, whatever you get is what you play.

[BabyBearsMom]

Maybe I'm just being sensitive, but I'm starting to feel a bit piled on here.

Tonight playing candy land he happened to get one of the character cards at the start of the game, but didn't want it because he knew the game would be over too soon, so he took another card to stay at the bottom of the board. So, maybe cheating is too strong of a word. It's more like not always playing by the rules. FTR, I ended up winning that game and he was really excited that I won.

I wouldn't stress about it too much at 4. It isn't like he is a bad sport about it and you can gradually wean him from this as he gets older and starts playing games socially. I happen to know two people very well who tried to learn chess but had a father who never let them win and those two people do not like to play chess as adults :wink2:. So I have reason to believe that it is good to increase children's confidence by taking it easy and letting them win once and a while, especially at age 4.

[mommylamb]

I wouldn't stress about it too much at 4. It isn't like he is a bad sport about it and you can gradually wean him from this as he gets older and starts playing games socially. I happen to know two people very well who tried to learn chess but had a father who never let them win and those two people do not like to play chess as adults :wink2:. So I have reason to believe that it is good to increase children's confidence by taking it easy and letting them win once and a while, especially at age 4.

:D A chess player I am not!