What advice did your ped give about when to wean?

[sunnyside]

Mine highly encourages weaning by 15 months. He says the natural weaning time is between 9-15 months and really encourages you to wean by 15 months. I feel like I want my DD to wean more gently and know that she wont naturally wean by then. So I feel like I'm going to be doing something the ped doesn't agree with, but I can't help it. I did not feel particularly attached to my parents and they did not use attachment style parenting. I AM using attachment style parenting and it is very important to me. I don't think it hurts baby to nurse longer, right?

I'm curious what other's peds have said about when to wean.

[catsnkid]

My ped says as long as you want.

[waitingforgrace]

Did your ped say why to wean by 15 months? I'm just curious.

Our ped had no opinion on when to wean but did advocate bm until at least 12 months.

[Green_Tea]

With all three kids my ped encouraged me to BF as long as I and baby wanted. Isn't the WHO recommendation 2 years?

[sunnyside]

Did your ped say why to wean by 15 months? I'm just curious.

Our ped had no opinion on when to wean but did advocate bm until at least 12 months.

He said congratulations on making it to one year (our appt was today). He also said that biologically the baby is ready now and our bodies need the babies to wean because biologically you are ready to be pregnant with the next child. He also had mentioned at the 9 month appt that it can become a "battle of wills". He also mentioned that some of the recommendations of the AAP bother him because they make a person feel like a failure if they nurse to 6 months or 9 months instead of a year, when that person should feel good that they nursed that long. He does encourage breastfeeding and said I should get a medal (I got a latte instead LOL), but he still encouraged that the baby is weaned by 15 months.

Also, we talked about how you can introduce cow's milk now. I forgot to ask, but meant to ask whether she could have breast milk instead of cow milk since it would seem to me that more species specific milk (ie my own) would be more healthful for her than milk from the other species (the cow).
I don't fully understand why babies are supposed to wean from mommy but then drink milk from a cow. I'm missing something here...

[egoldber]

The official AAP position is along the lines of "for at least one year and thereafter for as along as mom and baby desire". The WHO recommends two years.

But he is probably right that weaning before 15 months is easier than trying to deliberately wean (as opposed to child led weaning) after that.


I don't fully understand why babies are supposed to wean from mommy but then drink milk from a cow. I'm missing something here...


You're not missing anything. It is just the cultural norm in our society.

Also, what he does not mention is that breastfeeding is one of the few things within our control (assuming no nursing issues, etc. which you obviously do not have since you are still nursing :) ) that reduce our individual risk of breast cancer.

[DrSally]

I would listen to your instincts on this one and do what you want. There are no known drawbacks to extended Bfing. Not sure how he/she can say 15 months is a "natural" weaning time, as every child is different. If you want to do child-led weaning, then only your baby/child can "tell" you when it's time.

ETA: It is totally fine to give BM instead of cow's milk after a year. DS has a milk allergy and drank BM and soymilk. You don't *have* to intro cow's milk. LLL says that weaning is easiest before 18 months or after 3 years, so maybe he's referring to when it would be "easiest" for you (if you so wanted). I definitely found this to be the case w/DS. He and I weren't ready at 18 mo, and he did much better waiting until 3yo to be done. DD was able to very easily stop at 2 yo, when I was ready to be done.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It's a parenting decision, something I don't really take a ped's opinion into. Nursing isn't going o make your child less healthy; quite the opposite, right? Both of my boys weaned around 18 months and they did it on their own (self weaned). It was so darned easy!

My ped never said anything other than "good" when asked if nursing past a year.

Beth

[brittone2]

I sought out peds who were BFing friendly. There is no need to wean if you aren't ready or don't want to.

Like Snugglebuggles said, there are certain things some peds comment on that I consider a parenting decision.

I would politely say, Ok, thanks for the input, I'll file it away as something to think about, and would then decide to do whatever worked best for my family.

Anyone who would actually go so far as to give me *grief* or guilt over continuing to BF would be fired as a ped.

ITA that AAP says "as long as mutually desired" and the WHO says a minimum of 2 years. The American Academy of Family Physicians says weaning before 2 years of age increases the risk of illness and death.

Kathy Dettwyler is an anthropologist who has done extensive research on the natural age of weaning and she is an expert who lectures world-wide on BFing.

If you want comfort in deciding it is okay to continue, look at her research:
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/dettwyler.html
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/dethowlong.htm
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html

Her thoughts are that from an anthropological standpoint, the natural age of weaning was probably more like 2.5-7 yo.

[sunnyside]

I want to thank all of you so MUCH for your posts. I know that her Dad is pretty openminded about breastfeeding, but definitely has an opinion over weaning past a certain age and an opinion over how much nursing she might should be doing in a few months. I wish that my ped would say things that would make him MORE open minded instead of less. He agrees with me that we want to take the gentle approach, but not sure how long he will feel that way....

Plus, I don't like feeling that I am not doing the right thing, when my gut instinct is that it is clear that my girl needs her milk still.

All of your posts really help. People have argued to me that the WHO recommendation is for other countries with less nutrition and don't really apply to the US.

[DrSally]

ITA w/pp's that it's a parenting decision, rather than a medical issue. Peds have all kinds of differing opinions on parenting decisions based on their own experience.

[Momto1]

Your ped is wrong. Sounds to me like he has some kind of chip on his shoulder about BFing.

My ped has't said anything. At DD's 18 month appointment, she asked me how much milk she was drinking and I told her that DD was still nursing. Ped just said "Oh, that's good" and that was the end of that.

You should continue nursing until either you or your LO no longer want to.

[mikala]

You're totally right that milk from the same species is the healthiest for little ones compared to formula or cow's milk and contains countless good nutritional and immunological benefits. It's also significantly cheaper than the ridiculously priced organic whole milk we buy, always the right temperature from the source and doesn't spoil in the crazy heat wave many of us are experiencing right now. That isn't to say the other options are bad but why change something that's working for you? Your DD may continue nursing for a while or may wean herself and you can always re-evaluate later. You can work on her cup and straw drinking skills with water.

This is a great handout listing all of the benefits of continued nursing:
http://www.kellymom.com/store/freehandouts/extended_bf_factsheet.pdf
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

If I were in your shoes I'd start asking friends for a good pediatrician rec because this doesn't sound like a good fit for you and the information he's giving you doesn't seem to match modern science.

[LMPC]

My ped says as long as you want.

Yep that...that's what the LC at my ped's said too.

[eno0609]

Your ped is wrong. Sounds to me like he has some kind of chip on his shoulder about BFing.

My ped has't said anything. At DD's 18 month appointment, she asked me how much milk she was drinking and I told her that DD was still nursing. Ped just said "Oh, that's good" and that was the end of that.

You should continue nursing until either you or your LO no longer want to.


If I were in your shoes I'd start asking friends for a good pediatrician rec because this doesn't sound like a good fit for you and the information he's giving you doesn't seem to match modern science.
:yeahthat:

Our ped has never given advice on when to wean and if she did I would find that weird. She is aware that DS is still nursing- at our last check-up she asked if he drinks milk and I said that he doesn't drink a lot of cow's milk but still nurses, and she said that was good, and wasn't worried since he eats cheese and yogurt and everything else.

DS nurses 2-3 times in a 24 hr period and he is 28 months, our DD self weaned at 14 moths...every kid is different.

[AnnieW625]

Both times the pediatrician didn't say anything, but then I didn't breast feed past 12 months either time. You should definitely trust your instincts.


He also mentioned that some of the recommendations of the AAP bother him because they make a person feel like a failure if they nurse to 6 months or 9 months instead of a year, when that person should feel good that they nursed that long. He does encourage breastfeeding and said I should get a medal (I got a latte instead LOL), but he still encouraged that the baby is weaned by 15 months.

I would be happy if he was my pediatrician, but then I breast fed for only 4 months with DD1, and 3/1/2 with DD2. I wasn't a big producer so pumping at work wasn't going to work for me. Now if I had been a big producer of milk which made pumping at work worth it I might have wondered why he said to wean by 15 months, but since I didn't do that I can't really comment on that.


Also, we talked about how you can introduce cow's milk now. I forgot to ask, but meant to ask whether she could have breast milk instead of cow milk since it would seem to me that more species specific milk (ie my own) would be more healthful for her than milk from the other species (the cow).
I don't fully understand why babies are supposed to wean from mommy but then drink milk from a cow. I'm missing something here...

Now that's purely a societal thing. It never grossed me out to give my children milk once they were 12 months old, but if I was EBFing past 12 months I most likely wouldn't have had an issue pushing off introducing milk until they we weaned.


Your ped is wrong. Sounds to me like he has some kind of chip on his shoulder about BFing.
It's attitudes like this that really honestly turn me off to the pro breast feeding campaign. Just because someone recommends that it might be easier to wean a child by 15 months doesn't mean he or she has a chip on their shoulder about breast feeding. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and that happened to be one particular pediatricians opinion. Whether or not you want to agree with it is your choice, but if you don't agree then it's your job to ask questions, not assume.

[DebbieJ]

Both my kids were nursing well past a year. There's no reason to stop. Just keep following your instincts.

[Katigre]

Both of my peds have encouraged me to nurse for as long as we wanted and were breastfeeding-friendly practices. My personal goal was 2 years old and I nursed DS for 2.5 years (I was 5 months pregnant when I weaned him) and DD is still nursing at 2.5 years and I plan to continue until sometime when she's 3 unless she decides to stop before that. Nursing has so many benefits for mom and baby that it is important to listen to YOUR parenting instincts instead of the ped's medically unsubstantiated advice IMO ;).

FWIW, I have not had a major issue weaning either DS or DD (although DD is not fully weaned, we just nurse in the morning when she wakes up and my limiting it to that was fully my decision and not child-led. I also nightweaned both children when they were toddlers. I'm a strong willed mama though ;)).

You might find reading at www.kellymom.com encouraging - there is a whole section on nursing in the toddler years. Nursing through the 2nd year provides a lot of supportive nutrition and immunity!

[Neither of my kids drink cow's milk either b/c they couldn't tolerate the proteins as babies/toddlers, so my milk was their 'milk' and they thrived on it :)]

[Katigre]

It's attitudes like this that really honestly turn me off to the pro breast feeding campaign. Just because someone recommends that it might be easier to wean a child by 15 months doesn't mean he or she has a chip on their shoulder about breast feeding. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and that happened to be one particular pediatricians opinion. Whether or not you want to agree with it is your choice, but if you don't agree then it's your job to ask questions, not assume.
That's not what the ped said though - he said that the BIOLOGICAL NORM is to wean by 15 months which is flatly not true, and pressured her that the baby should not be nursing by the 15 month appointment.

[ett]

My ped had no opinion on how long to BF. I BF DS1 until 18 mos and DS2 until 21 mos. After 1 year, they were also drinking cow's milk. All that mattered to the ped. was that they were getting adequate nutrition and on target developmentally.

[ncat]

Both of my kids nursed to about 17 months. Our pediatricians (different pediatricians from the same practice) never suggested weaning.

[sunnyside]

Thank you everyone. I don't think he was pressuring me to wean that much, but I did feel that he was making a point that it is better to and that confused me. I wonder if he was just letting me off the hook in case I wanted to, but it seems to me that if you have to give them milk from a cow then maybe it isnt the normal weaning time. I'm not going to wean because of what he said, but I do wish that he had also talked about some benefits of extended breastfeeding!

Thanks again everyone for all the support. It means a lot.

[sunnyside]

I mentioned to someone the responses here supported continuing to breastfeed and they countered that it may be that this board may be leaning towards pro extending breastfeeding but that it doesn't mean it's right. So frustrating.

[lalasmama]

:) There's still plenty of goodness in mama's milk past 12 months. It doesn't turn to water, it doesn't lose it's antibodies, it doesn't make a child more dependant, it's not going to create a child who's hooked on breasts in college. Oh, wait, I can't guarentee that last point, but I wouldn't blame that on nursing past 12 months, I'd blame that more on Hooters ;)

I understand the ped saying he feels torn about the current recommendations on nursing, but here's my thoughts (from someone becoming an IBCLC). There's an old saying "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." I seriously believe that. If a mom's concerned if she's doing best by her baby, she's likely to feel more guilt about formula feeding. However, the WHO, the AAP, they aren't the ones feeding this baby. A loving, secure, comfortable mama formula feeding is just as good as a breastfeeding mama--arguably better, if that breastfeeding mama hates every minute of nursing. ... With that being said, I go to my doctor for medical advice, and I expect current, truthful, non-emotional statements of fact regarding medical issues. I expect him to say "Good job cutting down to 3 cigarettes a day, but that second hand smoke still affects your baby"; "your McDonalds habit is negatively affecting your Type 2 Diabetes"; "the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until at least 2yo, and child-led weaning usually occurs between 2-7yo. When you are interested in weaning, please call me and we can discuss it more", not "the current recommendations are really mean and I don't think they have merit enough to recommend you follow them".

One of the first pediatric nurses I worked with told me in hushed whispers that she was still nursing her 3yo daughter. Over the continuing years, I have heard this over and over again--people quietly confessing, often seemingly embarrassed that they "let it go on this long" when, in fact, free from American puritanical mores, three years old is a completely reasonable age for a nursling. That first nurse admitted to me that she gave her daughter a cup of cows milk to her daughter each week so she could truthfully say that she drank the kind of milk the doctor was asking about.

[essnce629]

I'd be looking for a new ped if I was you.

I purposely sought out a provider (who ended up being a family dr, not a ped) who was on the same page as me, which meant 100% ok with extended breastfeeding, not vaxing, not circumcising, etc. I don't want to have to explain myself or battle with my provider at each appointment.

[essnce629]

One of the first pediatric nurses I worked with told me in hushed whispers that she was still nursing her 3yo daughter. Over the continuing years, I have heard this over and over again--people quietly confessing, often seemingly embarrassed that they "let it go on this long" when, in fact, free from American puritanical mores, three years old is a completely reasonable age for a nursling. That first nurse admitted to me that she gave her daughter a cup of cows milk to her daughter each week so she could truthfully say that she drank the kind of milk the doctor was asking about.

I agree. I was talking to DS2's speech therapist last week and she was telling me about how her son was still nursing when he was 2 1/2 years old. Also in a kind of embarrassed tone!

[egoldber]

but that it doesn't mean it's right

Personally, I just don't think of this as something that has a "right or wrong" answer. There are people for whom breastfeeding beyond one year is onerous or painful or difficult for various reasons. There are people who have none of these issues. But there is no biological reason to discontinue nursing at 12 months and there are many health reasons, for you and your DD, to continue. But only you can make the analysis of what is best in your situation. But it isn't like someone is right and someone else is wrong. There are different sets of circumstances.

If *you* want to encourage her to wean early, then your ped is probably correct that it is easier to do that before, say, 18 months. After that I think that doing it other than in a child led way is harder on both of you.

That doesn't mean you have to nurse on demand. A child older than a year can have limits set on nursing. People do this in all sorts of ways. For me, after 18 months I was no longer comfortable nursing her anywhere except at home or at LLL meetings. And FWIW, my ped really no longer even asked after the one year appointment and I didn't volunteer that info either.

[wellyes]

I do think there are windows of opportunity where kids are more open to transitions. A 9 month old is much easier to wean than a 5 month old, and a 14 month old is much easier to wean than a 20 month old. I don't think it is bad to talk about those things. Knowledge is good.

[momm]

I feel that the reason it may be perceived as easier to wean at 15 months, is because children get more and more aware and it's almost like "taking something away" from them, when you do try to wean. A 14 month old may not protest as much as a 2 year old. I've heard this from grandparents as well. That may be the reason your pedi said it was the norm.
That said, I am definitely not planning on following that. If he self-weans by then, so be it. Otherwise, (crossing my fingers for no other issues to come up) I'll plan on breastfeeding till he wants/ till it's physically possible for me.

Just wanted to say that that could possibly be the reason he said it that way, to prepare you for a longer/ more difficult weaning battle (or so he thinks) if you wait longer. That wouldn't deter me.

Like many PPs have mentioned, they wean at their own times and it's easy. Even if you, for some reason, wanted to wean when they do not, it's more worth it to have fed them for longer, than to have proactively "prevented" a difficult weaning experience, KWIM?


ETA - good luck, momma, you're doing the right thing.
So often, we speak to people IRL who think we're nuts. Remember that not everyone researches and tries to do what's best for their kids in the same way that we here, do. NOT saying that if people don't research they don't want what's best, just saying that they have their own ways of doing what's best.

[ThreeofUs]

Go with your gut, and who cares what your ped thinks about how long to bf if you and your LO feel differently.

BF as long as you and she want.

[DrSally]

I mentioned to someone the responses here supported continuing to breastfeed and they countered that it may be that this board may be leaning towards pro extending breastfeeding but that it doesn't mean it's right. So frustrating.

Your never going to get a concensus, there are just too many opinions/feelings on this. Ultimately, you just have to make a decision you feel comfortable with.

Also, ITA w/Beth that nursing you don't have to nurse a toddler on demand. You can set limits, just as w/everything else. I didn't nurse the kids in public after about 18 months (and they didn't ask). Also, I had gotten DS down to 1 time a day in the morning before DD was born (when he was 2.5).

[PGTB]

Unless you explicitly ask your Ped about weaning advice, I don't see why they should be telling you when to wean, it's your decision as a mom.


Unless your baby is underweight or FTT.. Is your baby failing to gain weight and it is a concern for your Ped? In some situations extended BFing can be of concern if you have low supply and your toddler is refusing solids and whole milk in favor of nursing. In that situation the Ped is supposed to try to get more info on what your toddler's diet is to make a recommendation, but this recommendation doesn't need to be a push towards weaning. If the Ped suspects low supply, he may also recommend you see an LC to try to boost supply, work on nursing techniques that would allow your baby to get to fatty milk every time, etc, not necessarily say you must wean. Basically, choice should be yours, but you should be aware if BFing isn't going well and have to work on increasing supply or work towards weaning.

I am giving you a slightly different angle because BFing even past 1 year is not a smooth ride for everyone and not many moms are willing to work on it as hard as they used to when their babies were exclusively relying on BM to thrive.
My DS is underweight and I am hearing more and more that my extended BFing him is the potential cause why his weight gain has stalled again at 14 months as he often refuses solids in favor of nursing when he is with me and i have a very hard time feeding him. My Ped hadn't pushed me to wean at our 12 month appointment and DS is drinking cow's milk during the day a little bit. But I am not going to be surprised if he starts suggesting this during our 18 month appointment if DS fails to gain adequate weight.

[Momto1]

It's attitudes like this that really honestly turn me off to the pro breast feeding campaign. Just because someone recommends that it might be easier to wean a child by 15 months doesn't mean he or she has a chip on their shoulder about breast feeding. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and that happened to be one particular pediatricians opinion. Whether or not you want to agree with it is your choice, but if you don't agree then it's your job to ask questions, not assume.

Sure, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but a medical professional needs to understand that their opinion is often taken as medical advice (because that's what we pay them for!) and people will use this advice to make decisions. Luckily, OP is questioning and making an informed decision, but many people do not and end up taking their doctor's "opinions" as fact.

Will there be any harm to the child if she weans now? Probably not. Will there be any harm to the child if she continues to nurse? Nope. In fact, nursing a toddler has many benefits that previous posters have already listed.

This is definitely an "every child is different" thing, but if I had tried to wean DD between 9 and 15 months, we would have had a major power struggle in our house (plus an issue with malnutrition since she wasn't taking a bottle at that time, but that's a whole other story). She's 26 months now and we're down to 1 or 2 nursings a day without any battle of wills or anything. It is easier to wean her now because she understands boundaries better than when she was 12 months. So every kid is going to be different.

OP - I just re-read one of your posts before. Did you tell your pedi that you wanted to get pregnant again? I'm wondering if he was giving you advice to help you wean so you could try for another?

[citymama]

Haven't read thru the posts. But our pediatrician's advice was: "breastfeeding is a conversation between baby and mom. No one else is part of that conversation." And this is a fairly old-school guy pediatrician at a very mainstream practice. I took his advice. DD1 weaned herself at 18 months, almost to the day. She was completely and totally ready. It was absolutely the perfect way to do it. I plan to let DD2 take the lead on weaning as well - she is 14 months and still going strong.

My advice to you: stop taking other peoples' advice on this and do what seems right to you and your DD! You're the only ones that matter in this decision.

[sunnyside]

Thanks again everyone. I'm totally fine with my decision and not questioning it in any way except to wonder why my pediatrician said anything. My only real issue is that it is undermining me with DD's father. He doesn't disagree with me per se, but he likes to play devil's advocate with me and he likes to have a strong opinion sometimes but doesn't research anything.

We had a similar issue when I told him what the Csection rates are and he said it wasn't true and that I was fear mongering. It took a long time for him to "get it", and I am wary of what will be a few months down the line. It's so dumb to me. I get that not everyone wants to extended BF and that's all good. I don't think it's for everyone, but it's working for us and I don't like being discouraged, especially when for us it seems to be the right thing. I'm pretty strong regardless, but when I brought it up, her father asked if I was trying to pick a fight when I was just giving him more information. I don't know why it makes him feel angry for me to give him info even if the info does support my ideas. He says he doesn't necessarily disagree with me, but seems to bristle when I give him more info. It's sort of maddening. We are broken up, but these things drive me nuts because for coparenting, it's best if we are on the same page and sometimes if what I believe is out of the mainstream, he seems to disagree just to disagree instead of taking the time to read about it and see why I feel so strongly.

His answer lately is this: My opinion doesn't matter anyway, because I have no control over parenting decisions and you are going to do what you want anyway, so why do you care what I think...

To which I just say, it would be nice to be supported, but you are right, it's not up to you.

I just think that if there is potential gain to be had and no negatives, then why does it matter if she wants to nurse longer.

[daisymommy]

Hugs :hug: I'm sorry!

It sounds to me like he is reflexively just trying to have some control in the situation since he isn't with her as much as you. And he's doing that by trying to go the opposite way you are, to subject his control.
I understand it, but it's kind of sad. If only he could realize that the best way to have some control would be to support you as the baby's primary care giver, and try to learn about the subject at hand and get on the same page with you as much as possible. But then he probably subconsciously feels like by doing that, he's giving you all the control when it comes to your DD.

Maybe knowing that will help you think of some ways to let him feel in control...of some things...but for things like nursing her as long as you--the mama--instinctively know is best for her, you have the final say (maybe just don't say it that way :wink2:).

Best of luck to you!

[sunnyside]

Hugs :hug: I'm sorry!

It sounds to me like he is reflexively just trying to have some control in the situation since he isn't with her as much as you. And he's doing that by trying to go the opposite way you are, to subject his control.
I understand it, but it's kind of sad. If only he could realize that the best way to have some control would be to support you as the baby's primary care giver, and try to learn about the subject at hand and get on the same page with you as much as possible. But then he probably subconsciously feels like by doing that, he's giving you all the control when it comes to your DD.

Maybe knowing that will help you think of some ways to let him feel in control...of some things...but for things like nursing her as long as you--the mama--instinctively know is best for her, you have the final say (maybe just don't say it that way :wink2:).

Best of luck to you!

Thank you! I think you hit the nail on the head that a lot of it has to do with control. I've always thought of him as fairly controlling, and this is one area that he is not able to have that. He does love his little girl and wants the best for her and I can see him soften when I mention that they are supposed to get a number of ounces of cow milk daily if they are weaned from mama's milk. Then he seems to get that extended nursing isn't "wrong". I think part of it to is that Americans are conditioned to not believe in extended breastfeeding because it's not our cultural norm at all...

Anyway, thank you so much for your support! (All of you) :)