if you were a SAHM and then went back to work...

[♥ms.pacman♥]

..please share your story and any suggestions/encouragemnt you have for getting back into the workforce. i am mostly interested if you had to essentially "start over" (e.g. you didn't just go back to an old job, you had to go through the whole searching/interviewing thing from scratch). basically that is what i'm going to have to do. i graduated w/ a PhD in engineering in 2007 but i only worked for 1 year before i quit to move halfway across the country to my DH's homestate. I couldn't find a job here for the longest time, and when i got preg with my DS i just gave up the search and figured I'd just be a SAHM at first. So while my oldest is only 18 mos, i have not worked FT in 3 years. I think having a 3yr gap is going to be a pretty bad hit for me (it is a long time in engineering field, as technology changes so quickly) so i think I will be looking for basic entry-level positions, which is fine.

the thing is, i think i need to start working ASAP. not so much for financial reasons, but mostly because, i don't think i can mentally/emotionally handle being a SAHM for much longer. especially with no family around and a husband who has to travel a decent amount. last time with just DS, it got SO much easier past 4 months, but this time around, it's like it's getting worse. DS and DD are both STTN, but during the day it struggle so hard to deal with them. it is so hard to get my DD to nap for any decent period of time during the day. and DS is getting demanding and feeding times are such a struggle. There is no downtime whatsoever and i really feel like i cannot enjoy my kids at all like t his. I type this as my DD is screaming in her swing.

[carolinamama]

I don't have any experience looking for a new job and starting over as I went back to the same job after trying out the sahm thing. But I wanted to give you some big hugs. Sounds like you have alot going on and I went back to work for the exact same reasons you are giving. I have been much happier since that decision so I wish you much luck in your search.

:grouphug:

[luckytwenty]

My MFA is in creative writing and my first job after grad school was as an editor. Things changed during my four years at the company and I ended up in marketing. Then I got pregnant--and found out we'd be moving the following year across country for DH's training.

For the next three years, I was sort of a SAHM. I did free-lance for my old company and I worked as a freelancer in the new city doing marketing editing/writing for a variety of companies, but it was not full-time. Then DH got a job that required another cross country move (we made a zig-zag!) and at that point, my second baby was 7 months old.

I knew we were there to stay in this third location and began looking for a job while beefing up my freelancing. It took me about 18 months to find the RIGHT job (fit my skills, ambitions AND was not so cutthroat/family unfriendly that I would actually be able to see my children!). I used recruiters to find it. I can't say I looked all that hard so it was not a steady 18 months of job-searching. I was a busy, sorta SAHM during that time, getting work done during my baby's nap time and when my older one was at preschool.

When I finally got the job (where I've been now for going on four years) I realized that I was somewhat depressed when I was a SAHM. It's really not for everyone so I get what you're saying about needing to work!

I love the human interaction, the thrill of doing a job well, the training, the travel opportunities, the learning, the growth. My kids are doing GREAT, all three of them.

Good luck with your search. I think I am a good example of why you want to find the right job, not necessarily the first job.

[mommylamb]

I think with a PhD in Engineering there should be a lot of options open to you. What area of the country are you in? I do government relations work and I hear from corporate stakeholders all the time that they have LOTS of job openings, but have a terrible time finding skilled employees, especially those with STEM backgrounds. You're probably in a much better position than most. Good luck!

[Gena]

I was a SAHM for 4 years, from the time DS was 18 months old to 5.5 years. About 2 years ago my DH got downsized due to the economy. So we both started looking for jobs and I got one first. (DH was a reluctant SAHD for 1.5 years and now we both WOH FT.)

It was rough going through the job search, interviews, etc. We're in Ohio, which has been facing big unemployment figures for a while, so jobs are scarce. I went through a temp/recruitment agency as well as looking on my own.

I finally found a job at a small company that is very relaxed and family friendly. It's a good fit for me. I enjoy it a lot more than the large corporations I had worked for in the past. They allow me to have a flexible schedule, which is good becuase DS has a lot of doctor appointments, school meetings, etc.

Good luck in your search!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thx everyone for the replies.

luckytwenty-that is such a good point about taking time to the find the right job. I do think that i could easily get even more depressed if i took the first random job that came my way. For me having some level of job satisfaction is important, since i'm sure i'm going to have some "guilt" (or whatever it's called) about being away from my kids for some time, at least at first. but if the job is something i can really feel somewhat fulfilled with than i'm sure that will be totally fine. however, if it's something miserable that i hate doing then i'm sure it could easily make me feel even worse. so yeah, that is definitely something to keep in mind.

mommylamb..i'm in the dallas area. i too thought that finding a job would not be too hard..but for the first 12 months i sent out my resume to tons of sites and i had no luck at all. i got maybe two phone interviews, nothing further. it just seemed like all the major companies here (Texas Instruments, and others) just weren't hiring at all. and the ones that were, they wanted senior-level engineers with years of experience in very specific skills. anyway, that was 2008/2009 though..hopefully by now things have gotten better at least somewhat.

thanx again everyone for the replies. i originally didn't think i'd be going back to work so soon (i initially was going to wait until DD was over 1 year old), so i am only just now now seriously starting to think about it and it's just so daunting and overwhelming..i don't even know where to begin, there is just so much to do it seems (networking, sending around resumes, getting interviews, searching for daycares, etc). though it really helps to know there are others that were in similar situations and were able to find satisfying jobs.

[ThreeofUs]

First, I want to send you hugs. Going from one child to 2 is incredibly hard, and (personally) made me feel about as inept, ineffective and just plain incompetent as I have ever felt in my entire life. I'm not sure I believed the friend who told me this same thing before I had DS2, but I sure do now! :hug:

And, second, I would say start talking to people. Talk talk talk talk talk - about your background, about your wish to work, about what kinds of firms are out there, good to work for, and hiring. Really, if you want to go back to work in a different field, you're going to need to develop a network.

GL!

ETA: I know a bunch of Ph.D. engineers who have been hired in your area. I think they are hiring again. :)

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

ms.pacman, Can your advisor help you out with getting in the door for an interview? I know if I wanted a new job, I would definitely talk to my advisor. Also, collegues from graduate school. Anyone in your area? Or working for the companies you are interested in?

As far as hiring goes, I'm in Silicon Valley and the engineering job market is booming here (IMO). Any chance your DH wants to move out here? ;)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

First, I want to send you hugs. Going from one child to 2 is incredibly hard, and (personally) made me feel about as inept, ineffective and just plain incompetent as I have ever felt in my entire life. I'm not sure I believed the friend who told me this same thing before I had DS2, but I sure do now! :hug:


wow, thank u for saying this, this is EXACTLY how i feel. after the first few months, having just one DC was like the easiest thing in the world. Having two in many ways is a thousand times harder. Both my kids are relatively easy but i think i personally struggle a lot with being able to give each kid adequate attention.

[ThreeofUs]

Me too. I also struggle to give myself enough attention - and it led me straight into depression. Now I take time for me, and for each of my kids, but it was HARD to get here and entails a whole lot of help from a local college woman.

Can you get a little help in? You'll need it to develop a network, at the very least.

[AnnieW625]

ThreeOfUs said it perfectly. I work outside the home and it's hard with two kids, and while I think I always knew I'd go back to work there was always a though in the back of my mind that I wish I would've been a SAHM for a few years, but as DH says I most likely would've gone crazy and I know for sure I would've had similar feelings to the ones you are having now esp. if I had 2 kids 14 months apart.

Have you looked for govt. employment? I know the state capital is Austin, but there has got to be regional offices in the Dallas area. DH has looked at the EPA jobs website (http://jobview.usajobs.gov/GetJob.aspx?JobID=100979856&JobTitle=Environmental+Engineer+%2f+Physical+Scien tist+(Environmental)%2c+GS-0819%2f1301-11%2f12&brd=3876&vw=b&FedEmp=N&jbf574=EP00&AVSDM=2011-07-19+00%3a03%3a00) a number of times and there are usually some listings for the Dallas area.

I would also contact your grad. school advisor, and or a headhunter. Headhunter services are free.

[csnoop]

Yep, having 2 kids is much much more difficult than having one. It doesn't get easier as they get older. Once my DS started crawling (which was like a few weeks ago), I had to follow him everywhere as he got into EVERYTHING imaginable. DD would scream and cry as he tore up her book and ate her paper etc etc. It will be a while til they play happily by themselves.. at least, that's what I hear would happen.

I don't know much about the engineering field. Do people volunteer or do internship in your field? If you feel rusty about your skills, this might be a way to get started. I worked at a legal non-profit for a long time (and still do contract work for them). We utilize lots of volunteer attys. A lot of them get hired by us or other agencies that we have relationship with. It's a way to get your foot in the door. Good luck!

CC

[twowhat?]

No real BTDT. I was out of work for 18 months and then started looking for jobs outside of my original company. Got one in-person interview and bombed it. Then someone quit from my old company so they contacted me to hire me back. Just wanted to send you a hug and good luck!

eta: I agree with PP that if you are able to, take your time to find the *right* job.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thanks everyone. actually when i first started looking for a job, taking to my advisor's colleagues who worked at local companies was my first stop, bc he knew several people in the area working in the same field. but the reality was, the companies just weren't hiring. i hope it's a different story now.

anyway, i know i have to start networking and doing things like trying to get to know local people in my field. it just feels so overwhelmingly hard right now, bc i don't know how on earth i will find time to do it.

[egoldber]

I went back to work after several years as a SAHM. It was not completely starting over, because I had worked almost 10 years before having kids. But I was in a new area of the country and had zero contacts, so it was hard.

I decided to concentrate on government jobs because they are (generally) family flexible. And I have found that to be true as long as I am content with not being seen as a "go getter" (and I am). I had (fortunately) maintained contact with my most recent supervisor and he gave me glowing references. But I know that I did not get at least 2 jobs because 1) I had been out for too long and 2) I was trying to re-enter at a lower level than I left at so people did not think I would be happy.

Honestly, for *me*, being a WOHM has been 10,000 times harder than being a SAHM, in no small part because DH travels a lot and has very irregular hours. Juggling child care is a huge issue and it drives me bonkers. But OTOH, I was not depressed being at home, I really enjoyed it. I can see how if someone did not like it that it would be very hard because it can be very isolating, especially when your children are small.

ETA: And yes, for me 2 kids was sooooooo much harder than 1. Even with the age difference I had, I felt like I was always pulled in several directions and was never able to really meet anyone's needs well. Older DD was gone last week to my ILs and I had truly forgotten how much easier it is to just have to manage one at a time!

[fivi2]

I had worked in my field for just two years before taking time off to sah. I was at home almost 5 years and then decided we needed me to go back to work. I had kept in touch with a few colleagues and also met with career services at my grad school. But I just sort of fell into my job. (yes, I was very lucky!).

I was just starting to look when I saw the posting for my job. They wanted 0-1 years, and I had 2, but my 2 were several years prior and this was a different practice area completely. I am making less than I was making 5 years ago. Some people will say not to move backward, but I truly think it was the best decision for me. I was gov't before and this is also gov't , but very different agencies and types of work. Between the large gap, the change in fields, and the limited experience before, I think this was probably the best I could hope for. On paper, my job sounds great - very family friendly and much less stress than previous job. But...

I will say it has been HARD. (But I loved being a sahm and miss it all the time). The first few months I thought I was going to cry all day every day. We had to rush to find a full time day care and it was a bad fit, so then we had to change. I am still not thrilled with the one we are in, but we start kinder soon. I regret having to pull the girls out of their previous (perfect!) part time pre-school. Even with a family friendly job, I still feel like we never have enough time. I am always stressed out and always busy.

There are some positives! It is nice interacting with adults, and I think it is good to get a break from my kids. I like earning money and feel like we would be okay if something happened. (my job wouldn't support us, but I'd be in a better position than when I was sah). Our finances definitely needed the cushion.

Networking is helpful. Do you have continuing education seminars and such? Can you volunteer with those to get your name out?

Good luck!

eta: I should have just agreed with egoldber! I started out with two dc, so no advice there ;)