Would you every throw caution to the wind and just go for what you've always wanted?

[boolady]

Have you every done this, in your personal or professional life? I've always been the sensible girl and done what seems like the logical next step, but any number of things this week are making me think that although I've always proceeded with caution, maybe it's time to let it rip, so to speak.

DH's field is dying a slow death. I anticipate that within the next five years, there won't be many, if any, options left for him. He's looking to transition into related fields, but I know his heart is not in it. He has expertise in a niche area, and the other things he could transition into just aren't going to do it for him, but he knows he's got to try.

I am okay with my job, but it is extremely stressful, and having not had a raise since 2008 and having the amount of money I have to contribute to our health benefits significantly raised last year, I've already taken a pay cut. It's going to happen again next year, in a larger chunk. The particular position I'm in is not the most stimulating.

The short version, without getting into too many details, is that DH and I have always had a dream of opening our own business. It's not entirely a pipe dream, as DH has 20 years of experience not exactly in that field, but has the appropriate skill set to really know what he's doing. We're not complete idiots talking about setting up shop without a clue.

There's also my sister, who has, coincidentally, always wanted to do something very closely related and has an almost perfect set of skills for what we're thinking of, including specialized training. She is not exactly happy in her job, and we joke all of the time about when we're going to take the leap together.

That said, of course it's a risky thought. When do you just jump off that bridge, knowing all of the bad things that could happen, because if not, you feel like if you have to lead the life you're leading right now, the stress and, in DH's case, uncertainty and stress, is going to kill you before you reach 65? Has anyone here ever done it? I'd love to hear the good, the bad, all of it.

DD inadvertently said something this morning that really got me thinking. She has these too-small Carter's pjs that she loves that say "Little Girl, Big Dreams." She was talking about something in the car this morning, and mentioned the pjs. I told her she was my little girl with big dreams, and she said (just because the opposites seem logical to her, I guess), "Yes, Mommy. Little girls have big dreams, and big girls have little dreams." I wanted to cry. When did I stop dreaming big?

[BabbyO]

"Yes, Mommy. Little girls have big dreams, and big girls have little dreams." I wanted to cry. When did I stop dreaming big?

Why are our children SO wise sometimes...and when did we get so dumb?! Talk about a wake up call for all of us! I can't say I've ever taken the leap you're thinking about, but I'm pretty sure I'd be battling the same things you are.

I wish I could find a skill set that would give me the opportunity to do what you are talking about, and then the courage to take the leap.

I can't offer any advice...but I will say from what you've said, it doesn't seem like a total pipe dream. You could really change your lives for the positive. Don't you just wish your crystal ball were working...I sure do! Best of luck!

[bubbaray]

Go for it.

Law can be really soul-crushing if you aren't doing something you love. The hours are long, the expectations are high and, for the most part, the compensation is insanely low (when you look at the hours you put in) for the years of schooling.

I would do a business plan. See if you can swing it with your DH and your sis doing it at first, with you having the stable income and benefits for the first year at least, though.

ETA: how could I forget, GOOD LUCK!

[snowbunnies300]

I would start by attending classes/seminars on owning your own business. See what different programs are out there for helping you find funding etc.. The St. Paul Pioneer Press has a section in the Sunday issue wherein they talk to small business owners about their company. It's a question and answer segment. It seems like there are a lot of different programs out there to help you get your business plan, financing and other "help". The more research you do now the better off you will be.

[jenmcadams]

Little girls have big dreams, and big girls have little dreams."

Wow..your DD is wise beyond her years :)

I like Bubbaray's advice, if your DH and sis could start things out with you just helping on the side, that might be the safest approach. But as a wife of an entrepreneur, I also know that sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind. With my DH's current business we went a year without a salary and had to pay our mortgage, COBRA, etc. and basically drained our savings. It was tough, but necessary. He's since raised $$ from investors, built his team to 10+ people and has significant revenue. He (the business) pays himself a reasonable salary and the potential for a big payoff is in the future. It's still not guaranteed, but the prospects are good. So, moral of that story is that you sometimes need to jump with both feet. For my DH's investors, it was important that we had our own "skin in the game" which was evidenced by the savings we spent and year without salary. If your business needs all three of you full time to be successful, do the business plan/analysis/research and make the best decision you can.

Good luck!

[crl]

Not at all the same, but you did say personal life. I married dh. I was always quite cautious about relationships and thought that people who got married quickly were foolish. I also was a military brat and had no intention of marrying a military man. Oh and I had a life plan that involved moving to a state capital in the West and working as a government lawyer.

Well, we started dating in Sept, got engaged in Dec and got married in May. And, oh, yes, he was in the Marine Corps. And eventually I did become a government lawyer, but have never lived in a state capitol in the West.

Worked out quite well for me. :)

Catherine

[chozen]

i say go for it! i really believe the desire is there for a purpose.

[Giantbear]

I know i sound like a broken record, and i am one, but i would consult your cpa on the best way to go about this. I advise clients in similar situations all the time, your CPA will help you to put together a business plan, independently evaluate whether your idea can make enough money to support the principals families (i have seen many a business that could support two try to be stretched to cover 4) and advise you on how to start the business while maintaining the other streams of income and insurance coverage until the new venture is profitable. The CPA will also help you to understand what reserves you should have banked.

[lhafer]

Well, I say go for it!! Sounds like you know what you are doing. I have a dream of opening my own business as well - just don't have the capital to do it right now.

When DD2 was born, I became a SAHM. That was a leap for me (us). I've always worked, and I've always seen myself as a working mom. But when daycare costs would basically eat my entire monthly paycheck, we revisited that.

I have a good friend who's husband had a dream of opening up a bar. So they did. At first it was really hard - long hours, trying to find good employees, having to be there all the time, etc. But it's been open now for a couple of years, and they seem to be going strong.

I have another friend who's DH lost his job as a jeweler. He couldn't find work for a long time (this was back when the recession was really bad). They decided he should just open up his own shop and make his own jewelry. So that's what they did. It started out with him making the jewelry in their basement, and his wife taking orders, doing the books, etc. It took off!! They eventually had to move to a shop and hired some more help. They also have been doing this for a few years. They started off on etsy.com I think, but are moving away from that. They do fingerprint jewelry. http://www.etsy.com/shop/fabuluster

[arivecchi]

My DH is in the beginning stages of doing something similar. It scares me to death to be honest. PM me if you'd like.

[chozen]

Well, I say go for it!! Sounds like you know what you are doing. I have a dream of opening my own business as well - just don't have the capital to do it right now.

When DD2 was born, I became a SAHM. That was a leap for me (us). I've always worked, and I've always seen myself as a working mom. But when daycare costs would basically eat my entire monthly paycheck, we revisited that.

I have a good friend who's husband had a dream of opening up a bar. So they did. At first it was really hard - long hours, trying to find good employees, having to be there all the time, etc. But it's been open now for a couple of years, and they seem to be going strong.

I have another friend who's DH lost his job as a jeweler. He couldn't find work for a long time (this was back when the recession was really bad). They decided he should just open up his own shop and make his own jewelry. So that's what they did. It started out with him making the jewelry in their basement, and his wife taking orders, doing the books, etc. It took off!! They eventually had to move to a shop and hired some more help. They also have been doing this for a few years. They started off on etsy.com I think, but are moving away from that. They do fingerprint jewelry. http://www.etsy.com/shop/fabuluster

how cool, i have never seen jewelry like that before.

[lhafer]

how cool, i have never seen jewelry like that before.

It's really unique. They use your own fingerprints to make the jewelry. I am not sure how they do it, because it's not etched. It's the actual fingerprint.

They do a lot of wedding bands - which makes it really personal and cool.

[JustMe]

I also vote for go for it. It does not seem like a pipe dream and does not seem like throwing caution to the wind. I think sometimes our unconscious mind knows things that our conscious mind does not know, is a positive way too.

My story (I have written this before) is that as a single mom I had one very challenging dd. She was all about me, and was very jealous of other kids....but, I really felt strongly she needed a sibling and I should adopt another child. I felt there was a child out there for us. I and most others thought I was nuts as my plate was so full with dd. Plus, I was going to adopt an "older" child from foster care. I did lots of research to minimize risks, still thought I was crazy/couldnt imagine how I would do it. Now we have the most wonderful little boy, who is the perfect addition to our family. Dd is a happier little girl and, in some ways, I have less work. Who would have thought?

[AnnieW625]

On a personal level we decided to buy a house. Six years later sometimes I regret it because we are underwater and will most likely not be able to move for a very long time, but it was the best decision we made as a couple. We wanted a fresh start and were new to an area, but it still seemed like the best thing to do.

Good luck! I have no BTDT experience in running a business, but if you think you have the knack for it you just need to go for it.

[pb&j]

I did, way, way pre kids, and pre-mortgage. It was great, and I'm glad I did it, but that particular scenario only worked because I was unattached from everything.

DH quit his job to start his own business when I was pregnant with DS. It's worked out very well, and I am so, so, so glad he did it. However, we had the safety net of me having a job with benefits. It really did take at least one of us working at the family business full time (and then some) to make it work - there's no way he could have built his business without having jumped in with both feet. I helped (and still do) as much as I could.

I would strongly recommend having one of you have some kind of reliable income, unless you have tons of money in savings.

I'd definitely spend some time working on a business plan, and consulting with an attorney and CPA before taking the plunge. Get all your ducks in a row. All that planning will pay off down the road.

[boolady]

However, we had the safety net of me having a job with benefits. It really did take at least one of us working at the family business full time (and then some) to make it work - there's no way he could have built his business without having jumped in with both feet. I helped (and still do) as much as I could.

I would strongly recommend having one of you have some kind of reliable income, unless you have tons of money in savings.


Several of you have mentioned this, and I should have been more clear. I would not quit for at least two years, or later, when we knew whether this was going to be sustainable or not.

[egoldber]

DH started his own business when he was laid off, so not exactly by choice. A few colleagues (same/similar job at other companies) did a similar thing when laid off around the same time. But it has been interesting for us to watch who has succeeded and who has not.

It really does take a self starter to be successful at your own business. You have to be willing to really put yourself out there and market yourself. Personally, I would really suck at that. :o But I think it's good to know what your talents and skill sets are.

[niccig]

Sometimes in life there is no parachute...you have to trust yourself and jump.

My mother told me this twice in my life. First time when I was just going to take 6 months leave from a job I hated to travel. I ended up quitting. I did put some savings into an account I couldn't touch for when I got back.

I met DH on that trip and travelled with him for 3 months. He then went back to work in LA, and the plan was for me to join him in 3 months time. I was miserable working temp jobs in London, and my mother again told me the no parachute advice and just jump. I already had a rtw plane ticket that I changed to take me to LA and then on to Australia, so I could leave LA if it didn't work.

We've been married for 8 years.

I would start saving, and work out what you need to do the business. You keep working for stable income and benefits. It will be tough at times, so cut living costs where you can. And I do think it is better to have tried and failed, than to never have tried and always wonder what if.

Just try to have as much savings as you can to be there as cushion.

[g-mama]

We are in the middle of doing exactly this. I'm scared out of mind, to be honest. But I have to support my dh's goal of getting out of the law, which is slowly killing him. Honest to God, I worry all the time that he is going to have a heart attack and drop dead.

PM me if you want b/c I can't post about it publicly (yet).

Good luck with your decision.

[boolady]

You all have no idea how much I appreciate everyone's input in this thread. To those that have offered to further things by PM, I intend to do so. Thanks, everyone. Of course, I still don't know what we'll do, but I feel...hopeful and even excited at the prospect of doing something together and it being ours. I know the responsibilities and efforts of owning your own business-- my parents did it for 30 years and worked their tales off for it. I don't want us to be rich, I just want us to be happy.

[Corie]

Seriously, life is too short!


Life is too short not to eat donuts.

Life is too short to work out for hours every single day.

Life is too short to have a job that you do not love.

Life is too short to work a million hours a day and not see your family.


Who gets to the end of their life and says, "I wish I would have gone
on more business trips! I wish I would have done an extra 100 sit-ups
a day! I wish I would have only eaten carrot and celery sticks!"

No one.

Go for it. Be happy!! Good Luck!! :)

[echoesofspring]

I quit my all things considered easy job with benefits to be a musician a few years ago. Everyone in my family thought I was *insane*. (Though I've never made my living exclusively as a musician - I'm a parttime WAH contract software developer as well).

If you do it carefully, minimize risk to your comfort level, etc. I think you will be really happy with your decision. Every time I have made one of these leaps I have never regretted it. Even when things don't go as you envision them, other opportunities emerge, you discover new things you're interested in, you keep growing (and dreaming). I only wish I had done it sooner...

The one note of caution I would give is to be very very careful going into biz with family members. DH and his brother used to work at the family biz, and now have been estranged for nearly 7 years. The 'breakup' was awful and I'm not sure their relationship will ever be healed. It's very sad, especially for my MIL. There's lots to be read about family businesses and how to keep the family together even through tough times in the biz, I wish my inlaws had done more research instead of just assuming it could work.

[ha98ed14]

I think you should go for it!... in a cautionary way ;) In otherwords, start saving, saving, saving now so you have some back up money for yourselves. Pursue all the set up, organizing, research stuff while you are all still employed! Only one person quits their outside job. It could be any one of you, but the other two keep working and make the transition gradually. I have no experience opening my own business, but that is what would make sense to me.

[tiapam]

we are probably taking a big risk very soon, but i can't say it's to get what we've always wanted. because dh has always wanted to be independently wealthy and it may not work out quite that well. :) but he will have more control over his work life. and hopefully we will do better or at least the same financially.

[brittone2]

DH and I have considered finding a way to take a risk so we can move to his grandmother's 30 acre farm one day. There aren't really many employers in DH's field within a 30 minute commute, so he would either have to start a business, deal with a long commute (45 mins to an hour?), or find a way to telecommute. The house needs a total rehab and we'd probably have to live in a yurt or trailer initially. Ummm...totally crazy, yet totally appealing to us. It is one of those things that if we don't do, we'll always wonder "what if?".

I don't think you are crazy.

[mackmama]

My DH and I have been talking about doing something similar. It would be a very new venture for both of us. We have the skill sets but have never done anything like it. We are mainly considering it so that we can move somewhere where we want to live and not be "stuck" living where we are due to the job market. The risks scare us a lot too - but it's also kind of exhilarating to think that we can be in charge of our own destiny and proactively choose the life we want.

[lhafer]

DH and I have considered finding a way to take a risk so we can move to his grandmother's 30 acre farm one day. There aren't really many employers in DH's field within a 30 minute commute, so he would either have to start a business, deal with a long commute, or find a way to telecommute. The house needs a total rehab and we'd probably have to live in a yurt or trailer initially. Ummm...totally crazy, yet totally appealing to us. It is one of those things that if we don't do, we'll always wonder "what if?".

I don't think you are crazy.

Sounds totally awesome to me!! :D

[brittone2]

Sounds totally awesome to me!! :D

LOL! If it ever happens, come visit some time! ;)

[BDKmom]

I am with all the people who say "go for it." My DH quit his job 2.5 years ago, after his company came under new management and he was essentially made miserable so that he would leave. He had one client who said they would use his services if he were ever "on his own," and the support of a former boss who could toss occasional business his way, so we decided he should take the plunge and start his own business. Fortunately for us, it was a low cost start up and he can work out of our house. I can't say it wasn't scary, and he didn't get a salary for 4 months, but it has been the best thing we have ever done. His confidence level has sky-rocketed and I am so proud of what he has accomplished. It does take some getting used to, and the hours are very sporadic, which I have a hard time with, but I know how proud he is to have done this, and it gives us both great satisfaction to see him succeed. We are by no means bringing in a fortune, but for the past two years, he has made more money than he was making at his old job, benefits included.

Give is serious consideration, research, plan well, but don't let fear hold your family back. Sounds like he may not have a job much longer anyway, so better to make plans for when that happens, and see how far it can take you.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

[Puddy73]

DH and I have been talking about this recently. We both did everything on the "right" path. Went to a decent school, got a job, worked hard . . . and we were both laid off in 2009. I spent ten years specializing in Commercial Mortgage Backed Securities. Needless to say, that is NOT a marketable skill and probably never will be again. I'm working part time now in a totally different area (criminal and appellate) that is interesting but not very profitable. We just feel disillusioned that we did everything that we were supposed to do and yet we are not where we thought we would be professionally or financially at this stage in our lives.

I would encourage you to make the leap! It sounds like you have both put thought into this over time, so it is not exactly a whim. Good luck!

[boolady]

I'm working part time now in a totally different area (criminal and appellate) that is interesting but not very profitable.

We just feel disillusioned that we did everything that we were supposed to do and yet we are not where we thought we would be professionally or financially at this stage in our lives.

Um, change the words "part time" to "full time" and you've got my life exactly.

[lizzywednesday]

I say go for it.

My DH has been wanting to start a one-stop-shop events business - planning, photography & entertainment/DJ services all at one number/website - for a while now. He's even settled on a name or two for his company, but hasn't filed any paperwork.

He's also interested in trying his hand at restaurant ownership, specifically a sports bar. He's worked in the restaurant industry, and one of his cousins is a successful chef/restaurant manager while another set of cousins own a bar, so there's no lack of (free) advice for him.

Both of these ideas have been tabled due to DD's heart problems.

Me, I've never really dreamed big and DH finds this frustrating. The biggest dream I had was before college & I'd wanted to go into speechwriting, specifically political speechwriting, because I so admired William Safire and his On Language column in the New York Times Magazine. However, I couldn't afford to take unpaid work, like internships, and never made the right connections in either majors (I majored in English, not PoliSci) or mentors.

Most days, I'd like to buy a house in my hometown and do a vague "something creative" with my days, but I don't dream like that. Never have, really, and I don't know why.

[Puddy73]

Um, change the words "part time" to "full time" and you've got my life exactly.

I feel your pain. Strangely, although I daydream about doing something outside the legal field like opening a bakery, I'm not sure that I could ever totally walk away from being an attorney. As much as I b*tch about the downsides it is a big part of my identity. I'd probably keep my membership active the rest of my life just in case.

[sste]

Boolady, most of my big decisions have thrown cautions to the winds! When I started dating DH he was not anyone any of my friends would have chosen or probably even talked to - - he was making $100 per week and was mainly interested in hanging out and all the substances that go with hanging out. But, I have an eye for these things and I saw immediately the drive, kindness, and classic good looks under the six inch jewish afro! And the skills and personality for a job in health care or vet medicine, which was his secret dream.

I also chose a career track that is almost lottery-hard to get a job in. Everyone told me it was going to be exceedingly difficult, risky, etc. You know, once I understood the system inside and out it actually wasn't those things anymore because I stacked the deck in my favor resume-wise and I ended up with multiple job offers and each year have multiple offers to interview. I say this not to boast but to point out that there is so much naysaying out there!

In your shoes, in addition to the suggestions above, I would start networking: small business groups, finding mentors, I believe there are programs designed specifically to help women starting small businesses. After I had exhausted all of the free stuff I would try to meet with a consultant in small business or in the particular field to vet my business plan.

The thing to realize about a small business is that it probably won't be less work - - it is really pretty all-consuming in most cases. But, I think it will be more satisfying. :)

[bubbaray]

I feel your pain. Strangely, although I daydream about doing something outside the legal field like opening a bakery, I'm not sure that I could ever totally walk away from being an attorney. As much as I b*tch about the downsides it is a big part of my identity. I'd probably keep my membership active the rest of my life just in case.


I really relate to this. As much as I daydream about doing other things (this crazy week in particular), I can't imagine *me* doing anything not in the profession.

Besides, after the recent jury threads, I really value NOT being eligible for jury duty.... :ROTFLMAO:

[boolady]

The thing to realize about a small business is that it probably won't be less work - - it is really pretty all-consuming in most cases. But, I think it will be more satisfying. :)

I do know this, based on my parents' experiences. They worked like crazy, but they answered to themselves and got real fulfillment from what they were doing. No one involved minds hard work at all, or is, as a result of present or past experiences with small businesses, blind to what's involved. If we do it, we'll at least know that we're going to think we're nuts at some point in the process.

[KpbS]

We totally threw caution to the wind when we opened our practice. Fresh out of law school we moved to a new town and signed a mortgage (very modest, but still) on the promise of a job that never materialized. DH kept being put off and then a budget crisis hit and all jobs were frozen. We knew we eventually wanted our own business but further down the line with several years experience. It was sink or swim and thankfully we made it. Things were very lean the first year and then really took off. It can be really difficult to be your own boss--knowing when to leave work at work, not letting the stress of work spill over into your marriage, writing your own paycheck, keeping everything super organized financially, having employees/managing people, etc. but you know all of this as you watched your parents succeed. Best of luck to you guys :hug:

[mezzona]

my entire family has done it.

i quit my job to stay home with my children.

my husband had a side business while having full time work. then they laid him off and he did his biz full time. then he got a number of incredible job offers -- so incredible, he took one of them. but he is not a 9-5 kinda guy and i always knew he was best at running his own show. so i told him he could quit and he did and we up and moved to hawaii. his clients are still with him remotely, and the corporation he quit working for is now one of his clients. and he is slowly making a name for himself here and he works from home. it is WONDERFUL.

my dad was in his career for over 30 years. he was so unhappy, it literally made him sick. he hated going to work but he was the kind of guy that just does not walk away from a job. well he had been helping with someone else's side job and they told him you're good, you should work with me. at age 55, my dad quit his job, left the type of work he has always known and became an apprentice. he went to school to get certification. he now works for a company run by an incredible man who treats his employees well. my dad makes twice what he did in his old job. plus he is SO happy and never gets sick anymore. and he is doing what he is great at.

my sister worked for a company, but she was unhappy because of bad management. she had a side job (in the same field) but was hesitant to go at it full time because of the lack of benefits. when she finally had enough, she quit and went full time contract work. she never runs out of clients, and her clients love her. although she is incredibly busy, at least she can manage her time herself.

so those are the success stories. however, i think there are a couple very key things that has helped each of them. first, there has always been a demand for their work, that is why they were doing it on the side even though they already had a full time job. second, they have great personalities and work ethic so that their clients remain loyal and refer them. third, have no debt and lots and lots of savings. we have even moved to lower monthly bills.

it is entirely possible. BEST OF LUCK!!!

[mommylamb]

It's very frightening to make those sorts of decisions, but exhilarating as well. I think having you continue to work in your job for a couple of years is a smart way to go about it. That way you at least have once dedicated income source and healthcare.

Professionally, I haven't taken that level of risk, and honestly, it would frighten me to death. But on a personal level, I think marrying DH was a big risk for both of us that played out really well. We decided to get married less than 3 months after we met. We had to move really quickly because we needed time for him to apply for a fiance visa so that he could get on track for his greencard. Now, his risk was much bigger than mine, in that he agreed to move to the U.S. to marry me having never ever been here before. He knew no one here but me. Had no idea about job prospects. It was a massive leap of faith for him. But he never questioned it. We've been married over a decade now.