If you have a co worker who is pregnant when did you ask them their due date?

[AnnieW625]

My co worker who I suspected a month or so ago was pregnant (when I walked by her desk to ask a question and she was looking at a baby website, but brushed it off like "oh maybe is planning a shower or something") is pregnant. I believe somewhere more than 10 weeks and probably closer to 15 weeks but I haven't said anything I am itching to ask her, but she is barely showing so I think I should just wait. So when did you talk to co workers about their pregnancy?

With DD1 everyone knew by 15 weeks, when I first started to show, and with DD2 I didn't tell people at all until I was 14 weeks along because I wanted to have the nuchal test and pre AFP tests done first. People didn't actually say much with DD2 until closer to 17 and boy was I grateful for that (because of the loss of the other baby)

eta: one co worker blatently asked me if I was pregnant with DD2 out of the blue and I wasn't even 10 weeks yet. I thought it was rude. I mean I knew I was overweight and had weight to lose from the prior pregnancy we lost, but it was just random that it was way out of place and she said it in a raised voice so half of cubicle land could her. Thankfully she wasn't in our office all of the time so I didn't have to see her until she came back to our office full time about 6 months later and she never said anything then either (because I think she knew she'd stepped on toes).

[lizzywednesday]

It depends.

Someone I know well and work with on a regular basis will get a "when's your due date" question a lot sooner than someone I just pass in the hallway. Like my favorite editors' pregnancies tend to get earlier questions than my I-know-your-face-but-can't-remember-if-your-name-is-Kara-or-Keira coworkers.

But, then again, I'm not really nosey with my coworkers anymore since I'm only in the office a couple times per week.

[boolady]

When they told me about it, or if they didn't tell me specifically about the impending birth, when I saw them after I found out about it and it was public info. and I wanted to say congratulations.

[Melaine]

I usually don't ask until it is glaringly, unavoidably obvious. But if it wasn't quite, I would probably make a leading comment like, "sooooo, what's new"?.

[brittone2]

Never, unless the coworker was more of a BFF coworker. And even then, I might hint but not ask.

A regular non BFF type coworker? I would wait to be told.

I don't get the desire to "out" someone if they haven't announced. There are many reasons people choose to wait, and I would assume they had their reasons for not announcing.

[boolady]

I don't get the desire to "out" someone if they haven't announced. There are many reasons people choose to wait, and I would assume they had their reasons for not announcing.

I guess that's what I was trying to say. If someone tells me about their pregnancy, I usually ask when they're due. I've never tried to get information out of someone if it's not confirmed for me that she's pregnant. I'm not even sure why I would want to do that.

[TwinFoxes]

Unless the person was a good friend, and not an "office friend" but a friend who I hang out with socially, pretty much never. I had a co-worker who I finally got enough nerve to mention her pregnancy to (I liked her, but didn't talk to her often). I said "when does your maternity leave start) she said "tomorrow". So, yeah, I wait pretty late. ;)

ETA: I do agree with PP, I don't quite get the reason for trying to get her to spill the beans. If anyone had asked me before I was ready to share, I would have lied to their faces.

[bostonsmama]

Oy, after having been suspected even though I was just overweight wearing an empire-waisted top, I *NEVER* ask people when they're due unless they're literally 9 months pregnant wearing a shirt that says "BABY ON BOARD." Serious. I've been wrong SO many times. Heck, I see 8-year-old girls on the playground who could pass for 6 months pg!

Shiver.

I ask when women are due AFTER they tell me they're expecting. Having lost all pgs except for my DD's, it's each woman's business when she chooses to announce.

[lowrioh]

When they told me about it, or if they didn't tell me specifically about the impending birth, when I saw them after I found out about it and it was public info. and I wanted to say congratulations.

:yeahthat:

Also the "so, what's new?" works well. I had a LOT of co-workers do that and it always thought that it was an appropriate way to get information. (most of them were people who work in our Center but not in my Division)

I have to say, even though I work with a bunch of scientist they are incredibly unobservant. With DD2, I was CLEARLY showing at 9 weeks (I had people stop me at the store) and drinking ginger ale, refused to do certain things in the lab etc and everyone but one co-worker was truly surprised when I told them. I guess pregnancy isn't on their radar.

[momm]

Only after it is public knowledge, ie she clearly is telling everyone and anyone.

Esp after someone recently asked me when I was due, when DS was 6 months old :)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Only after it is public knowledge, ie she clearly is telling everyone and anyone.

Esp after someone recently asked me when I was due, when DS was 6 months old :)

:yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat:

i agree 1000%. really really not a fan of peeps asking me when i'm due and baby has been born for months already.

like pp i would only ask if person is obviously (e.g. swallowed-a-basketball, 8-9mos along waddling) preggo, and openly talking about baby stuff, pregnancy etc.

today i sold ds's infant carseat via CL to a lady who i'm 99.99% sure was pregnant and i was going to ask when she was due to make conversation but did not. i figured there could be a 0.001% chance she could have been buying it for a friend or whatever. i am just so cautious about this bc i know how bad it feels to have ppl ask about preggo and you are really not!

[eh613c]

I would let them bring it up in a conversation or after she has announced that she's pregnant.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I will ask but ONLY after someone has told me they are pregnant.

I have had multiple coworkers (and random other people) ask me about my pregnancy. I'm not pregnant. My baby is 3. Dang, I'm still angry and depressed just thinking about it.

AaaaaaaahhhH!

[kijip]

I don't get the desire to "out" someone if they haven't announced. There are many reasons people choose to wait, and I would assume they had their reasons for not announcing.

I agree. I would assume that she needed to wait to negotiate the best leave and return to work plan and that asking her or speaking to anyone about it before her announcement could be problematic for her. If I were pregnant right now, I would likely just let people at work assume I was getting fat till I was 20 weeks along or so. I would be upset if someone discussed it first.

[boolady]

I agree. I would assume that she needed to wait to negotiate the best leave and return to work plan and that asking her or speaking to anyone about it before her announcement could be problematic for her. If I were pregnant right now, I would likely just let people at work assume I was getting fat till I was 20 weeks along or so. I would be upset if someone discussed it first.

This brings up a really good point about work ramifications. I ended up outing myself at 13 weeks to the head of my office when I had no intention of doing so, because I was offered a transfer/promotion. I just felt bad saying that I would go to a unit with a very specific workload, then go out for several months and require reshuffling. Of course, he didn't change his mind about the transfer. I certainly didn't need to say something, but I just felt strange. Conversely, had I not wanted him to know or believed it would have affected the decision, I would have been furious at being "outed" by a prying colleague.

That said, I did not want anyone else in the office to know at that point, and he kept it confidential between me, him and one other relevant person. I have always appreciated that, and I would never put someone on the spot by asking their pregnancy status.

[janine]

Don't really have a BTDT answer since don't think I asked anyone until it was very public knowledge that the person was pregnant.

With me however, plenty of people asked before I announced, so guess that would fall under "when the person started to show"..although I apparently didn't realize that I was showing.

[carolinamama]

I pretty much don't say anything until they have announced their pregnancy. Don't want to insult someone who is just gaining a bit of extra weight, kwim?

[BabyBearsMom]

I would definitely not ask until I knew for sure that she was pregnant and that it was common knowledge. I interviewed for my current job when I was 12 weeks pregnant with DD and told my now boss during the interview. I also told my staff as soon as I started.

Since I am one of the few young women in my office, I get a lot of crap from the older women that I work with (think grandmotherly types) about when I am going to make DD a "big sister." Anytime I decline a soda (which is all the time because I don't drink soda) I get a pat on my tummy and a comment about how important it is to keep little babies healthy. This really annoys the crap out of me. It is even worse because DH and I have been TTC since January, so it is a constant reminder of our lack of success in that department :gloomy:

[MomToOne]

Never ever ask