Discipline techniques for a 6 yo - what works/worked for you?

[anamika]

So the one thing I have learned as a parent is that change is the only constant! And discipline seems to be one of those things that constantly needs to evolve. So please share your best tips/blogs/books for disciplining a 6 yo without using punitive methods.

DD is for the most part very sweet and and empathetic and funny. But sometimes she talks back/is disrespectful, she yells, stomps, sulks and she argues. OMG - It is so hard to argue with an illogical 6 yo. I would be laughing my head off at some of the things she comes up with if I wasn't caught in the middle of it!
And the new thing is asking for things in the store. She has never done this before so my DH and I were completely unprepared when she kept asking and asking for a new toy in the store. I tried to take her out of the store. Works great with a 4 yo - not so much with a 6 yo! She thought it was a big game and kept running away (but never out of sight).

Is this normal? Please tell me other kids behave this way too!

Techniques we have used in the past which worked -
redirection (for when she was little)
counting to 5 (again no punishment just, "I will count to 5 and then if you have not done X I will help you do it)
consequences - if you read at the dinner table, the book goes away.

Nothing seems to be working now. If I take away the book now, she says something like, "Oh, I've read it before" or "I have lots of other books." Isn't this supposed to start when they are teenagers?

I need some new tools in my arsenal. I used to read GC Mothers before but those moms make me feel terrible about myself. I feel like I can never live up to their standards! The moms on here seem more like real people like me!
Thanks for any help.

[brittone2]

In terms of asking for things in the store, what worked for us was instituting an allowance of a few dollars per week (this was somewhere around age 5 or 6. I think we started with $3 a week?). That way they have their own money and can save accordingly. Or we suggest adding it to a Christmas or birthday wish list, and that sometimes is effective.

We do lots of scripting ("try again, say it this way...(and insert the appropriate way to say something in a respectful tone, with respectful words). Rinse and repeat.

I try not to get sucked into the argument. In certain instances I will listen, but once I give my statement, they can argue all they'd like, but i'm not listening. The first time I might reflect feelings ("You feel disappointed that you can't do X. YOu are angry with me."). If it goes on after that, I use "asked and answered already" or something similar to that. Or "I'm sorry you didn't like my response, but I already answered you. My answer is not going to change." They can't argue if you don't participate. If it goes on and on, then I say I've had enough and separate us somehow. They can go on and on in their own room or they can cool it and stay with the family.

Stomping, eyerolling, etc. drive me nuts, but honestly, I think the best thing is to ignore it whenever possible. Just don't give it power. In the grand scheme of things it is better than throwing something across the room toddler-style. THey are working on learning how to get their frustration out without a temper tantrum like a toddler, but they don't have the skills of an adult yet.

My 7yo is overall a very mild-mannered kid but at 6 it felt like he turned into a teenager suddenly LOL. 7 has been quite a bit better for us.

eta: at those challenging ages I find myself revisiting GCM a lot, and I really try (it is hard!) to muster up the energy to use some Playful Parenting because when it works, it really changes the whole dynamic in the house at the time, kwim?

[anamika]

My 7yo is overall a very mild-mannered kid but at 6 it felt like he turned into a teenager suddenly LOL. 7 has been quite a bit better for us.

eta: at those challenging ages I find myself revisiting GCM a lot, and I really try (it is hard!) to muster up the energy to use some Playful Parenting because when it works, it really changes the whole dynamic in the house at the time, kwim?


Thanks Beth. I'm glad to hear that. DD is also usually really happy-go-lucky and easy going, so this is a bit of a jolt. I'm hoping this is a phase! 4 was terrible but 5 felt like a honeymoon. I'm hoping it will be the same with 6 and 7.

DH is great with the playful parenting. He's a natural at it. He never gives into her bad mood (or mine for that matter).
I will try what you said. I really like to have a plan. I wish there was a script that I could follow ;)

[brittone2]

Thanks Beth. I'm glad to hear that. DD is also usually really happy-go-lucky and easy going, so this is a bit of a jolt. I'm hoping this is a phase! 4 was terrible but 5 felt like a honeymoon. I'm hoping it will be the same with 6 and 7.

DH is great with the playful parenting. He's a natural at it. He never gives into her bad mood (or mine for that matter).
I will try what you said. I really like to have a plan. I wish there was a script that I could follow ;)

Oh believe me, I get sucked in at times. I could totally use a script whispered in my ear in the heat of the moment. I don't always follow my own advice LOL. Like your DH, mine is much better than I am about not getting sucked into the mood/drama, and it really, really helps.

[eh613c]

My SIL has a 6 y/o son and he's been asking for things too. She makes her soon earn whatever it is that he wants. Depending on what it is, she'll make him earn it by behaving for certain number of days (typically 2 weeks). Obviously she doesn't give him everything he asks for but the small stuff yes. If her son is not behaving, all she has to say 'well I guess you're not getting x.' Or 'ypu're behaving so bad, I guess we'll have to start over to earn x.'

HTH

[tiapam]

My SIL has a 6 y/o son and he's been asking for things too. She makes her soon earn whatever it is that he wants. Depending on what it is, she'll make him earn it by behaving for certain number of days (typically 2 weeks). Obviously she doesn't give him everything he asks for but the small stuff yes. If her son is not behaving, all she has to say 'well I guess you're not getting x.' Or 'ypu're behaving so bad, I guess we'll have to start over to earn x.'

HTH

see I do not like this method because IMO there is no reason for them to behave until they want something. and after they get it they can go back to misbehaving.

i don't have an overall strategy. i do not do time outs. i limit visits to stores. a lot that i would like to do does not get done in a timely fashion, but at least they are not seeing all this stuff in the store that they never knew they wanted, KWIM?

i do like The Daily Groove:

http://www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

I still get the emails but rarely read them as I have kind of got the idea of it already.

[anamika]

We don't do timeouts either.
And we hardly ever go to the stores - I'm not a big window shopper or a shopper even. online is another issue altogether ;)
We are currently shopping for a trip to India (think Xmas where you have to get a gift for everybody and extras for all those who will show up unexpectedly!) so we have made 3-4 trips over the week. I think that is part of the problem.

She has a piggy bank but she does not get the concept of money. She offered to pay me and did pay me for 2 small toys that we had agreed upon and bought. They were $1.25 but if I had told her it was $12.50 she would not have got that this is way more expensive, I think. Actually I do not know - I haven't tried making her pay for her own things. So I will try that.

Please keep the ideas coming. I like to have backup plans for the backup plans!

[erosenst]

DD is 7.5.....going on 17 sometimes.

Like Beth, I try *very* hard not to engage. After explaining once, or at the most twice, I say "I'm done talking about it".
Very calmly. It's really hard, but if I stick to it, it avoids not only that battle, but the next few as well.

If all else fails, I try to remind myself that she "wins" if I lose my temper. I don't like to lose ;). More seriously, I really think it's important to model remaining calm the majority of the time. In addition, if I do lose my temper, it has an impact because it's relatively uncommon.

Good luck....it's not easy....
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