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Singlemom
07-30-2011, 11:03 PM
Hello there! Since this is my 1st post, I will introduce myself. I'm Vicki and I live in FL, but am originally from Iowa. I have a 7 year old daughter with my ex husband.

I just found out that I am pregnant with baby #2 due on March 16, 2012. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and this was a HUGE surprise to us. I just recently finished chemotherapy for ovarian cancer AND I had the Mirena IUD for birth control.

The doctor came in and said "You are in remission...oh, and by the way, you are pregnant." WTH?? I am definitely feeling that this baby is a miracle baby in all sense of the word.

My problem is that my boyfriend did not want me to have the baby...asked me to have an abortion...I refused. We are still together, but he has told me he "doesn't know" if he will go to childbirth classes with me. He also said he doesn't know if he will be there when I deliver because "I don't have a crystal ball and can't see into the future."

I am feeling VERY alone...I don't have many friends in FL and nobody that I would ever ask to go to classes with me. I have considered hiring a doula..just for the emotional support. I will be 37 when the baby is born...so the doctor says I'm higher risk...I also had high blood pressure..and with everything else going on, we just want to be careful. I want EVERY possible monitor, test, specialist, etc....I do not want to take any chances so the doula really would be for emotional support only.

I guess at this point, I'm just scared and looking for some reassurance. YIKES!!!

shawnandangel
07-31-2011, 07:11 PM
No BTDT but I wanted to offer you prayers and hugs. Your baby is a true miracle. Congratulations!

citymama
07-31-2011, 07:21 PM
That is one miracle baby! Congratulations! You have been thru a lot, and I hope your new baby brings you much joy. Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and baby. And welcome to the BBB!

mommylamb
07-31-2011, 07:33 PM
My heart goes out to you. Congratulations on the pregnancy. Lots of mojo for a healthy pregnancy and baby.

HonoluluMom
07-31-2011, 07:41 PM
Congratulations! Great news on being in remission and your pregnancy!

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend isn't being very supportive. Please concentrate on your recovery and your health.

I've never BTDT, so my advice may not be helpful. Although I didn't have a doula, it sounds like a good idea. Hopefully, someone who did have a doula can weigh in. Maybe you can try to cultivate a support group through various mom groups or clubs or through doing activities at your daughter's school?

You can also come to the boards for advice and guidance!

MoJo
07-31-2011, 09:06 PM
Welcome, Vicki!

I'm so sorry your boyfriend isn't being more supportive.:hug:

I was 37 when my second was born, and didn't even consider doing childbirth classes for #2, although mine are much closer together. Is there anyone who would be supportive at the birth? (I have friends I would ask to be with me in my time of need that I wouldn't ask to attend classes. . . maybe you do, too.) If not, I think a doula is a good idea, although for my second I spent nearly all of my labor at home and was at the hospital for far less than an hour before DD#2 arrived.

Congrats on your remission & your miracle baby! Kudos for refusing to abort based on fear or pressure from your boyfriend.

Best wishes for a happy and healthy nine months!

If you can beat cancer, and if this baby is meant to be, you CAN do this! :cheerleader1:

plusbellelavie
07-31-2011, 09:13 PM
Wow...what a true miracle baby this is!

Sorry that you don't have more support IRL but you will find lots of here on the board! Welcome!

Sending you lots of Mojo for a healthy and positive pregnancy!

Be strong!

Melbel
07-31-2011, 10:04 PM
Another congratulations on your miracle pregnancy and remission. I'm so sorry that your boyfriend is not being more supportive. It sounds like a doula may be able to furnish the additional support you need at this time.

My big kids were 8 and 6 when our second daughter (DD2) was born, and the gap has worked out well for our family. I hope your DD loves being a big sister.

Indianamom2
07-31-2011, 10:18 PM
I don't have any advice on the doula, as I've never used one, but I couldn't read and not respond.

Congratulations on your miracle! What an amazing story you and your little one will have to tell someday. And congrats on being in remission. You've already tackled something far more scary to most of us than having another child. If anyone can do this...you can!

goldenpig
08-01-2011, 01:15 AM
Wow, in remission and new baby on the way? Double miracle--congratulations! I'm sorry your boyfriend isn't being supportive. Hopefully he will come around. Welcome to the boards and feel free to hang out here for support!

elektra
08-01-2011, 01:39 AM
Congratulations on your miracle! I think the doula is a great idea, regardless of the level of support from your boyfriend. Hopefully things will all settle into place after the shock wears off for both you and your BF. :)

ArizonaGirl
08-01-2011, 10:26 PM
Couldn't read and not post.

First of all :grouphug: and WOW first you beat cancer and now this little miracle comes, Congrats.

Don't ever feel alone because the ladies (and gentlemen) on this board will always be here for advice, sympathy, a kind word and of course :54:

bubbaray
08-01-2011, 10:31 PM
Double congratulations! Wishing you a healthy and happy 9m.

Uno-Mom
08-01-2011, 11:16 PM
Welcome. I'm like the previous person who said the couldn't not respond. This is a very supportive place, even though it's a public board. I hope you feel at home here.

I do have input about the doula because I did use one when my daughter was born. She was a huge help and comfort to my husband and me. In your place, I'd try to interview several and choose the person who seems to have the most compassion / insight for your special situation. You can search through the board here, I know other people have posted links to the doula professional associations. I believe there are a few doulas who are board members as well.

You've got so, so much going on. Try not to add worry over the "37" thing to your list. Almost all moms have healthy pregnancies at that age. I'm planning to have my 2nd at about that age, if life goes as planned.

Kitten007
08-02-2011, 01:46 AM
I just wanted to send you hugs too :hug:.

I agree with everyone else that you have double blessings and you are truly amazing! I hope your BF gets over the shock and gives you more support. Congrats on beating cancer and your new little miracle on the way! :yay:

amldaley
08-02-2011, 11:20 AM
Just posting to say, "Welcome"! Any chance you can find a support group of single moms in your area? The hospital might know of a group. Best of luck to you for a happy & healthy pregnancy and prayers that things will get easier for you.

lovin2shop
08-02-2011, 12:24 PM
What a wonderful story you have, try to soak up all the goodness and let the rest roll! I alsi definitely agree with looking into local support groups, I think there are so many people out there that need mutual connections for support. And, you've come to the right place for support, this board is fantastic!

AnnieW625
08-02-2011, 12:34 PM
Congratulations on being a cancer survivor and for expecting a new little one. I think a doula would be a great help for you and your DBF. :hug:

WolfpackMom
08-02-2011, 12:57 PM
Wow, double congratulations! I hope that your DBF comes around soon. I do think in this situation a Doula is a great idea. If you are feeling a lack of support out in the real world, then definitely come here and you will find people to cheer you on.

Happy and Healthy Pregnancy!

BayGirl2
08-02-2011, 06:11 PM
Congratulations and welcome.

As for the doula: The first time around we had our birth class teacher "observe" our birth. (She hadn't been to one in a while and asked if anyone in the class was willing to let her sit in). Just having her in the room ended up being very helpful. Now she is a practicing doula and we have hired her for this birth. I have to say, the idea of having her there is very reassuring. She also is able to do one on one prep with us as a refresher, since its a lot harder to get to a class when you have another child at home.

I think in your situation having a doula would be very beneficial and relieve some of your stress. If availability or price are a challenge in your area you could find a doula in training, or check around a local birth classes for recommendations. A good friend or family member could also be an option IF they are supportive and reliable. Given what you have said about your BF I would suggest making arrangements now to have someone else there so you do not feel like you are waiting for him to come around before deciding.

I'm also 37 and not considered high risk. Different doctors have different policies on age, but in general its really not a very advanced maternal age these days.

Good luck!

Singlemom
08-02-2011, 06:14 PM
Thank you so much for all of the support and warm welcomes. I really appreciate it!

I had an appointment with a doula yesterday but, for some reason, she didn't show up. I tried to call and left a message but she didn't return my call. Obviously, she doesn't get any brownie points. LOL! What if I had been in labor? LOL! YIKES!!!

I know there are other doulas out there, but this one was covered by my insurance so I was happy to find her. She seemed great on the phone....and I was excited to meet her. Oh well..the search continues.

On the bf front, I thought he was coming around a little, but I asked if he wanted to come along tomorrow for my OB appt to "hear the heartbeat." He responded "Do I have to?" Guess I was wrong. LOL! Oh well..his loss.

I am currently looking into local support groups...as some of you mentioned, I think that will help. I am feeling less alone after finding this group. I hope to get to know everyone better and I'm sure I will bug you all a lot more during this process.

Thanks again!!!

sewarsh
08-07-2011, 10:11 PM
BIG Congrats on beating cancer and of course congrats on your pregnancy. What a miracle!!

I say just give your BF some time...just think how shocked you were, I imagine his shock was even bigger. hopefully if you give him time/space and maybe not even talk to him about the pregnancy for a little, maybe he'll come around. So many men (including my DH) seem so emotionally unattached to a baby in the belly but when that baby is born, its a whole different story. I hope that for you.

Good luck.

Uno-Mom
08-10-2011, 02:12 AM
Thank you so much for all of the support and warm welcomes. I really appreciate it!

I had an appointment with a doula yesterday but, for some reason, she didn't show up. I tried to call and left a message but she didn't return my call. Obviously, she doesn't get any brownie points. LOL! What if I had been in labor? LOL! YIKES!!!

I know there are other doulas out there, but this one was covered by my insurance so I was happy to find her. She seemed great on the phone....and I was excited to meet her. Oh well..the search continues.

On the bf front, I thought he was coming around a little, but I asked if he wanted to come along tomorrow for my OB appt to "hear the heartbeat." He responded "Do I have to?" Guess I was wrong. LOL! Oh well..his loss.

I am currently looking into local support groups...as some of you mentioned, I think that will help. I am feeling less alone after finding this group. I hope to get to know everyone better and I'm sure I will bug you all a lot more during this process.

Thanks again!!!

I'm curious, did the doula ever tell you what happened? Maybe she was rushed to a surprise birth? That's cool that your insurance covers.

amldaley
08-10-2011, 07:57 AM
I am also wondering how the Doula story turned out!

Also, DH turned out to be an amazing father, but he only went with me for 2 appointments of the almost weekly and sometimes twice a week appointments I had with DD.

Someone back then said to me, "A woman becomes a mother when she finds out she is pregnant. A man becomes a father when the baby is born." In our case, it was true. As long as your BF is supporting YOU and taking care of YOU and being kind to YOU, there is a chance he will be one of this "upon arrival" fathers.

Singlemom
08-13-2011, 10:44 AM
The doula called that Friday and said that she had "forgotten" about our appointment. She rescheduled for yesterday...but called about an hour before to cancel because she had been up all night with a birth. We are rescheduled for next Friday. Fingers crossed that it will work out this time.

As far as BF goes..he won't touch me..AT ALL..won't touch my stomach...and avoids ALL conversation about the baby. I'm not pushing the issue...HE is the one with the problem. Hopefully he will come around..if not, I'M having a baby! WOOHOO!!!

janine
08-13-2011, 11:17 AM
singlemom, sounds like you're doing well! I have to ask about the bf though - he is not supportive, why are you staying with him?

Uno-Mom
08-13-2011, 12:12 PM
Well done.

Wow, you're being patient with that doula. Hope she turns out to be a treasure and repays you well for your patience.

Singlemom
08-15-2011, 03:06 PM
Honestly Janine, I'm not sure. I love him. I sooooo wish I didn't. Also, he is about all I have here in FL besides my daughter. All of my friends and family live elsewhere.....and I can't leave the state because of my custody arrangement with my ex husband.

I take the good with the bad. His mom seems to think he will eventually change his mind. IDK.