If you had one child who needed to gain weight and one child who didn't...

[wencit]

...how did you go about feeding them? Did you feed one kid the full-fat stuff and not the other kid? Did you tell them the reason why, or did you try to disguise the fact that they were eating different foods?

Our ped is concerned about DS2's lack of weight gain these past 6 months (as in, just a couple of ounces), so I'm trying to give him fattier foods, i.e. whole milk, whole milk yogurt, full fat cheeses, lots of butter on his bread, full fat granola, that sort of thing. DS1, on the other hand, is right where he needs to be in terms of height and weight (73rd/61st percentiles, respectively). I do not want him to gain weight excessively. However, whenever I bring out food for DS2, DS1 wants to have some of whatever his little brother is eating, which is perfectly understandable. Do I give in to his wishes, or redirect him to a healthier choice? If I give them separate foods, should I explain to DS1 why his brother is eating something different from him?

Help! I am really at a loss with this, and don't want to give DS1 any hangups about food! Thanks so much for your advice!

[ett]

DS1 here is a great eater. DS2 is not, and also because of his asthma steriods, is small for his age and could gain a couple more pounds. Right now, DS1 drinks skim milk and DS2 drinks 2% milk. They have never really questioned why they get different milk; they know they just do. It is a pain to buy 2 different kinds of milk (and soy milk for DH!). As for the other stuff like cheese, yogurt, etc. I just stick with the no fat/low fat variety. Sometimes, I will butter DS2's toast with more butter than DS1's but not all the time. So really milk is the main difference in their diet. They both drink milk with all their meals so it would make a bigger impact than other items that they may not eat every day.

[misshollygolightly]

I have no BTDT, but just thinking aloud...don't the full-fat versions of stuff (milk, cheese, yogurt, etc.) tend to make you feel fuller longer? So there's probably no harm in offering the full-fat dairy to both kids, so long as you also give them the same serving size (that is, don't let DS1 just nosh on cheese sticks to his heart's content, but do give him one cheese stick when you give his little brother one). I wouldn't really worry about DS1 becoming overweight from this, so long as you're serving both kids good, quality food (not empty calories), and he continues to get plenty of exercise.

[WatchingThemGrow]

We do whole milk for our skinny boys and reduced fat for DD. Of course, I drink glass-bottle milk that I prefer in skim. When I ran out the other day and had some from DD's jug, she started screaming, "MOMMY, you're drinking MY milk. Did your doctor say it's okay for you to drink MY milk?" :ROTFLMAO:

[Momto1]

I have no BTDT, but just thinking aloud...don't the full-fat versions of stuff (milk, cheese, yogurt, etc.) tend to make you feel fuller longer? So there's probably no harm in offering the full-fat dairy to both kids, so long as you also give them the same serving size (that is, don't let DS1 just nosh on cheese sticks to his heart's content, but do give him one cheese stick when you give his little brother one). I wouldn't really worry about DS1 becoming overweight from this, so long as you're serving both kids good, quality food (not empty calories), and he continues to get plenty of exercise.

Agree. I would have no problem feeding DS1 full-fat versions of "real food" (cheese, milk, etc). Now if you were feeding DS2 cookies and chips to fatten him up, that would be a different story...

[Melaine]

I agree with full-fat milk, cheese, yogurt, butter etc. for all skinny and average kiddos. These are healthy fats and great for development, IMO and are healthy for kids as a part of a balanced diet.

[wencit]

I have no BTDT, but just thinking aloud...don't the full-fat versions of stuff (milk, cheese, yogurt, etc.) tend to make you feel fuller longer? So there's probably no harm in offering the full-fat dairy to both kids, so long as you also give them the same serving size (that is, don't let DS1 just nosh on cheese sticks to his heart's content, but do give him one cheese stick when you give his little brother one). I wouldn't really worry about DS1 becoming overweight from this, so long as you're serving both kids good, quality food (not empty calories), and he continues to get plenty of exercise.The only worry I have is that DS1 has recently developed a pretty good appetite, so just 1 cheese stick won't appease him anymore, which is why I've been buying the low-fat versions. What do I tell him when he's "still hungry" after just 1 cheese stick? Do I offer him something like a fruit or vegetable instead? Because DS2 will immediately want whatever lower fat item his big brother is eating, which is kind of counterproductive to what I'm trying to do with him, KWIM?

[Momto1]

The only worry I have is that DS1 has recently developed a pretty good appetite, so just 1 cheese stick won't appease him anymore, which is why I've been buying the low-fat versions. What do I tell him when he's "still hungry" after just 1 cheese stick? Do I offer him something like a fruit or vegetable instead? Because DS2 will immediately want whatever lower fat item his big brother is eating, which is kind of counterproductive to what I'm trying to do with him, KWIM?

See, I don't think that it would be counterproductive to give DS1 a fruit or veggie and then also give that same veggie to DS2. You shouldn't be limiting low-fat foods for DS2, just offering more full-fat foods if that makes sense.

As long as DS1 is active and eating a balanced diet, then eating some avocadoes or full-fat cheese isn't going to make him overweight. Lots of junk food will, but that's not what you're talking about here.

DS1 is 5, right? IMO that's too young to be putting him on a low-fat diet. Feed them both what they need and try not to let your DS's catch on to the fact that you're worried about their weights.

You could also "hide" DS2's fatty foods, like put butter on toast under peanut butter for him and peanut butter on toast (without regular butter) for DS1.

[Melaine]

The only worry I have is that DS1 has recently developed a pretty good appetite, so just 1 cheese stick won't appease him anymore, which is why I've been buying the low-fat versions. What do I tell him when he's "still hungry" after just 1 cheese stick? Do I offer him something like a fruit or vegetable instead? Because DS2 will immediately want whatever lower fat item his big brother is eating, which is kind of counterproductive to what I'm trying to do with him, KWIM?

Why would you not let DS2 eat a fruit or veggie? Am I missing something? I would always try to give a balanced snack to both kids, so cheese or yugurt with a fruit or veggie along with it....that's what I do. We limit Artificial stuff, sugar, etc. But give them as much as they want of fruits veggies protein and some whole grains. I don't really get limiting fat for average kids.

[hillview]

Agree. I would have no problem feeding DS1 full-fat versions of "real food" (cheese, milk, etc). Now if you were feeding DS2 cookies and chips to fatten him up, that would be a different story...

:yeahthat:

ETA I can see being more concerned about the lower weight child and so I might try a little more to offer snacks or the like but really I'd feed them pretty much the same. I would maybe add more "good" fat to DS2's food like extra butter on the grilled cheese (or an extra slice of cheese in the sandwich), extra olive oil in his scrambled eggs maybe a splash of olive oil on his veggies, etc.

[karstmama]

if ds1 is a relatively good self-regulator, i'd feed/offer them the same stuff.

[wencit]

DS1 is 5, right? IMO that's too young to be putting him on a low-fat diet. Feed them both what they need and try not to let your DS's catch on to the fact that you're worried about their weights. Yes, DS1 is 5. I don't have him on a strict low-fat diet, but I do make substitutions, such as skim milk instead of whole milk, low fat yogurt, low fat cheese (sometimes), reduced fat crackers instead of the full fat kind, etc. I still cook with butter and olive oil, plus he enjoys his nuts and regular peanut butter, as well as fatty fish occasionally (when I can get him to eat it).

I guess I was trying to follow the American Heart Association's guideline about limiting saturated fat intake for children over 2? I don't think I'm neurotic about it, just trying to be aware and make good, healthy choices for him.

[wencit]

Why would you not let DS2 eat a fruit or veggie? Am I missing something? DS2 looooooves fruit, so he would eat that instead of something with a higher calorie density. (He doesn't really like veggies, though.) So, for example, I'd offer him a piece of full fat cheese, but if he sees his older brother having a bowl of blueberries, he won't eat the cheese and will demand the blueberries. There have been nights that he's eaten nothing but an entire plate of strawberries for dinner. I normally wouldn't mind this, but given that I'm trying to get him to gain some weight, I'm finding it hard to balance the needs of one kid with the other.

[hillview]

DS2 looooooves fruit, so he would eat that instead of something with a higher calorie density. (He doesn't really like veggies, though.) So, for example, I'd offer him a piece of full fat cheese, but if he sees his older brother having a bowl of blueberries, he won't eat the cheese and will demand the blueberries. There have been nights that he's eaten nothing but an entire plate of strawberries for dinner. I normally wouldn't mind this, but given that I'm trying to get him to gain some weight, I'm finding it hard to balance the needs of one kid with the other.

Yeah I can see that. DS1 is more like that (eat the blueberries forget the protein). So I might delay the fruit until AFTER a meal is "over" and once everyone is really all done, bring the fruit out, even if DS1 has to come back to the table for it.

[DrSally]

As long as it's whole foods--milk, cheese, butter, EVOO, I don't sweat giving full fat. I think children self-regulate, and will eat less if they've had the full fat versions.

[ett]

Yeah I can see that. DS1 is more like that (eat the blueberries forget the protein). So I might delay the fruit until AFTER a meal is "over" and once everyone is really all done, bring the fruit out, even if DS1 has to come back to the table for it.

This is what I would do too.

[plusbellelavie]

We had a similar problem several years ago with DS1 and DD. I believe it started for us when DD was 18 month-2 years old and DS1 was 3.5 to 4 yrs old range.

Bboth kids were/are tall but DS1 was at a good weight for his height but DD doctor was concern with her weight and weight gain vs her height and suggested I give DD "extra" calories each day.

To avoid some that you are experiencing I would prepare their meals before calling them to the table. They basically looked the same but I might have given DD whole milk rather then 2% for DS1. I would "add" an extra slice of meat and cheese to her sandwich. I would make his w/mustard and hers with mayo. I would add a bit more butter to her toast/rice/potatoes and not always to his. I would try to slip it in w/out it being obvious to either of them. Otherwise their meal was the same...same fruit/meat/vegetable etc. They didn't know the difference which I thought was very important.

When DD was 3 she was hospitalized with pneumonia and then dx with asthma. She was put on some very strong steroids for the winter and she lost a lot her appetite. At that point I did add the kids version of "Ensure" to her diet. I would put it in a glass and normally DS1 didn't ask for any if he did I would give him some but not a lot. It helped a bit to put some weight on DD.

Her food preferences have always been for fruit and vegetable and less on protein and carbs/starches but we do insist that she eats some type of protein at each meal.

When we moved to France though her Doctor there felt she was in an acceptable range for weight. And we didn't change her "diet" vs that of her brothers. When she had her physical last August her doctor here again said she could "afford" to put on some weight. But, I think she eats healthy and is very active in sports and I might "push" her a little at times to eat more but she self regulates and makes healthy choices so I am okay with it.

DS1 is still at a healthy weight for his height. Doesn't self regulate IMO as well as his sister but does make healthy choices more often then not and has gotten much much better about self regulating and not eating until he is "stuffed"!

We have continue to offer the same thing to both of them at mealtimes and don't make any substitutions now for them.

HTH!

[wencit]

plusbellelavie, your specific advice was super helpful, thank you!

Thanks so much to everyone who posted. I'll try feeding them the same things but adding some hidden extra calories to DS2's food. Hopefully that will be enough to get my little peanut to gain some weight!

[brittone2]

As long as it's whole foods--milk, cheese, butter, EVOO, I don't sweat giving full fat. I think children self-regulate, and will eat less if they've had the full fat versions.

I agree. We embrace full fat TBH (including for the adults). Looking at the research, I don't think the fat/heart disease hypothesis is well backed by science. There are some old threads in the archives if you want to read a different POV. Gary Taubes has some good pieces available online that might be of interest. He had a piece a few years back in the NYT called "What If It Is All a Big Fat Lie" and later expanded those ideas into several books.

[mikala]

DS2 looooooves fruit, so he would eat that instead of something with a higher calorie density. (He doesn't really like veggies, though.) So, for example, I'd offer him a piece of full fat cheese, but if he sees his older brother having a bowl of blueberries, he won't eat the cheese and will demand the blueberries. There have been nights that he's eaten nothing but an entire plate of strawberries for dinner. I normally wouldn't mind this, but given that I'm trying to get him to gain some weight, I'm finding it hard to balance the needs of one kid with the other.

It's funny that you say this because fruit was the one natural thing we were supposed to limit a bit when we met w/ a nutritionist to help DS gain weight. She said something about how the body naturally self-regulates appetite fairly well at young ages but that some kids will binge on sweet things like fruit. We were supposed to limit portion size to encourage him to eat a variety of foods.

If you haven't done so already I'd ask the pediatrician to check his iron levels because anemia can affect appetite.

[wencit]

It's funny that you say this because fruit was the one natural thing we were supposed to limit a bit when we met w/ a nutritionist to help DS gain weight. She said something about how the body naturally self-regulates appetite fairly well at young ages but that some kids will binge on sweet things like fruit. We were supposed to limit portion size to encourage him to eat a variety of foods.

If you haven't done so already I'd ask the pediatrician to check his iron levels because anemia can affect appetite.Hmm, that's really interesting, I hadn't heard of that! I always thought it was fine to let kids eat as much fruit and veggies as they want, since they're supposed to be so healthy for you. But you're right, DS2 at times definitely seems as if he's "bingeing" on fruit!

Our ped already ran a blood check, and everything came back normal, so it's more a case of my son being a picky eater + a fruitaholic! I'll definitely try to keep a keen eye on his fruit intake.

[mikala]

Hmm, that's really interesting, I hadn't heard of that! I always thought it was fine to let kids eat as much fruit and veggies as they want, since they're supposed to be so healthy for you. But you're right, DS2 at times definitely seems as if he's "bingeing" on fruit!


Yeah, it was the first time I had ever heard this advice but it made sense when I thought about it and watched his eating habits. We also did a lot with higher fat dips like guacamole, whole milk yogurt, peanut butter, etc. If they ever eat smoothies you can add additional calories to DS2s serving.

Does peer pressure ever work to get DS2 to eat new things? If so that may be another reason to let them eat the same thing in moderation so he tries to copy his older brother.