Is this too much to expect from 4yo?

[deborah_r]

Now that DS1's summer camp through the school district has ended, I have a babysitter scoming to stay with him daily. SHe brings her 10 year old brother and the two boys play together pretty well.

I am really struggling with getting DS2 to go to his daycare/preschool every day. It is much harder for the babysitter to watch a 10yo, 8 yo and 4yo than just the older two. Also there ends up being fights between DS1 and DS2, since that just is what they do. Also, I pay for the darn daycare whether he goes or not, there are age appropriate activities with learning experiences, and **he takes a nap there**. He will not nap at home, then he is a bear by 5pm. On Tuesday I let him stay home, he didn't take a nap, crashed about 4:45pm and I needed to take the boys to swim lessons for 5:50. Had to wake him up and he was a complete mess. He not only didn't get in the pool but was yelling, crying, and hitting me. Can't handle that again.

I am trying to explain to him that he and his brother do not always get to do the same things, and I think in most situations my boys get that concept pretty well (separate playdates, separate activities). I am wondering if the fact that DS1 is getting to stay home is unfair to DS2 - simply because it is *home*. He would understand if DS1 was going to some other place for the day, but since it's home, maybe it is just kind of unfair, really. Thoughts?

[bubbaray]

I think you have to make it non-negotiable. We've had similar issues with DD#2 when DD#1 has a pro-D day or ballet exam or whatever reason for staying home when DD#2 doesn't get to stay home.

[egoldber]

Well, my younger DD has a VERY hard time going to school/daycare when older DD gets to stay home for for whatever reason (even if it is to go to an early doctor appt and then school afterwards). I think it's normal and the only way to deal is to make it non-negotiable. Even though she loves her school, has great teachers and they do wonderful, fun things, it still isn't home. OTOH, when it is a "school day" and everyone goes to school and work, then it's fine.

[hillview]

Can the sitter take DS1 out for something when DS2 is leaving so it doesn't feel so unfair?
/hillary

[kbud]

I have to say that of course he'd want to stay home, especially if his brother gets too. Especially at that age I think they really like to hang out at home a bit. Being gone all day is a long time at that age. I'm sure he feels like he is missing something. Maybe during the summer let him stay home a few days a week instead of one? Maybe that would help.

[kedss]

I have a similar issue with DS and DD1, he's 7, she's 3 and goes to camp everyday during the week, and she is acting out more, partly from jealousy about him going to do fun things every day and from her 3 month old sister, both natural. We try to have days when she gets to do something that big bro doesn't get to. But, everyday, we make it clear that DS goes to camp, and she's at home with me or my mom or sister. 'd make it clear to DS2 that he has his own fun place to go to everyday, and that is what will happen. Hugs!

[lovin2shop]

I have the same issue, but in reverse. My older DS does summer daycamps pretty often because my younger DS will torture him otherwise. My younger one gets very upset when his brother leaves for the morning or whole day. I've worked out a compromise with DS#1 that when he gets to do all the extra enrichment activities, he then needs to come home and pay attention to his little brother. It is hard to find activities for them to do together because of the age gap, so basically older DS has to suck it up at times and play "baby" toys for awhile. Plus, this usually gives me time to make dinner! Not sure if it is a sibling issue for you as well, but maybe there can be some kind of special treatment for DS#1 not getting to stay home?