Is this Reasonable?

[ha98ed14]

small Update: I emailed the director and said that I thought the program was a good match for us, however only I was available on the work/cleaning day. She wrote back and sent me the next set of registration papers and told me where to mail my registration fee. She never mentioned my his not being there, so DH's lack of cleaning presence does not seem to be enough of an issue for her to tell us not to enroll. :P
______________________________
I'm considering a Parent Participation for DD for the fall. Because it's PP, the cost is more affordable for us and as long as I am not working/ SAHM/ can't find a job, it seems like a good way to keep the costs down.

I got the registration materials from the school and everything looks very standard on the kind of help they want. However, the one thing that rubbed me the wrong way, *really* rubbed me the wrong way. It was for the cleaning day before the first day of school. It says "Please arrange for a sitter as BOTH parents are expected to attend." It's in bold, red font and the word both is capitalized. Ok, forget the part about me not wanting to pay for a sitter, and forget the part about me having to twist the H's arm til it breaks to get him to do something like this. What about single parents? What about parents who have jobs that require them to work on weekends? (It's on a weekend.)

To be clear, I am not objecting to them requiring *a* parent to be there. That is part of a parent participation program, and yes it is completely up to me whether or not I want to submit myself to their rules and enroll DD, BUT! It seems unreasonable to me to expect two parents to be there because there are a lot of children who do not have two parents! Or the second parent lives in another state or is deployed or is sick or has a job that requires them to work weekends, etc. These parents then have to ask for a special exception or justify why only one parent showed up. Yes it would make my life a lot easier if I could just go myself an not twist DH's arm, but really, in today's society I think it is very uncouth to assume kids have two able bodied parents at home on the weekend. WDYT?

[wimama]

That does seem unreasonable to require both parents to volunteer at the same time.

My DH & I get to participate in DS school by helping in the lunch room or as a playground monitor. All families must give 7 days of their time or pay $200 for the pleasure of skipping this duty. We also are required to volunteer at three of the major school events and volunteer a certain number of hours per year. I don't mind the volunteer hours so much as the lunch and playground duty. That is tough for us to manage with both DH and I working. DS goes to Catholic school though the parental involvement is one of the ways the school keeps tuition costs down for families. My only hang up with our forced parent participation is that each family has to give 7 days of lunch room or playground duty per year regardless of how many kids they have in the school. I don't think it is fair as a WOH parents like us with one kid in the school, are required to do as many days as families with 8 or more kids at the school. How about 3 or 4 days per kid. That would be fairer.:rotflmao:

[bubbaray]

Just tell them that your DH has to work. What are they going to do, call his employment?? That is a stupid rule.

[gatorsmom]

Just tell them that your DH has to work. What are they going to do, call his employment?? That is a stupid rule.
:yeahthat:

[baileygirl]

I think it is reasonable (assuming they don't make a big deal if the other parent can't make it). A lot of the schools we have looked at (private or charter) require both parents to do volunteer work at the school.

[ett]

I think it is reasonable (assuming they don't make a big deal if the other parent can't make it). A lot of the schools we have looked at (private or charter) require both parents to do volunteer work at the school.

I think it is fine to require both parents to volunteer (assuming there isn't health issues or one is deployed or whatever other reason), but it seems unreasonable to require both parents to volunteer at the same time thereby requiring a babysitter for the kids.

[ncat]

It seems unreasonable

[liamsmom]

It seems unreasonable

:yeahthat: It would seem more reasonable to request a certain number of times that family members volunteer. It also seems that parents are required to help out on a specific date? I'm sure that at least one family (or family member) will have previous plans that can't be changed, even it's the day before the first day of school--like work, out of town, etc.

[ha98ed14]

:yeahthat: It would seem more reasonable to request a certain number of times that family members volunteer. It also seems that parents are required to help out on a specific date? I'm sure that at least one family (or family member) will have previous plans that can't be changed, even it's the day before the first day of school--like work, out of town, etc.

Well, interestingly enough DH does have to go to a wedding the next weekend. I was kind of wishing the work party was the weekend of the wedding.

Does anyone else feel a sense of indignation that the requirement for both parents to be there at the same time means that families without two parents or two available parents are put into the position of having to ask for a special exception and explain themselves?

DH says this is a red flag and we should not use this preschool. I'm bummed the director is this insensitive because I am running out of affordable options. :(

[kaitlyns.mom]

We are part of a parent participation preschool in SoCal and only one parent is required to do the cleaning day (since no children are allowed). Same with our general meetings - only one parent needs to attend. They encourage both moms and dads to do the volunteering but not at the same time. It seems odd that it's a cleaning day where they want both parents present - it would make more sense for a new parent orientation or something.

I don't know if it would be a dealbreaker for me though. I guess it would depend on how much I liked the school.

[bubbaray]

Well, if you don't want to lie about your DH needing to work that day, just call them up and ask about this. It seems like a reasonable question -- why is this policy the way it is, what happens to single parents? What happens if one parent can't make it due to other obligations/work/sickness, etc?

[Cam&Clay]

As someone who was a single mom for quite a while and now has a husband who is deployed a lot of the time, I do find it unreasonable and don't like the fact that they assume every child has two parents.

[AnnieW625]

If it were me I would just go on your own and explain that finances prevent you from both being at the cleanup, which is why you are interested in the whole parent participation preschool. Finances should be a decent excuse.

I do find this odd because even though your general area tends to be pretty upper middle class I think that there is still a huge draw of lower and or single income families in the area too that probably use or could use a parent co op preschool, and IMHO if there isn't enough diversity I don't think that's a school I would want my child at, esp. in preschool.

[rupptopia]

Our preschool requires board members to do toy cleaning twice a year. We have a large board, it is basically anyone who is on any kind committee.

But the equipment committee members are very understanding if you can't make it. You just have to do some "homework." We are out of town when it is scheduled this year so I have washed bags of stuffed animals & dress up clothes to contribute. Also, cleaning is at two different times, one in the morning and one after work hours. It is no fun scrubbing chairs & dollhouses but they make it pretty easy for a parent to volunteer in this way.

It seems the school could make it easier on parents! I would just tell the director that you can make it but your husband cannot & see what the response is. Sometimes things are worded strongly only b/c if they weren't absolutely no one would show up (our school has learned this over the years!)

[ha98ed14]

Mini update in OP.

[niccig]

I would still enroll and you go to the cleaning. If asked, DH can't make it. Around here it's common for one spouse to not make it to things because of irregular work hours. One dad I know works 7 days a week and will for a few more months, he only has today off for his son's birthday party.