Bullying

[hbridge]

Well, we just found out that a child that "bullied" DD (by constantly putting her down and telling her she wasn't good enough) in kindergarten is going to be in her second grade class this year.

I think DD is strong enough now to handle the situation, but I want both she and I to be prepared. What can I do now to anticipate a possible problem and give DD the tools to stand up for herself and others if the problems from the past continue?

Are there any books for second graders that would help her find the voice to stand up to this type of behavior?

[KpbS]

Honestly, I would ask for the two to be separated if it was my DC. It is much easier to do on the front end before school gets going. Yes, there are bullies to be found everywhere but I wouldn't knowingly send my DC into a class where there is a history of one child bullying mine to the extent that your DC experienced.

[lalasmama]

I'd ask for DD to be switched to a different class.

As a child that was bullied throughout elementary and middle school, I was still uncomfortable around those people in high school. My junior year one person attempted to make amends, and it took me quite a while after that to not think that he was trying to get an angle to tease me.... At any rate, throughout elementary and middle school, I would have given anything to have the bullies put in another class. I couldn't be comfortable because I was wondering the whole time when the next teasing would happen, and what I would get teased about, and how long it was going to last. And this started the first day of kindergarden. ...

[hbridge]

Thanks for the insight. While I am concerned, DD needs to learn to stick up for herself and I'd rather she learn it with a "known" rather than someone who could be even worse (there is another student in the school that I would absolutely NOT allow her in class with). DD has grown A LOT in the last year and I "think" she can handle it. I am, however, going to be ready to get involved if I think that DD is in over her head. I'm hoping to give her lots of information and lots of support, but I'm not sure where to get good tips for the 2nd grade level.

[lalasmama]

IMO, it's much easier for a child to get beat down by bullying than it is for a parent to build them up against it. We can tell our kids they are great, that they are fantastic at XYZ, that so-and-so is just a cranky kid... but when you hear just as many bad things from kids (keep in mind the specific bully could turn into a ring-leader in a tease-or-be-teased group), it's hard to deal with.

You can teach her to say "Please go away" or "That's not nice to say" or even to tell the teacher. However, there's little to *really* make the child stop. And, at lease IME, trying to get them to stop backfires--"I can be here if I want!" or "Poor baby gonna cry because she can't do it?" or "Ooohhh, it's not nice to call you Stinky Stevie? Stinky Stevie! Stinky Stevie!"

I'd definitely make the teacher aware of the situation so that s/he can keep an eye out and make sure to nip it in the bud if it starts up again.

[hbridge]

I'd definitely make the teacher aware of the situation so that s/he can keep an eye out and make sure to nip it in the bud if it starts up again.

My plan is to tell the teacher ONLY if necessary. It's entirely possible that a lot changed in first grade and that DD and X will just go their seperate ways. They may even become friends, although I will be keeping an "eagle eye" on the one. The amo that X had in the past doesn't actually exist anymore which will help quite a bit. Also, even beloved friends can turn on each other on occasion without meaning to be cruel. DD needs to learn to stand up for herself. She showed some wonderful signs of this when given the chance in first grade. We helped her understand the situation and she went in and dealt with it with grace and dignity. She has seen how speaking up for herself worked, but she may need some more resources to understand situations better.

Has anyone found any books or other resources that have worked to help empower kids?

[bubbaray]

American Girl has a feelings book. That might help.

I actually would tell the teacher. I'm not sure if I would ask for my child to be moved to a different class, it would depend on context, KWIM? There are shades of bullying and the term is used differently by educators than by parents, KWIM?

[Dr C]

I agree with Bubbaray... I would tell the teacher--give her the heads up, so she can nip it in the bud if she sees anything. If it's a big class, behaviors can get pretty ingrained before a busy teacher takes notice.

As to an answer to your question, i don't have the name of a specific book, but I'd suggest doing some role-plays with you, DD, and others who are willing (DH?). One thing you could do is stage a scene where you bully DH, and have your DD coach DH to react appropriately. You can also work with puppets.

[SkyrMommy]

This coming from a teacher... tell them your concerns before your child walks into that room. If the teacher is aware of a possible situation he/she will be able to keep an eye out for much more subtle signs and let you know immediately so that you can work with your DD. But if they don't know it may take a much larger issue for them to catch and honestly I'm with PPs on this one... it won't matter how much you build up your DD, one tear down be so awful.

It sounds like you are did great working with your DD through first grade, the cute books I've seen are Recess Queen as a story book about bullying, but I don't know any more informational books that are out there.

[Green_Tea]

As someone who's DD who has been placed for a second consecutive year with a child that's bullied her, I totally stand behind your choice NOT to ask that your DD be moved. My DD's class is terrific other than the bully, and DD would feel punished and angry to have to be moved because of her. I think the take away for my DD would be "we don't think you can handle it" - and that's simply not true.

I do plan to give the teacher a heads up, though. Luckily I have a couple of emails back and forth from last year that reference the events, so I can utilize those if necessary. I mainly want to make sure that they're not assigned to sit next to each other or work on projects together right in the beginning of the year.

[toby]

You sound like a great mom and it seems to me that you are going about this the right way. I have not personally read this book, but it looks promising:
http://www.amazon.com/Bullies-Pain-Brain-Laugh-Learn/dp/1575420236/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1312679167&sr=8-11

Also, I'm afraid that I don't have any specific recommendations for this, but I would also think about books/workbooks on self-esteem. Maybe go to the bookstore and see what they have...

ETA: If there is a guidance counselor or psychologist at the school, ask him/her for recommendations

[ahrimie]

I heard this was a good book http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307454444/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_7?ie=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER