Any families where both parents WOH FT and have 3 kids?

[BabyBearsMom]

DH and I are TTC #2. DH has always wanted 3 kids and I have always been in the "Let's just take this one kid at a time" camp. DH wants 3 because he is one of three and feels like it was a great balance in the family. I don't know any families of 3 kids where both parents WOH FT. Does anyone have this situation? How do you balance it?

FWIW, DH and I make about equal money and both have fairly intensive, although flexible careers. There is no way that either of us could become SAHP or work part times.

[janine]

Well we will have 2 and are both WOF FT parents. I am hoping to make this work with combination of family watching and nanny.

I know families who do do this with 3, but have off hours from each other and use daycare full time. To me (just my personal opinion), not a great set up. Nannies are expensive but once you have multiple kids it makes more sense than dc. Also if you have older kids, the nanny could pick up/drop off from school.

[sste]

We are going to try for a third next year.

I work full-time but very, very flexible - - as in most weeks I can stay home and provide childcare 1-2 days. I am thinking about going part-time but in my field (academics) there really isn't a track for that - - if anything, people just work part time on their own and collect the full-time check! My DH works more than average - - about 60-65 hours per week.

What I came to was this: I could make this work if 1) I downgraded at my career expectations (as in I anticipate being in kind of a holding pattern and striving to stay with the pack rather than being a superstar during my child raising years); 2) one spouse has a job that is flexible or better yet part-time; 3) we used a nanny - - not just for childcare but in part as a household manager; and 4) we moved and are saving to buy in a specific location where our kids can walk not only to preschool but elementary and middle school, to their music lessons, a dance studio, the Y, etc. From talking to parents the real kicker about three kids is the drop-off/pick up and we are probably going to pay through the nose for a location that minimizes that.

Good luck! My husband is always a fan of seeing how you feel with X number . . . I am more planning oriented like you. But, you may have alot more clarity with #2 as to whether your family feels complete and your career can sustain more kiddos. :)

[MommyAllison]

Growing up, my family was like this. My mom did stay home until I started first grade (I am the oldest), but then my parents started a business and both worked full time from that point on. We were in daycare after school, and had babysitters at home every weekday through the summers. As soon as I was old enough, I watched my sisters at home after school and summer. Since they owned the business, we did tag along and hang out there sometimes. It worked for them, and the only reason they stopped at 3 kids was because my mom wanted to be done having kids at 35 (which was AMA at that time), otherwise they would have had more. HTH

[hillview]

My neighbors do -- 5 year old twins and an 8 year old. They had great daycare (very flexible). One parent is always home in time for pick up (seems to be the hardest part as an observer). Neither really travel much for work which seems like a big deal -- one travels a few times a year and the other never does.

If it were me, I would need a full time nanny.
/hillary

[emily]

I will be watching this thread. Right now, DD is 3y 4mo, DS 20mo and we are expecting our third next March. This pregnancy was not entirely planned.
We both WOTH. I have a 3 hour RT commute daily. DH's commute is about half that. When DS was born we had a live-in nanny for about 9 months. We probably wont go that route when DC3 arrives. Our long term plan was that I would hopefully work PT when DD starts kindy so that I could be more actively involved in school and education. We will probably be able to manage with all 3 in the same daycare for a year or so (if we go that route) but I will probably have to cut back my hours a little bit or work from home more often to make it all work. TBH, we havent thought that far ahead yet because I am just trying to survive the first trimester. Short term, my hope is that after my 12 weeks of maternity ends, I can work part time from home until the baby is 5-6 mos old.

[Kindra178]

I can't do it. I know one person who does it though. Her parents are divorced and live in the same town. Each parent is available to do overflow care separately, including overnights. They also have two flexible nannies, both of which are available for overnights.

[mom2khj]

We sort of do. DH technically works at home, as he runs his own business.

But, in my office alone, I work with 4 others who also are dual-income families with 3 kids. All but one of them use a daycare, the one who doesn't her mom is the nanny.

[infocrazy]

We do...and are in "negotiations" for #4... (Me-yes, DH-would be fine either way, but I want him to be a yes IYKWIM)

DH and I are off-shift, not by choice, but we still have a nanny 20 hrs per week for our overlap. DH has a very strict schedule, mine is pretty flexible for the most part. It is tough sometimes, but I think a lot of our issue is the off-shift stuff more than anything else. I know it is likely grass is greener, but I think if we were the same shift, it would be a lot EASIER, not harder. Daycare would be more of course, but aside from summers, that is going to reduce as time goes on (for us at least).

The activities are going to get a little crazy as they get older, but I think that is the case whether you WOHM or not once they reach school age.

Our nanny situation is REALLY good though. She is a college student. We can work around her class schedule, we only pay her for the hours she is there (although I round up and give good bonuses), she's got great availability for my sometimes odd hours and we've had her for 2 years. You'll have to do the math for daycare vs nanny, but for US, a nanny is better financially since we are only PT, and it was difficult to find that with daycare.

Is it crazy sometimes? Sure, but it is also crazy FUN too! I LOVE seeing the boys with DD, they LOVE her and she just lights up around them! Never a dull moment.

I would probably stay in the "let's see what happens" camp IIWY though. You never know what DC2 will bring to the table in terms of spacing or temperament so that may help make the decision easier.

[Mom to Brandon and 2 cats]

My DH makes about $30k/year more than me, but I make a pretty hefty salary myself, so one of us giving up our jobs is not in the near term horizon. Especially since we're looking into buying a vacation home.

How do we do it? Lots of juggling, and relying on excellent after school care (for the older two boys), and a daycare that we love for my DD. This past year I dropped the kids off at school, and DH picked them up, but it was too stressful coming into work late (most meetings where I work are scheduled for early AM), so this year I'm going to rely on before school care for the two boys. DH and I both work local government, where it's customer service driven, so we don't have a whole lot of flexibility in terms of working at home, flexible hours, etc.

--Jennifer

[wendibird22]

W have 3 friends with 3 kiddos each with both parents WOT FT. In each case the eldest child was in school FT (ft kindy or 1st grade) when #3 was born or at least by the time maternity leave was done. So for them it wasn't a whole lot different (at least on week days) then having 2 kids in daycare. In 2 of the cases both parents are either K-12 or college educators/administrators so neither of these families are raking in $$$. I think they manage with lots of teamwork and jobs that are understanding about time off for sick kids and kid-related activities.

[ourbabygirl]

My brother and SIL do, but they have a nanny (considered it when going from 1 kid to 2, but knew it was a must when they went from #2 to 3 last year). They both work full time; they both have around a 30 minute (or so) commute, in opposite directions; SIL travels a few times a year for work, and my brother is in sales so he travels a fair amount, too. I think the only way it works for them is with the nanny and the fact that my parents and hers live about 5-10 minutes away (hers moved there recently to be close by to help)... they pick up a TON of slack, esp. since my bro. & SIL still keep their active 'pre-kids' social life.

[Simon]

Dh and I WOTH FT, although we are both off this summer. We handled two DC last year and it wasn't bad. I have a semi-flexible schedule but had a three hour r/t commute. We're expecting #3 now. We do not have any family around to help out (but some great friends) and have to factor in eldercare for at least one relative who lives out-of-state as well. It seems to me many families of 3+ have family who help regularly or make use of regular help at home (clearning, lawn, etc).

We have not used a nanny, as I feel more comfortable having my nonverbal kids in a center where there are multiple adults (checks and balances). This is just my personal comfort. Ds2 *loved* his daycare so it worked well for us.

By the time Dc3 arrives, Ds1 will be in elementary and Ds2 will be in F/T daycare. Ds2 and Dc3 should age into 4k and preschool the same fall, so we might switch to a nanny at that point. I can see the benefits for helping with shuttling the kids in the afternoons. We aren't too big into activities for the kids though I imagine they will do some. We'll likely stick to school-based options. IOW, the activity is at school and just delays the pick-up time (vs. requiring us to drive the kids to other locations).

The biggest challenge, thus far, has been that Ds2 was very, very sick his whole first year. As in, Dh or I would have risked being fired if we didn't have specific vacation schedules that just happened to coincide with hospitalization, etc. That was very stressful. Also, we are now uncovering developmental delays with Ds2. Since this isn't something you can plan for or guard against, you have to decide whether you can make it work if this does happen. I am glad we're headed towards a family of three kids and I think we'll manage fine while WOH F/T. Great daycare has been the best lifesaver.

[secchick]

DH and I just had DC3 and our others are 5 and 2. We both WOTH full time and are attorneys with fairly demanding jobs. The oldest is in private school with extended day, about 10 minutes drive from my work and halfway between work and home. The young ones go to an NAEYC-accredited daycare a few blocks from my office. We are in the process of hiring one of the daycare teachers to help out at home 2-3 nights per week for a few hours to help while I nurse the baby and with bathtime. We pay more for childcare than we do for our mortgage. We are anti-nanny based on the experience of friends, and an English speaking nanny isn't any cheaper than what we pay and we are out the K tuition in any case. We know a number of families in our situation and everyone pretty much goes the same route.

[BabbyO]

I grew up in this situation, although when my brother was younger my mom was able to SAH for 1-2 yrs by cleaning in the apt complex we lived in, and then work PT for an additional 2-3 years. For most my memories both parents WOH FT. It was tough because dad's job was NOT flexible AT ALL. Mom had varying degrees of flexibility in her jobs...

Thankfully we had an in home DCP who WAS very flexible. I think that is the only way it worked for my parents.

[bcafe]

We both worked FT with 5 kids. We had a nanny come to our home so it would be less disruptive to their morning/naps/etc. I worked in healthcare so most days I would be home by 3:45 at the latest. Now I stay home.

[SpaceGal]

I will be curious about what people write in as well.

We have three now, DS1 is going to be a FT 1st grader, DS2 pre-k and DD is 2.5yo. I'm slowly trying to look for work. If something comes up then we'll have to figure out how this will all work. As for now a friend of mine does in-home day care and would gladly take DD. DS2 is the tricky one since I really want him to go to pre-k so maybe it might be more feasible once he is in kindy.

I dunno as much as I don't want to go back to work...it's feasible to pay for DD's day care and DSs after school care and that.

Luckily, DH's new job is a good schedule...he gets out at 3:30 so the kids wouldn't be in afterschool/daycare for too long.

[BayGirl2]

I know of several execs in my industry who have 3 or 4. They have intense careers, but I'm guessing some level of flexibility because they are senior in their roles.

We are only on #2 now, but I can see us having 3-4, following a "we'll see" philosophy. We both work professional careers, but I now work from home most of the time. DS is in daycare, DD will start the same daycare at 5 months. By the time we get to #3 it may make more sense to do a nanny, we'll see, depends on the age timing. We are walking distance to daycare and elementary school, so I expect that to help to some extent. I do anticipate even when they are in school to need an au paire to help w/ pickups and activities.

[JoyNChrist]

Not exactly the same, but DH works full-time (often 60 hours a week or more) and I'm back in school full-time (taking 16-20 hours a semester, so a fairly intense schedule). We have a 4yo and almost-1-yo twins.

I don't think I could do it without our nanny. Having someone come to the house everyday, so that I don't have to worry about getting everyone up and dressed and fed and packed, makes all the difference, IMO. DS1 has preschool from 8:30-12:30 Tues, Wed, and Thurs, and I'm lucky that my mom's work schedule is flexible enough that she can handle bringing him to school and bringing him back to the nanny when he gets out.

The hardest thing for me is handling all the laundry and housework and stuff after the kids are in bed at night...DH and I are tired, and I usually still have homework to do. I've had to learn to be really organized, and I have to let a lot of little things slide that used to bug me.

But it's totally do-able! :)

[ahisma]

We have 3 and I SAH at the moment, but will WOH soon. Up until 2 months ago, I was a commuting law student, which must count as similar to WOH. It's been fine. Hectic at times, but not awful. Finances and physical space (small home, but love our block and won't move) are what keep us from having #4.

[baileygirl]

My brother/sil have 3 and both work full-time outside the home. They are lucky to have family that watches the younger two and then use afterschool daycare for their older child. I believe activities for the kids are pretty much limited to what is offered at school (oldest is in first grade, so they are pretty young).

[daniele_ut]

We currently have 2 kids and are expecting another in January. DH works more than FT, since he spends at least 40 hours per week at the school where he is a teacher and administrator and then also teaches cello lessons privately and freelances as a cellist. I work 32 hours a week from home, but am required to have childcare. I took this job 2 years ago thinking it would be easier on us because it's more flexible, but quite frankly I haven't enjoyed it much and I'm considering moving to freelance only when this baby arrives. Things have gotten increasingly hectic as our kids have gotten older and school and activities place more demands on their time and ours.

We had a nanny for some time, but she quit unexpectedly and left us in a lurch, so we ended up going back to a traditional day care center. DS attended pre-K and K there as well but will start at DH's school this year. If I continue to work then both DD and the new baby would still attend the same daycare.

[Starfish]

My DH and I are both WOTH w/ 3 kids...ages 7, 5 and 3. It's definitely hectic, but we manage. What helps a lot is that our work schedules are somewhat staggered and we have a relative who lives w/ us and acts as our live-in to care for our kids. After #3 came along, we had to hire a cleaning person to do the heavy cleaning since our relative is elderly and she originally signed up just to watch our DC1! :)

What's our day like? DH is out the door before the kids are up and I manage the 'get to school routine'. I drop off the kids at school and then off to work for the next 10 hrs. Nanny does the pickups and afterschool activities/playdates. DH comes home around 6p and then checks homework, prepares/feeds kids' dinner and supervises piano practice. I get back around 7 and then march kids up for books/baths. Cleanup and time to self does not happen until after kids are all asleep....this is probably the hardest part since there are so many days that either I crash myself or I am just sleep deprived the next day from having stayed up to do the things I need/want to do (pay bills, keep up w/ school stuff, BB....). I have a demanding career where it is almost impossible for me to take time off short notice but thankfully, my husband can so he covers the unexpected school performances, etc. Also, I only work 4 days/week and one weekend/month so that extra 'free' day I can spend to volunteer at the schools, spend w/ kids in activities or just catch up on errands. In fact, that day is probably crazier than my regular work day....sometimes I'm in the car from 8:30a to 7p, going from one thing to the next!!!

Now that my youngest is 3, I find that it's getting even harder to juggle the activities and school committments. In fact, last school year was really crazy since I had all three in three separate schools!!! (DC2 was in town preschool for speech whereas DC3 was in private preschool and DC1 in elementary). Dropoff/pickup times were crazy since they were just staggered 15min apart!!! Good thing DC3 only went for 2 mornings and now this year, DC1 & 2 are both in elementary!

Weekends are also filled w/ children's activities since the kids like that we are able to come watch them play soccer/swim, etc....However, we do try to keep at least one day free of any scheduled activity so that we can do something as a family if we like (and somehow even then, there's always some sort of kid birthday party to go to...). "Pre-kids social life" rarely happens since we feel that we don't spend enough time w/ them during the week and that our nanny also deserves a break. Guess we could hire a babysitter, but we've never really done that.

It's unlikely that I will stop working completely since I have worked WAY too hard to get where I am (plus school loans to pay off). My ideal would be to work maybe just 'school' hours once DC3 is in school full time so we wouldn't need a nanny and I could handle the afterschool stuff. Otherwise, I might be able to work just 2 days and maybe utilize a babysitter/afterschool care for those few hours.

My DH originally wanted four kids but as the oldest of four, I knew that was going to be a lot with both of us WOTH. Once we hit 3, I think he realized he was over his head! :bouncy: Especially since there is no 'balance' here in this house..our kids are super competitive w/ each other for our attention so we don't know how we could manage another!

Good luck to you!

[american_mama]

I live in a big town/small city well-known for its high quality of life, and I think that facilitates slightly larger families in this area. I know several families with three or four kids where both parents work full-time and have since some or all of their children were born. In several of those families, the mothers are doctors and the husbands are either doctors or something else. I also know families with three children where the parents are a teacher/principal or both professors.

I know many more families of three or four children where one parent is a stay-at-home parent, or one parent works part-time or seasonally. I know a few families of five or more children (I can think of four families) and in each of those, the mother is a stay-at-home parent.

[klwa]

My parents did it. :)

[maestramommy]

I have a couple of friends with 3 kids and both spouses WOH FT. Now that you mention it, I believe at least one of the spouses (typically the wife) has a pretty flexible schedule. In other cases, the spouses worked opposing shifts so they didn't need childcare.

One of Arwyn's classmates is in a family with 4 kids. Both parents are docs. They have very flexible schedules. Also, 3 of them are 4 (adopted twins plus bio child), so the school pickup dropoff schedules are the same AND grandparents help them out as well.