Diaper changing in full view of a room full of people?

[momm]

I'm so mad. Talk me down please. I would post this in the bitching post but am honestly curious to see if I'm over reacting.

Scene:
Multiple-family gathering
DN is 3 y.o.
Her father changes her diaper in full view, on the floor of the living room. From how casually he was doing it, it was clear he never has given it a second thought.
DN's mom was there, on the couch, not batting an eyelid.

There were many others there, close and not-very-close family members of both sexes, and many other kids.
They all had the decency to look away. But I do know that a smaller group, at the other end of the room, had their own conversations going and cameras flashing. NOT toward DN.
(I did also check the photos later to make sure DN's pic was NOT captured by accident.)

This makes me so mad.
Am I over-reacting?
Please be honest. I am always too paranoid of perverts, and would never change <1 y.o. DS in full view like that.

I didn't say anything to them. Should I have?

[pinkflamingo]

I'm not sure why it would make you mad. Unless it was a disgusting poopy diaper, I don't see the big deal.

[Green_Tea]

That would not make my radar screen as something upsetting. Maybe gross if it was a poopy diaper, but not something that would make me mad or upset.

[ChristinaLucia]

I totally get why you would be mad. Me too. I probably wouldn't have said anything.

[ZeeBaby]

Are you upset because of modesty? We change diapers in front of family all the time. Not a big deal in our home.

[BabyBearsMom]

That would not make my radar screen as something upsetting. Maybe gross if it was a poopy diaper, but not something that would make me mad or upset.

:yeahthat: I change DD's diaper in the trunk of my car all the time, in crowded parking lots with strangers walking by. I never really think about it. I'd actually prefer to do it there when compared to the germy gross bathrooms.

[boolady]

That would not make my radar screen as something upsetting. Maybe gross if it was a poopy diaper, but not something that would make me mad or upset.

:yeahthat:

[lizzywednesday]

An infant, I wouldn't bat an eyelash. It's usually more pressing to change an infant, as their poo could also be a blowout.

DH flips if I change DD in the living room with just us; she's 17 months and squirmy. I do try not to change her in the middle of a crowd, especially if there is food being served, but that's mostly because she's so distractable and she will try to roll, crawl or run away before I've wiped her behind! (Also, I wouldn't eat my lunch in the toilet, so why would anyone else want to do the same?)

DH's SIL used to change the kids pretty much anywhere, going so far as to keep a PNP in their living room set up with a changing station (etc.) when her kids were small. (I took a page from her book when DD was a newborn and I was recovering from a C-section. Stairs made me very achy.)

I don't recall her ever changing them in the middle of a family party, but I am positive it could have happened up 'til potty training. SIL's kids were all fairly late potty trainers, IMO, but I'd never experienced an untrained kid over the age of 2 before these kids came along. (Seriously. Never. My brothers, sister and I were all in training unders by 2.)

And the 2 youngest streaked through the beach rental we were all sharing last summer, so it's not like little kids are inhibited in the least.

So, I say it's fine in extenuating circumstances when no food is being served, but at other times, a bathroom or bedroom might be a bit more palatable for the other guests.

[weech]

Wouldn't phase me a bit.

[JBaxter]

I'm not sure why it would make you mad. Unless it was a disgusting poopy diaper, I don't see the big deal.

I'm with you ....I dont see a big deal. My last 2 boys have been nudists and would/will strip and run naked. Last summer we were in the Dominican Republic and there were several naked toddlers on the beach including mine. I've changed mine in public all the time parks, reunions, mom/aunts/grandparents sofas etc. Naked babies have never been a worry in my family.

Just curious why are you bothered by it? Her age?

[boolady]

Why are you at a party with people you think could be child molesters? If I was concerned about someone's behavior around my child, it wouldn't be limited to a diaper change.

[Babymakes3]

I wouldn't be bothered by it either. I change DS pretty much anywhere other than a disgusting bathroom whether it's a bench in a crowded park, in the stroller or the chair in the airport. I always have a blanket or changing pad with me for him to lay on. It's just little kid parts and if it was just family there then I really wouldn't think twice about it. The same goes for when I strip him down to put a swimsuit on and i've seen plenty of other parents do the same thing when we're at Busch Gardens or the zoo or somewhere.

[waitingforgrace]

I wouldn't think anything og it and certainly wouldn't be mad at them.

[AnnieW625]

I would've probably done the same thing if it was a dire emergency and someone was in the bathroom. We are a one bathroom family though. I might take her to the car if the room was really crowded, but for the most part I think people are pretty understanding of that sort of thing.

I have also routinely changed my kids in the car or let DD1 use the port a potty in the back of the SUV and thought nothing of it.

[MommyofAmaya]

The situation you described would not bother me at all.

[Gena]

That would not make my radar screen as something upsetting. Maybe gross if it was a poopy diaper, but not something that would make me mad or upset.

:yeahthat:

I would just be impressed that the father changed the diaper while the mom got to relax on the couch.

[arivecchi]

That would not make my radar screen as something upsetting. Maybe gross if it was a poopy diaper, but not something that would make me mad or upset.:yeahthat:

[TwinFoxes]

That would not make my radar screen as something upsetting. Maybe gross if it was a poopy diaper, but not something that would make me mad or upset.

:yeahthat: I think I don't get it.

ETA: I see OP clarified why she was mad. I wouldn't be worried about "perverts". I think it's totally reasonable if you wouldn't do that with your DC. But many parents don't see it as an issue, so I think it'd be better to chalk this one up to different strokes, rather than spending energy getting angry.

[carolinamama]

I'm sure I've changed my kids in the middle of things. Nope, I wouldn't be bothered by that.

[MSWR0319]

Wouldn't phase me a bit. I'm pretty sure I've done it before and we had friends over the other night and she changed her 2 y.o DS on the floor, I offered DS's room because she wouldn't had to have gotten on the floor ( she's 7mo pregnant) but she was ok with the floor and so was I.

I've changed DS in Kohls before. I just go to a non-busy corner and change real quick. It's easier than waiting on the changing table it's being used.

[JTsMom]

It wouldn't really faze me.

[rin]

Yeah, wouldn't bother me at all. As pps have said, if it was gross and poopy maybe (especially if there was food) I would've thought twice about it, but it certainly wouldn't make me mad. I don't think nudity is a big deal with little kids; they have no sense of modesty whatsoever, and I think that's absolutely ok. In all of my extended family there are always young kids (under 3 or 4) running around naked in the summertime at family get-togethers.

And maybe I'm underestimating perverts, but I can't imagine the sight of a toddler having his/her diaper changed would incite a child molester to barrel over the other family members to do something freaky right there in the living room.

[blisstwins]

If it was poopy I would have been a little annoyed because of the smell, but otherwise no biggie at all in my book.

[liz]

Unless it was a disgusting poopy diaper, I don't see the big deal.

:yeahthat: I am all for trying to be discreet, but you can usually change a diaper really fast.

[vludmilla]

I don't get it. Wouldn't bother me at all as you described it except maybe a little if it was stinky and I was eating.

[Mrs.Skeeter]

I can understand why you are upset. I personally believe that my DS deserves privacy and I never would have changed him in a room full of people, family or not. So, while I don't think it was wrong to change the child in front of everyone, it's something I wouldn't do.

Were you concerned about the privacy issue? Or the possibility someone might have gotten a picture (on accident or on purpose) of her?

[amldaley]

Just some questions...

Was this at their house or someone elses? Was this a pull-up or a diaper? Was the child laid out like an infant on the floor? Was there poop? Was this a potty training accident? Was it done discreetly and quietly and quickly or was DN basically exposed for all the world to see?

On the very few occassions when DD still wears a pull-up, I wouldn't change her in that way. However, I wouldn't likely secret her away somewhere, either. I would likely go to a corner, a nearby bath or another room. But I think it also depends on all the any circumstances of the situation.

I wouldn't get *mad* about it, but I can see being a little shocked. The kid is 3 years old.

[Moneypenny]

Wouldn't bother me a bit.

[wendibird22]

I don't think it would bother me, but I won't do that with my child if I had other options, like a bedroom, bathroom, etc.

This summer we've taken the kids to a few water parks and DH or I have put a swim diaper on/off DD2 along side the lounge chairs. We always put the changing pad down if we needed to set her down on the grass or somewhere and we always moved out of eye shot as much as possible but after seeing the conditions of some of the bathrooms I wasn't about to lay her down in one of them. I prefer privacy but elect for sanitary over private.

[cntrymoon2]

My DD refuses to go any where near the restroom changing tables and has absolute FITS if I try. A quiet corner is my only option when we're out and it's too far to lug her to the car.

[karstmama]

wouldn't bother me in the least, but i'll change ds anywhere.

[sidmand]

I honestly would likely have done it myself and not given it a second thought. If DCs care/cared I did things more modestly but I'm not sure it would've occurred to me it was a problem.

I usually do try to change them off in a corner (and in the bathroom if it's messy/poopy) to get out of the way and for a bit of modesty but I've also changed in the trunk of the car in full view of everyone too.

[niccig]

I'll be different. I think it's disgusting to change a child's diaper (any age) in front of a group of people. And not because of modesty concerns. It's pee and poop in front of people. Some diapers are very poopy and smelly, take a while to clean up. One person changed a very poopy diaper on my couch and got poop on it - and I have a change table in DS's room that is mere steps away. Or how about putting a blanket down first and then babe on the blanket.

I always took DS into another room to change him. Yes, I did it on the floor, but no one else was around. I just think it's the decent thing to do for everyone concerned to not have to witness a diaper change (even just pee) and for child to have some privacy.

I don't pee and poop in front of a group of people, and I see no difference for DS. It was never a hassle to go to a less used room and do the quick change. Many friends have kids and had changing tables in a bedroom, so I would use that. It was an extra minute or two to move.

[kristenk]

I wouldn't do it right in the middle of everyone, but it wouldn't make me mad if someone else did. I think it's more appropriate to go somewhere that's not in the middle of the party, whether it be a bathroom, bedroom or just a corner of the room.

ETA: I somehow missed that it was a 3yo. I had 13mo in my head when replying. I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable changing a 3yo in a room full of people and would think it very inappropriate to do so.

[Dream]

It doesn't bother me and I have done it before. If its a poop diaper then I'll take her to a room or bathroom. But for regular diaper change I've done is with people around.

[daisymommy]

I personally think it's tacky to change a 3 year old in full view of everyone. It's one thing when they are a newborn/infant, but even then, I go to a separate room to take care of diapers.

BUT it wouldn't make me mad at all. I wouldn't be worried about perverts if I was in a room of family and friends. I would however think it was kind of bad manners to change an older child's diaper in the middle of everyone though.

[ha98ed14]

I think it's inappropriate. I think you should treat changing a dipe with the same level of privacy you would if you were seated upon the throne. That would not be happening in a room full of people. Go in a bedroom and change her on the bed with a pad/ towel underneath.

ETA: If it was a playdate and mom was changing a younger sib, I would have no problem with it being on the floor. The scene you describe sounds to me like a party, if even a small one. If a guest at a party at my house was getting ready to change baby in the public area, I would offer them a bedroom and a towel. I've done it.

[daisymommy]

It's pee and poop in front of people. Some diapers are very poopy and smelly, take a while to clean up.

I always took DS into another room to change him. Yes, I did it on the floor, but no one else was around. I just think it's the decent thing to do for everyone concerned to not have to witness a diaper change (even just pee) and for child to have some privacy.

I don't pee and poop in front of a group of people, and I see no difference for DS. It was never a hassle to go to a less used room and do the quick change. Many friends have kids and had changing tables in a bedroom, so I would use that. It was an extra minute or two to move.

:yeahthat:

[artvandalay]

I would not change a 3 year old in a room full of people. If a 3 year old was lying down to be changed, I'm guessing she had a poopy diaper, otherwise she would have been changed standing in the bathroom (with a pull up).

If I am at someone's house and there is a party going on, I will take my baby in a different room to change her diaper. It only take a second to go into a different room. It's a privacy issue and it's also pee and poo... who wants to see that? Some of us moms here are not bothered by that, but I"m guessing at a party with mixed ages and sexes not everyone is comfortable with that.

[KHF]

I probably would have gone to another room, or somewhere away from others, but it really wouldn't bother me if someone else did this. Maybe if it was a poop, I might be a bit icked out, but I wouldn't be too upset.

[sewarsh]

I personally believe that my DS deserves privacy and I never would have changed him in a room full of people, family or not. So, while I don't think it was wrong to change the child in front of everyone, it's something I wouldn't do.

:yeahthat: for a 3 YO

also, for any age,
#1, I would never do it if it was poopy.
#2, I would never do it if food was being served.

So while I agree with you that its slightly inappropriate and I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't be angry about it and I certainly wouldn't have said anything.

[bcafe]

I would just be impressed that the father changed the diaper while the mom got to relax on the couch.
Yep, my thoughts exactly!

[BabbyO]

:yeahthat: I change DD's diaper in the trunk of my car all the time, in crowded parking lots with strangers walking by. I never really think about it. I'd actually prefer to do it there when compared to the germy gross bathrooms.


wouldn't bother me in the least, but i'll change ds anywhere.

:yeahthat::yeahthat:

I generally try to be a bit more discreet if there are lots of people around...FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S SAKE, not mine or DS'. At a family gathering, if I couldn't find a quieter place, I'd do the same. Interestingly enough, I try to find a more secluded place more often so DS isn't distracted and squirmy, or so I don't offend others. But then, I'm aware that I grew up in a family that isn't very modest...and most people are more modest than I am.

I did change DS' diaper in a grocery store/subway parking lot in my car on Sunday. Subway doesn't have changing tables (a real pet peeve of mine) and I wasn't about to walk my very pg body with 2 yo in tow across the parking lot and through a grocery store I don't know to find a changing table.

[eh613c]

I can see why you're upset (re: perverts) but there are kids, including my DS, who do not want to be separated from what's going on to get his diaper changed. Maybe the dad didn't want any kind of difficulty or power battle with his DD. I don't see a big deal unless you were in a formal event or some place like a restaurant or rented event hall.

[marit]

:yeahthat:

I would just be impressed that the father changed the diaper while the mom got to relax on the couch.

:jammin: :jammin:

Little kids parts are OK in public in reasonable situations in my book

[mommylamb]

If it were a poopy diaper, I'd go somewhere more private. But that's for the hygene/smell factor. Other than that, it wouldn't phase me at all, and I'm sure I've changed DS in front of family back in the day. My family is pretty open and comfortable about nudity, and DS loves to run around naked if it's just DH and me at home.

[crl]

I have changed diapers in the middle of the grass on the National Mall. So, no, I wouldn't think a thing of changing a diaper in front of family. Now, I do usually position for some semblance of privacy if at all possible.

Catherine

[ett]

I wouldn't do it right in the middle of everyone, but it wouldn't make me mad if someone else did. I think it's more appropriate to go somewhere that's not in the middle of the party, whether it be a bathroom, bedroom or just a corner of the room.

:yeahthat: At 3 yo, I probably would have given more privacy to the child.

[Ceepa]

Personally I wouldn't change a 3 yo in a room full of people. But if someone else is choosing to do it, I wouldn't be mad.

[plusbellelavie]

I probably would have gone to another room, or somewhere away from others, but it really wouldn't bother me if someone else did this. Maybe if it was a poop, I might be a bit icked out, but I wouldn't be too upset.

:yeahthat:

[maestramommy]

What is there to be paranoid about? Unless it was a disgusting poopy diaper.

FWIW, my girls still change in and out of their swimsuits at the public pool.

[lowrioh]

I would not change a 3 year old in a room full of people. If a 3 year old was lying down to be changed, I'm guessing she had a poopy diaper, otherwise she would have been changed standing in the bathroom (with a pull up).


My 3 year old is often in diapers, not pull ups, so she lies down even for a non-poopy diaper.

I would have no problem unless it was poop.

[sunshine873]

:yeahthat: I change DD's diaper in the trunk of my car all the time, in crowded parking lots with strangers walking by. I never really think about it. I'd actually prefer to do it there when compared to the germy gross bathrooms.

:yeahthat: If a room has a bunch of people, I might try to find another room to do it in, just to be polite (we are talking pee & poop here) but it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

[Radosti]

Wow, seriously, puritanical much? This would not bother me at all. But I am from Europe, where kids are naked on the beach until 3-4 years old anyway. If my kids are out on my deck, they are naked, it's what they do. It doesn't bother me at all. The neighbors' daughter was visiting from Israel with her husband and 20 months old daughter. We were all hanging out on the deck, the kids playing in the big baby pool I have set up. All of mine stripped down naked, their 20 months old did the same and jumped right in. No one even batted an eye. It's expected, it's normal. If you have a problem with it, don't look.

[Raidra]

I've done the same without giving it a thought. I'll agree that if it's a poop, it should probably be done elsewhere, mainly because of the smell. But I can't imagine going to a party where I thought there were child molesters, so that wouldn't even occur to me as something to worry about.

And I've never met a 3 year old who had any notion of what privacy was, or wanted it, or cared about another's need for it. :) So I really don't think the child would have an issue with it.

ETA: We really don't have any childless friends, so when we're at a party or having company, it's either family or friends who have little kids. Neither group would care at all about seeing a naked kid running around.

[pinkmomagain]

I would not change a 3yo in the middle of the room. I would look for a secluded spot.
Not for concern of perverts, just privacy. I could imagine other kids seeing and pointing and saying "ewwww." A three year old has awareness of that kind of stuff as opposed to an infant. Also, due to the stink factor (and not wanting to subject others to it) as previously mentioned.

However, would not be mad at someone else for doing it.

[SpaceGal]

It wouldn't bother me. I've changed diapers in cars, the floor or our living room, stroller etc. I do try to be discreet but if we are amongst family close friends I don't really care unless it's poop and I don't want to disgust anyone.

[rlu]

I always took DS to another room for a change, privacy and modesty are important.

The puritanical comment was uncalled for.

[deborah_r]

I wouldn't get angry about it, but it probably would be best to take the child to another room. I always asked my host/hostess where would be a good place I could change a diaper, when the need arose. If it was the home of a family member and we were there often, I probably wouldn't ask, but still wouldn't change in a room full of people, just because it would seem weird to me - only because there are better places to take care of that need, and it's not that difficult to move to another room.

Changing in the car so you don't have to schlep through a store to find the restroom is totally sensible. But I usually opted for a little privacy when it was easy enough to do.

Maybe the mom thought it was a bad idea too, but didn't want to correct dad...you know, 'cause when we try to get the menfolk to do it our way, then that gives them an excuse to stop doing that particular task, since we told them they weren't doing it right! ;)

[buddyleebaby]

By age 3, I personally would have taken her out of the room if there was a large group of extended family, simply because I am attempting to teach *her* modesty.

But, I think getting mad at where another parent chooses to change their child, or going to check to make sure no one took pictures of said diaper change was most definitely an overreaction on your part.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd have taken my kid to another room but it wouldn't bother me unless it was poop. Then- yuck. And my 3yo was wearing diapers, not pull ups.

Beth

[SkyrMommy]

Having the child changed in that situation would not have bothered me at all, nor would I have spoken to the parents or checked for photographs. I only search out seclusion for D's diaper change if it's poopy or there is food being served, other wise she's just too nosy about what she's missing and she squirms like crazy!

[mikala]

I generally try to find a quiet place away from people and nice furniture but this wouldn't bother me as long as it was quick/not stinky.

I'd be much more concerned with whether the parent washed his/her hands afterwards (especially if food was present) since the change probably took place away from a sink.

[eagle]

op i agree with most of the posters here, not a big deal for me, personally.

however, i just wanted to add i thought some of the comments were were maybe veering on the side of just a touch not so nice. "puritanical" was uncalled for.

also someone (dont remember who) mentioned something about why are you at a party where you think there might be perverts. i honestly dont think im some kind of paranoid freak but i do believe that perverts are sometimes nestled amongst those we trust and love. doesnt abuse (and no, no one brought up abuse, im doing that here) come often from the trusted and loved?

so who is to say there arent any perverts at that party?

anyway, as i said, changing a 3 yos diaper in front of close friends and family is okay by me. but i really hope that is not the case with me in the future bc i REALLY hope that ds is potty trained by then!

[niccig]

Wow, seriously, puritanical much?

Nope not puritanical. Another kid's poop always smells worst than your own kid's poop. And I won't make other people have to smell that. I think it's basic manners to not have other people smell poo if they don't need to - easy enough to move to another room.

Now what you described, running naked and getting in the pool - totally fine with that.

[gatorsmom]

I wouldn't do it. I try to teach my kids early about modesty and privacy simply because when Gator was 4 and we were at a picnic he walked about 10 feet to pee on a tree in full view of other people. He thought nothing of it because we changed his little brother in front of people. So, I rethought my views on changing diapers in public. Then I realized that pedophiles might be looking at that which just solidified my decision. I have never changed a poopy diaper in front of everyone. That is just rude.

In your shoes, I wouldn't be furious that someone did that. I might share my story about Gator though. ;)

[khm]

Nope not puritanical. Another kid's poop always smells worst than your own kid's poop. And I won't make other people have to smell that. I think it's basic manners to not have other people smell poo if they don't need to - easy enough to move to another room.

Now what you described, running naked and getting in the pool - totally fine with that.

But the OP wasn't worried about the others being insulted or grossed out. The pee (possible poop, that's not known) is not the worry, its that the child was naked, correct? Her "worry" was about the child was visually exposed in public and potential perverts and the potential that the image of the child was captured in a photo.

To me, not a biggie, depending on the kid I'm sure I'd have done the same. My daughter by three would have wanted to be in private, my son at three would have preferred to not "leave the action" of the room. Shrug.

I get that some are more worried about privacy/modest issues and would always choose to seek out a private location, but the level of stress that comes from the original posted scenario is a bit over the top, IMHO.

Even if you (general you) would make a different choice for your child, I can't see getting this worked up about it. Unless there's more to the story than given.

[wellyes]

Wouldn't bother me, I think it's fine. But I did stop changing DD in front of others somewhere around 2-2.5.

[brgnmom]

I probably wouldn't have said anything & it wouldn't have bothered me, although I can see why it might make someone uncomfortable since OP's DN is 3-years old versus 3-months old.

I hang out w/ friends who are pretty comfortable w/ each other & diaper changes in the same room (usually the living room) are not a big deal. I recently made some new mommy friends in our neighborhood & the first time we hung out, I asked where it would be alright for me to change my infant DD's diaper & the expectation for them was just in the living room area. Pretty low key.

[niccig]

But the OP wasn't worried about the others being insulted or grossed out. The pee (possible poop, that's not known) is not the worry, its that the child was naked, correct? Her "worry" was about the child was visually exposed in public and potential perverts and the potential that the image of the child was captured in a photo.


I was responding to the puritanical comment upthread and explaining I chose to move my child to another location not because I didn't want someone to see him, but I feel it's ill mannered to change a diaper in front of a room full of people, especially a stinky diaper. Not everyone present wants to see/smell the diaper.

I get that some kids don't want to leave the scene, but when they're PTed they're going to have to, unless they're going to poop/pee in the living room (time of PTing excepted, you've got to get them quick on the potty, but I still wouldn't do that at a big family gathering). And when did the kid's "not want to leave" override several other people not wanting to smell poo? I'm mentioning poo as I've been at several big gatherings with lots of people and a parent is changing an icky diaper right in front of everyone. Really? You couldn't move to another room? Now your kid's stinky poo is wafting through the room for everyone to smell it. Is it really that difficult to move to another area?

Pee/Poo is something we adults do in private - granted I don't mind if my family are in the bathroom when I pee, but I don't invite aunts/uncles/grandparents to come watch me in the bathroom.

[creativelightbulb]

I change DS anywhere I can get the space to lay out my patemm...if it is a poppy diaper I'll look for a corner but otherwise it is fair game...

but I know there are others that feel the way you do...

[JoyNChrist]

I do think you overreacted. I can understand it not being something you would do personally (I always change a poopy diaper in a bathroom or bedroom away from people, and I usually go in another room for a pee one with the babies unless it's just family around), but being mad about it? I'd just let it go.

[TwinFoxes]

I was responding to the puritanical comment upthread and explaining I chose to move my child to another location not because I didn't want someone to see him, but I feel it's ill mannered to change a diaper in front of a room full of people, especially a stinky diaper. Not everyone present wants to see/smell the diaper.

I get that some kids don't want to leave the scene, but when they're PTed they're going to have to, unless they're going to poop/pee in the living room (time of PTing excepted, you've got to get them quick on the potty, but I still wouldn't do that at a big family gathering). And when did the kid's "not want to leave" override several other people not wanting to smell poo?

I think that's completely different than what bothered OP. I don't think the puritanical comment was aimed at folks who don't like dirty diapers. :)

I can see why people think the puritanical comment was uncalled for though.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I'd have taken my kid to another room but it wouldn't bother me unless it was poop. Then- yuck.


:yeahthat:

if it was poopy diaper, i'd definitely be bothered and grossed out. i don't want to see or smell that!!

i always take DS or DD to a different room to change them when we're at someone's house or when we have people over, or when we're out somewhere public. But if someone else did it, it wouldn't really bother me, in terms of a modesty perspective. The only thing that would bother me if it was poo. I do NOT want to be forced to smell poo while i'm trying to socialize or eat dinner. Yuck.

[essnce629]

Wouldn't phase me one bit.

[Radosti]

At no point was I talking about a poopy stinky diaper. I was referring to the OP FREAKING out that the 3 year old was EXPOSED!!! Oy. Thus, the puritanical comment. It is always incredible to me how someone chooses to view a diaper change as a sexual threat to the child in a room full of friends and family. If the parents weren't worried, she should not be either.

[dec756]

I'm not sure why it would make you mad. Unless it was a disgusting poopy diaper, I don't see the big deal.

:yeahthat:

before i was a mom, thought it was kinda weird, now i wouldnt bat an eyelash so to speak

[LexyLou]

I cannot even for a second understand how this could make you "So mad".

Ok, maybe, annoyed, although I don't get that either, but it's a more acceptable emotion in this situation.

Steaming mad? That makes no sense to me.

[scriptkitten]

it wouldn't faze me at all.

however, my 2.75 yr olds are potty trained now and when i have to let them use the portable potty in the back of the SUV on road trips in rest areas i try to block public view of their genitals. i've started to talk a little about privacy and how its good manners to pull up your pants after going potty instead of running back into public with your undies around your ankles, but i still keep it free and breezy and we let them swim naked at the pond at our family house.

[bubbaray]

Wouldn't phase me at all. As for the perverts issue, they could be anywhere. I don't let that run my life or I would be insane.

[lalasmama]

I'm willing to admit that it bothers me now. However, I'm also parenting a foster child who has been sexually abused. Before parenting an abused child, it wouldn't have bothered me. But now it does bother me, only because DD then fixates on bathroom-related behaviors after seeing such.

[Dr C]

Wouldn't phase me in the slightest. This is the sort of thing I would do, and then be completely baffled that people were upset.

[MomToOne]

I let my 3 year old run around naked all summer long - including the front yard (supervised) in full view of passing strangers.

I have her pee in the bushes if the park restrooms are closed/unusable.

I have her pee in a portable potty in the back of my parked SUV in full view of live traffic.

I am not European ;)

I get the puritanical comment - to think of little kids' nakedness as wrong or shocking is very Plymouth Rock-y :ROTFLMAO:

However, I also get that people with childhood trauma may have a vastly different perspective.

I hope the OP chimes in soon to answer the poop question because that would clear up a lot of confusion.

[Melanie]

I get it, it's tacky and not very respectful of DN's privacy. If there was no other choice, at least it could have been done discretly to the side.

[JBaxter]

I let my 3 year old run around naked all summer long - including the front yard (supervised) in full view of passing strangers.

I have her pee in the bushes if the park restrooms are closed/unusable.

I have her pee in a portable potty in the back of my parked SUV in full view of live traffic.

I am not European ;)

I get the puritanical comment - to think of little kids' nakedness as wrong or shocking is very Plymouth Rock-y :ROTFLMAO:

However, I also get that people with childhood trauma may have a vastly different perspective.

I hope the OP chimes in soon to answer the poop question because that would clear up a lot of confusion.

this is us too. Our neighbors are German and I dont think Jack has been swimming in their pool with clothes on EVER. She is ... Oh let him run free ( she has 5 kids)

[sweetsue98]

I probably wouldn't think anything it she was an infant but at 3 yo....I probably would have taken her to another room.

[bubbaray]

DH's whole extended family is in Germany and they are all nudists.

<<shudder>>

Let's just say I am in NO hurry to go visit. Um, like, ever. I'm a-OK with being called a prude if I get to keep my clothes on, LOL.

[RunnerDuck]

And maybe I'm underestimating perverts, but I can't imagine the sight of a toddler having his/her diaper changed would incite a child molester to barrel over the other family members to do something freaky right there in the living room.

I just choked...

That's pretty much my thoughts as well.

[Uno-Mom]

Nudity in small children: is it odd that I view just running around nekkid as different from being publicly changed while lying down? My gut feeling is that they're different because the position the kid is in and the activity itself. The first is about being a kid, being free and comfortable.

Personally, I'd think it was unusual to change a 3 year old in the situation OP described. I would seek privacy for various reasons if it was my own child. (Not the least of which is trying to teach her to potty in the bathroom!) In a pinch, I'd at least position us in a corner with my body blocking general view. But I wouldn't have a strong visceral reaction if someone did it.

***
Sadly, most a sex offenders who target kids are going to be interested in the the sight of them whether they're clothed or not. Like lalasmama I know a lot of kids who have survived sexual abuse. It's put a lot of information into my head that I TRULY wish wasn't there. But that's not what the thread's really about...
***

[Globetrotter]

I would change a poopy diaper in another room, but pee is not a biggie for me, though I used to try to go to a different room when feasible. If people were eating, i would try to go to a different room. If playgroup moms were chatting, no problem there. I also had a PNP/changing table in our family room (post c/s but it stayed for a long time :)) and had no problem using it when visitors came over.

OP, in the situation you described, I would have tried to find another room to change but I don't think it's a big deal.

[klwa]

Uhm, wow. I would have upset you more than once. Our standard changing area for both DC was in our living room & if we had people over, that was still where we did it. Rather than run upstairs to their room, we used a corner in the living room. And, unless we were having family reunions in a community building with real changing tables, I changed them, generally over to the side, wherever we were.

[WolfpackMom]

I personally would have gone to a different room...but no it wouldnt bother me in the least if someone else changed their kid right there. Unless it was poop. :)

[stillplayswithbarbies]

I would change poop in another room because poop stinks. Unless I had a good reason not to and everyone else there was a parent of small kids and I would apologize with a "you know how it is sometimes" tone.

After age 18 months or maybe closer to 2, I would not change in public unless I absolutely had to and I would try to be as discreet as possible about it. A child has a right to decide when and where they show their body even at that age. A diaper change has to be done, so I am making that decision for them, so I would try to be as respectful as possible to the child.

I'm not explaining this well, but for example when our school does diaper changes for toddlers, they don't lay them on their back and yank their legs in the air. For dignity, they have them stand up and for wiping they go into a "downward facing dog" position. That's all under their own control and they are not being yanked around and exposed at the whim of the adult. Diapering has to be done, that is not a choice. But putting the child in control of positioning their own body seems more respectful to me.

And so does not changing a toddler in front of other people. It's a respect and dignity thing.

running around naked at a pool is a whole different concept than changing a diaper and wiping a bottom. Toileting is private no matter how old you are. I assume that even adult nudists go behind closed doors to pee and poop.

[Canna]

It sounds really normal to me unless the diaper was really yucky or poopy.

[TwinFoxes]

I'm not explaining this well, but for example when our school does diaper changes for toddlers, they don't lay them on their back and yank their legs in the air. For dignity, they have them stand up and for wiping they go into a "downward facing dog" position. That's all under their own control and they are not being yanked around and exposed at the whim of the adult. Diapering has to be done, that is not a choice. But putting the child in control of positioning their own body seems more respectful to me.

And so does not changing a toddler in front of other people. It's a respect and dignity thing.



Maybe it's for dignity, but the PT advice I got was to not give them the option of lying down for changes, because it encourages them to realize that part of life is over, we've transitioned. My DDs would have been perfectly happy to keep lying on the floor for wiping. They PTd pretty quickly, but a couple of times they laid on the floor saying "change me, change me!" I think a lot of kids LIKE the changing ritual, and it can be a hurdle actually to PT. Just because a kid is lying on the floor for a change doesn't mean they're not in control of their own bodies, or not being respected.

[Jo..]

I had an initial response that was "no, diapers are natural...like breastfeeding...I wouldn't hide it".

However, a three year old in diapers would give me pause. I think I would respect her privacy and move to an empty room to change her.

There are people in my family who give me the creeps. If I know or suspect a pedophile, I will go to any length to protect my kids. That doesn't mean that I keep them from extended family, but I watch like a hawk every second. They are never allowed a second alone with a child, and I would NEVER undress a child in front of them.

This is not ideal, and I have considered just cutting that person off (who I know loves young children). However, that person is married to my Mother. My mother is elderly and not in good health. I cannot in good conscience cut my Mom off from seeing her grandchildren.

So we go once every couple of years, and I am crazy paranoid and careful.

[catsnkid]

I was at a 2 year old birthday party with tons of kids. DS got changed real quick standing up in the front yard. Birthday girl got changed in the front yard. Another friend got changed in the bouncy house. I tried to not to do it in the *middle* of everything. I would probably go in the next room if possible.

[boolady]

also someone (dont remember who) mentioned something about why are you at a party where you think there might be perverts. i honestly dont think im some kind of paranoid freak but i do believe that perverts are sometimes nestled amongst those we trust and love. doesnt abuse (and no, no one brought up abuse, im doing that here) come often from the trusted and loved?

so who is to say there arent any perverts at that party?



Actually, my point was that if you are concerned about "perverts" at the party, your concern shouldn't be limited to diaper changes.

[indigo99]

I'd make you mad too apparently. I change diapers in private when I can, but I do it in the back of my open vehicle all the time rather than use a public restroom. While traveling in June, I also did it whith DS standing up in his seat on the plane rather than use the plane bathroom, and I did it in the open at the airports a few times. These were all just wet diapers done while he was standing so it was really quick, but I wasn't worried about anyone seeing him during the process.

[MamaSnoo]

I would not occur to me to change DD in the living room in front of famliy or friends (if she were still in diapers). That said, she escapes from the bathroom on a regular basis without her pants on, and I do not really think much about it, even if ppl are over. I just catch her and put her pants back on. But, no, I would not lay a child down and change in her a faimly living space. I never did that when she was tiny either. We always used a bedroom for changes and I did the same when visiting in friends homes.

Not sure that it would have angered me to witness this, but I would have thought it was odd.

And for PP, I totally get why ppl change a kid in the car/trunk. I did not do this often, but would not be bothered to walk by to it.