citymama
08-22-2011, 01:44 AM
And no, I am not inviting you over again.
An old friend of mine recently got married to a woman after a whirlwind romance - we first met her a few weeks before the wedding. They had a small wedding, and DD was one of the few kids there so was asked to be a "flower girl." Anyway, the short of it is that she was transfixed by the bride in her make up and beautiful dress and was so excited to be a flower girl. The bride became very important to DD - kind of like a real-life princess.
Flash forward a few weeks, and we invited the new couple over to our place for brunch. We are exhausted and over-worked, but made time to prepare a congratulatory meal and toast them. DD was beside herself with excitement about the princess coming over, and was hoping to hang off her arm the way she sometimes does with our friends.
My friend's new wife is very nice, friendly, etc - but she would.not.stop correcting DD's behavior. Yes, my 5 yr old DD is super excited to see you and interrupted our conversation a few times when she should have waited for us to finish our conversation. Yes, she is hoping to drag you to her room and show you her new camera (or whatever else it was that day). Yes, we include our kids in our grown-up dinners and lunches and don't relegate them to their rooms. But please STOP correcting her! DH and I were really pained that the object of DD's adoration kept telling her off. DH's strategy was to gently tell DD to hold on a minute, or to distract her. This is when she was interrupting, which is behavior we don't want to encourage either, but thank you very much, we can discipline our own kid!
Then she said "you should let me babysit her a few times and I'll get her in line." I ended up telling "the bride" that we are OK with DD's behavior and don't want her to change a bit. I told her that I like that DD is assertive, speaks her mind, and can hold her own in a crowd of grown-ups. I made sure to do so in front of DD - I needed to stand up for her. I also told DD later, after they left, that I did not like "the bride" correcting her and she should not feel bad about it. DD said that the bride did not correct her at all! I guess DD either really didn't notice/listen or chose not to let it bother her. I love my resilient kid!
I realize that part of what she was doing was also telling us that we were inadequate as parents but I decided to let that slide. (DH and I have bitched about it plenty in private since!)
I think my friend (the husband) was a little embarrassed, but he didn't say anything to his wife. And I don't even think she understood how off-base she was - I think she grew up in a very strict, disciplinary household and culture, and one where other adults are able to exert authority over their friend and family's kids.
I'm glad I witnessed that, because there is no way in he$$ that she is ever babysitting my kids! Now I have to figure out what to get them off their registry - grrrr. Any suggestions? ;)
I am trying to figure out how to stay away from them for the next several months, which is hard, as she seems to think of me as her new best friend! Argh!
I don't usually post to BP but I just needed to vent - thanks for listening!
An old friend of mine recently got married to a woman after a whirlwind romance - we first met her a few weeks before the wedding. They had a small wedding, and DD was one of the few kids there so was asked to be a "flower girl." Anyway, the short of it is that she was transfixed by the bride in her make up and beautiful dress and was so excited to be a flower girl. The bride became very important to DD - kind of like a real-life princess.
Flash forward a few weeks, and we invited the new couple over to our place for brunch. We are exhausted and over-worked, but made time to prepare a congratulatory meal and toast them. DD was beside herself with excitement about the princess coming over, and was hoping to hang off her arm the way she sometimes does with our friends.
My friend's new wife is very nice, friendly, etc - but she would.not.stop correcting DD's behavior. Yes, my 5 yr old DD is super excited to see you and interrupted our conversation a few times when she should have waited for us to finish our conversation. Yes, she is hoping to drag you to her room and show you her new camera (or whatever else it was that day). Yes, we include our kids in our grown-up dinners and lunches and don't relegate them to their rooms. But please STOP correcting her! DH and I were really pained that the object of DD's adoration kept telling her off. DH's strategy was to gently tell DD to hold on a minute, or to distract her. This is when she was interrupting, which is behavior we don't want to encourage either, but thank you very much, we can discipline our own kid!
Then she said "you should let me babysit her a few times and I'll get her in line." I ended up telling "the bride" that we are OK with DD's behavior and don't want her to change a bit. I told her that I like that DD is assertive, speaks her mind, and can hold her own in a crowd of grown-ups. I made sure to do so in front of DD - I needed to stand up for her. I also told DD later, after they left, that I did not like "the bride" correcting her and she should not feel bad about it. DD said that the bride did not correct her at all! I guess DD either really didn't notice/listen or chose not to let it bother her. I love my resilient kid!
I realize that part of what she was doing was also telling us that we were inadequate as parents but I decided to let that slide. (DH and I have bitched about it plenty in private since!)
I think my friend (the husband) was a little embarrassed, but he didn't say anything to his wife. And I don't even think she understood how off-base she was - I think she grew up in a very strict, disciplinary household and culture, and one where other adults are able to exert authority over their friend and family's kids.
I'm glad I witnessed that, because there is no way in he$$ that she is ever babysitting my kids! Now I have to figure out what to get them off their registry - grrrr. Any suggestions? ;)
I am trying to figure out how to stay away from them for the next several months, which is hard, as she seems to think of me as her new best friend! Argh!
I don't usually post to BP but I just needed to vent - thanks for listening!