Mean B*tch. MIL is well meaning but not very capable

[bisous]

And she tries. That's why this is mean.

She does not work. She has no dependent children. She has a house cleaner. She does not volunteer. She just started a 3 credit math class. And therefore cannot watch my kids for even a one hour meeting during the day (504 meeting for school coming up SLIGHTLY important!!) because she plans to study for said math class. All day. It is that challenging to take a college math course.

How do people like this function in society to the age of 60!!

[elephantmeg]

ugh, I'm sorry. I have relatives like that too..

[ha98ed14]

And she tries. That's why this is mean.

She does not work. She has no dependent children. She has a house cleaner. She does not volunteer. She just started a 3 credit math class. And therefore cannot watch my kids for even a one hour meeting during the day (504 meeting for school coming up SLIGHTLY important!!) because she plans to study for said math class. All day. It is that challenging to take a college math course.

How do people like this function in society to the age of 60!!

I TOTALLY understand frustration. My MIL is busy cleaning SIL's toilets and minding her 4 DC. That's why she can't visit my DD. Bitter? Yup.

Here's the thing though, and I know, know, know this, and I know you know this, but it is so hard not to feel steamed over: MILs' senior years are theirs to spend how they choose. If my MIL wants to scrub toilets neither she not FIL crap in and yours wants to do differential calculus, they are entitled to do it. They owe us nothing. But man it would be nice if they helped out in ways that really meant something. (No, DD does not need another Hello Kitty T shirt.)

[MamaMolly]

I TOTALLY understand frustration. My MIL is busy cleaning SIL's toilets and minding her 4 DC. That's why she can't visit my DD. Bitter? Yup.

Here's the thing though, and I know, know, know this, and I know you know this, but it is so hard not to feel steamed over: MILs' senior years are theirs to spend how they choose. If my MIL wants to scrub toilets neither she not FIL crap in and yours wants to do differential calculus, they are entitled to do it. They owe us nothing. But man it would be nice if they helped out in ways that really meant something. (No, DD does not need another Hello Kitty T shirt.)

:eek: this is profound. Seriously profound. You have put into words how I feel about my mom and my sister and my niece. Add me to the bitter pile.

[niccig]

:eek: this is profound. Seriously profound. You have put into words how I feel about my mom and my sister and my niece. Add me to the bitter pile.

Add me to this list. This describes my parents. I wish they would spend their senior years interested in their only grandchild, but I can't make them.

[alien_host]

I feel for you! I have lived in this house for almost THREE years and MIL has not once visited DD and I during the week despite our asking her to come visit. However she is able to go to DH's brother's house to see his kids and help out (ok they live in the same town) and DH's sister's house which is the same distance from mine to see their kids. THEN she complains that she doesn't see us.

Yeah I'm bitter! And to be honest, I haven't asked her to visit or to do a favor for me in probably a year now. Sorry I should start my own BP! Hang in there!

ha98ed14 - I agree, your words are perfect!

[hellokitty]

Joining the club. I've got similar issues with my mil, my mom and my dad. Not going to go into a big vent, but I completely relate to how frustrating and annoying it is when they act like this.

[StantonHyde]

um, well I would be THRILLED beyond words if my dad decided he didn't want anything to do with us. Seriously. As it is, he has decided he has to make monthly visits like my mom did. But, of course, they are entirely at his convenience which means they are at total PITA dates/times for everybody else. AND he does NOT spend time with the kids--he wants to sit with adults and pontificate. Last time he came, I took him and the kids to the zoo and he basically threw a fit and demanded to go because his knee hurt. But then he wouldn't sit down to rest it while the kids were on the merry go round because it didn't hurt "that bad".

So, yes, he could spend every last minute with somebody else for all I care if he would leave us alone!!!

[bisous]

See. Y'all are assuming the math class is differential calculus. There would at least be a reason for studying that many hours a day. Instead, it is remedial college pre-algebra. It is a once a week class--on a Tuesday. She cannot babysit for me for an hour on a Friday. Because she is studying--all day. The thing is she CANNOT pass it. So she probably really needs to study. And I'm a mean person because I'm basically judging her for being so incredibly inept that she can't do anything with her own grandchildren because she can't pass a class I took and passed in 7th grade.

I guess I unfairly compare her to my mother who is currently working full time as a 1st grade teacher, hosting 3 people at her home this week, the head of a gigantic charity organization, and still finds time to see us for several hours a week and babysits all the time.

I'm unspeakably mean. When I read my own words I cringe. MIL deserves more charity from me. At least now I'm not annoyed--I feel bad for her!

I'll find someone to watch the kids I'm sure.

[newnana]

Add me to this list. This describes my parents. I wish they would spend their senior years interested in their only grandchild, but I can't make them.

Exactly that. Thanks Niccig.

[jenfromnj]

Another request for a membership application here! It's so sad and frustrating to see retired people who don't seem to prioritize spending time with your kid, but as ha98ed14 said, it's their time to waste or misuse as they'd like ;).

[hellokitty]

See. Y'all are assuming the math class is differential calculus. There would at least be a reason for studying that many hours a day. Instead, it is remedial college pre-algebra. It is a once a week class--on a Tuesday. She cannot babysit for me for an hour on a Friday. Because she is studying--all day. The thing is she CANNOT pass it. So she probably really needs to study. And I'm a mean person because I'm basically judging her for being so incredibly inept that she can't do anything with her own grandchildren because she can't pass a class I took and passed in 7th grade.

I guess I unfairly compare her to my mother who is currently working full time as a 1st grade teacher, hosting 3 people at her home this week, the head of a gigantic charity organization, and still finds time to see us for several hours a week and babysits all the time.

I'm unspeakably mean. When I read my own words I cringe. MIL deserves more charity from me. At least now I'm not annoyed--I feel bad for her!

I'll find someone to watch the kids I'm sure.

Lol, I actually assumed your mil was taking a remedial math class. Nobody would have to, "study all day" if they were a decent college student. I totally get where you are coming from though. My mil is too dumb to even take a college level course, instead she sits at home all day (she retired from her job within a month after I had DS3... she has NEVER helped me with my kids, has not offered and the one time my mom couldn't do it, my DH asked his mom and she made up a BS excuse, which I had predicted to my DH that she would do), letting her brain rot on korean soap operas. She volunteers 1x a wk at a nursing home to, "pray" with them and acts like this is something that involves a massive amt of time and effort. It's not the same as your mil's math class, but still IMO totally over-the-top, over something that isn't that big of a deal. My mil's never been one to be able to handle more than one thing at a time, to say that she gets easily overwhelmed is an understatement. So, she never lifts a finger to help anyone, unless it is something that will directly benefit herself. I've basically stopped having any sort of expectations for her, b/c she always fails, and I'm not talking about really high expectations. Anyway, don't feel bad about venting about your mil, I basically have similar feelings about mine and I know it is not nice of me, but at the same time, my mil is not innocent either. She's just clueless and too self-absorbed to even consider anyone else, except for herself, and this is why she has zero friends.

[MamaInMarch]

Is there room for 1 more at this inn? This makes me insane about my ILs (all 500 of them since everybody has a step something). My parents live 2.5 hours away and all of my ILs live within 30 mins. But somehow the only people who see my son and take an interest in him are my mom and dad. Whatever. Jerks.