We started parent coaching (update to basically every thread of mine this summer!)

[sste]

I found a great hospital-based program in my city that does parent coaching with therapists/psychologists (so covered by my insurance to boot!). They have their own evidence-based program that basically combines love/logic plus one/two/three magic plus visual schedules/picture cards to help a child deal with x problematic situation. Plus other things tailored to the specific child. The behavior plan also gets both parents on the same page which is huge for DH and me.

Initially the parents meet with the therapist then the child comes in and they have a play gym and the therapist watches the parents interacting behind a one-way mirror (and then the parents watch the therapist). And the therapist gives coaching and feedback.

We decided to hold off on a full neuropsych evaluation given DS's age and his significant success in other settings and instead the therapist is in the process of informally evaluating him. It is still early but thus far the feedback we are getting is that DS is currently operating much more than we realized above his age level in his cognitive and social skills. *But* he is using these skills in very typical preschooler style to fill his day with what he wants, scooby-doo episodes, etc. and he needs to respect limits and to learn to distinguish situations where it is OK to negotiate from those where he needs to follow instructions pronto.

Anyway, thank you to all of you who encouraged me! And for anyone considering this if you can find the right program it is terrific. Our therapist anticipates our comparatively minor problems can be addressed in 6 or so sessions but even the full program for kids with more significant needs is 12 sessions. Also, our experience has been positive rather than framing our kid/parenting experience as a A Big Problem - - we basically went in and said our kid is sensitive, fairly intense and very goal-directed, extremely perceptive, and we want to start working now to make sure these things end up being the assets they can be rather than causing him problems later down the line in school/life.

HTH. :)

[niccig]

Glad it's going well.
I've gone to a few parent ed. sessions offered by our school or local community college. I've always come away with something useful to put in my parenting tool box. Now that I'm not seeing my therapist, we've lost that expert to talk to as I would often mention things with DS and she would give some advice, that was usually spot on.

Oh..I was thinking today about my recent visit home to see my family. My mother, my aunt, my mother's friend were all b$tching about how our generation of mothers use books and experts to help with parenting, and they didn't need anyone. I had to bite my tongue to not say "none of us want to raise our kids like you did." All 3 of them had major parenting issues and now major issues with their adult kids. I think reading Dr. Spock might have helped them a lot!

[Twoboos]

That sounds great! Is there a particular method they are using? I would be interested in finding something similar around here. I really feel like I need to find a way to teach DD2 coping skills so that each time something doesn't go exactly her way, it leads to an immense tantrum/breakdown. (At age 6, it's VERY old.)

Thanks!

[JTsMom]

That is awesome! Congratulations! :cheerleader1:

[pastrygirl]

That sounds great! How did you find that program? Right now it looks like we're headed towards a full neuropsych eval, but I'd love to find an alternative.

[athompson]

I've never heard of something like this, but it does sound like a great idea. Which hospital?

[sste]

This is the program we are using:
http://www.advocatehealth.com/immc/pediatricdevelopmentalcenter

This is some of their staff so you get an idea of the breadth/depth of their training.

http://www.advocatehealth.com/immc/body.cfm?id=141

We are not special needs but it turns they deal with plenty of typical kids via their "parent coaching" and "parent workshops." The main route is taking a group class and then doing one on one work too but that didn't fly with DH's work schedule so in those cases they will do all 1:1.

I found this through my therapist who has a special needs kid - - if you know any therapists or child therapists or parents of special needs kids I would ask them for behavior programs. They are pretty uncommon and in my large metro area this program told me they were willing to work with my schedule because they didn't have a comparable place to refer me to. You might even email this place and see if they know anyone in your area.

This program is behavioral (so behavior modification) but it doesn't use just one method. They feel and I guess have proven that they get better results by combining multiple methods - - the illusion of choice and love and logic, positive reinforcement, visual cues (schedules and also cards the child gets as a reminder to wait or hold it together or at this is a time to really listen and do what the parent says), time-out used sparingly (they said it loses effect quickly when it is used all the time) and/or basing a special privilege on for example getting through one's entire morning routine, coping skills (this is I think is part but a lesser part for my son's age), and other things specific to the child and their challenges.

ETA: I also can't emphasize enough how helpful it is to have both parents involved! In regard to Nicci's comments in addition to some general suckiness of parenting practices in some examples of the previous generation another big difference I think is that the father's role has changed and is on average much more hands-on. We def. have a problem with DH being less strict/consistent and let me tell you a trained third-party was able to point that out in a way that didn't seem like criticism but rather part of the training and carried more weight with DH than he and I arguing about it.

[pastrygirl]

Thanks! It looks like my local hospital has something similar. I'll call them when I get my voice back.