Who should be using the women's family changing room at the gym?

[ett]

After DS1's swim class at the JCC yesterday, I went to the women's family changing room to get DS1 changed. We were followed into the room by 3 boys, probably 8-10 years old, who were getting changed to go into the pool. I found it a bit strange that they were in there without a female adult because if they are able to be there themselves, shouldn't they be using the men's locker room. I thought the purpose of the women's family changing room is for female caretakers of boys who were too old to bring into the women's locker room. (Our JCC has a policy that boys over 5 are not allowed in the women's locker room.)

FWIW, there's also a men's family changing room. Wouldn't that be a more appropriate place for the boys to change if they didn't want to use the men's locker room?

Opinions? I plan to ask the staff the next time I'm there if there's a policy about it?

[crl]

Our Y has women's changing room, men's changing room and family changing room. The family changing room is up to age 11, but it also requires that children be supervised by an adult and the showers are curtained and there are changing stalls with doors for those who want to use them.

Catherine

[TwinFoxes]

Can you explain what the women's family changing room is? I'm not familiar with what that is.

[ett]

Can you explain what the women's family changing room is? I'm not familiar with what that is.

Our JCC has a women's locker room, men's locker room, women's family changing room, and men's family changing room. I go with DS's to the women's family changing room because DS1 is too old to go with me into the women's locker room, but still needs help with showers and stuff so he can't go into the men's locker room himself. That's the purpose I see for the women's family changing room. And likewise, there's a men's family changing room to.

[Uno-Mom]

Our JCC has a women's locker room, men's locker room, women's family changing room, and men's family changing room. I go with DS's to the women's family changing room because DS1 is too old to go with me into the women's locker room, but still needs help with showers and stuff so he can't go into the men's locker room himself. That's the purpose I see for the women's family changing room. And likewise, there's a men's family changing room to.

Wow that's cool. They must have lots of space. All the ones I've been to have only had the mens' and womens' standard locker rooms plus 2-3 one-room "family" rooms. There is always a huge wait for the family rooms, since only 2-3 families can use them at once, obviously.

When you said 3 boys followed you in, I was thinking they followed you into the single-room family bathroom like what I'm used to! That, would be strange.

[s7714]

My first guess would be their mom isn't comfortable with the concept of them changing in the regular men's locker room, despite the fact they're 8-10. No clue why they'd be sent in there unattended unless she was trying to give them privacy or was dealing with another child.

I was really annoyed this summer at the number of 5-7 year old boys in the women's locker room after my DDs' swim lessons. Primarily because they'd stand there staring around the room while their moms were busy with their sisters. Then I had to stop and think about how I'd be handling things when *my* DS is that age. I don't think I'll be sending him in to the men's dressing room alone at that age, so my only two options would be taking him into the women's or having him get dressed in the van. (Most likely I'll go for the car option as that's what I used to do with my DDs anyway, but it made me think about the situation from the other point of view none the less.)

[ett]

When you said 3 boys followed you in, I was thinking they followed you into the single-room family bathroom like what I'm used to! That, would be strange.

Oh no! That would be really strange! :) It's a room with some lockers, a handicap stall, a sink, and 2 showers stalls with curtains. So not very big and it would get pretty crowded with several families in their at the same time. I just thought it was strange that the boys were there without female supervision. Why not just use the men's locker room?

[kijip]

This is why private change rooms T can use on his own are so valuable to me at our Y!

While I agree that the boys that old do not really belong in the women's room, I am not sending my 8 year old into a busy men's shower room. I don't mind him using the men's toilet alone but that is a short time. For a long time in a dressing room, I would be concerned. Maybe when he is 9 I will change my mind.

[Multimama]

Why not just use the men's locker room?

Maybe the mom thinks the women's locker room is safer for them. Statistically speaking, it probably is.

That wouldn't seem strange to me. But I hate it when single men come into the family restroom area at our mall!!

[KrisM]

This is why private change rooms T can use on his own are so valuable to me at our Y!

While I agree that the boys that old do not really belong in the women's room, I am not sending my 8 year old into a busy men's shower room. I don't mind him using the men's toilet alone but that is a short time. For a long time in a dressing room, I would be concerned. Maybe when he is 9 I will change my mind.

But would you send them into the women's by himself? I use the family changing room, and it's in the women's locker room and I am there with DS. I don't just send him on his own.

That said, I'm still stumped on how to get him in and out of it. The family room is inside the women's. You can't get to the outside or to the pool from the family room. Last time, he changed in there, then exited back to the pool and walked through the men's. It's not at all busy though.

[kijip]

But would you send them into the women's by himself? I use the family changing room, and it's in the women's locker room and I am there with DS. I don't just send him on his own.

That said, I'm still stumped on how to get him in and out of it. The family room is inside the women's. You can't get to the outside or to the pool from the family room. Last time, he changed in there, then exited back to the pool and walked through the men's. It's not at all busy though.

No but if there was no other choice, then I might take him in there. Actually, I would likely let him change in the car or once we got home.

[ett]

But would you send them into the women's by himself? I use the family changing room, and it's in the women's locker room and I am there with DS. I don't just send him on his own.


Same here. I would not send DS1 in there by himself; I would go in with to supervise at the least.

[mjs64]

Maybe the mom thinks the women's locker room is safer for them. Statistically speaking, it probably is.

That wouldn't seem strange to me. But I hate it when single men come into the family restroom area at our mall!!

:yeahthat:

So, while it was awkward for you, it was safer for them?

If we're prioritizing safety, then theirs comes first? As in you weren't threatened, really, by their presence, at least not as much as they would have been threatened by being in the men's locker room on their own?

(The only logical explanation.) Still, I get the weirdness.

ETA: Oh, but it seems like the Men's Family locker room would solve that problem, huh? Maybe they were confused.

[niccig]

8 and 10 is too old for the women's changing room at our Y. No children allowed at all in the Womens/Mens. Boys can go in the girls until 6yo, after that, must use the boy's changing area.

I used to worry about it, but DS has been changing himself at camp since pre-K in the boys changing area every day he goes swimming. I would send DS into the boys, then I would walk through the womens to meet him on the pool deck with a "hurry up or I'm coming in after you."

Now, if he had to go in the men's, that would be different.

[TwinFoxes]

Interesting set up, I'd never heard of one like it. My guess is that's where they always go with their mom, and for whatever reason she wasn't there and they didn't think twice about it using it. But yes, I would feel odd having 8 and 10 year old boys seeing DDs undress.

[KrisM]

Interesting set up, I'd never heard of one like it. My guess is that's where they always go with their mom, and for whatever reason she wasn't there and they didn't think twice about it using it. But yes, I would feel odd having 8 and 10 year old boys seeing DDs undress.

I had this thought just a minute ago. DS1 automatically goes to the woman's because that's what we do.

[Melbel]

At our beach club, before they had a family area when DS was 5ish, I had a naked lady get in my face about having DS in the women's locker room. He was just over the cut off admittedly, but he was not old enough to go into the men's locker room alone. The Club was great, and understood, even though we were technically breaking the rules. Fast forward a few months - at the sister property beach club, a man was caught taking pictures of young boys in the locker room. This is a very nice, upscale property, but of course, that did not matter.

Shortly thereafter, our club created a family bathroom/shower area. At age 11, I still do not want DS showering in the men's locker room alone. If I am alone with all 3 kids, DS showers in the family area (accessible from the pool). He can lock himself in so nobody else has access. I then take the girls in to the women's locker area with me. You do not need to go through a locker room (men/women) to reach the family area.

The set up you described seems strange and kind of defeats the purpose of having family areas since you have to walk through a men's or women's locker room. As a mom of an older boy, I can certainly understand why the boys were not alone in the men's locker room. At the same time, DS would be embarassed and I would be uncomfortable with him going into a women's locker room at his age. At a minimum, I do think they should have been supervised considering that they were technically in the women's area. Are there changing stalls so that you can change DD with privacy? Is there an area further away from the family area which would provide greater privacy?

[elephantmeg]

our gym has a clearly posted "children over 4 must use the appropriate gender dressing room", there is a family dressing room available.

[momof2girls]

We have a family room at our Y and there is an no boys allowed rule in the girls room. My girls would have been totally freaked out if they saw a boy as old as 10 in there while they were expecting privacy.
However, I sympathize with the dilemma moms of DSs must face in these situations. I don't know what I'd do if I had boys. I wouldn't mind so much if an attempt was made to shield boys from seeing girls/women in the locker rooms. My girls (who have no brothers or male cousins) are very sheltered when it comes to male anatomy and were once privy to a nude 5 yr old boy running around the women's locker room. They were totally freaked out and horrified that not only a naked boy was in the room but that he could have possibly have seen them. I know 5 is still young and innocent, but my girls are modest and they felt that there was no place they could feel comfortable in the girls only locker room after seeing him in there. Now when we go in there they are extremely nervous about a boy walking in on them. I don't think that young (under10) boys should be alone int he mens locker room either, I think that a family room should be mandated in places like Ys.

[ThreeofUs]

Our JCC has a women's locker room, men's locker room, and a family changing room.

I would talk with the staff and see why the boys were there. They are over 6, and according to my JCC's rules, should be in the men's locker room or changing room.

[chlobo]

The place we go to swim has 4 "family" rooms for changing. All are located in a "common" area which does not require you to walk through any of the other locker rooms. Makes sense to me.

I guess I don't understand a "family" changing room that requires you to go through another locker you. Inevitably, you would have the wrong gender kids going into the locker room initially.

[Kindra178]

Our y is an old facility and just has the traditional locker rooms for men and women. DS1, who can dress himself fine, still struggles with a dripping wet, clinging bathing suit. There is no way I would send him into the men's locker at this point. I believe our y requires opposite genders to go to their separate space at his age. I will continue to break the rule at least for the next several years!

[HIU8]

That is odd. I would have said something to the boys. I would say something to the staff about better signage also. Our JCC has a healthclub locker room for men and one for women (no one under 16 allowed in), a locker room for the pool separate for men and for women (kids of the same and opposite sex 5 and under can go in with a parent or OLDER kids of the appropriate sex can go in). We also have a family locker room (big room with a bathroom attacked that is for families to go in--one family at a time).