Does throwing an adult tantrum work?

[niccig]

I was in line today at college to get the textbooks I ordered. A women was speaking very rudely and demanding her textbook even though the book wasn't in the store. It was on back order from the publisher.

Now, maybe because I worked in university library's and know that even when you order a book with plenty of notice, if the publisher is out of stock, guess what, no book until the publisher gets more. You can not perform miracles and pull it out of your derriere. I also know that professors often don't give us the list to buy books until the last minute, despite us harassing them for the list all summer long.

The staff explained calmly that they didn't have it, and if she wanted she could cancel her order and purchase it somewhere else if she had to have it immediately. Yes, classes did start but no one has been able to buy the book as the bookstore didn't get any yet, so she won't be the only one and they have informed the lecturer about the back order. And guess what, usually textbooks are in the library too.

Icing on the cake. This woman is a graduate student in the Communications Disorders Dept. My dept., and I just finished a lecture where the professor talked about your own communications style and how you must be aware of it as a professional speech therapist. This woman must have missed that lecture.

So, does throwing the adult version of a tantrum get you what you want. Note. I'm not saying you can't get angry when the situation is warranted, but to be so rude to the book store clerk was way out of line IMO.

[fumofu]

I can only imagine (since DS has yet to throw tantrums) that adult tantrums "work" just as well as kiddle tantrums, i.e. they get you nowhere. The end results are probably similar: Everyone gets exacerbated, the atmosphere turns sour, and nothing gets solved. And as a rational adult (or at least when sanity returns), you'll probably get mad at yourself later for having thrown a tantrum.

[longtallsally05]

It does if you are dealing with my health insurance company! I broke my foot while I was moving between regions and I needed ER & follow up care from a orthopedic surgeon before being cleared to travel. My insurance co. has rules that you need to follow up with your PCM after the ER (impossible b/c my new PCM was 3 states away and I couldn't get there without follow-up care) and that only your PCM can refer you to a specialist (and the new PCM wouldn't give me any referrals b/c they had never seen me before...I was a new patient). I asked nicely but after about 10 hours of trying to get it all figured out, I finally told them loudly and in no uncertain terms that they WOULD waive their internal requirements because they were OBLIGATED to pay for appropriate, medically necessary care for which their company has been compensated by my husband's employer as part of his employee benefits package. I demanded for names and call-back numbers, demanded to speak with supervisors, told them that it had been a while since I'd graduated from law school, but that I could read a contract, that according to my policy I was covered no matter where I was located so they were GOING to pay for my care, you name it. There is no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't have gotten the care I needed (or at least, the insurance company wouldn't have paid for it) unless I DEMANDED it. I got what I needed and I have no regrets at all.

[mjs64]

I wish it didn't. I can't stand people like that.

[niccig]

It does if you are dealing with my health insurance company! .

This wasn't being unreasonable. You got the run around and BS. The situation I witnessed today was completely different. Yes, it's annoying your textbook is on back order and you might have to use the library's copy, but not to the level of insurance company BS annoying.

I forgot this gem to add. The clerk asks for the name of the book and the woman says "what, I have to know the name?" Umm, yes, when the clerk is standing in front of shelves piled high with books. You've got to tell her something, so she can look it up on the computer.

I know everyone has a bad day, but this little display made me think it was more than that. I know who I'll be avoiding in the dept. It also reminded me of some students I had to deal with when worked in the library who were quite rude and demanding. It didn't get them anywhere except on our mental list of "difficult students" and less likely to bend the rules for someone being a rude jerk. One student once stood up 15' away from the reference desk, snapped his fingers, pointed at the reference librarian I was working with, and then pointed to where he was in a "you, come here" fashion. The librarian stood up, snapped her fingers, pointed to him and then pointed to where she was and sat back down in her chair. I nearly died laughing.

[kijip]

It works about as much as punching someone in the face. Not well. You are likely to get punched back and black-listed. People will go out of their way not to give you what you want.

I hate to see people treat clerks badly. It makes me what to punch the adult tantrum brats in the face, but as we have established that is rarely a good idea.

[amldaley]

I guess it can work when there is a possible alternative or solution available, but in this instance, the clerk can not produce a book out of thin air, so what was she to accomplish with her tantrum?

[elephantmeg]

some of my patients at work think it does and will get you free care at the same time. Sigh. On another note the only time adult tantrum has worked for me was with DH. Once when I was pregnant and he wanted to buy a fridge and stove off of a friend who was upgrading instead of the ones he promised me (we were building a house). I burst into tears and hit him with a pillow. Another when I went off recently about how we have lived here almost 6 years and his stuff is still all over the upstairs so we can't get it finished. We own a 2000 SF house but live in 1200 SF with 2 kids and a dog. And we have the money to finish it-its just his 32 years of stuff that he can't part with that is in the way. He's getting pretty close to having it done AND has a person in mind to finish it.

[pb&j]

DH and I both used to work for the airlines. Yes, grownups throw tantrums. And no, tantrums can't change the weather or fix a plane. Tantrums can get your bags mysteriously mis-routed, though. ;) Karma!!

[FTMLuc]

Not well. You are likely to get punched back and black-listed. People will go out of their way not to give you what you want.

:yeahthat: especially the bolded out part. In my college days I used to work as a front desk clerk at a fancy downtown hotel, and guess who got free upgrades and who was put in the smallest, dingiest, noisiest, with a longest walk from the elevator room in their booked category, and told that the hotel was sold out and nothing else was available. Yup, the tantrum throwers got the latter. By the way that seems to be standard practice with majority of fromt desk clerks.

If someone is nice, even if there is an issue, you go out of your way to come up with something to compensate them properly for the inconvenience.

[luckytwenty]

Not really. Ever watch "Bridezillas"? Those women always through tantrums and they never seem to work. Maybe co-dependent family members will indulge a tantrum, but usually strangers don't.

(I can't believe I just admitted to watching "Bridezillas"! Yes, I do miss those IQ points now that they are gone!)

[lalasmama]

Icing on the cake. This woman is a graduate student in the Communications Disorders Dept.

Are you sure she isn't an object lesson? ;)

Sorry. It just made me laugh.

[infomama]

I think that throwing a tantrum accomplishes nothing. You make a public ass of yourself and piss people off in the process. How can someone be proud of that? I've seen this happen and the person turns around and says to everyone..'can you believe this??". I once told someone to calm down but it didn't work.....aggravated and irrational people hate to be told to calm down.

That being said...being firm (not off the hook) and somewhat aggressive (which I would not equate with throwing a tantrum) does work IMO.

Seriously...if the book wasn't there she was totally out of line demanding it.

[ShanaMama]

I see this occasionally & I feel embarassed for the adult who apparently has no shame. I long to put them in their place but never do.

[longtallsally05]

This wasn't being unreasonable. You got the run around and BS. The situation I witnessed today was completely different. Yes, it's annoying your textbook is on back order and you might have to use the library's copy, but not to the level of insurance company BS annoying.

Thanks. I felt I was justified, but I'm quite certain (based on their verbal reactions) that the ins. company employees felt I was throwing a tantrum.

I think some people either don't know what is reasonable and what isn't, or they have so little self-control that they express their frustration without considering the potential fall-out. My sister is an attorney and she once had a client that threw a toddler-esque tantrum outside the courthouse when a hearing didn't go the way they wanted it to go. She said the client yelled, threw things, broke branches off trees and kicked things in the parking lot. She got in her car and left, then fired him as a client that very day. I remember thinking that he was going to have difficulty retaining counsel!