Get together dilemma - wwyd?

[BillK]

Sorry this is kinda long....

We have this group of friends that gets together about once a month for a dinner out somewhere different. There are 8-10 of us - all couples.

Normally the "planning" falls back to me and my one buddy (who is also a Bill). We try to plan it for fun areas where there is shopping and we can walk around as a group and just have some fun after dinner. Etiher the South Side of Pittsburgh, the Strip District or the Waterfront. All fun places.

Anyway - my buddy's wife is fussy (he is NOT and loves to try different foods) - she is as fussy as my children at 45+ years old. Another couple in our group are also fussy - like burgers, pizza, pasta and that's their culinary limits.

So Bill and I spend like 2 hours figuring out a bunch of neat places to go in and around Pittsburgh - like Kaya (http://www.bigburrito.com/kaya/) or Eleven (http://www.bigburrito.com/eleven/eleven.shtml) and his wife can't find a single THING she'd eat on either menu.
:(
Finally we decide (to my displeasure as I'm not a huge fan but I can deal with it) we'll go to PF Changs (http://www.pfchangs.com/index.aspx) at the Waterfont since his wife will eat Chinese type foods and she found some things she'd eat there. I make us reservations for 10 - call everyone involved and get our meet-up time and such lined up.

Last night - my other buddy calls and says he and his wife can't find a THING they'd eat at Changs now after looking at the menu on the internet. Really? Am I taking my CHILDREN out to dinner? We HAVE been there in the past with them - and they BOTH found things then they'd eat (like the crispy honey chicken) - the friends who NOW say they can't find anything (not my kids).

I'm just so annoyed right now that I want to just say screw it - cancel the Changs reservations and tell them all to figure it out (even my buddy with the fussy wife is agreeing with me - he's just as annoyed). Of the 10 of us - 7 of us are what you'd call adventurous diners - the other 3 are like going out to eat with a 4 year old....

So stick with Changs and let the 1 couple suck it up and deal - screw around and change reservations to something more boring that will appease them - or just tell them to figure it all out and we'll show up?

[Roleysmom]

That is beyond annoying! After clicking on the links to Eleven and Kaya, I can't believe someone can't find something to eat. Not even the cheese and a salad? Hmmm.

I like your last idea a lot - tell them to figure it out, they make the reservations and everyone will show up.

I think in the future the pickiest people should be in charge of finding the place. It sounds like - since the burden usually falls on you and Bill2 - the night outs will start to loose momentum and fizzle and someone will say, "hey, it's been three months since we've gotten together, we met more regularly and always had fun when the Bills did the planning." Then it will go back to you guys, the picky people will be chastened and more apt to find something they can eat. (Or maybe that's wishful thinking?)

[BabyBearsMom]

I think in the future the pickiest people should be in charge of finding the place. It sounds like - since the burden usually falls on you and Bill2 - the night outs will start to loose momentum and fizzle and someone will say, "hey, it's been three months since we've gotten together, we met more regularly and always had fun when the Bills did the planning." Then it will go back to you guys, the picky people will be chastened and more apt to find something they can eat. (Or maybe that's wishful thinking?)

:yeahthat: And so annoying. I hate picky eaters!

[ellies mom]

Go to Changs. They can eat rice. That's what my girls eat when they don't like the offerings.

I go out for dinner with a group of mom's every month. One friend kind of organizes it but we alternate choosing the restaurant and the vast majority of the time, people cope. And we learn new things. Like everyone was able to find something they like at a Thai restaurant and Olive Garden has lovely specials. I did ask once to come up with an alternate choice because the person chose Sweet Tomatoes. And well, I shouldn't have to serve myself on my mom's night out dinner too.

Anyhow, maybe you could do something like that too. You and the other Bill can still make the reservations so that it gets done but everyone gets the responsibility of choosing something they think others will enjoy.



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[Clarity]

I'd stick with Changs this time and tell the couple who can't find anything to eat that they can pick the venue next month.

[crayonblue]

Stick with Chang's. Maybe rotate who picks the restaurant?

DH and I have some friends like this. It is SOOOOOOO annoying. We end up going to a pizza place, the one they pick, because that is the only place they like. But, if it was every month, they would have to suck it up and eat something other than pizza!

[hillview]

I'd stick with Changs this time and tell the couple who can't find anything to eat that they can pick the venue next month.
:yeahthat:

I would suggest they pick next time. OR you could do survey monkey!
/hillary

[momm]

Really. So annoying. AND I know where you're coming from.

People seem to think that it's your paid job, to do the planning and the research, and only pipe up with "issues" they have. How about doing it on your own for a change, and see how much work it is. Jeez!!

I like PP's idea of having these nay-sayers plan from now on. Then they will appreciate you more.

[MMMommy]

Wow. Really, really annoying. It kills me when people won't go out of their comfort zone to at least try something new. I can't believe they can't find ANYTHING to eat on the PF Changs menu. Fried rice? Noodles? Chicken? For this upcoming outing, I would stick to your plans and let the picky couple adapt. They just have to find something to eat or not go. Is there any way for you to gently oust the picky eaters from the monthly group outings without offending them? Being that picky really puts a damper on creative eating and ethnically diverse eating.

[DietCokeLover]

I'd stick with Changs this time and tell the couple who can't find anything to eat that they can pick the venue next month.

:yeahthat:

And I am probably the picky one in my circle, but I can usually find at least something on just about any menu to eat - garden salad, soup, something. If the fellowship is valuable to me, I'll even just go and have a diet coke.

They'll figure something out.

[emily]

I'd stick with Changs this time and tell the couple who can't find anything to eat that they can pick the venue next month.
:yeahthat: I have one friend like this. Cant stand people who treat every meal as if it's their last. There is 10 of you! Just suck it up and find something to eat.

[Indianamom2]

:yeahthat:

And I am probably the picky one in my circle, but I can usually find at least something on just about any menu to eat - garden salad, soup, something. If the fellowship is valuable to me, I'll even just go and have a diet coke.

They'll figure something out.

:yeahthat:

[mackmama]

Originally Posted by Clarity View Post
I'd stick with Changs this time and tell the couple who can't find anything to eat that they can pick the venue next month.

[/QUOTE]:yeahthat: I have one friend like this. Cant stand people who treat every meal as if it's their last. There is 10 of you! Just suck it up and find something to eat.[/QUOTE]

:yeahthat: I understand that people have different tastes, but I think people need to go with the flow.

[sste]

Bill I wonder if your friends appreciate you enough - - we would LOVE to have a friend who took the lead on getting everyone together.

I would def. ask them to choose AND organize the next outing.

[Indianamom2]

You know, I looked at the menus and even I can find something (several things, actually) that I would eat.

This thought did pop into my head though...could price be a factor? I don't know how much PF Changs is, but the others are a bit pricey. Might that be a problem that they don't want to admit?

[BillK]

You know, I looked at the menus and even I can find something (several things, actually) that I would eat.

This thought did pop into my head though...could price be a factor? I don't know how much PF Changs is, but the others are a bit pricey. Might that be a problem that they don't want to admit?

Thanks for all the replies so far everyone. Just wanted to be sure I wasn't being too much of a hot-head about this.

As far as price goes - only 1 couple might take issue with the price - and they are very hit and miss on whether they partake or not. They aren't the ones I'm having issues with. The rest don't mind an expensive meal once every month or two.

[TwinFoxes]

I understand that people have different tastes, but I think people need to go with the flow.

:yeahthat: I mean really, it's not like you picked a restaurant that only serves raw goat. Sometimes you have to bend a little when you're being a friend.

BTW, thanks for the restaurant suggestions, I have a friend I visit in Pittsburgh fairly regularly, and both Eleven and Kaya are right up our alleys! :)

[kristenk]

I vote that this month is the start of the restaurant pick rotation. The picky couple gets to start and pick the place. You can decide if you and/or your buddy want to be in charge of making the actual reservation, but the restaurant choice is rotated in an orderly fashion and everyone gets to deal with the, uh, "fun" of choosing a place for everyone. A new rule is instituted as well and that's the "no complaining" rule. If you don't like someone's pick, you just need to wait a few months and it'll be your turn. (Obviously, you might need to rephrase a few of my suggestions...)

I think you should go ahead and start the rotation with the upcoming dinner b/c you really don't want to go to P.F. Chang's. It was the compromise place. (Leave it free for your buddy to pick when it's his/his wife's turn!) You can get the super picky couple out of the way first and know that someone else gets to pick next month.

[elektra]

That sounds completely ridiculous, and I would be really frustrated too.
Isn't the point to be with friends? Try something new? I mean, I could go to my favorite restaurant on my own at any time!
If someone else is organizing the whole thing, I usually defer to them on place, time, etc. It's a huge PITA to organize groups like that.

[bubbaray]

I would stick with PF Changs (yum!) and at the dinner announce that after that night, dinners will be organized on a rotating basis. Present a schedule. Organizer gets to pick the place, NO DEBATE & no whining. If the picky people want to eat at McD's, so be it.

I think you should go to the dinner wearing a "no whining" shirt. LOL.

[wencit]

Wow, I would be really irritated if someone did that to me! I am not a particularly picky eater, but even if I was, I wouldn't impose my restrictions upon my friends. If I know beforehand that I'm going to a restaurant I absolutely couldn't find anything to eat at (really rare), I will eat something beforehand and perhaps order dessert while I'm there instead.

I really like the suggestion of rotating the restaurant choice so that everyone has a chance to be as daring or as boring as they please, with the PP's caveat of NO COMPLAINING. :)

[cvanbrunt]

I say cancel and just go out with the guys. We used to hang in a group of four couples, too. Two of the women were so picky and unwilling to try anything that we stopped making any plans involving food with them. Now we go out to eat with the other couple and its delightful. Life is too short to eat at homogenized chain restaurants.

[cono0507]

Life is too short to eat at homogenized chain restaurants.

:yeahthat:
:bighand:

My husband is very picky - burgers/steaks/boring. But even he would find something on both of those menus. We have friends that like to go out for an expensive dinner every month and he's never left hungry. Those menus you posted look fabulous. Can I come along? LOL

[SkyrMommy]

We've been in a similar situation with a slightly smaller group and got fed up with the picky eaters so much that it became a 'we are going here... join us or not... we don't care.' They eventually just picked and chose the places they'd join us and didn't come other times.

We ate/eat at some fun places with great food when they're not around. Oh well, they're missing out!

[WatchingThemGrow]

Life is too short to eat at homogenized chain restaurants.
:hysterical: Yes!
Tell the picky girl to pack her lunchbox and meet everyone else at PF Changs.
(I will say that my friend from TN came last month and one guy they eat out with often is so meat 'n potatoes that he actually did not order anything at PFChang's recently. They said he weighs 300+ lbs so he clearly wasn't going to starve, but they were all annoyed.)

[BabbyO]

I think I'd stick with the reservation and ask if they have a better suggestion for next month. Better yet, I like the suggesion to rotate the restaurant pick monthly. I think it stinks that you and Bill2 have put a lot of thought into this and people are taking your work and time for granted.

The mean part of me would want to forward the children's menu from PF Chang's and say, "Are you sure you can't find ANYTHING?!"

When I HAD to be picky (because I was BFing a child with food allergies) I took a VERY active role in choosing restaurants. Worst case scenario, I knew I could get a garden salad, and would plan to eat a heavier snack before dinner.

[lil_acorn]

I you should go and they can decide if they want to come or not. And change it so you rotate who gets to choose to go where.

Sneak in a PB&J for the picky wife...

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

Life is too short to eat at homogenized chain restaurants.

:ROTFLMAO:

I would put PF Changs in that list. :bag

Seriously, though, I would eat pretty much anywhere to hang out with friends. In fact, I have eaten at Sweet Tomatoes twice just beause my friends like it. Dh only went once, though. It was too big of a sacrifice for him.

[weech]

We do a similar thing with a group of friends. If someone doesn't like what's on the menu or is otherwise not available/inclined to come, no biggie. We'll see them next time. Stick with your plans!

[cvanbrunt]

I would put PF Changs in that list. :bag


Oh, I would too. My general rule of thumb is if you can purchase menu items in the grocery store freezer then it isn't a restaurant I want to visit. I mean, if shows up frozen at SuperTarget it's showing up frozen at the restaurant.

I will freely admit to total food snobbery but if my friends invited me and I want to hang out with them you can bet I will go, eat, and have a good time. Some adults just don't know how to behave like a grown-up.

[BillK]

Oh, I would too. My general rule of thumb is if you can purchase menu items in the grocery store freezer then it isn't a restaurant I want to visit. I mean, if shows up frozen at SuperTarget it's showing up frozen at the restaurant.

I will freely admit to total food snobbery but if my friends invited me and I want to hang out with them you can bet I will go, eat, and have a good time. Some adults just don't know how to behave like a grown-up.

Yes I agree. I prefer non-chain places. But to keep the peace we'll have to stick with Changs this time I guess.

[Green_Tea]

I would stick with PF Changs (yum!) and at the dinner announce that after that night, dinners will be organized on a rotating basis. Present a schedule. Organizer gets to pick the place, NO DEBATE & no whining. If the picky people want to eat at McD's, so be it.


:yeahthat:

The whiney wife can stay home of she doesn't like it. Seriously. All the picky people I know KNOW they're picky, and would never expect an entire group to change the plan based on their limited palate. It's rude and childish and selfish. Don't like the restaurant? Don't go!

[JTsMom]

You should un-invite them, and invite some of us instead, b/c I see about 30+ things I'd love to try!

Honestly, I can't see how anyone can not find something they'd like. Even if they don't like every side, I'm sure they could order just plain chicken, or a plain steak, or burger. I don't know why you'd want to, but you could. I remember ordering Jason plain chicken and rice at PF Chang's once (when he was a baby).

[JTsMom]

Oh, I would too. My general rule of thumb is if you can purchase menu items in the grocery store freezer then it isn't a restaurant I want to visit. I mean, if shows up frozen at SuperTarget it's showing up frozen at the restaurant.

:ROTFLMAO: Yeah, that's a pretty bad sign. I'll eat at those types of places, but given the choice between that, and the others linked to, I'd be all over the latter.

[bubbaray]

You should un-invite them, and invite some of us instead, b/c I see about 30+ things I'd love to try!

Honestly, I can't see how anyone can not find something they'd like. Even if they don't like every side, I'm sure they could order just plain chicken, or a plain steak, or burger. I don't know why you'd want to, but you could. I remember ordering Jason plain chicken and rice at PF Chang's once (when he was a baby).


:yeahthat:

Tami & I can talk shoes & boots. You and my DH can talk trucks. :D

[WolfpackMom]

I would just tell them, well thats where we are going so I hope you will join us. End of story. Then at dinner, suggest a rotating schedule as PP mentioned.

[infomama]

If you like doing the planning, keep planning. It's fun to try new places, I agree. Most mature adults would graciously bow out VS. making it known to all that they aren't happy. Ask them for suggestions if you think it will make a difference. If not...keep on keeping on.

[Corie]

I'd still go to PF Changs! Tell the other couple to suck it up!

While you are at PF Changs, I'd let everyone know that you are
done organizing the monthly meet-ups. I think the organizing
should rotate through each couple and if you are the organizing
couple then you get to pick the restaurant. And no one is
allowed to skip the dinner or bitch about it.

[wildfire]

I'm sure they can find SOMETHING edible on the menu. My mom is a super picky eater and so she always gets grilled chicken or grilled/steamed fish, sauce on the side. Asks to substitute a steamed vegetable and rice for whatever side it comes with. She is pretty much always accomodated.

[karstmama]

what would *i* do? ditch the whiners & pare the group down a tad. or refocus it to drinking instead of eating...

[alien_host]

I know it can be impossible to please everyone, but seriously, there is not one thing on the menu they can eat? We aren't even talking about a food allergy here, geez. Get a bowl of rice, some steamed veggies and a cocktail if you can't stomach anything else.

Honestly, like PPs have said, stick with the plan and tell everyone at dinner that you and Bill would appreciate a rotation system for planning. The only problem with that is that it might fall apart. I find that if the "planners" don't do the planning things like this can go down the drain b/c people are too busy/lazy to do the planning. I think the service you and your friend are providing is AWESOME.

Don't let these party poopers ruin your night. Heck I love to go out with friend that I don't really care where we eat when we go!

[3isEnough]

:yeahthat:

And I am probably the picky one in my circle, but I can usually find at least something on just about any menu to eat - garden salad, soup, something. If the fellowship is valuable to me, I'll even just go and have a diet coke.

They'll figure something out.

I am totally picky when it comes to food, and I am well aware of it. Nonetheless, when going out with friends I go with the flow. I might not be happy about the place chosen every single time, but I can always find something to eat. And I often pre-eat when we're going to a place I don't like (esp when going to my MIL's ;) ), so that I'm satiated and then can fill in with a small dish or salad of some sort.

Bottom line? Your friends are adults and need to suck it up.

Slight tangent but on a similar subject - as a picky eater, I never participate in family-style ordering. There's so much of it I don't like, such as fried, or beef, questionable chicken parts, etc. I'm perfectly happy to somewhat silently bow out of the family style ordering and just order something individual, but more often than not people seem offended by this. Why? Why do I have to agree to eat some part of 10 different dishes I want nothing to do with? Let me eat my veggies & rice in peace!

I bring this up because the last time I was at PF Changs was with friends about 5 years ago. They got offended that I didn't want to share their dishes and didn't offer to share my one little dish (I had ordered some kind of steamed dumpling appetizer, which appetizer was my *entire* dinner). They still make comments about it, which I don't get. Maybe I hadn't explained myself well enough (i.e. that the appetizer was my entire dinner and I didn't want any part of theirs), I don't know :shrug: But it's nothing personal!

[AmyZ]

DH and I love Eleven! We'll meet you there! :)

[georgiegirl]

I lived in the burg for 4 years. I love Kaya and Eleven (and soba and umi.) What about Mallorca? Surely there's something basic there. How annoying. If you really want to piss her off, make reservations at Abay (it's ethiopian for those who aren't in Pittsburgh.)

[BillK]

I lived in the burg for 4 years. I love Kaya and Eleven (and soba and umi.) What about Mallorca? Surely there's something basic there. How annoying. If you really want to piss her off, make reservations at Abay (it's ethiopian for those who aren't in Pittsburgh.)

Haha yea right. After I got back from Korea with Ben I really wanted to try to get everyone together at Sushi Kim so they could all try Korean food but didn't have much luck then either. That still kinda bums me out that certain people wouldn't even consider it.

[georgiegirl]

Haha yea right. After I got back from Korea with Ben I really wanted to try to get everyone together at Sushi Kim so they could all try Korean food but didn't have much luck then either. That still kinda bums me out that certain people wouldn't even consider it.

What a shame. I love sushi Kim. Don't they have basic stuff like chicken teryaki there? Pittsburgh has so many great restaurants that it would be a shame to go to chains. Hopefully you have other friends who have more adventurous tastes. If I still lived there, dh and I would definitely go out with you.

[sweetsue98]

Stick with changs and tell them fussy eaters they do not have to go. In the future, either rotate on which couple picks the resturant. If it does come back to you to pick a place and the fussy eaters do not like it, then again, they don't have to go.

[crayonblue]

Haha yea right. After I got back from Korea with Ben I really wanted to try to get everyone together at Sushi Kim so they could all try Korean food but didn't have much luck then either. That still kinda bums me out that certain people wouldn't even consider it.

Do it! Even now, that would be really cool!

Oh and I agree....set up an Ethiopian food night. :) I LOVE Ethiopian food but your picky friends seriously wouldn't find a thing to eat!

[ahisma]

I'm vegan, and I think I'm far less picky then them! Really, I can sort out something to order virtually anywhere. It really got put to the test when I wound up at the racetrack with my 80+ old grandfather last summer. If I can find a vegan meal at a horse track, they can certainly find something palatable at the restaurants that you linked to. (A quick peek revealed several vegan options, I'll go!)

I guess you're stuck deciding between focusing on the dining experience or your friends. Can you do the pizza thing with them but spin off a group of people to go to some nicer places once in a while too? I'd be bummed too. I have friends who can't think beyond a chain restaurant and it drives me bonkers.

[dogmom]

WWID?
Pick up the phone and use my cheerful voice: "I'm sorry you won't be able to join us this time! We'll miss you!"