At wit's end w/DS sleep (12 wks old)

[Minnifer]

I seriously can't take this anymore. DS (12 wks) has been mostly screaming since 6 pm (it's 10 pm now) while I have tried to put him down in about a million ways.

He can only sleep with me lying next to him in my bed, or in my arms, or in his swing. I got the swing when it became apparent early on that he was not a good day sleeper, and it has helped mostly w/naps - if it's cranked up high, sometimes he'll sleep a few hours in it. At night, sometimes he'll go to sleep in the swing for the first part of the night until he wakes to be fed. But the swing seems to be losing its magic touch all around esp at night.

Otherwise, I have to be lying next to him in the bed - I nurse him and he falls/stays asleep. Can't sneak away once he's asleep - he wakes and screams. Can't nurse him to sleep and then move him - wakes and screams. Can't soothe him down in other ways and then transition him - wakes and screams. Even if I wait a looooong time so he is in a deep sleep. I do not like/want to be co-sleeping - started only out of desperation when he was a week or two old. And I definitely can't go to bed with him at 6:30 or 7 pm, which is when he has desperately needed to go to sleep the past few nights.

I just don't know what to do. My DD also sucked at daytime sleep but at least at night would nurse to sleep and then I could put her in the co-sleeper or crib and she would stay asleep just fine.

DS does have reflux (and is on Zantac) but I don't think that's causing this particular problem - I think he just wants me with him when he sleeps. It is a complicating factor in that sometimes if he doesn't burp and spit up after feeding he wakes up b/c he's uncomfortable, but oddly this rarely happens when we co-sleep so I don't think this is the main issue w/this problem.

I know he's too young to let cry. But I just don't know what to do anymore - the only solution just can't be that at 7 pm I have to lay down for the night and sleep with him!

Please, any ideas/thoughts/suggestions? After hours of crying it's gotten to the point where I don't even want to soothe him, etc., I just want/need him to STF up, and then of course I feel like a terrible horrible person :bag

[hoodlims]

We sleeped trained my daughter at 12 weeks and it worked so I don't think it's TOO early. What are you doing during these hours? Ferber says to go in at increasing intervals but never pick them up or hold them, because it starts the screaming cycle over again. Good luck!

[Kymberley]

When my DS was your DS's age, I was ready to lose my mind. No sleep for 3 months makes you desperate, so I finally gave in and co-slept with DS nursing most of the night. At 5 months he was ready to sleep train and now he is the perfect sleeper. I'm so sorry mama, I know it's got to be awful.

[ThreeofUs]

Oh, Minnifer, I have been where you are. DS1 had horrible reflux and it was so very hard for him to sleep.

Can you wear him? DS1 had to sleep upright on us for 18 months or so, but we'd put him in a sling and he'd crash on us until we could go to bed.

Failing that, do you have family who could come over and spell you an hour at night? Honestly, it sounds like you need a small break during the day.

Some kids just need a lot more than other kids. Reading Dr. Sears on high-needs kids really helped me a lot.

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/high-need-baby

But there's one more thing. The reflux meds stop the burning, but they don't stop the reflux. It still happens. And that's what woke our DS1 up - he'd reflux with the tiniest "bloop" and it seemed to choke him, so he'd wake up screaming.

Try other swings, if you can, too.

FWIW, we ended up sleeping DS1 on his tummy and co-sleeping with him. It was the only way he could stay asleep for 20 minutes even.

[Minnifer]

Thanks guys. Last night after he woke screaming AGAIN when I tried to transition him from my lap to the co-sleeper, I stuck him in the swing and cranked it up, and he went back to sleep. Before I went to bed at 1 am, I turned the swing off but left him in it, which is the first time I've done this at night. He seemed to sleep fine in it, but it made me nervous so at 4 am I took him into my bed. But in retrospect I think he would have been more comfortable being left in the swing, b/c once he was in the bed he started his usual hours of thrashing around with gas, groaning and writhing (I didn't mention that in my first post, but even co-sleeping isn't a peaceful solution b/c of his crazy bad gas). Plus if I think about it, that may have been his longest consecutive time asleep (5 hours total from the time I put him in the swing).

Threeofus - Gosh I would *love* to sleep him on his tummy - he's got great head support and has been lifting and turning his head from side to side almost since birth so I was game early on. But he cries and seems really uncomfortable on his belly and ALWAYS throws up after a few minutes, no matter how long it's been since a feeding. And he mostly doesn't like being worn, plus when I've worn him he's also thrown up (maybe from the pressure on his belly, even though the carrier isn't too tight) - but now I'm thinking I should try it again in the evenings until I'm ready to go to sleep myself. Can I ask, I've always wondered this, how do you get things done wearing a baby?? It feels pretty uncomfortable to me trying to move around, sit, bend over to pick stuff up, etc, even though the carrier itself is comfortable (Beco Gemini).

Hoodlims - I haven't been doing any sort of "official" CIO mostly b/c both Ferber and Weissbluth recommend waiting until 4-6 months, and also b/c I've heard it can be a bit of a disaster w/a reflux kid so I was hoping he would start to outgrow the reflux soon (haha, wishful thinking it seems). So really I was just waiting to go to him to see if he would settle back down on his own, but instead he gets more and more frantic/hysterical. A couple of times I've let him do it for 5-10 min b/c honestly I knew I needed a few minutes to compose myself before going in. :(

I just put him in the swing for a nap and he fell asleep... he is definitely addicted to it for naps at least, and I thought at this age I should stop the "doing everything at all costs" to get baby to sleep, b/c otherwise it will be harder to deal with those habits. Plus, again, it's just not possible to never put him down! Ugh, this is so difficult, and he seems so sad this morning like he's thinking, bad mommy for having such a hard time (I know that's crazy but that's how it feels) :cry:

[hillview]

Honestly if it were me I'd go with the swing til I got some sleep and would in a few weeks (or a couple of months) try a transition again. You do what you have to do.

HUGS mama!!
/hillary

[arivecchi]

Honestly if it were me I'd go with the swing til I got some sleep and would in a few weeks (or a couple of months) try a transition again. You do what you have to do.
:yeahthat:

[BabyBearsMom]

Honestly if it were me I'd go with the swing til I got some sleep and would in a few weeks (or a couple of months) try a transition again. You do what you have to do.

HUGS mama!!
/hillary

:yeahthat: IIWM, I would do whatever worked to get him to sleep and then do hard core sleep training at 5 or 6 months. Good luck! This is a tough time, but it is short.

[Minnifer]

Ugh, I spoke too soon - he slept in the swing for a whopping 30 minutes and now he's shrieking. I do think it's losing its magic touch. I seriously can't get anything done. I still have our sitter while I'm home on maternity leave (b/c I couldn't let her go since I'll need her when I go back soon) and she takes my older kid most of the time and even with that help things are falling apart around here... god, I just feel really incompetent!

*deep breath*
Going in.

[arivecchi]

Can you have your sitter take care of the baby more often? That way you can get some time in with your older DC and get a break from the baby. I started doing that a lot after the first 2 months and it really helped because I was just wiped out. We would do short trips like a walk to the park, a short movie, a quick museum visit. I would pump and leave her baby bottles. So not fun. You will get through it!

[BabyBearsMom]

Ugh, I spoke too soon - he slept in the swing for a whopping 30 minutes and now he's shrieking. I do think it's losing its magic touch. I seriously can't get anything done. I still have our sitter while I'm home on maternity leave (b/c I couldn't let her go since I'll need her when I go back soon) and she takes my older kid most of the time and even with that help things are falling apart around here... god, I just feel really incompetent!

*deep breath*
Going in.

Ugh! Do you have any kind of baby carrier? When DD was a terrible napper, I used to wear her a lot and she would fall asleep as I walked around the house doing things.

[ThreeofUs]

Threeofus - Gosh I would *love* to sleep him on his tummy - he's got great head support and has been lifting and turning his head from side to side almost since birth so I was game early on. But he cries and seems really uncomfortable on his belly and ALWAYS throws up after a few minutes, no matter how long it's been since a feeding. And he mostly doesn't like being worn, plus when I've worn him he's also thrown up (maybe from the pressure on his belly, even though the carrier isn't too tight) - but now I'm thinking I should try it again in the evenings until I'm ready to go to sleep myself. Can I ask, I've always wondered this, how do you get things done wearing a baby?? It feels pretty uncomfortable to me trying to move around, sit, bend over to pick stuff up, etc, even though the carrier itself is comfortable (Beco Gemini).



Go with the swing! He'll be fine, seriously, he's probably more comfortable and can actually sleep.

Sounds like he's not a good candidate for tummy sleeping.

At first, baby wearing was very awkward for me. But I got used to it quickly and learned how to do things one-handed and backwards, lol.

GL to you!