SAHM to WOHM -how to deal with daily life

[nmosur]

Right now I am a SAHM to one DD. She started kindergarten this year - 8:00 am to 2:00 pm. I drop her off in the morning, cook, do chores/shop, talk to parents/friends, pick her up from school. I am pretty much dedicated to her from when I pick her up till she goes to bed and after that it is clean up, read, internet, sleep.

I am planning to go back to work - hopefully soon. But I am terrified of how things will be when once I start work. I hope to have a nanny who will pick up DD and stay with her till I get back from work - say around 5:30 pm. Once I get back, I am looking at cooking dinner, cleaning, helping DD do her homework and getting ready for the next day. I am not sure I can do it all. And I have just one child. How do those of you who WOH and have with more than one child do it??? Does your schedule leave time for you to be involved in your DCs school and schoolwork?? And when do you get time to pursue your interests and friendships??

DH travels a lot for work so I am looking at the situation pretty much as doing it all by myself.

Any ideas/words of advice/wisdom, please post.

[bubbaray]

How do those of you who WOH and have with more than one child do it???

I stay very organized. I touch each piece of paper from daycare/school only once (sign it and send it back or recycle it). I have a system for lunches that works for me. DH helps a lot in the mornings before he leaves for work. He also picks them up 3d/w from daycare. I work from home 2d/w.

Does your schedule leave time for you to be involved in your DCs school and schoolwork??

Yes, somewhat. I attend parent/teacher meetings, have gone on a couple of fieldtrips (taking time off work). DD#1 is only starting G2, so no real homework other than nightly reading yet. Not sure what this year holds. My girls have a VERY full activity schedule, so that takes up more time than homework right now.

And when do you get time to pursue your interests and friendships??

:hysterical: Seriously. :ROTFLMAO: I have no "me" time. I laugh when I hear IRL SAHMs or SAHMs here talk about "me" time. It does not exist in my universe. My "me" time is working (long hours at my very stressful job).

[niccig]

I'm not working, but back in school full time, which I thought would be easier time wise than work, but it's kicking my behind. My program is very intensive.

My transition to this has been made easier because of DH. You need good communication to get everything done as you divide and conquer. I'm organized and it really saves time to not have to hunt around to find things. This semester my goal is to get DH and DS more organized and take responsibility for things - they're still used to me checking up on things. I won't have the time now.

And like bubbaray, I think "me" time is me studying. I don't have time for anything else...but I'm going to try and squeeze in bookclub.

[twowhat?]

How do those of you who WOH and have with more than one child do it???

My DH travels a lot for work too. We do not deviate from routine. That's a recipe for disaster. We had to come up with a routine that works, and STICK WITH IT!! I rarely cook. We eat a lot of frozen/prepared foods. I try to cook on weekends but that doesn't work either - weekends are filled with chores, grocery shopping (for frozen/prepared foods), visiting friends (if we have plans), and spending time with the girls. It also doesn't help that I never seem to have time to make a good enough grocery store list for meal-planning.

Does your schedule leave time for you to be involved in your DCs school and schoolwork??

Don't know - ours aren't in school yet. But it's a big fear of mine because I already have no time, it seems. I have already had to skip events like school parades because they always happen between 8am anad 5pm. And I know a lot of parents somehow make it to these events. I have to save my PTO (and vacation if it's a bad year) for when the girls get sick, esp since they piggyback on illnesses.

And when do you get time to pursue your interests and friendships??

I don't:) I am hoping this gets better. After the girls go to bed, we finish our own dinners (they don't usually let us eat!), clean up, get stuff together for the next day, work (I often have to work evenings even though I don't get paid for overtime), get on FB/BBB, shower, and go to bed. I am looking at my toenails and realizing that I haven't cut them in weeks and they're starting to peel off on their own. Gross.

And that thread about being a SAHM during the school years rather than the baby/toddler/preschool years has scared the crap out of me!

eta: I stayed at home until the girls were almost 2 and was also terrified of the logistics of returning to work. It's not easy. But if you've figured out that the pros of working outweigh the cons, you really will figure out a way to get it all done!!

[wallawala]

I am NOOOO expert, but have found that the following helps to keep my head above water.

1. Hang your work clothes in "outfits" for the next week in a section of your closet. Have a idea of what shoes, bag, jewelry you're going to throw with it (for me this usually just means shoes, preferably a matched pair). Makes getting dressed in the am not something you have to spend any energy on. Might work for your DC as well (just not mine, she's in a 'contrary phase').

2. Streamline. Do less, buy less, store less. Keeping your routines as simple as possible will save you time that may translate in to "me" time. I love flylady's mantra of "You can't organize clutter" (www.flylady.net)

3. Keep a calendar and review it weekly so you can tuck erands into little bits of spare time that may unexpectedly crop up. Save's the 9pm panic of OMG "I have to bring snack" or whatever else crisis that kills your spirit.

4. Remember that there's a good chance that everyone you work with feels like they're overwhelmed too, and people who look like they're just cruising along are likely just as stressed out as you are.

I agree that work becomes your "me" time. I also found the 10 weeks post-partum I was a "SAHM" was incredibly hard, and that I had no me time at all. Going back to work was emotionally good for me. Might be different if my DC was older and in school, but I have a feeling that SAHM, WAHM, or WOHM... it's always going to be a massive juggling project to find 'me' time.

Goodluck with the transition. It's scary for everyone!

[AnnieW625]

How do those of you who WOH and have with more than one child do it???
I mark things on my calendar at work for DD1's schedule. DD2 goes to daycare now so that's easy.

Food wise I plan on one day a week that we will have a crock pot meal, which usually feeds us at least one night, hopefully two, and then DH and I eat it for lunch for part of the week. I will be honest though that dinner time is the hardest for us and some nights we eat breakfast for dinner and tonight I stopped at Costco and got a pizza as a treat for making it through the first week of school. I make DD1's lunch almost immediately after dinner unless she wants a hot lunch (this week I did microwave mac n cheese which was 3 minutes in the microwave, easy in the AM), but hot lunch will be limited to what I can heat up in the microwave in less than 5 minutes because mornings are very rushed. Prior to this week I really wanted to work from 6:30 am to 4:30 pm with one day off every other week, or from 7:30 am to 4:00 pm with a half hour lunch where I would go to the gym in the AM before work, but after this first week I can't see that happening so 7 am to 4 pm or 7:30 am to 4:30 pm is most likely going to be the standard. I am in bed most nights no later than 10:30 pm, and up by 5:30, 5:45 at the latest.

DD1's school has a folder system which I love. There is a space for stuff that comes home, and stuff that goes back, and a pencil pocket for checks and stuff that need to be turned in.

Does your schedule leave time for you to be involved in your DCs school and schoolwork??
My work schedule will allow for it as much as I want it to allow for it. My boss' kids go to the same school so he is bound to be a little more flexible in letting me work longer so I can use less vacation if needed. Our family has to do 25 volunteer hours per school year so if need be I can always take vacation if I am short on hours. I get a fair amount of vacation every month (12 hrs.), plus a few Saturday holidays, and three personal holidays each year. Homework will most likely be done right after dinner. Homework starts next week, and for kindergarten it's appx. 15 minutes per night.

And when do you get time to pursue your interests and friendships??
My me time is usually my commute (30 mins. or so each way), my lunch hour when I am at the gym, in the evening between 8:30 and 10 pm (not all nights, but it's pretty common now because DH is studying for his pro. engineering exam), when I am at the store alone, or a monthly jr. league meeting. I will ocassionally attend a book club meeting or a jr. league event on a Saturday, but most of the time my time involves my kids and I really enjoy it.




DH travels a lot for work so I am looking at the situation pretty much as doing it all by myself.

Any ideas/words of advice/wisdom, please post.

My DH doesn't travel, but if he did and we couldn't afford a nanny or have extra help near by like grandparents who are retired then I seriously would've considered only having one child until DH could fix his schedule. In 2 weeks I will spend 10 days alone with my girls for the first time and it literally taken a year for me to get used to the idea, and I wouldn't have even considered it with DD1 being younger than 5 and DD2 being younger than 1, however if it had been for work and not voluntary I probably would've just had to suck it up and deal with it a lot sooner.

[ha98ed14]

DH travels a lot for work so I am looking at the situation pretty much as doing it all by myself.

Any ideas/words of advice/wisdom, please post.

Stop at one. You are effectively a single parent. At least until your H's work schedule changes.

[hillview]

How do those of you who WOH and have with more than one child do it???
Be more flexible and lower your standards. I have many fast meals and we also eat out/get take out often. Outsource what you can, I have a cleaning person once a week and a dog walker daily. My parents pick up the kids after school and often my mom will do a load of laundry or run the dishes or both. Have a routine -- DH travels often; in the am I walk the dog, feed the dog, pack lunches, run the wash, load and run the dishes. I pack kids backpacks the night before and deal with any school paperwork.


Does your schedule leave time for you to be involved in your DCs school and schoolwork??

Not sure yet! I've been working with DS1 about 10 mins a night on his handwriting and I do this right after DS2 goes to bed. We set a timer and it works. I can attend many (not all) school events because they are in the calendar at the beginning of the year. The ad hoc ones (pot luck tomorrow night not so much). We have this calendar:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1606775960/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1604347597&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0W0WAQYWHZBJ92JHW44R
This is our 4th year of using it. It goes on the fridge (tape extra magnets to the back of it so it stays up) and is our central planning calendar. I keep it (manually) synched with Outlook at work and with DH's work calendar so we can track school events; our work travel etc.


And when do you get time to pursue your interests and friendships??

:hysterical::hysterical:
I find an hour a day to work out and I walk the dog in the am and pm. I would say those are the only times I am doing "me" time. I get my toe nails done once every 6 weeks. Oh and I come here in off hours. DH and I do go out a couple times a week after the kids go to bed when we are not traveling for a beer and quick meal.

[kozachka]

You got a lot of good suggestions on the first few questions, so let me take a stab at the last one.

And when do you get time to pursue your interests and friendships?

My DH is gone out of the country at least 50% of the time. So I try to meet with friends who work close to my office for lunch or coffee during the work week, and dinner/drinks with the rest of my business/networking friends when DH is in town. If I absolutely have to meet with them when DH is gone, I do it during breakfast hours (after I drop DS off at school) or hire a babysitter and go out at night. I bring DS along for meetings with personal friends, he either plays with other kids or plays games on iPhone.

I take Taekwondo together with DS twice a week on Saturday and Sunday. I occasionally squeeze in another class mid-week in the evenings. That's not enough but that's the only way I can work out regularly, as I am not a morning person, and am too lazy to work out during lunch. Also, I frequently end up working during lunch hours. And I am not a gym person, unless there is a class that I like.

Now that DS is 7, he comes with me for nail appointments. I found a place close by that is clean, safe and does not smell of nail polish. It's run by mother and daughter, and they don't mind DS sitting in a massage chair playing on iPhone as he is quiet and does not disturb anybody. It probably does not hurt that I am a regular client, and tip well. When DS was little I had my nails done during the lunch hour at a place close to my office, pedicure took too long so I only got it done 2-3 times a year, e.g. before a beach vacations, and then had to work on my laptop while it was being done.

I go out for coffee or quickly stop by Marshall's while DS takes a second Taekwondo class. I read a magazine or chat on the phone while DS takes a swimming class. Some of my friends use gym babysitting to de-stress.

Once DS is asleep, I watch TV (often catching up on shows on Hulu), browse Internet or read. That's also when I do most of the clothing shopping for both of us. I prefer to shop from sites that offer free return shipping or store returns. Shopping with DS is not too bad these days either, if anything he can be too helpful and insist that I must buy something.

Grandparents like to have DS over in summer, which is when we try to travel, and this year would be the first time that he would fly by himself to stay with ILs in FL for two weeks during the winter break. DH and I would try to go someplace fun then.

I want for DS and I to learn to ski and skate. We'd be doing it together at the same time. Some things we have to alternate with DH. Last week-end he took a 3 day sailing class (thanks to the Groupons I bought for us) that was from 9AM till 5AM an hour+ drive from where we live. I get to do the same in October since it's the earliest he'd be able to cover for me.

I do not have any more time or energy for interests beyond this, unfortunately. And, yes, I can't imagine having more than one child given DH's travel, my job situation and DS' activities.