Am I out of line for being upset?

[sweetsue98]

A friend out ours and their DD is coming for the weekend. Yesterday my DD was sent home with a possiblilty of pink eye. I took her to the Dr and got comfirmation it's pink eye and immediately put drops in her eye. The dr said she should not be contagious after 24 hours. I told my friend right away to inform her of the situation and would completely understand if she decided not to come. By the time they arrived it would have been 24 hours later. I also said I would let her know in the morning if her eye was glued shut and draining. My DH and I went to the grocery store to shop for the weekend for our guest. She texted me this morning to ask about my DD's eye and the weather. I told her DD's eye looks normal and the weather is cloudy. She texted me back that they are unsure of what they are going to do followed by a phone call they are not coming due to my DD's eye. They are most likely not coming because we are not able to utlilize my beach and lake. If my DD's eye was an issue she would have told me upfront this morning that they have decided not to visit. I guess I'm hurt/upset because I do alot to prepare for visitor and spend alot of money on food and drinks. If they don't want to enjoy our company because the weather's not nice then I'm sure what to think of our friendship. It's seems to be a pattern with them when it comes to getting together...their seems to be an excuse each time. Anyway, I know the food and drink will get eaten so it's not a loss or anything. Am I out of line for being upset???

Thanks for letting me vent!

[ellies mom]

I would assign positive intent and take what she said at face value. She may have been torn on what to do and was then given advice not to risk it. I could see that advice given here on this board.

[Melaine]

I can understand you being disappointed, I would be too. But I don't think you have grounds to be upset. I often feel completely torn when making a decision and try to factor in EVERYTHING when doing so. She might have thought her child would be more likely exposed if the activities were indoor, ykwim? Like, I wouldn't mind hanging out with some friends at the lake if their child had pink eye, but I'd be less enthused about sitting my kids down with all the toys that might be carrying germs inside the house? If you've had this happen over and over I can see you being frustrated though.

[ha98ed14]

I'd be disappointed, but honestly, I would be hesitant to visit anyone whose DC had pick-eye just because it is *SO* contagious. They touch their face/ eyes without realizing it and then touch everything else without washing hands. It's impossible to keep from spreading to other children unless you shadow DC's every move. It's mush easier to stave off for adults because we are more careful about touching eyes/ face and washing hands. We went through the same thing "social isolation when my DD had impetigo. I had kept DD home from daycare and friends backed out of playdates, which I fully expected, and even wanted them to do. I think you have to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one. It may have been that the cloudy/ no beach weather is the thing that sealed the fate. Honestly, would you want to drive to see friends whose child had a potentially contagious condition to have to sit in their house because the beach (main activity/ attraction) wasn't an option? I wouldn't.

I understand your disappointment. It sounds to me like you want your company to be reason enough for your friend to come. You want to be more important than the beach. I get that, and if she is a close friend, I think it *IS* reasonable to feel that way. BUT. when people come to visit and they are out of their space, they want to know that there will be a focus for their visit: activities, day trips, an event. The worst visiting/ guest experiences are when people come into your space only to sit in your house. Even board games may not be enough of a focus. I think it would be different if it was just YOU meeting your friend for a girls' weekend. When you factor DHs and DCs into the mix, Lord help me, we need an activity. We had my BFF and her DH come for nearly two weeks this summer. We went somewhere (day trip) at least every other day (4th of July festival, Getty, Laguna Beach, SD Wild Animal Park) and spent 3 days in San Diego. They even took a train trip to San Clemente. We had tons fun, but there were still some days our DHs were restless. It didn't mean they did not have a good time, just that it's not easy to entertain everyone all the time even with a focus/ activity like your beach.

Don't assume she does not want to spend time with you. She just might foresee issues managing her DH and DC and not want to deal with it. I get that. And I understand why you are disappointed. If this is an ongoing pattern and she is continually standing you up because something better comes along, that is another story. But for this one, I'd give her a pass.

[sweetsue98]

I guess disappointed is the right word to use. The issue with pink eye is completely understandable and I hope it's truly the reason. I guess if this was the first, second or third time, then I wouldn't be incline to think otherwise but it happens more often than that. Thanks for listening:love5:

[ShayleighCarsensMom]

I would be disappointed too but we inadvertently infected a bunch of friends with pink eye when we decided to go ahead with dd's birthday party 3 days after we started her on drops.
I thought I cleaned EVERYTHING in site, but sadly must have missed something.
It was totally embarrassing!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd be upset. I wouldn't want to think they only wanted to hang out at my house, not with me.

((((hugs))))
Beth

[kristenk]

I'd probably be disappointed. I could see how the weather could combine with the pink eye diagnosis, though. Maybe she was thinking that if the weather's nice and the lake and beach are available the kids won't be in super close contact? I know that I'm a little less leery of illnesses-in-recovery when sunlight and fresh air are involved. I'm sure it mainly makes ME feel better b/c I realistically know that my DD is going to be playing with the other child just as close outside as inside, but it would make me feel better.

I really think it could be a combination of factors, with the cloudy conditions just sort of pushing it over the edge.

I'm sorry you're not getting your expected guests. I'd be disappointed, too.

[amldaley]

I would be disappointed, too. And I can totally see how it seems that she waited to hear the weather report before deciding to come out to see you.

DH and I often dither and debate like that on an issue such as this - should we or shouldn't we go? I have to agree that with something as contagious as pink eye, I would be reticent to join you. It is such a bummer. YOU know that DD is technically no longer contagious, but I see the potential for my DD to get pink eye as days off work, lost income, days out of pre-school, etc.

Enjoy the food you bought for your guests by having a party just with your family and chalk it up to bad timing. If your friend pulls this sort of move again timing wise, then I would start to think that she really is a a fair weather friend (literally!) but one time really could be the pink eye.

Still sucks, though, huh? Sorry for your disappointing day, :hug:

[kerridean]

It's the pink eye, not you. I would not come either...due to the pink eye. We are a military family and for us it is a HUGE HUGE pain when one of the girls gets sick. It is often impossible to get an appointment at the hospital. Then it requires pulling strings or getting nasty on the phone just to get an authorization number to get in to a local urgent care. Then we have to go back on base to get the script filled. It is a day long process at best if we are lucky enough to even get an appointment.

We will do anything to avoid getting sick just to avoid the military medical system. Maybe they have a similar insurance situation (or lack of).

[R2sweetboys]

You have every right to be disappointed and I know that I would be as well. I don't think that you should be upset with your friend though. Conjunctivitis is a pain to deal with and she doesn't want to take the risk. I'm pretty relaxed about exposing the boys to illnesses myself, but I can understand your friend's position. 24 hours of abx does not guarantee that others will not get it at all. In fact, when one of my boys got it last year, the optometrist told me that the majority of cases of conjunctivitis are viral. Abx will not help reduce the spread of infection in this case. It stinks though, I know, when you've prepared for and looked forward to a friend's visit. Try not to hold it against her and enjoy the food yourselves! I hope your DD is feeling better. Take care,

[JoyNChrist]

I understand being disappointed, but I would try not to read too much into it.

I'm one of those who does everything she can to prevent the kids getting sick. If one gets something, all three usually end up with it, and our insurance isn't the best, so it's usually really expensive, and it's just a big headache. So I probably would've stayed home too.

I totally understand being disappointed though. I'm sorry.

[bubbaray]

It's the pink eye, not you. I would not come either...due to the pink eye.


:yeahthat:

[chlobo]

Maybe her thinking was that if the weather were great and you could be outside at the beach they would come because transmission possibility would be less likely.

However, since the weather isn't great you'll probably be hanging out inside in smaller quarters where there is a great risk of transmission and she doesn't want to risk it.