ttc question

[lmh2402]

we've been TTC for a while now

NP for at least eight months. actively trying and charting for six months.

got a BFN today again at 11dpo.

for whatever reason, this has really hit hard today

i haven't been able to stop crying.

and i really haven't cried about the lack of BFP almost at all since we started trying many months ago

i just feel totally hopeless. we were blessed with DS on second try.

i'm going to be 36 in a few months. DH is already 40.

i really wanted DS to have a sibling, but i'm feeling like it may never happen http://tickers.tickerfactory.com/smiles/icon_cry.gif http://tickers.tickerfactory.com/smiles/icon_cry.gif http://tickers.tickerfactory.com/smiles/icon_cry.gif

i'm just so, so sad. and all my usual tricks to redirect my thoughts are not working. i feel a full day of wallowing coming on.

so thinking that maybe i will call my doc on tues.

can anyone tell me, if i do call, what are the first steps they might take?

if i don't have an RE, i start by contacting my obgyn, right? or should i research and call an RE and bypass the obgyn? my insurance doesn't require referrals, but i don't know if protocol would be that you see your reg doc first...

thanks. :cry:

[amldaley]

I have no advice for you except to say, keep trying. Talk to your Dr and don't lose faith. There are a number of us "advanced maternal age" moms here on the board. 36 isn't "young" but you are on the young side of the over 35 set.

I am sorry you are feeling this way - the pressure we put on ourselves is far greater than anyone else ever could. Be kind to yourself. Do something special with DS and DH today or do something special just for yourself.

Super big :hug: to you, mama.

ETA: If your insurance does not require a referral, yes, you could call an OBGYN. Double check your insurance first though as some insurance requires you to TTC for 1 year before covering fertility issues.

[JBaxter]

I would make an appointment with your OB/Gyn first. Rule of thumb is 12 months under 35 and 6 months over 35. My regular OB did my hysteropingogram ( to check to see if your tubes are blocked) and we did 3 months of clomid before refering me to an RE. I was more comfortable with my group. They may do some blood work etc depending on the office.

[Mirthful]

I don't think you should count yourself out at 11 dpo!!! If I remember correctly, only like 40% or so of women who are actually pregnant get their BFPs before 12 dpo.

I think if you have an OB that you like, they're usually much faster to get in to see and they can order the initial labs like FSH, LH and screening for things like thyroid problems or diabetes that would make it harder to get pregnant.

If you look at my siggie, you'll see a big gap between our first two and my current pregnancy. We had no problems TTC our DDs - like first and second months trying. But then, with the third, I was all worried about passing that magical 35 years old and then we were unable to conceive for over a year. It was like all of my worst fears come true. The longer it went, the more I tried to do: OPKs 3 times a day starting on cycle day 9, research on supplements I could take to increase fertility, obsessive analysis of my temperature charts, etc. All I managed to do was to delay ovulation and make my cycles wacky. It was only after I had finally resigned myself to staying at two kids and stopped even my prenatal vitamins, that we were blessed with DC3. I am talking about one month after stopping PNV after over a year of trying. :)

I know it sounds cliched and it is SO hard to do but Is there anything you can do to take your mind off it a bit?

Big, big hugs!! I've definitely BTDT and I'm so sorry that you're feeling the sting of it too. I hope the step of scheduling with your OB is just what you need. Like JBaxter, I've also been told the rule of thumb, "See your OB after 6 months of trying if you're over 35."

[JTsMom]

No advice, just couldn't read and not send a hug. :hug:

[mommylamb]

Big :hug:. It took us a lot longer this time around too and I was starting to get really freaked out. OPKs were what worked for us. I'm 36 too and DH is 43, so we have the same age issues. It's such a frustrating thing. I'd definitely talk to your OB though and see what he/she says about getting a RE and/or pursuing hormone testing just in case, but hopefully it has just been bad timing for you guys. Good luck.

FTR, part of our problem was that when I started taking OPKs, I found out I was ovulating on day 21, which is a lot later than I expected.

[lmh2402]

thanks, ladies

mommylamb, i've been using OPKs. in fact, to admit my insanity, i'm using a CBE monitor and two different kinds of OPKs as back up...testing 3 times a day to make sure i don't miss surge

my chart is theoretically detecting an O based on a thermal shift, but i've noticed that since starting to chart this time around, my shift is a slow rise. when i got PG with DS, i had charted that month and the month before, and have a very dramatic shift with O.

i've read that a slow rise might be indicative of a weak O

i don't know what to do. i'm going to call my OB on monday and see what she says

has anyone had an HSG? if so, who performed - OB or RE?

thanks, ladies

i'm feeling a little better this afternoon. not much, but a bit

[JBaxter]

thanks, ladies

mommylamb, i've been using OPKs. in fact, to admit my insanity, i'm using a CBE monitor and two different kinds of OPKs as back up...testing 3 times a day to make sure i don't miss surge

my chart is theoretically detecting an O based on a thermal shift, but i've noticed that since starting to chart this time around, my shift is a slow rise. when i got PG with DS, i had charted that month and the month before, and have a very dramatic shift with O.

i've read that a slow rise might be indicative of a weak O

i don't know what to do. i'm going to call my OB on monday and see what she says

has anyone had an HSG? if so, who performed - OB or RE?

thanks, ladies

i'm feeling a little better this afternoon. not much, but a bit
My OB did mine. It was clear so we went on to trying clomid. If I had wanted he would have refered me straight away but I trust him and when with the route of least resistance first.

[lmh2402]

thanks, jeana

i had heard that even if it's clear, sometimes just having it done can increase the chances of pregnancy b/c it flushes any bits of "debris" and just clears things out a bit

i am def going to call the OB on tues

thanks again

[JBaxter]

Thats what happened to my SIL ;) If not ask your OB about a low dose of clomid. Thats how his wife was able to get pregnant both times.

[fortato]

HUGE HUGS. I was there... a little younger, but right there with you.
It took 2 years of charting and a lot of OPKs and NPTs for it to happen, but I finally made the appointment with the RE, I found out I was pregnant 3 days before my appointment.

The nurse I spoke to on the phone said it happens a lot... women make the appointment and find out they're pregnant...


Anyway- Hang in there. It can happen. Just stay positive, I know it's hard. Especially when you have a support group that knows you are trying, and they ask you every month if you have any news. It's really hard. But- It can happen!!!

We're all sending positive vibes... there's a lot of power in this board!

[lmh2402]

thank you so much :grouphug:

[kfhf20]

I've been where you are, and it stinks! Here is what I can tell you after the year I spent trying ot get PG

Most RE clinics have a free information session that you can attend. They can check your insurance then and see what you criteria needs met. It will also help you know what to expect.

Most OB/GYN are only familiar with clomid, and while that is OK, clomid should only be used for three months before switching to another drug. So if you choose to use your OB, and they choose to use clomid, know that if it doesn't work in three months, you will need to think about an RE appointment.

If you have a medical school near you, look to see if they have an RE department. They tend to be more interested in your whole work up and how to best most efficiently get you pg. I used a private clinic first and they had a "formula" they used on everyone, and I felt like I was in a high pressure sales situation.

If you are not comfortable with your RE clinic, switch sooner rather than later. I saw my 1st RE for month, and they did nothing for me because I wouldn't follow their formula, I knew what my issues where, and wanted to be treated accordingly. I switched clinics, and they did my work up, and learned something new about my fertility every month, it took four months, but I did feel like each month we were making progress.

We did get pg, but only after IUI. I was resistant to crossing the line into fertility procedures... I was afraid of the financial aspect and it making me crazy, but it did work, the first time. There is a HUGE difference in price between IUI and IVF, so inquire about pricing early, to make sure you aren't getting hung up an something that isn't as big of an issue as you thought. (IUI for us was @$375, vs IVF $15K)

I used the fertility friend website to track everything. They have great forums and the ladies there have alot of good information to share. Very helpful for learning the RE "language".
HTH
Kim

[chiisai]

We were trying, charting, and after 6 mos (about that I think) my OB said to come in, since we were timing well and nada, after getting pregnant easily before. At that time I was 33.

She looked at my charts and paid attention to my luteal phase, which varied somewhat, and she thought that might be a reason. That and my eggs were getting old, ha. She offered Clomid and said it would have my 30 year old body make a superstar "come n' get me" egg.

She said standard was 3 months of clomid, and then a referral.

She gave me the lowest dose of clomid, and also estrogen (to take for a few days after the clomid ended to help keep things "juicy").

First month worked! I couldn't believe it. I did not have any negative side effects from the clomid, in fact, I felt more energetic while I was taking it. Strange.

Baby dust wishes to you - I hope you see those two lines soon. I know how that feeling is. :heartbeat:

[Kira's Mommy]

:hug: Hang in there. I was there. TTCing my DD after my first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage was very very very hard.

What helped me was fertility acupuncture. By "helped" I mean helped to feel better, calm down, redirect my thoughts a little bit. I also got pregnant very shortly thereafter, i.e. very shortly after I calmed down a bit. It also helped me not to feel so helpless anymore - I felt like I was "doing" something to eliminate the problem.

My advice would be, first, to ensure there is no obvious medical reason for your difficulties to conceive. And second, try acupuncture.

[chozen]

like one pp mentioned try to take your mind off of this for a mo. or two, maybe a mini vacation if possible. i know more then one couple who got prego after or during a nice vacation.:)

[Multimama]

Since i didn't notice that anyone else mention it, I wanted to say that if your DH is amenable that an analysis of his swimmers should really be one of the first tests they do. It's relatively cheap and non-invasive and can rule out most of the problems that could be on his side before they get into more invasive tests and/or treatments for you.

Good luck! I would call your OB and start there. :hug:

[AnnieW625]

like one pp mentioned try to take your mind off of this for a mo. or two, maybe a mini vacation if possible. i know more then one couple who got prego after or during a nice vacation.:)

:yeahthat: We weren't taking a nice vacation, but when I got pregnant with DD2 (4 months after losing pregnancy #2) we weren't even trying, we just forgot protection. The baby we lost took 6 months to conceive and both DH and I think that it took longer than DD1 (one month) and DD2 (I think I had two periods after the loss) because we were so focused on it that it whacked out my system.

:grouphug: and good luck with the OB.

[SkyrMommy]

:hug: sending lots of calm & positive thoughts your way. PPs have had some great advice, I don't have anything to add, just thinking of you.

[Kitten007]

:hug: sending lots of calm & positive thoughts your way. PPs have had some great advice, I don't have anything to add, just thinking of you.

:yeahthat: Sending lots of hugs. :grouphug::hug::22:

[HIU8]

Different experience here. I did not go through my OB. I did call her to talk to her about a rec for an RE though. When DH and I got married we were aware of issues that would make it near impossible to get PG the good old fashioned way. We therefore, did not wait and went to an RE immediately. So, I have little to no experience with charting and months and months of TTC. I will say that I don't know if I would have felt comfortable with MY OB handling things. I just never viewed her as a doc that could do those things. I felt more comfortable starting with the specialist.

[citymama]

Sending a hug:hug: and mojo!

[erosenst]

At 36 and 11 months trying, make an appt with your ob/gyn, and one with an RE. Latter will likely take 3 month to get into, and you can always cancel.

While it could likely be nothing/solved by a round of Clomid, it might be something that takes more aggressive means. And sooner is way better than later.

Best of luck to you.

Sent from my SPH-D700 using Tapatalk

[pinay]

So sorry you're having trouble TTC #2- I'm right there with you, we've been trying for over 2 years and still not happening for us. I got a referral from my primary to an OB/GYN who immediately prescribed Clomid- took it for 2 rounds and decided I didn't like what it was doing to my body, so I did some research on REs as well as other alternative methods to increase fertility. I started acupuncture just after Thanksgiving last year and did actually get a BFP after 6 months of treatment. Unfortunately, it was a chemical pregnancy and I lost it at about 5 weeks :( The RE I saw did the diagnostic tests for me and everything came back normal, so she was ready for me to do IUI, which would involve taking more Clomid- just what I was hoping to avoid! I'm on a break right now from all of it, it was just becoming too consuming and upsetting.

Sorry to vent here too, just wanted you to know that you're not alone in feeling this way. :grouphug: