8 year old showing signs of depression--need advice

[4Myluvbugs]

Our 8 year old is showing signs of depression and has been off and on for awhile. I don't mean just feeling "blue" but really depressed, and making comments about not liking himself, being a "loser", etc. It has brought me to tears (not in front of him). We have a pretty solid family, he's had a pretty normal childhood, and overall I can't think of anything that is a direct cause of this. DH and I have had several heart-to-hearts with him to try to find out what's going on and explain what a wonderful kid he is, but I'm beginning to think this might be bigger than us and IMHO not really "normal" for a kid this young. I'd like to take him to talk to someone professional, but don't know where to begin. Since he's shy and will have trouble opening up to a stranger, I'd like to get it right the first time and not have to go through a carousel of counselors. What type of counselor/therapist would you recommend? Anyway I can figure out who might be good without just going blindly on a name off a list? My heart is just breaking over this and I want to help him learn to have joy and love himself!

Thank you.
J

[Uno-Mom]

Are there any other insighful adults who know him well? (School counselor, teacher, pastor, etc.) Maybe you could check with them to see what they've noticed and whether they have any advice. At the least, it would alert other important adults that he might need some extra TLC.

Sorry, no advice about finding a therapist from scratch, if that's what you realize he needs. Perhaps start with your pedi or ask other parent friends?

Does he have activities that he excels in, loves and bring him pride? You describe verbal comments he makes, which sound heartbreaking. But I'd also consider whether he functions well and successfully (in a practical way) throughout his life and also if he might be needing a new interest or passion.

I really hope you can help your boy recover his joy ASAP!!! Trust your instincts.

[kijip]

Is he being bullied or badly teased somewhere? Many kids don't say but will start to show depression and other signs as a result. We took T to a counselor who was the one that figured out that he was being bullied. Once she figured this out and we talked to him about it the floodgates opened and he told us all about it. Before this we thought there were some kids he did not get along with but we had no idea what he had been going through.

[Globetrotter]

Oh, I can imagine how heartbreaking this is :( Could you find a child psychologist via word of mouth?

Before that, I agree with PP to ask teachers and school staff if they've noticed anything or if there is a situation to be aware of. A psychologist will also help get to the bottom of this.

[happymomma]

I can't imagine how hard it is for you as the parent to see your child this way. I think previous posts have suggested child pychologists that may help him in his emotions. I would try word of mouth and get one that your child may bond well with so that he can tell teh psycologist everything.

[California]

My son started to have similar changes and it turned out he was being picked on at school. The teacher moved him away from the offenders and started monitoring them much more, I spoke to the kids personally, and my DS started to cheer back up.

I did talk to a therapist before my DS opened up to me about the teasing. The therapist I talked to said with an 8 year old she would use pretend play with my son. Another option is art therapy. I used to volunteer with an art therapy program for kids and it really worked.

You can do a free phone consultation with most therapists to get an idea of what they would do to help your DS. Play and art are a gentle way to help a shy kid to open up.

[Globetrotter]

PP reminded me... When dd was going through something, she absolutely refused to see someone, so I did! He gave me pointers that helped her open up and admit to what was going on, and I felt a lot better afterwards and was able to take it from there.

[hillview]

I am so sorry I would also cry and find that heart breaking. I would find a therapist.

HUGS
/hillary

[liz]

I would start with my pediatrician. Huge hugs to you and DS.

[egoldber]

When she was 8, older DD definitely showed signs of depression as well as anxiety. She was also being bullied at school, but even without bullying, kids can exhibit depression. Even if it isn't clinical depression (older DD's was not) they can benefit from seeing a therapist to try and figure out what is going on. You can start with a ped, but IMO they are not always that great for mental health issues. If you have a large private therapy center or a center affiliated with a university, I would start there.

[DietCokeLover]

To find a therapist, I would first contact your insurance for a list of names that are covered by your plan. You can then take that list and ask around if anyone you know knows any of these therapists. Also, ask your ped if they have any referrals.

Another, non therapy, option would be to look into a mentor type situation through your church, scouts, big brother, etc. Sometimes just that focused attention from another, more grown (teenager, college age, etc) human being can have a huge effect on a child.

I'm so sorry that he is struggling. That is heart wrenching for a parent.

[4Myluvbugs]

Thanks for your kind replies and advice. I looked up our provider directory from our insurance. Even though there were many psychiatrists, psychologists, and licensed counselors, there were only a few (4-5) that were listed as child psychiatrists and all were from just 2 different practices. I will try there first but am guessing that the wait for an appointment is probably pretty long. I think I'll also ask for a recommendation from his school guidance counselor. He met with her last year (meets with all students) a few times and maybe she knows someone. I was also thinking that it would be a good idea for her to know what we're seeing at home and how he's feeling because I know he masks things pretty well at school and would never say these things/open up at school. Maybe she can even meet with him a few more times until I can find an outside therapist. Would you be completely open with her and tell her what he's been saying or should I just tell her he seems a little down? I want to help him, but hope what I tell her would be kept confidential.

J

[waitingforgrace]

I would suggest finding someone who does play therapy or even group therapy. A shy child might not respond well to just talk therapy methods.

[Melbel]

I am sorry your DS is struggling. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can prescribe medicine. A psychologist handles the talking type therapy, which sounds like your best bet to start. If the psychologist feels that medicine may be helpful after trying talk therapy, they normally work with a psychiatrist. I would show your pediatrician the provider list and see if she has any suggestions. Even if a referral is not required under your insurance, it will likely get you an appointment more quickly. I would also ask the school counselor for recommendations and ask his teacher to keep an eye on your DS (and to especially be on the look out for any bullying issues). Both the counselor and teacher should maintain confidentiality, but it is my understanding that it is not the same standard of confidentiality that a medical provider would have to uphold. After months of therapy, DS is finally getting more comfortable with his therapist. For some kids (especially the shy types), it takes time to build trust and comfort. :hug:

[DietCokeLover]

I would not go to a psychiatrist first. It is unusual to find a psychiatrist that will actually spend time getting to the root issue for your child. They are geared toward medicine first. And my guess is that some talk therapy/ play therapy will meet your child's needs. And if meds are needed, a good therapist will make that recommendation for you.

I do think you need to speak to the guidance counselor at school. They may be aware of something, or can provide an extra set of eyes for you. The guidance counselor is bound by the same laws of confidentiality as a therapist, so there shouldn't be any concerns re: confidentiality.

I am a child therapist, if there is somehow I can help you navigate through therapists, situations, etc, just pm me.

[Globetrotter]

As PP said, I would go to a child psychologist first, but you are fortunate to have a guidance counselor who can also keep an eye on ds.