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nfowife
09-06-2011, 04:49 PM
BIL/SIL just had a baby. She's adorable and 10 weeks old. We visited a few weeks ago and had a great time. MIL/FIL visited this past weekend for the long weekend and when she called me (we are extremely close, she's like my own mom) she told me that they are putting the baby in a bouncy chair in front of the TV and put on cartoons for her to watch. At 10 weeks old. I'm pretty lax about TV watching, but isn't that bizarre?
We get along very well with BIL/SIL but I'm not super close to her. They live in a different state, she has a sister close by (who has a toddler), both are working moms (though SIL hasn't gone back yet, doing PT WAH for the rest of the month). I can't say anything since I didn't witness this but I think MIL would like to say something. But how can she, or what can she say? She did tell me that when she saw it she said something like "M was the total opposite with her kids" but I don't know that it registered. Should she forward them some sort of article? Is there something very recent that she can forward them to look like she happened upon it?
I just think it's interesting that they were so adamant about no baby bumpers, only let their DD ride in the car (still to this day) with an adult next to her, but then plop her in front of the boob tube so young. And fwiw, she's not a difficult or fussy baby at all. She sleeps great (better than all mine did at the same ages) and is a very happy baby. I have been trying very very hard (which is not easy since I'm quite outspoken IRL) to not give any unsolicited advice and be very encouraging and positive whenever possible and whenever they ask I try to be very helpful and praise-y. My own almost 9 month old, who is in the room when the TV is on plenty (both kid and adult shows) hasn't shown the least bit of interest in what's on and whenever possible I try to position her facing me or another person vs. the TV. I have a 4 and 6 year old, so they do watch some shows. I can't totally shield her from it.
Any ideas?

bubbaray
09-06-2011, 04:52 PM
I wouldn't say anything and I certainly wouldn't help MIL say anything.

JoyNChrist
09-06-2011, 04:52 PM
Honestly? I don't think she (or you) can say anything without it coming off as judgmental. I tend to take the position that unless something is putting a child in actual physical danger (like not using a carseat or something), I don't give my opinion unless it's asked for.

I know your heart is in the right place, I just think saying anything will only upset SIL.

nfowife
09-06-2011, 04:54 PM
yeah, that's what I thought. I have a hard time minding my own business.

JoyNChrist
09-06-2011, 04:55 PM
yeah, that's what I thought. I have a hard time minding my own business.

Oh believe me, me too! I'm trying to get better though. ;)

Pennylane
09-06-2011, 04:56 PM
My opinion, stay out of it! You can't parent your siblings children. Trust me, I've tried!

Ann

MamaInMarch
09-06-2011, 05:16 PM
She did tell me that when she saw it she said something like "M was the total opposite with her kids" but I don't know that it registered.

Oy. That stuck out at me big time. As far as the tv thing, there's really no way to gracefully say anything at all. But if I were in that situation, that part would be the worst for me. No way would I want my MIL starting comparisons and using my parenting as the standard so she could critique SIL. Sounds to me like a great way to start a lot of bad blood. Yikes!

WolfpackMom
09-06-2011, 05:23 PM
Oy. That stuck out at me big time. As far as the tv thing, there's really no way to gracefully say anything at all. But if I were in that situation, that part would be the worst for me. No way would I want my MIL starting comparisons and using my parenting as the standard so she could critique SIL. Sounds to me like a great way to start a lot of bad blood. Yikes!

:yeahthat: yikes! I would tell MIL to leave it be.

waitingforgrace
09-06-2011, 05:28 PM
I wouldn't touch that issue with a ten foot pole. I would even tell MIL you have no opinion, otherwise MIL could say "well nfowife agrees with me" - what a nightmare that would be!

mackmama
09-06-2011, 05:39 PM
I'd stay out of it. :) As you said, you didn't see it happen and, even if you did, I still probably wouldn't say anything. I don't think it's usually very helpful to "help" others in their parenting decisions unless someone is asking for an opinion. Otherwise, it can feel critical, everyone's usually trying their best, and comparing parenting is usually a recipe for disaster.

TwinFoxes
09-06-2011, 05:44 PM
I wouldn't touch that issue with a ten foot pole. I would even tell MIL you have no opinion, otherwise MIL could say "well nfowife agrees with me" - what a nightmare that would be!

:yeahthat: And pretty much "yeah that" to every other post. No way would I say anything, or help MIL say anything. There are so many worse things a parent can do, and no matter what, your MIL saw a snapshot of that one moment in time. (And this is from someone who didn't let her DDs watch TV until they were 2 years old.)

I get to use a new smiley! :38:

Ceepa
09-06-2011, 06:07 PM
Agreeing with everyone else. This is not a confrontation you or MIL should pursue.

ThreeofUs
09-06-2011, 08:31 PM
I'd stay out of it, too. BUT I think you could send her a book of tips on babies with a note "this made the world of difference for me, thought I'd pass it on to you with lots of love".... ;)

amldaley
09-06-2011, 09:00 PM
Yeah, I would be sooooooooooooooooo tempted to say something but there really is no good way to do it. And saying something won't likely change their behavior - it will just cause family strife.

You might, however, make a gift of a couple of your favorite parenting books with a note that says, "We really loved spending time with you all and DD is adorable! Thought I would share with you a couple of books that we found super helpful and answered alot of questions for us."

And maybe one of those books could be carefully selected b/c it mentions TV time for infants? :wink2:

Bite your tongue and be the best Auntie you can be.

kijip
09-07-2011, 12:46 AM
I wouldn't touch that issue with a ten foot pole.

:yeahthat:

kijip
09-07-2011, 12:51 AM
Also I hated it when helpful people tried to get their point across to me with articles...most noticeably my MIL sending us pro-circumcision articles because we decided not to circumcise our sons. That comes off as so condescending. It is one thing to share an article with a person who is asking for help, quite another to send clipped out articles disputing a decision made for a child who is not your own.