my toddler bit his classmate--should i apologize?

[YouAreTheFocus]

Yesterday at pickup my son's teacher told me that he bit someone pretty badly. She did not tell me who he bit, and I assume they didn't tell the other parent that it was my son. I asked him if he bit someone, and he said yes. I then asked who he bit, and he gave me a name. I asked several times over the course of the evening, and he always gave the same name. However, he's not even 2 yet, so not exactly 100% accurate.

Should I confirm with the teacher who he bit, and then apologize to that parent? I feel really badly about it, my son was bit frequently at his last daycare, and I know how upsetting it can be. Would apologizing (and thereby confessing) make things better or worse?

[belovedgandp]

No I would not. Just reinforce the expected behavior and let the rest go. It is age appropriate behavior.

I had kids on the receiving end of several bites over the years and I do understand. It was troubling but not a pattern for any of them. I was much more upset when informed that my second had bit someone else at preschool then I was any of the times my oldest or second were on the receiving end. It's such a helpless feeling.

Hope there are better school days ahead.

[amldaley]

If I ran in to the parent during drop off or pick up, I would. But I would not make a point to go out of my way to do it. Next week, their kid will be biting someone else. It's pretty normal at that age.

Now that DD is older, when I get a report that she has hit a classmate, etc, I make sure SHE apologizes to the kid. Again, if I know the parent, ran in to them, or I guess if she ever caused grievous bodily harm, I would.

[infomama]

Since you have been in the other parents shoes, what would you like to have happened? I would be okay with the teacher handeling it. I think I would be a little upset if the other parents called me at home to apologize, I'm not sure why I feel that way but I think that would be the case.

[citymama]

No, I wouldn't. One of the reasons they keep it confidential is that parents sometimes react irrationally about these things. When DD1 was about 20 months old she was bitten by another kid in daycare and my normally mellow DH was sooo upset. He wanted to know who the kid was so he could ask the daycare to keep them apart. I think he assumed she was being "bullied" by some big toughie (ridiculous, since the entire group was 12-24 months old!) - reacting like the dad of a school age kid. DD told us who it was - a tiny 16 month old girl who looked like a porcelain doll, the last person you would expect! DH was super sheepish, although he continued to jokingly refer to her as the play yard "bully."

Anyway, this is just to say that even the nicest seeming parents don't always respond well to this stuff, so I would just let it go.

[Puddy73]

No, I wouldn't. One of the reasons they keep it confidential is that parents sometimes react irrationally about these things. When DD1 was about 20 months old she was bitten by another kid in daycare and my normally mellow DH was sooo upset. He wanted to know who the kid was so he could ask the daycare to keep them apart. I think he assumed she was being "bullied" by some big toughie (ridiculous, since the entire group was 12-24 months old!) - reacting like the dad of a school age kid. DD told us who it was - a tiny 16 month old girl who looked like a porcelain doll, the last person you would expect! DH was super sheepish, although he continued to jokingly refer to her as the play yard "bully."

Anyway, this is just to say that even the nicest seeming parents don't always respond well to this stuff, so I would just let it go.

ITA. When DD1 was about 20 months old she bit another kid and left a mark/bruise but did not break the skin. It was an isolated incident; she never bit him before or after that. The kid's mother demanded that DCP tell her who bit her kid so that she could sue for battery. No kidding. I was so glad that DCP did not give out our name and number. I've been on both sides of the biting problem and trusted the DCP to keep it confidential and handle the issue.

[3isEnough]

I've only read a few responses but I think I'm the voice of dissent - if my child were bitten I would really appreciate the parent acknowledging it and apologizing to me. None of my kids were biters so that's unchartered territory for me, i.e. it would be similar to another child cutting off my child's hair or something (bad analogy, but hopefully my point comes across).

Since your DS told you who he bit, it's highly likely the other child told his/her parent who bit him and so that parent already knows who it is without you informing them.

If my child told me someone bit him and the other child's parent never acknowledged it or apologized, I would think that's very rude of them. All that would be required for me to get past it as the "victim's" mom is a quick apology, nothing major.

[JenChem]

I wouldn't worry about it. DS was bitten once in the infant room and just today in his twos room. In the infant room I arrived just as the biter's mom was filling out the paper and I could tell she felt horrible. She apologized but it really wasn't necessary, it was an isolated incident. Knowing didn't really change anything and while the apology was sincere, we didn't need it. Today we got a phone call saying DS had been bitten. DS told me who bit him (he blurted it out when I walked in the room) and the teachers looked embarrassed so I'm pretty sure he was truthful. I don't expect the biters mom to come find me though. It's not her fault. I certainly won't say anything awkward to her either (I wouldn't want her to think the teachers told me). It happens and to us it's no big deal.

[tmahanes]

I wouldn't worry about it unless you ran into her. Now the 5th time B got bitten in 2 weeks I was really frustrated but more at the daycare workers than any parents.

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[hellokitty]

I would. My son was bitten by another boy during our workout class and the mom was so sorry. Luckily, she was a friend I already knew, so I was ok with it. However, had it been a stranger's kid who bit my kid, I would have been really upset and an apology from the parents would have helped to make me feel better about it, even though I know that some kids just bite, and it doesn't have anything to do with parenting.