Pat Robertson says Alzheimer's Makes Divorce OK

[JBaxter]

http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/health/pat-robertson-says-alzheimers-makes-divorce-ok-091511?=id2

This is MESSED UP. No its NOT ok to divorce a spouse because of alzheimers religion or not its morally wrong.

[maestramommy]

What a winner. Nothing PR says surprised me anymore.

[ett]

Oh goodness, I can't believe some of the things he said. :(

[sste]

Having seen my mother's declining health (not alzheimers but she requires full time care by her spouse, my father) I have a healthy respect for the fact that some ailments/ailing individuals are pure hell on their loved ones.

I wouldn't divorce my DH for alzheimers or any other illness. I don't think "ensuring custodial care" is easily accomplished contrary to the article's glib reference and as long as there was a shard of my husband still there, in mind, body, or spirit, I would want to be there.

However, I would absolutely take a lover/other companion in this situation. My DH would want me to. I would want him to. Neither of us would want the other to go possibly decades without sex, without intelligent conversation and companionship, without a strong support person, esp given the caregiving burden.

[mommylamb]

The thing that is so irksome to me about this is what a hypocrite he is. I mean, isn't he supposed to be all about traditional marriage, which includes in sickness and in health...

[MamaInMarch]

The thing that is so irksome to me about this is what a hypocrite he is. I mean, isn't he supposed to be all about traditional marriage, which includes in sickness and in health...

I don't like PR at all and I think he is an idiot. However, I think there are some limits to the sickness and health vow. I find addiction to be an illness that has the potential to destroy everyone in its path and it is a disease, a sickness. But I wouldn't expect someone to stick around forever and deal with relapse after relapse. I would have a limit of about twice.

Specifically regarding alzheimers - I would never leave DH for that and I know he would not leave me. But I am with PP on the fact that caring for an ill loved one (especially an alzheimers patient) is extremely difficult and eventually would want to find a companion or for DH to find one.

[DietCokeLover]

That is just wrong. I am a conservative Evangelical Christian, and I can only imagine that the vast majority of the Christian community would come out strongly against this statement. He should hope and pray he is never afflicted with this disease.

[mommylamb]

I don't like PR at all and I think he is an idiot. However, I think there are some limits to the sickness and health vow. I find addiction to be an illness that has the potential to destroy everyone in its path and it is a disease, a sickness. But I wouldn't expect someone to stick around forever and deal with relapse after relapse. I would have a limit of about twice.

Specifically regarding alzheimers - I would never leave DH for that and I know he would not leave me. But I am with PP on the fact that caring for an ill loved one (especially an alzheimers patient) is extremely difficult and eventually would want to find a companion or for DH to find one.


I totally get this, and I agree with sste too, but just knowing who Pat Robertson is and the grand ideals he espouses and the disdain he has for anyone who deviates from his narrow path of acceptability, makes me need to call hypocrisy when I see something like this. It's just not consistent with the other things for which he supposedly stands.

[sste]

I totally get this, and I agree with sste too, but just knowing who Pat Robertson is and the grand ideals he espouses and the disdain he has for anyone who deviates from his narrow path of acceptability, makes me need to call hypocrisy when I see something like this. It's just not consistent with the other things for which he supposedly stands.

You know, my first thought when I read this was that it was a "ratings" issue. The hypocrisy and narrowmindedness have gotten stale or at least expected and he needed a fresh, startling, contrarian angle to liven up his ratings.

[BabyMine]

My vow was " in sickness or in health".

[TwoBees]

deleted

[hellokitty]

I'm assuming he's married? He better hope he doesn't get alzheimers, or else I guess he's given his wife free liberty to dump his a$$.

[elektra]

The part about divorcing but "Making sure she has custodial care" does make it sound kind of heartless, like he is saying that if a spouse has Alzheimer's they are as good as dead and you may as well throw them in a home and consider them dead, divorce them and then start a completely new life.
But in Pat Robertson's defense (did I just say that?! ;)) when a spouse gets Alzheimer's it goes from a partnership to a completely different relationship. One where you still love the person but in a completely different way. I don't think divorce is the answer but I also don't think the healthy spouse should resign the rest of their lives to staying true to a marriage that doesn't exist as it once did, at least as far as denying themselves companionship or a romantic relationship with someone else besides their spouse.
It is just so hard all the way around to deal with this disease.

I also think that PR's whole take on this issue (an many other issues!) totally jacked up though, and I agree it's likely for publicity, and also his hypocritical way of givingsomeone an "out" to his "traditional" views on marriage.

[JBaxter]

I emailed the link to my pastor. He responded. That is so sad we need to pray for him to have a better understanding of scriptures.

[sste]

Out of personal curiosity and not intended in an inflammatory way, what is the christian versus evangelical christian or other religious perspective on not divorcing but engaging in extra-marital sex or extra-marital romantic companionship in this situation?

I was raised greek orthodox and am now looking into joining a jewish reconstructionist temple. I believe the former would have been negative formally but looked the other way in practice and the latter would focus on defining morality and judaism for yourself, no judgment.

I now know a few people with early onset dementia/alzheimers. Individuals with this disease, particularly early onset, may live for thirty years or more! Frequently they cannot maintain intimate relations. For one father of a friend, he is so changed and helpless that it would be rape or close to it for his spouse to be intimate with him. He can't consent, he can't do anything really at this point.

Anyway, just curious . . . I guess because to me the potential of ten or twenty or thirty years without sex, or other romantic companionship, seems very bleak. :(

[katydid1971]

I disagree with Pat totally (almost on all things) BUT it sometimes happen with people with Alzheimer's that they will forget their spouse and fall in love with someone new. It happened with Sandra Day O'Connor's husband. He fell in love with a woman that was in his same care facility.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-11-12-court_N.htm

[elektra]

I disagree with Pat totally (almost on all things) BUT it sometimes happen with people with Alzheimer's that they will forget their spouse and fall in love with someone new. It happened with Sandra Day O'Connor's husband. He fell in love with a woman that was in his same care facility.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-11-12-court_N.htm

I disagree with divorcing as well, but I do not disagree with the idea of the healthy spouse seeking companionship outside of the marriage.
It's not all or nothing IMO.
It seems like PR is against both divorce and adultery, but in his mind divorce (and completely ditching your spouse) is the lesser of two evils in this case I guess???

[Indianamom2]

That is just wrong. I am a conservative Evangelical Christian, and I can only imagine that the vast majority of the Christian community would come out strongly against this statement. He should hope and pray he is never afflicted with this disease.

:yeahthat:

[crayonblue]

That is just wrong. I am a conservative Evangelical Christian, and I can only imagine that the vast majority of the Christian community would come out strongly against this statement. He should hope and pray he is never afflicted with this disease.

Yes, this.

Addressing a PP's question about how the evangelical community would view an affair/sexual relationship when the other spouse has Alzheimer's: I would think that most Christians wouldn't view this situation any differently than a marriage with two healthy individuals. I don't think God would view it any differently. God doesn't promise happiness in life or a pain-free, problem-free life. There are so many situations in life that we will be faced with that pretty much suck. How we respond is the definition of character.

[kijip]

Dude can't let too many news cycles pass without coming up with something totally freaking inflammatory to say. Otherwise, he would cease to exist. And then what would we do for entertainment? Watching him go on about his latest insane verbal diarrhea is essentially a national past time now.

[maestramommy]

The whole thing that disturbs me about this is not necessarily PR's view on this. It's that the interviewers behave as if he is some kind of authority on the subject, and he plays along.

It's just sad that as election season draws closer people say more and more outlandish things to pander to their base.

ETA: Okay, just read that it was a question from one of his viewers. Even worse.

[sntm]

I think he's an idiot (I refuse to even read the article), but I'm not opposed to divorce in that situation. For financial reasons, if nothing else, it can sometimes make sense. The disease also changes who someone is at a basic level. I don't think it should be recommended, but I also wouldn't judge anyone who would do that.

[DietCokeLover]

The whole thing that disturbs me about this is not necessarily PR's view on this. It's that the interviewers behave as if he is some kind of authority on the subject, and he plays along.

It's just sad that as election season draws closer people say more and more outlandish things to pander to their base.

ETA: Okay, just read that it was a question from one of his viewers. Even worse.

The thing is, even if his attempt is to "pander to his base", I think he is missing the mark. Ostensibly, his base would be conservative evangelicals, and I sense this only separates him farther from what would be considered his base.

[tribe pride]

Yes, this.

Addressing a PP's question about how the evangelical community would view an affair/sexual relationship when the other spouse has Alzheimer's: I would think that most Christians wouldn't view this situation any differently than a marriage with two healthy individuals. I don't think God would view it any differently. God doesn't promise happiness in life or a pain-free, problem-free life. There are so many situations in life that we will be faced with that pretty much suck. How we respond is the definition of character.

Agree 100%. Here's an article, written by an evangelical pastor and seminary professor, on this subject:
http://www.russellmoore.com/2011/09/15/christ-the-church-and-pat-robertson/

[ehmom]

just to offer another opinion, my mother has had ALS for the last 15 years (not the same as alzheimer's i know) and it has been an amazing challenge for my father and my family to meet her emotional and physical needs. it has been draining and at many times completely unrewarding. however, sometimes life isn't just about meeting our own needs, and pursuing our own life and comforts. i know sometimes people bail out on their terminally ill loved ones, and i know it is really hard, even feels impossible sometimes. however, my dad would say that he took a vow to love and serve his wife until death, and he would never give up on those vows (that he made before God) no matter what state she was in. we have learned what it means to love and put others needs over our own. just my two cents :)

[DietCokeLover]

Agree 100%. Here's an article, written by an evangelical pastor and seminary professor, on this subject:
http://www.russellmoore.com/2011/09/15/christ-the-church-and-pat-robertson/

Good article. Thanks for posting.

[marymoo86]

I think it stands to reason that Pat's comments were appropriate FOR THE SITUATION. I can't believe I am defending him as I am pretty much diametrically opposed to the man. However, if you heard the clip you would soften your stance on his view.

He was responding to a letter from a friend of a man who was CHEATING on his Alzheimer's afflicted wife already. In that case, Pat advised the friend that perhaps divorce is best since the man had already left the marriage and was not interested in returning.

Plenty enough stupid crap to castigate Pat on but this really shouldn't be one of them.

[Melaine]

He was responding to a letter from a friend of a man who was CHEATING on his Alzheimer's afflicted wife already. In that case, Pat advised the friend that perhaps divorce is best since the man had already left the marriage and was not interested in returning.



I agree.
Although I haven't watched the clip, reading the article it seems people are taking his comment out of context. It does NOT seem he was saying that divorce was ok in the case of Alzheimer's, but that in this case divorce was preferable to the man staying in the marriage and continuing to be unfaithful to his ill wife. I would have to agree that divorce is the lesser of the evils, IMO. Again, I'm really not defending the guy because I don't particularly agree with him either, but for the sake of Christianity, let's take the comment for what it was worth, which was related to a particular situation and not stating an interpretation of scripture or a timeless truth.

[ha98ed14]

I disagree with Pat totally (almost on all things) BUT it sometimes happen with people with Alzheimer's that they will forget their spouse and fall in love with someone new. It happened with Sandra Day O'Connor's husband. He fell in love with a woman that was in his same care facility.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-11-12-court_N.htm

I read the article. I think Just. SDO'C is very brave to go public with this, but at the same time, I think it's important to recognize that this is a teenage crush type of romance. Per the son, his father is like a teenager in love. I seriously doubt that the nursing staff are allowing them to have conjugal visits down the hall. Either way, PA is an @ss to say what he said.

[JBaxter]

I read the article. I think Just. SDO'C is very brave to go public with this, but at the same time, I think it's important to recognize that this is a teenage crush type of romance. Per the son, his father is like a teenager in love. I seriously doubt that the nursing staff are allowing them to have conjugal visits down the hall. Either way, PA is an @ss to say what he said.

People in nursing homes have rights. If its consentual they cant stop them. Happens ALL the time in nursing homes.

[MamaMolly]

People in nursing homes have rights. If its consentual they cant stop them. Happens ALL the time in nursing homes.

Yep. My mom was a social worker in elder care. Consenting adults are consenting adults.

As for the whole Pat thing, I've recently walked the 'in sickness' walk with DH. And before she passed away my grandma with Alzheimers/dementia/no short term memory lived with us. So I have perspective on the issue, I think.

Honestly I don't know what I'd do, but when DH was so sick recently and it changed his personality...the whole thing was so indescribably hard on me, my kids, etc. that I don't think anyone can really say what they'd do in a given situation until they are facing it. I never understood how someone could walk away from an ailing spouse before this. But now I really get it. Doing the 'right' thing isn't necessarily becoming a martyr to wedding vows. But it also isn't IMO (!!) quitting when things get hard. Again, until you walk the walk, there is no telling what you will really do.

[ha98ed14]

Watching him go on about his latest insane verbal diarrhea is essentially a national past time now.

And to think he was once a contender for the Republican nomination... His own people have known he is crazy going back 20+ years.

[JBaxter]

And to think he was once a contender for the Republican nomination... His own people have known he is crazy going back 20+ years.

Did I miss something? I never knew he had intention of running for president

[kijip]

Did I miss something? I never knew he had intention of running for president

I think she is referring to his past bids. He ran in 88 and 92 also I believe. In 88 he won the Iowa GOP's straw poll.

[ha98ed14]

People in nursing homes have rights. If its consentual they cant stop them. Happens ALL the time in nursing homes.

I could see it in a regular nursing home where people's minds are still all there, but this article is about a couple who live in a facility for people with dementia. In my experience, that means a 24 hour in a locked facility with alarms on the doors to make sure no one is escaping. Sometimes the "runners" wear monitoring devices. I would think people who need that kind of care are no longer legally able to consent. They usually have a guardian or someone legally charged with making decisions for their care because they have lost that capacity.

[JBaxter]

People with diminished capacity have rights and if they are consenting they can be stopped. Its the same as a mentally ill patient choosing not to take their meds. If they are not endangering themselves or others you can't be forced.

There is a fine line and who knows what is Alzheimers ( or mental illness) and what is free will.