S/O Did you change your name?

[mjs64]

ETA: I realize now that my poll options also assume that you are female! Sorry dads!

I didn't change my name when I married DH. DS has DH's last name. But now I'm considering changing my last name to DH's and changing my middle name to my maiden name. Wondering, given the recent thread, what others have done and how that worked out for their professional and personal lives. FWIW, I have a masters and bachelors in my maiden name and am about to complete my doctorate. I think I would change my name for my degree, and that's why I would go ahead and change my middle name to my maiden name, to keep it, in way, for professional reasons. What do you think? I kind of want to have the same last name as DH and DS.

And how much of a pain is it to change your name? I know it will be harder to do it now (with a court order) than it would have been to do it when I was married. Does it last forever? By which I mean, are you forever finding documents and accounts in your old name that you have to change over?

Poll coming.

[katydid1971]

I changed my name soon after I married DH. I changed my middle name to to my maiden name. It wasn't a big deal for me professionally but I'm a teacher. It didn't take very long to change but we didn't have many assets at the time ;)

[ellies mom]

I changed my name a few years after I got married. It wasn't any harder or different than it would have been right after getting married. Although, in all honesty, I sometimes wish I had just kept my maiden name. I like having the same last name as my children but I miss being Veronica Maiden Name. It just seems more me than my married name but like the OP in the other post, I was in my mid-30s when I changed it.



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[elektra]

I changed mine but sometimes I wish I would have kept my maiden name too. It also just feels more like me. However, I probably wouldn't care as much if DH's (and my current ) last name wasn't so dang goofy. I really do cringe every time I say it. :(

[momtoonegirl]

I kept my last name. DD and DS have DH's last name. So far, there have not been any issues with it. At DC's school, I am known as "DD and DS' mom" or my first name.

[kijip]

We both took on two last names but we skipped the hyphen. Now we both pretty much just use what was my last name socially and in most things. The mortgage papers and some accounts are all that we use with both names. The boys only have what was my name because we did not want to give them two last names.

I would have been willing to change but my husband really did not want it that way.

[KHF]

I changed mine and kept my middle name. My maiden name was Dugger...in light of recent reality show stars, I'm even more glad I changed it. My mom gets asked all.the.time. if they're related to the Duggars (despite the different spelling).

[lhafer]

I got married at 19 (still married 14 years later!). I changed my name to DH's name, and kept my middle name - not my maiden name.

My parents (and 2 younger siblings) have since changed THEIR last names to my DH's biological father's name!! So even if I had kept my maiden name - it wouldn't match my parent's name now!

I kind of understand how people say that their name is their *own*. But for me, it's really only my first and middle name that make me me. So changing my last name wasn't changing my identity for me. But I was also 19. I might feel differently (though I doubt it) if I had gotten married later in life.

[mommylamb]

I kept my last name. DS has DH's last name (and so will new baby), but DH did give me the option of giving DS my last name when I was pregnant with him. I actually quite like DH's last name, but it just isn't who I am. Yes, sometimes people who don't know call me Mrs. DH's Last Name, but I just answer to that too. People also call him Mr. My Last Name. Whatevs.

I never considered changing my last name, and actually DH was totally opposed to me changing my last name too. So it worked out quite well. His mother changed her last name when she married his father, and DH's father wasn't a very nice man, to say the least. DH stopped speaking to him when he was a teenager and his parents divorced, and the man has now passed away, so I never met him. Anyway, DH always wished that his mother had changed her name back and gave him and his sisters her maiden name, so he isn't particularly attached to his own last name. He even considered for a short period of time changing his name to my last name, but never did it.

[sweetsue98]

Sorry I picked DH and I hypenated and I misread. I hypenated my name so my DC and I wiuld have the same last name. I was married for 2 years prior to legally changing it. The process was not difficult at all like I expected. I will keep my maiden name for work only because it will be easier. The hyphenated name can be a pain sometimes when I'm checking into places such as clinics, hotels and etc. They have a hard time finding me.

[WolfpackMom]

I didnt have a middle name so it was easy for me to make my maiden my middle, however I write my full name on most everything making it appear that I have hyphenated my last names.

[scrooks]

I took DH's last name and kept my middle name what it was. I toyed with the idea of making my maiden name my middle name but I liked my middle name and it had a family tie so I kept it. It's weird to say and it has nothing to do with my DH or marriage but I miss my maiden name ... It was quite unique and definitely still "feels" a bit like part of my identity. On the other hand I really prefer to have the same last name as my kids and husband.

Here is an interesting reverse twist. When SIL got divorced she changed back to her maiden name as her last name but made her married name as her middle name. That way she could use both in correspondence with the kids schools etc but eventually as the kids grow older she can stop using it all together. I would guess if she hyphenated she would legally have to use both forever? FWIW she was married almost 20 years and has 4 kids ranging from middle school to high school... So she really was "known" as Mrs. "married name".

[Canna]

Other: I hyphenated my name - DH did not and kept his name.

[elephantmeg]

I took my maiden name for my middle name and and took DH's name. We got married when I was 20 (almost 21) and still in college so it didn't affect my professional life at all.

[ncat]

I took DH's name, but didn't change it "officially" (on my drivers license) until a few years after we married. I kept my middle name and added my maiden name as a second middle name.

I married early on in graduate school and had not really published under my maiden name.

[pinkmomagain]

Without hesitation I took my DH's name immediately. Guess I'm a traditionalist. I love that our little family unit all has the same last name. Don't miss my maiden name.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Another without hesitation. But I also got married on the young side so I didn't have any sort of real attachment to my last name. Even if I did, I still would have changed it because I prefer it that way for myself.

Beth

[Snow mom]

Yes, sometimes people who don't know call me Mrs. DH's Last Name, but I just answer to that too. People also call him Mr. My Last Name. Whatevs.


:yeahthat: I didn't change my last name. I was already in the process of building my professional reputation around my name when I married and it was important to me to keep my last name. I suppose I could have legally changed my name and continued to use my original last name professionally. It just seemed like a huge hassle to me with really no pay off.

I haven't had any problems with DD having a different last name. Sometimes I feel slightly sad that we don't share a last name, but it's more that I wish she had my last name than that I wish I had her last name. She knows both my last name and her last name at 2. I think having a different last name is becoming less and less of a big deal.

[westgre]

I kept my name. We got married when I was 22, right out of undergrad, and I had yet to even apply for vet school yet. It was just part of who I was and I didn't really understand why I had to give it up. DH and I are not traditional at all and make decisions based on if they make sense for us. DH doesn't particularly like his paternal family, so was thinking of taking my last name, but didn't. The kids all have my last name. DH decided that as well. He just simply did not want his children to have that last name.

[wellyes]

Kept it.

Am posting to say I :rotflmao:at your "your options are offensive!" option. That's awesome.
While I do have empathy for people who feel strongly about such issues, I am relieved that it's getting a 0%.

[boolady]

I changed mine but sometimes I wish I would have kept my maiden name too. It also just feels more like me. However, I probably wouldn't care as much if DH's (and my current ) last name wasn't so dang goofy. I really do cringe every time I say it. :(

:yeahthat: almost word for word, other than our last name isn't so much goofy as long, very hard to spell, and, apparently, just begs for all sorts of unkind ethnic jokes. I particularly wish I'd kept my maiden name professionally, but now most people don't even remember that name, which is my middle name now.

[Cam&Clay]

And how much of a pain is it to change your name? I know it will be harder to do it now (with a court order) than it would have been to do it when I was married. Does it last forever? By which I mean, are you forever finding documents and accounts in your old name that you have to change over?

Poll coming.

I changed back to my maiden name after the divorce about 8 years ago. I had to do it through the courts, and I'll admit that it was a pain. I definitely wanted to change my name and don't regret it, but the pain it caused was one of the main reasons I didn't take DH's name when we married a few years later.

Yes, I still find things with my old married name on it. Just recently, an account at work couldn't be found and it baffled the IT guys. For the heck of it, I told him to look under the old name. Sure enough. I still have a store credit card or two in the old name. I still get mail addressed to the old name. Adding DH's name would've been even worse.

The result it that now I answer to three last names. I work in education so I spend a lot of time as Ms. Whatever. I answer to Ms. MYNAME, Mrs. XHLASTNAME, and now that DS2 is in preschool, I am called Mrs. DHLASTNAME.

The bottom line is that I really wished that I had never changed my name to XH's. I was 23 and did what I was supposed to do. It never felt right because that wasn't my name.

[Melaine]

OOops messed up my vote. I voted "I took DH's last name" but I meant to vote, "I took my DH's name and changed my middle name to my maiden name"

[crl]

I kept mine. DH was fine with it. He offered to change his, but I told him I thought it was way too much hassle and unnecessary. He also offered to name some or all of our kids with my last name. I declined and both kids have my last name as a second middle name and his last name as their last name. (DH rocks. :) )

Catherine

ETA. I have a bachelors and a J.D. It is really common for female lawyers to keep their names, ime. Professionally I don't think it would have mattered all that much as I got married pretty much straight out of law school, although I would have had to change it on my bar license. Keeping my name was seriously inconvenient as a military spouse though. It confused the heck out of the Marine Corps. DH ended up submitting our marriage certificate a zillion times to get me on his insurance and get our housing allowance straight. Thank goodness he supported me keeping my name! I took to telling people I could change my last name to "Bush" and it wouldn't make me the First Lady.

[karstmama]

i'm really pleased at all the dh's who volunteered to change their names, even though in this highly scientific poll (!) none actually did. my bf has volunteered the same thing, if we were to marry, though i'm not sure he actually would. still, it means a lot that he'd consider it since it's not traditional.

i changed my name the first time (well, actually, i added his without dropping anything of mine, so i had two middles), didn't the second, will not change it ever again.

[arivecchi]

I got married at 31, after working for 7 years and the change was a non-event professionally. I work in a large national corporation and many women change their names - even senior managers with established careers.

I personally hated my maiden name and was glad to ditch it.

I had a very common Latin American last name and now have a much more obscure Nordic last name - which I like.

Bonus points because it confuses people. They have no idea what is going on between my last name and my accent. :)

[crl]

My parents (and 2 younger siblings) have since changed THEIR last names to my DH's biological father's name!! So even if I had kept my maiden name - it wouldn't match my parent's name now!

e.

Now I'm all curious, can I hear that story?

Catherine

[alexsmommy]

I was established under my maiden name professionally and would have typically kept my name, but DSD was 8 and was being raised by me with DH (almost no contact with her mother at that point). She begged me to take DH's name so I'd have the same last name as her. She really needed that connection and she was tired of people asking if I was her mom. So I caved, much to DH's delight. He would have never said anything had I kept my name, but once I decided to change it I found out how much he really wanted me to take his name.

[Cam&Clay]

Keeping my name was seriously inconvenient as a military spouse though. It confused the heck out of the Marine Corps.

:yeahthat:

The military hates that I kept my maiden name. Whenever we do anything, I get asked, "Are you married?" Yes, we are married. Just as married as we would be if I had changed my name. I get lots of frowny faces from military clerks.

[hellokitty]

I kept mine, but apparently in my area, it's like I am a freak for keeping my last name. Everyone gets so confused, like they give me a blank look and I end up having to explain that I AM married, but chose to kept my last name. So, to say that it is unpopular in our area to keep your maiden name is an understatement.

I kept mine, b/c we moved OOS right after we got married and I had to get my professional license transferred, etc.. I didn't feel like dealing with adding in the extra complication of changing my name at the same time, kwim? Plus, I admit, I like my last name, and it speaks of my ethnicity. DH is of korean descent and his last name is very korean, my last name is taiwanese and is very taiwanese, anyone familiar with either ethnicity would be able to see our last names and identify right away which ethnicity we were. I know that if I switched mine to my DH's, everyone would automatically assume I was korean, even though I'm not. Oh and every time I hear, "Mrs. DH's last name," I think of my mil, ugh. My mil is of course not happy that I did not take DH's last name, but whatever. Ppl socially do call me Mrs. Dh's last name, but it doesn't bother me too much, except that I only sometimes answer to it, b/c I'm not used to it. My boys have Dh's last name. What bugs me are ppl who know I kept my last name, but continue to address me by DH's last name.

[AnnieW625]

I took DH's last name because that what had been done in our family for a long time so for me it would've been odd changing it, plus I was in my mid 20s and only a few years into my career. Sometimes for work though I wish I would've just kept my maiden name because with the exception of my paycheck and SSN statements everything else comes addressed to me in my maiden name, including my health insurance because for some HR mix up that I can't seem to get fixed. It doesn't effect me much though but I hate when I see a new doctor and I have to explain that I am really Annie _____ and not Annie _____.

[kristenk]

My parents (and 2 younger siblings) have since changed THEIR last names to my DH's biological father's name!!

Why did your family change their last name to your husband's father's name? And wouldn't that make it be the same as your last name now???

[kristenk]

I changed to First Maiden DH's_Last. My mom did that when she married, as did my sister.

My sister earned her PhD before she was married, so she always signs her name professionally as Jane Smith Jones. It helps people make the connection, I guess.

[amldaley]

Did we do a similar Poll on this a year or maybe a year ago or two?

Anyway....I was very happy to take DH's last name as I never really cared for my maiden name.

And there was NO way I would hyphenate my last name. Besides the fact that my first name is hyphenated, which would make a hyphenated last name cumbersome, my maiden name was Burns and my married name is Daley. Burns-Daley sounds like a symptom that requires antibiotics.

[Cam&Clay]

Burns-Daley sounds like a symptom that requires antibiotics.



:hysterical:

You made a wise choice!

[theriviera]

I took dh's last name and kept my maiden as my middle. I never had a middle name. I love that we all have the same last name but I do miss my maiden name. It made my ethnicity much clearer - now I just confuse people.

[lalasmama]

When it reaches that time, I will hyphenate to be (future)DH's name-my maiden name. I would prefer to have the same name last as my children. DD has my maiden name and I've been Mimi MaidenName for so long, I can't imagine totally letting the name go!

[MontrealMum]

I kept my name. I'd known I would do so from at least highschool on, long before I knew that I'd be published or working in a field where most women keep their names. In my personal life it hasn't been much of an issue because legally in Quebec all married women keep their maiden names because we are under civil, not common, law. DS has DH's last name, but my last name is also on all his formal governemnt stuff (school, medical, etc.) because, again, we're under civil law.

[ellies mom]

I changed mine but sometimes I wish I would have kept my maiden name too. It also just feels more like me. However, I probably wouldn't care as much if DH's (and my current ) last name wasn't so dang goofy. I really do cringe every time I say it. :(

That's interesting. My situation is almost opposite. My maiden name is more unique. I spent my entire life telling people how to pronounce it and spell it. My married name is very, very common. While it is nice to not have to tell people how to pronounce it, there are just so many of people with the last name. Although, one time I was asked to spell it and I completely froze. I started spelling my maiden name out of habit. It was a bit embarrassing. I miss having a quirky, unique name.

[ellies mom]

I was established under my maiden name professionally and would have typically kept my name, but DSD was 8 and was being raised by me with DH (almost no contact with her mother at that point). She begged me to take DH's name so I'd have the same last name as her. She really needed that connection and she was tired of people asking if I was her mom. So I caved, much to DH's delight. He would have never said anything had I kept my name, but once I decided to change it I found out how much he really wanted me to take his name.

That is an absolutely wonderful reason to change your name. :heartbeat:

[TxCat]

I married at 29 and had just graduated medical school and took DH's name. I had already started the licensure process for my MD, but it actually wasn't any real hassle to switch names - much easier than I thought. The main reason I decided to switch was because my maiden name was a hassle - long, prone to mispronunciation and misspelling. I couldn't bear the thought of constantly hearing all the hundreds of ways it would be butchered in the hospital daily, especially during my residency. DH's name is short, simple, easy to pronounce, but not super common. It was a no-brainer.

[kijip]

i'm really pleased at all the dh's who volunteered to change their names, even though in this highly scientific poll (!) none actually did.

Mine did. We are in other because first we each used two names and now we both basically just use the name that was mine. Our kids have that name as well. So we all have the same last name, we just backed into it a different way.

[citymama]

DH and I have the last names we were born with, ie neither of us has changed our last name. DDs both have both parents' last names. The only time it is an issue is when traveling. It's a mice balance otherwise, and we are the "my last name-DHs last name" family.

I've posted this question as a poll before and was shocked by the responses indicating we were less of a cohesive couple for not having the same last name. Haven't read thru all the replies to see whether this opinion has come up again or not. If sharing a last name made a better couple, divorce lawyers would be out of business!

[mjs64]

Did we do a similar Poll on this a year or maybe a year ago or two?
.

Sorry to be repetitive! I've only been around since last November. I guess I could have searched, but I was assuming the current user population is always changing and growing, and I hadn't seen that poll. I lurk all the time and post every so often. Should I have searched before posting? I'll admit as a relatively new user I was trepidacious about posting my first poll...

[mjs64]

Kept it.

Am posting to say I :rotflmao:at your "your options are offensive!" option. That's awesome.
While I do have empathy for people who feel strongly about such issues, I am relieved that it's getting a 0%.

Thanks! I really was trying to be inclusive. Am running a diversity training workshop for graduate students at my university this week, so these issues are on my mind. I'm glad only a few had problems.

[doberbrat]

When I was little, I dreamed about getting married .... not to wear the white dress or have a husband but to be able to change my last name. My mom divorced my dad when I was very young and reverted back to her maiden name I felt like a freak having a different last name. Plus, it was 10 char long and hard for people to pronounce. I dreamed of being Mrs. Smith for YEARS.

Unfortunately, DH came with a last name that is ALSO 10char long and slightly more prounceable.

[amldaley]

Sorry to be repetitive! I've only been around since last November. I guess I could have searched, but I was assuming the current user population is always changing and growing, and I hadn't seen that poll. I lurk all the time and post every so often. Should I have searched before posting? I'll admit as a relatively new user I was trepidacious about posting my first poll...

It wasn't meant in any way negative...we do often repeat or update polls for the exact reasons you pointed out. It was more me wondering out loud!!!!

As a guideline, yes, you should search first. That said, somethings are just hard to search for! Searching for "name change" yeilds TONS of results completely unrelated.

Congrats on your first poll :)

[hellbennt]

I was in the middle of an appeal w/ the state board of ed when I got married & didn't want to mess w/ changing my name in the middle of it all (I won!)
dh did say he'd change his name to mine but, at that time, he was known in his field by his name- it was important professionally (he's since changed professions)

after each ds, I've asked," should I change my name?" and dh has said it really didn't matter to him- whatever I wanted to do-

children have dh's last name
I go by their last name socially, or, by Hellbennt;) (really!).

[LexyLou]

I couldn't change my name fast enough. My dad is a jerk and I hadn't spoken to him in 7 years at the time of my wedding. There was NO reason to keep his name.

I was Alexis Maiden Name for 25 years and have only bee Alexis Married Name for 9 but I feel so much like Alexis Married Name is the real me.

[gummibear]

I kept my last name. DS has my last name. DS has DH's name as his middle name. It was a mutual decision; we each had our own compatible reasons for it.

[Smillow]

I took DH last name & added my maiden name to my middle name, so I am now Smillow Marie MaidenName HisLastName (at least on my drivers license). I kinda wish I had given DS my maiden name as a 2nd middle name - it's short (5 letters) - DH's last name is long (12 letters)...

[mjs64]

It wasn't meant in any way negative...we do often repeat or update polls for the exact reasons you pointed out. It was more me wondering out loud!!!!

As a guideline, yes, you should search first. That said, somethings are just hard to search for! Searching for "name change" yeilds TONS of results completely unrelated.

Congrats on your first poll :)

Thanks for the reassurance!

[BabbyO]

I took DH's name, kept my middle name and ditched my maiden name. HOWEVER, I will never voluntarily use the honorific "Mrs." I much prefer, and always use "Ms." when referring to myself or any adult woman, unless I know she typically uses "Mrs." when referring to herself.

I know it sounds stupid, but it bugs me that we immediately define women as married or not in an honorific but we don't do the same for men

[lizzywednesday]

I took DH's last name, and it is my legal name because I am more fond of my middle name than I am of my maiden name.

For my professional name, I kept my maiden name as a "middle" to be listed on my resume. It's also listed as a "middle initial" on my work e-mail account. It's also how I list myself on Facebook and LinkedIn.

I changed all the important stuff in person - work payroll, social security, driver's license, vehicle registration, bank accounts - but couldn't change my student loan account because they need paper mailed to them ... and it costs some crazy amount of money to get a copy of my marriage certificate. But, seeing as how I think I'll have the last bit of loan paid off by next year anyway, I don't think that's really a priority. (They don't care who's sending the money so long as they get paid!)

[wendibird22]

I took my last name as my middle name and took DHs last name. My mom did the same when she married my dad so I had that as a model. However I only ever use my middle initial when righting out my formal name (like credit card, signing paperwork, I think even my SS#).

[mommylamb]

DH and I have the last names we were born with, ie neither of us has changed our last name. DDs both have both parents' last names. The only time it is an issue is when traveling. It's a mice balance otherwise, and we are the "my last name-DHs last name" family.

I've posted this question as a poll before and was shocked by the responses indicating we were less of a cohesive couple for not having the same last name. Haven't read thru all the replies to see whether this opinion has come up again or not. If sharing a last name made a better couple, divorce lawyers would be out of business!

I like the term you used (names we were born with) so much more than maiden name-- and I do use that term but it kind of makes me squirm. I mean, how many of us were actually maidens under that name? :tongue5:.

And, I'm also glad this thread hasn't spiraled out of control into the "if you keep your name, your family isn't as cohesive" or "if you change your name you don't have your own individuality" because those arguments are so not helpful at all. Really, who cares. We all just do what feels right and that's that.


I took DH's name, kept my middle name and ditched my maiden name. HOWEVER, I will never voluntarily use the honorific "Mrs." I much prefer, and always use "Ms." when referring to myself or any adult woman, unless I know she typically uses "Mrs." when referring to herself.

I know it sounds stupid, but it bugs me that we immediately define women as married or not in an honorific but we don't do the same for men

I have an aunt who kept her last name, but still uses Mrs., which I find bizarre. So she's Mrs. Her Last Name. I kept my last name too, but I never go by Mrs. I'm always Ms. My Last Name.

FWIW, I got married when I was 25, right out of grad school and before I started my professional career, and I still wanted to keep my last name, but it wasn't because I was already known professionally that way.

[mjs64]

I took DH's name, kept my middle name and ditched my maiden name. HOWEVER, I will never voluntarily use the honorific "Mrs." I much prefer, and always use "Ms." when referring to myself or any adult woman, unless I know she typically uses "Mrs." when referring to herself.

I know it sounds stupid, but it bugs me that we immediately define women as married or not in an honorific but we don't do the same for men

I completely agree with you.

[wellyes]

I am not a fan of 'Mrs.' either. The only time I use it, even when addressing others, is in formal invitations (women who opted to change their names only) or or any mail correspondence with older women (60+).

[maestramommy]

I changed my name to Dh's when we got married. pretty funny because in Chinese characters it's the same name! I got married in the middle of my teaching career, so I went from Ms. T_ to Ms. C_.

[citymama]

I have an aunt who kept her last name, but still uses Mrs., which I find bizarre. So she's Mrs. Her Last Name. I kept my last name too, but I never go by Mrs. I'm always Ms. My Last Name.



I might be mistaken, but I believe it's something many Chinese women do - marry, don't change your last name, but your original name turns to "Mrs. whatever." The mom of one of my Chinese friends, who is a professor in Beijing, goes by Mrs. Zhang, which is her last name at birth. In that context, I actually found it kind of cool!

[karstmama]

didn't it used to be the thing in england (though i got it from monty python sketches which might not be the best place to learn new things...) to sign your non-personal letters with your husband's name and mrs in parentheses? like you really don't exist except as his extension? that bugs me & i hope it faded out.

[MontrealMum]

I might be mistaken, but I believe it's something many Chinese women do - marry, don't change your last name, but your original name turns to "Mrs. whatever." The mom of one of my Chinese friends, who is a professor in Beijing, goes by Mrs. Zhang, which is her last name at birth. In that context, I actually found it kind of cool!

It's done here in QC too. The first time I was called "Mrs. mylastname" I just about keeled over. Not even my mom goes by that (though she took my dad's name). I hear Mrs. Mylastname and think of my grandma! It's taken some getting used to.

[traciann]

I gladly changed my name! My husband would have been very hurt if I had refused to take his name.

[SASM]

I hyphenated mine. DH kept his. I know 2 couples with both spouses hyphenating names.