Is this a "middle child" thing?

[luckytwenty]

My daughter is almost six. She gets insanely jealous when I show affection to her older brother, and a bit jealous (not as bad) when I show it to her baby brother. Even to the point where I accidentally hurt the older brother's ear and kissed him and said, "I'm so sorry, it was an accident!" and she started crying and said, "You didn't say I'm sorry to me!" Although I obviously didn't injure her.

She's also constantly showing me the most minor physical injuries. I try to NOT make a big deal about them and to shower her with lots of positive attention for all the new skills she's acquiring in K, how great she is with her baby brother--all the good stuff. But it seems like no matter how much attention I give her, if I hug and kiss anyone but her (well, she likes when I kiss DH!) she sulks.

[lizzywednesday]

I think it's totally a middle-child thing.

It really reminds me of how our middle niece acted after our nephew was born - very sensitive to anything mom or dad did, could not grasp the concept of not doing the same things as her big sister, very clingy, very pouty, etc., but not acting out towards the baby (which was exceptional, considering they're only 18 months apart)

You're doing all the right things, I think, and not getting sucked into the pouties.

[g-mama]

You have described my middle child to a T. (or is 'to a tee'?)

Anyway, yes. In my opinion, it is a middle child thing, or can be a middle child thing. My middle is more jealous of his younger brother than his older, but is still jealous of his older. Situations similar to the ones you describe happen ALL THE TIME. It is really hard to know how to handle it and, like you, I try to give him lots of individual attention, but somehow it never seems to be enough or "right."

[luckytwenty]

Oh man! And here I thought we might have avoided the "middle child" thing by having boy-girl-boy. (So many people told us this when I was pregnant: "She will feel like a special princess because she will be the only girl!")

[toby]

It might help a teeny tiny bit if you "name" her feelings once in a while. "It seems like you feel sad, jealous etc when I give ______ attention/kisses etc. It's hard to share mom with your brothers" ...

Do you or DH have brothers or sisters? If so, saying something like: "I remember that I felt grumpy when my mom/dad paid attention to my brother/sister" (even if this isn't entirely true).

Or..."Lots of kids your age feel jealous/left out when their moms/dads pay attention to their other kids. Kids can feel annoyed about sharing."

[mom2akm]

It could be a middle-child thing or it's possible that it's a girl thing. I found that my DD (not middle-child) is a lot more needy and require a lot more attention from us.

[maestramommy]

My middle child doesn't do this exactly, but every time her older sister says something, she repeats it instantly. She does seems to have a million invisible owies that need a bandaid. esp. if her older sister legitimately needs one.

A good friend whose kids are 14, 17, 19 told me she gave her middle child twice as much attention as the others, and it STILL wasn't enough. Her middle child does seem like the most challenging of the 3.

[SpaceGal]

I think it's totally a middle child thing.

My "middle child" sometimes demands more attention via whining, crying and/or protesting. If not he's quiet and tries to fade to the background. I figure they go one of two ways. I noticed this with my nephew too and he's 13 now.

I don't think the middle child thing can be avoided no matter how hard you try. Maybe your middle being a girl makes it worst too....girls are much more dramatic. Good luck.

[g-mama]

Interesting, the "owie" thing.

My middle child seems to view having an injury as the absolute BEST way to get my attention and sympathy. The slightest bump or bruise or fall is a MAJOR disaster that requires tons of TLC and soothing. I even suspect he feigns injuries sometimes. I know for sure that he will be in a scuffle with my oldest and he gets pushed lightly and will THROW himself down to the ground or up against a wall, seriously exaggerating the push. It is sometimes comical how overly dramatic he gets.

Perhaps partly because he's a boy, I have less and less tolerance for it. I guess I'm worried he needs to 'man up' and stop crying over the tiniest of scrapes or he will be treated like a sissy and laughed at. :(

[hellokitty]

My middle child is also like the description above. HOWEVER, he's a boy (I have all boys) AND he was like this even BEFORE he became the middle child. So, I keep telling myself it's not middle child syndrome, b/c he was already like this when he was the youngest child. I actually feel like DS1 gets the shaft when it comes to attn, he is the best behaved one. DS2 is always the instigator, and DS3 being a toddler, well, he gets lots of attn, b/c he's like a little tornado.

[o_mom]

I'll dissent and say it's a sibling thing and an age thing. My oldest is like that. He is very much about what is 'fair', which to him means exactly equal (unless he is the only one getting something, in which case that is fair :rolleyes:). Lots of drama and tears over "but HE got to do <X>". Every little bump is a high drama event, even if he started it or was warned. It really started to ramp up around 6 yrs. Middle one is far less dramatic, but the 'fairness' thing has become more frequent in the last 6 months or so.

The youngest... he is worse than the middle one. He can't stand if your attention is on anything but him and has tantrums down to a fine art. If I am reading to someone, he has to come and push his way in so that he can be the one front and center to the book.

[Simon]

My oldest requires much more care/love/attention for minor scrapes while my 1yo will brush off rather large falls.

I do give Ds1 exaggerated concern for his injury since it seems to allow *him* to make the decision that it isn't really that big of a deal. I offer major hugs, sympathy and concern right off the bat and he'll come over for a hug and decide, usually quite quickly, that he's okay. If I don't respond to his perceived injury, he is more likely to meltdown and insist that it is a major event until someone responds. But, he has always been this way, even before Ds2 was born, so I see it as more of a temperment type thing than a sibling thing.

I have also seen oldest/older siblings with enormous concern over fairness and attention, even when they have the greater freedom/privledges, etc. than their younger sibs. That was a 2-kid household.

[s7714]

My 6 year old middle child does absolutely none of that, but I can totally see the behavior you describe as being something caused by it. Mine does things she knows she's not supposed to, to draw attention her way unfortunately. Good luck!

[hellokitty]

The youngest... he is worse than the middle one. He can't stand if your attention is on anything but him and has tantrums down to a fine art. If I am reading to someone, he has to come and push his way in so that he can be the one front and center to the book.

Lol, you have just described my youngest one as well. OMG, you can see his eyes turn green with jealousy as soon as I give either of his older brothers (or any other child) any attn. He is infamous for PUSHING his brothers off of the sofa, so that he can sit next to DH or myself.

[jk3]

My middle child is not like that but DS1 is...

[american_mama]

my middle child is not really like this. She's an active, rough-and-tumble girl, not so sensitive. She is, however, jealous of her younger brother, which takes the form of dominating him, snatching his toys, pretending to do something nice but really doing something irritating (kissing him when he doesn't want it, "giving" him a toy but throwing it, letting him play prtened games with her but always giving him lowly roles like dog while she's every human part). She is not that jealous of her older sister, more her follower.

She complains that DH and I don't listen to her, that we interrupt her, and does try to play the baby sometimes. I think DH and I do a poor job of giving her the extra attention that might improve the situation.