Cross-cultural/ lingual issues in the workplace question

[ha98ed14]

Thank you for all the responses and advice. I am going to work on putting them into practice. I appreciate all the perspectives.

Second problem, and this one I am hoping for a concrete yes-or-no answer. Because of the linguistic differences, people's names are pronounced differently.
Here is a pretend example: Isabelle.

I would say Iz-uh-bell.

They would say EE-sah-bell.

But if *I* try to say EE-sah-bell, it is not going to have the melodic tones they do because it's not my language. Do I try to say it their way and butcher it, or do I just say it "my" way? If I say it my way, does it look like I am being too lazy to try and say it their way? Heaven help me, there are like 6 or 7 people with names like this that are pronounced very differently in English even though the spelling is the same.

[Ceepa]

Second problem, and this one I am hoping for a concrete yes-or-no answer. Because of the linguistic differences, people's names are pronounced differently.
Here is a pretend example: Isabelle.

I would say Iz-uh-bell.

They would say EE-sah-bell.

But if *I* try to say EE-sah-bell, it is not going to have the melodic tones they do because it's not my language. Do I try to say it their way and butcher it, or do I just say it "my" way? If I say it my way, does it look like I am being too lazy to try and say it their way? Heaven help me, there are like 6 or 7 people with names like this that are pronounced very differently in English even though the spelling is the same.



I would ask how they prefer their name to be pronounced.

And this might be one of those offices where everyone takes a little time to warm up to the new person. Keep being pleasant, ask questions if something job-related is confusing you and give it time.

It's hard to be the new kid on the block :hug: , and I wouldn't read so much into cultural differences just yet.

[buddyleebaby]

I would make an effort to pronounce everyone's name correctly. If you know you are pronouncing it wrong, why wouldn't you? Their name is their name.
Frankly, I would rather have someone *try* and pronounce my name correctly and "butcher" it, then call me by a different name/pronunciation deliberately. I kind of think that anyone who can't be bothered to learn my name is not really someone I need bother fostering a relationship with.
As far as no one inviting you to eat lunch, you may have to make the first step here. It may have nothing to do with cultural differences and more to do with the fact that they have established friendships, and you are the new girl in the office. Which sucks. It totally sucks. But I wouldn't throw in the towel or decide it's because you are white on the first day.
I hope things get easier for you. :hug:

[Roni]

I would try to pronounce their names the way they do. IME, people are really attached to their names and like them pronounced correctly. If you butcher them a little, it's just your accent, & no one should fault you for that. I would think they would appreciate the effort, & you could ask them if you are pronouncing their names right, so they know that you're trying.

Are you going to be working there all the time, now, or just for a training? If it's just for a short time, try not to let the situation bother you too much. It's not really worth it. It sounds like you feel like the new girl at school, but if you aren't staying, it will be hard to break into the "cool girl clique", anyway. (It's not you, it's them.) But, if you are going to be there long term, maybe we as a group can think of some strategies you can use to fit in better.

Sending hugs. It's hard feeling like an outsider.

[kristenk]

I'm a little confused. Maybe other people already know this, but will you now be working out of the office all of the time or are you just there for a few days?

I definitely think you need to try to pronounce the name correctly, which is the way that the person pronounces it. Even if you butcher it, that seems far more respectful than just pronouncing it the way that you're used to pronouncing it.

As far as the lunch goes, was it someone's birthday or something? Maybe A wasn't lying when she said that everyone does their own thing and maybe it typically happens that way. As far as food being brought in, was it a group order from a restaurant or did someone bring in some homemade food for the group to share? (Just trying to figure out the scenario.) I'd sort of wait and see on the whole lunch thing. Today might have been out of the ordinary for some reason.

[twowhat?]

I've always worked in very multi-cultural environments. Everyone always makes an effort to pronounce names as they would be "correctly" pronounced in that culture. Everyone makes an effort to ask about foods they've never seen before, or holidays they've never observed before, or clothing that they find to be different and beautiful.

Give it some time - since you are new it just takes time to get comfortable with your co-workers. In the meantime, don't be shy! Comment on an article of clothing. Ask about their children, names and ages. Ask about the languages they speak in the house (often more than 1 dialect!). Ask what they are eating, what kind of spices are used, where they get them, and how to cook it. I've found that most other cultures don't see it as "rude" to show a little nosiness and interest about their cultures.

If they are all naturally friendly individuals, you'll fit in in no time:)

[stefani]

For someone who has a difficult to pronounce last name, I appreciate it when people make an effort to pronounce it correctly, even if they cannot pronounce it well.

So my suggestion will be to talk with them and learn to pronounce their names correctly. I think it is a good way for you to warm your way in. Don't worry if you butcher the names, just do your best.

As for the lunch thing, it just might take a while to get everyone used to a new person, thus to a new routine. They may just be doing their own thing, nothing formal. I think ask questions and show interest will probably help you to be included later on. For example, if it is a food that you don't know, ask what it is, and what it is made of. This way at least you learn something new :-)

Good luck and :grouphug:!

[elektra]

I've always worked in very multi-cultural environments. Everyone always makes an effort to pronounce names as they would be "correctly" pronounced in that culture.

This is what I am used to as well.
For certain names I don't get too crazy with an attempted accent, but I do try to pronounce the sounds at least.
So my Isabel, would be more like EE-za-bel, than either Ee-sah- bel OR I-zuh-bel.

Would it help to picture the spelling different in your head?
So for Laura for instance, think LOUD-a, instead of Lore- a.

Our nanny's son's name is Elias. In US English, that's pronounced Ah-LIE-us. But DN pronounces it Eh- lee- us, as that is the Spanish pronunciation (forgive my cluelessness with proper phonetic spellings though!).
I definitely do not sound like a native speaker when I say his name but I at least say "lee" instead of "lie", KWIM?

ETA: I am also used to execs in certain cultures taking on American names just for work which I think is so bizarre! Some of the names they pick are just a little funny to me because they just don't seem to fit the people, and you know it's not their real name. As in "Hayden" or "Bobby" for 50 year old Korean men.

[Globetrotter]

It's hard to be the new kid on the block and break into an established group, regardless of cultural differences (or similarities).

Keep in mind that they may be nervous around you, especially if they perceive your discomfort. Just take an interest in them and ask questions about foods, families, etc.., and you should be able to break down those walls. As for the names, follow their lead.

My name is hard to pronounce, but I truly appreciate it when people make the effort to say it correctly. In CA, I find that people go out of their way to try it and usually get it right (but I would never be upset at them for messing it up, as long as they try :)).

[maestramommy]

I would try to pronounce their names correctly. My maiden name was always hard for people to pronounce because it's spelling would throw them off. But they would always ask and once I told them it was super easy.

when I was in college I worked for 4 years in the shipping dept of a jewelry company. There was a large population of Cambodian and Vietnamese workers, mostly large family groups. One of the supervisors was Vietnamese, and she always spoke to them in Vietnamese. Because it's just more efficient. The Cambodians didn't have a same language supervisor; in fact he was American and only spoke English, but he tried really hard with signs and demos and it worked out fine. Some of them spoke better English and would act as translators. All day (when I worked FT during holidays and such) I would be surrounded by people chatting in some language I didn't speak. I just got used to it. And I will say one plus was that to this day I'm still very good at deciphering very heavily accented English.

I think you have to give it more time. Even if you are not usually working at that office, just be friendly when you have to interact with them, try to pronounce their names correctly, relax, and try not to be too forward with initiating social things like lunch. Okay, I'm saying that badly, because I don't really think you're being too forward. But for some cultures it might be.

[niccig]

I would try to say their names correctly and ask for help.

Next time you go in, take your lunch and wait and see what everyone does. If the head to the conference table, go over and ask to join them. Ask a couple of questions during the conversation. Over time, you'll get to know them.

I'm not phased by people speaking another language around me as I grew up with my mother and her parents/siblings speaking Afrikaans. Neither my Dad, sisters, cousins or I know much at all. It was easier for my grandmother to converse in her native language, even though she could speak English, and it's what she was used to with her kids. We always had to remind her to use English when she spoke to us.

I have a friend who says she hates when she can't understand what people are saying, and thinks they're talking about her. I think that's giving herself too much importance, people generally talk about themselves! Now in the case of my family, they were talking about you as you heard you name - really infuriating especially around birthdays, Christmas as they were talking about your presents in front of you!

[ha98ed14]

I would try to say their names correctly and ask for help.

Next time you go in, take your lunch and wait and see what everyone does. If the head to the conference table, go over and ask to join them. Ask a couple of questions during the conversation. Over time, you'll get to know them.

I'm not phased by people speaking another language around me as I grew up with my mother and her parents/siblings speaking Afrikaans. Neither my Dad, sisters, cousins or I know much at all. It was easier for my grandmother to converse in her native language, even though she could speak English, and it's what she was used to with her kids. We always had to remind her to use English when she spoke to us.

I have a friend who says she hates when she can't understand what people are saying, and thinks they're talking about her. I think that's giving herself too much importance, people generally talk about themselves! Now in the case of my family, they were talking about you as you heard you name - really infuriating especially around birthdays, Christmas as they were talking about your presents in front of you!

Ok, I will just chill out on expecting to be invited to join at the lunch table. Maybe I need to ask to join. If I bring my lunch, I have it there if I can join, and if not, I can go eat someplace else if I want to get out.

I will try to pronounce everyone's name how they say it and hope they aren't offended at my imperfect pronunciation. It's obvious English is my first language. :P

[Globetrotter]

Aw, :grouphug: It sounds like a much deeper issue than I originally thought.

That doesn't sound right to me, but I know in India people will not say they cannot deliver on time. They will just agree and postpone the deadlines! It was maddening for my friend who moved over there, but in time she got used to it. However, this is a new one to me (delegating to coworkers without the boss's knowledge??).

You are right, though. Perhaps A is resentful of your arrangement, though you have a point that she earns three times your salary! There is a tradeoff for flexibility..

[niccig]

Can you mention to Boss that A/B have approached you to do some overflow work that they can't get done. You're not sure how to deal with this. While you want to help the "team", your worried that some weeks it may be more work than Boss has agreed you will work each week.

Maybe when you do have time, you can take on other things, but I too would be hesitant about taking on extra work when you're still working out how long things will take. And I also feel that Boss needs to know that A/B can't get everything done. Occasionally I would understand, I've done that when worked in an office. Someone would need an extra hand, and if I had time I would pitch in. But if it's all the time, then something is up with amount of work assigned or productivity of A/B.

Once you've gotten Boss's take on it, and if she wants you to pitch in when you can, you could reply to A or B's request for help like "I would like to help you with this, but Boss has asked that Y be my priority this week. As soon as I get it done, I'll let you know."

I'm thinking that A/B don't know the parameters Boss gave you for your work, and think you're like the rest of the team.

I worked part-time from home for my old employer and I only worked on the projects I was given. I knew everyone else from when I was full-time in the office, but no one approached me to take on extra things that didn't come down from the Boss. The Boss would approach me with "we've got x and y to do and I know you can do this, and I would like you to, but as you're contracted to work no more than x hours a week, only if you can fit it in."

[ha98ed14]

Nicci & Globe- Thank you for reading that novel! Nicci, I think you hit the nail on the head! This will be my mantra:
"I would like to help you with this, but Boss has asked that Y be my priority this week. As soon as I get it done, I'll let you know."
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

[niccig]

Nicci & Globe- Thank you for reading that novel! Nicci, I think you hit the nail on the head! This will be my mantra:
"I would like to help you with this, but Boss has asked that Y be my priority this week. As soon as I get it done, I'll let you know."
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

First check with Boss that she even wants you to help with the overflow. I don't know what you agreement is. Mine was to work no more than 20 hours a week (my boss did say if I did more one week, do less the next). They may only want to pay you the time it takes to do what you're hired to do. If you do 15 hours on your project, Boss may not want to pay for antoher 3 hours on something else.

I also had to submit a timesheet with a break down # hours on Y project, #-hours on Z Project, so they knew how long it was taking. If you did 15 hours on Boss' project, and 3 hours on A's work, but just say 18 hours and Boss doesn't know that A has delegated to you, then Boss will think it took you longer than it actually did. Now, now of this is normally such an issue when your salaried and full-time in the office. I do think it's trickier when working part-time and no face to face work time.

My pay was coming from a certain part of the budget and I could not work on projects that were not within that budgetary section. This did annoy my Boss at times as there were other things they knew I could do as used to do them when worked full-time, but it was not allowed. Granted, this was a university department, so we may have more HR rules.

[wellyes]

I'm sorry you're so stressed out at your new job!

Nicci & Globe- Thank you for reading that novel! Nicci, I think you hit the nail on the head! This will be my mantra:
"I would like to help you with this, but Boss has asked that Y be my priority this week. As soon as I get it done, I'll let you know."
Lather. Rinse. Repeat. I don't know. I'd be amazed if someone in my office refused to take on a task because they weren't specifically assigned to it by their manager. I'd at least expect a "I'll talk to my manager to see if I can give you a few hours next week." I'd clarify your boss's expectations for sure, since self-directed teams may be more the norm in this workplace. FWIW I work part time too.

[mommy111]

No advice, just :22:. Sounds like you're having a rough adjustment, new workplaces are always tough!!

[TwinFoxes]

I think the culture difference may be California vs, well, a lot of the rest of the world,( as opposed to it being an ethnic thing). I think the whole "we're a team!" attitude is very SoCal workplace. I agree with Wellyes about clarifying your boss' expectations. She may be expecting you to pitch in and be part of the team, and might not like it if you tell your co-workers you can't help (or she may think it's great, just make sure). I'm not sure why you say that the boss doesn't know they work cooperatively, when A told the boss that she's enlisting B&C as backup.

I think you realize now that your answer was unintentionally off putting to A. I don't think you have to kiss anyone's a**, but saying "hey, sorry if I sounded gruff. I was still getting the lay of the land" could help smooth things out.

I think you need to find out what boss wants first, and either add "so let me know if you need help again" or "it turns out Boss really wants me to concentrate on X." I don't know if you were planning on saying what you wrote above word for word, but it sounds really unfriendly, and I don't think you'll end up on A's good side if you say it. But maybe being on her good side isn't your goal. But like Wellyes, I'd be a little surprised by your answer.

Not to be cliche, but cookies and cupcakes go a long way toward making friends in a new workplace. :) Good luck!!

[niccig]

I I don't know if you were planning on saying what you wrote above word for word, but it sounds really unfriendly, and I don't think you'll end up on A's good side if you say it.

Not to be cliche, but cookies and cupcakes go a long way toward making friends in a new workplace. :) Good luck!!

Actually, that was my wording not Ha98ed14's. If I was to say that, it would all be in the delivery of a sincere, yes I want to help but Boss has given me a deadline on this first. And I think I should be done by x time. As soon as it's done, I'm all yours.

I have had to say this when I was working as otherwise my work wouldn't have gotten done if I was always stopping it to pitch in on someone else's project. Normally though, someone would ASK me if I had time to help, giving me a chance to say whether I have time or not, they wouldn't delegate to me, unless they were my supervisor.

[TwinFoxes]

Actually, that was my wording not Ha98ed14's. If I was to say that, it would all be in the delivery of a sincere, yes I want to help but Boss has given me a deadline on this first. And I think I should be done by x time. As soon as it's done, I'm all yours.



I think this wording is more friendly. :) I don't have a problem with saying I'm sorry I can't, but IMHO, the first wording wasn't friendly to my ear. There was no "I'll be happy to help then" or "I'm all yours" just "I'll let you know". I still think if you're already on someone's bad side "I'll let you know" isn't going to improve the situation as much as your "I'm all yours" phrase would. But maybe OP can say the first phrasing in a way that sounds friendly and sincere. JMHO as an outsider. (For all I know she wasn't planning to use the phrase word for word).

[niccig]

I think this wording is more friendly. :) I don't have a problem with saying I'm sorry I can't, but IMHO, the first wording wasn't friendly to my ear. There was no "I'll be happy to help then" or "I'm all yours" just "I'll let you know". I still think if you're already on someone's bad side "I'll let you know" isn't going to improve the situation as much as your "I'm all yours" phrase would. But maybe OP can say the first phrasing in a way that sounds friendly and sincere. JMHO as an outsider. (For all I know she wasn't planning to use the phrase word for word).

I was in a hurry when I wrote it. I wouldn't say it as directly, and I'll have a smile in my voice. I wouldn't do it over email though, that is when you can get miscommunication.

[ha98ed14]

I'd be amazed if someone in my office refused to take on a task because they weren't specifically assigned to it by their manager. I'd at least expect a "I'll talk to my manager to see if I can give you a few hours next week." I'd clarify your boss's expectations for sure, since self-directed teams may be more the norm in this workplace. FWIW I work part time too.

I asked the principal of the firm about it, saying I recognized that a lot of this work was falling on A's plate. He told me, and this is word for word, "Boss hired you to do X, so do X. And if you are all caught up with what Boss needs, then you can help A, but not before. Boss and X are your priority."

I have had my priorities given to me. The problem is how to navigate my relationship with A and B.

[ha98ed14]

I was in a hurry when I wrote it. I wouldn't say it as directly, and I'll have a smile in my voice. I wouldn't do it over email though, that is when you can get miscommunication.

I agree with this completely.

[niccig]

I asked the principal of the firm about it, saying I recognized that a lot of this work was falling on A's plate. He told me, and this is word for word, "Boss hired you to do X, so do X. And if you are all caught up with what Boss needs, then you can help A, but not before. Boss and X are your priority."

I have had my priorities given to me. The problem is how to navigate my relationship with A and B. .

You've been given very clear instructions to do your own work before anything else, so you can't ignore that.

If A asks, I think you can say "A, Boss has told me my priority is to do X before I can help out with other things. I'll get X done as quickly as I can. If you need extra help before I am finished, we can talk to Boss about changing the deadlines, shifting work around etc" or something like that.

I'm not sure what your relationship is like with Boss, so I don't know if you can ask about it - or that could backfire with Boss saying to A "leave H be, she has her work, you do your own."

I do have a question, does A really need help or is she trying to get others to do her work? I ask because I've been in some work environments where someone is a shirker and tries to palm their responsibilities off on to others. If A truly is overwhelmed, she needs to tell Boss that she can't get it all done rather than get other people to help her after Boss has said they shouldn't do that.