So tired of living with stress

[arivecchi]

I've had a particularly bad morning because DH is super stressed and now feel like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. Life has been stressful for the last 3 years and frankly, I am tired of it. One should be able to enjoy life and not be constantly worried right? Or am I crazy to think that is possible? I don't think I can keep dealing with this new normal state of stress. It cannot be healthy. I really had no idea how carefree my life was before and I really miss it. I want to get back to that place were I was really enjoying life.

I'm basically venting but if anyone has advice on dealing with serious stress, I'll take it.

[mommylamb]

I don't have advice, but wanted to offer :hug:.

[overcome]

I posted something along the lines of coping w anxiety in the lounge, and someone recommended Rescue Remedy. I may try it.

GL to you.

[larig]

First of all, :grouphug:. I am so sorry about the stress. I'm not a model of success in dealing with stress, believe me. The worst kind of stress for me (and it sounds like your situation) is when the outcome of something is out of my hands. There's no work you can do to make the situation better--no way for you to be proactive on your DH's behalf, etc. That makes it horribly difficult. All you can do is be loving to one another and try to keep that part of your relationship healthy, so that you can deal with the problems as a partnership. It sucks though.

DH got laid off when we got pregnant. it was really stressful, but there was nothing I could do aside from help him with resumes and make sure he had plenty of time and energy to devote to his job search. He, to this day, is not a fan of working (he'd rather be the SAHP), but he can make way more than I with his experience as a software developer. I still hear all the time how awful all of that is. That stresses me out, because I feel like additionally he has extra pressure of HAVING to have the job because I don't have a job now. KWIM? Oh well, all I can do is hear complaints, validate his concerns and be as supportive as possible.

I don't know, I'm sure this isn't very helpful, but I just wanted to reach out and tell you I care, and that you are very loved and appreciated. I think you're amazing and in no way deserve anything but sunshine and rainbows. :hug:

[plusbellelavie]

Sorry no good advice since the way I handle my stress is not a good example for anybody else but I wanted to let you know I will be sending you PT and :hug:! I hope things change for you very soon!

[elektra]

So sorry the stress has not subsided. :( I want to make it all go away for you! I tend to deal with stress in unhealthy ways too (see my finger shredding thread!), so I am not an expert on the dealing part, especially when I know you are already exercising and trying to take care of yourself.
At times when I feel like I might not be able to deal, I reach out to loved ones for support, and I fall back to my mantras of "This too shall pass" and "The only things I can control are my effort and my attitude".

:hug:

[WatchingThemGrow]

DH has been going through a particularly stressful time and he has countered that by ramping up his coffee intake. I'll tell you that is NOT the way to handle it. Lots of heart palpitations, testing, and dr.'s visits later, he's attempting to get more rest, water, exercise and prayer. Hope you and your DH can find time for those things too!

[deborah_r]

One should be able to enjoy life and not be constantly worried right? Or am I crazy to think that is possible?

I keep wondering the same thing myself. :( Sorry you've been having such a hard time.

[TwinFoxes]

:grouphug: I wish you didn't have this horrible stress in your life. I've never tried it, but some people swear by meditation.

[Melbel]

I have been wondering the same thing, especially since DS' illness beginning last March. I find myself completely on edge, worried about him (how he will wake up, if I will get another call from school, if he can make it through basketball practice). The cold shower trick works somewhat for me. It definitely helps to get more sleep. I have also gotten considerable relief from Source Naturals L-Theanine:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001G7R3M4

I can take it in the day time without getting drowsy. :grouphug:

[BabyBearsMom]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. I hope that things get less stressful soon.

Any chance you can take some unwinding time? Maybe a yoga class once a week or the like?

[mctlaw]

I'm so sorry, A. I know you are exercising which usually helps me a lot, but maybe you could try something different. How about something like kickboxing to take out your frustrations, or yoga if you think it would mellow you out?

[LarsMal]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. I hope that things get less stressful soon.

Any chance you can take some unwinding time? Maybe a yoga class once a week or the like?

I was going to suggest yoga, too. I have been feeling the same way lately. I am just so tired of being stressed and frustrated all the time. Exercise helps me to escape for just a little while, but yoga really really helps me. Of course, I haven't been able to go for the past few weeks thanks to L's schedule so I'm pretty much at the end of my rope right now. :hug: :hug: I'm sorry you are still going through this.

[Fairy]

A, :hug:

I live with stress every day, and I process it rather well. There are other parts of my life I don't do well, but stress I seem to do pretty well until I hit a breaking point. I guess that's just it, we all have a breaking point, it's just a matter of some folks having theirs be alot higher than others. Mine is high, and, therefore, I think I can look more objectively at stress. This is easier said than done, I am quite sure, but I think it may help to try the following:

1. Sit down with yourself and no one else, and really suss out on a written list of the things you simply cannot change. You or anybody else. Things like world peace and starving kids in Somalia and things in your life that have happened and are now in the past. Write them down, admit to them, and do everything in your power to release them. If there is nothing you or anyone else you can do about them then that's all she wrote on that.

2. Write down a new list of things that you feel must change. You cannot change 10 things. You may not be able to change 3 things. So, choose the things in order of importance that are having the biggest impact on you. Choose 5.

3. Now take those 5 and break them down into components if they exist. So, you might choose, I hate my body. Well, that might mean that your hair is gray and your breasts are saggy and you weigh too much. So, that right there is alot ot change. That's hair color and a better bra or surgery and a diet lifestyle. So, that's alot, and i think once you do that, you can see the things you want to change alot more clearly.

Now look at that broken down list of things you CAN change that MUST change. And come up with a plan of how to mitigate them. That plan might never work, so you have to be realistic. Be honest with yourself when you do it.

Then go to your DH and talk about it. I think you also should find a counselor and talk to them, because you need someone objective that will be able to see the forest for the trees on your issues. I have a friend who I talk to almost every day, and we talk about what I've eaten and if I've exercised, and she calls me on my sh!t. I can't walk today cuz of a, b, and c, and she says, Hil, that's bullsh!t, and here's why, and 9 times out of 10, she's right. I need that. If I dont' ahve that and rely on DH to do it, I'm toast and will be 600 lbs. Objectivity is key here in the counseling.

I hope any of that sort of helped. :hug::hug::hug:

-- Hils

[lovebebes]

I've had a particularly bad morning because DH is super stressed and now feel like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. Life has been stressful for the last 3 years and frankly, I am tired of it. One should be able to enjoy life and not be constantly worried right? Or am I crazy to think that is possible? I don't think I can keep dealing with this new normal state of stress. It cannot be healthy. I really had no idea how carefree my life was before and I really miss it. I want to get back to that place were I was really enjoying life.

I'm basically venting but if anyone has advice on dealing with serious stress, I'll take it.

I could have written this word for word. And i feel guilty for feeling this way because i know in my heart that I have it pretty good, really.
I just love life and want to enjoy it. Because it is really really worth enjoying.
I think for me, starting to work out and cutting out the bs about why I cannot do it will be key. Do you work out? I don't need to lose any weight, so I think there goes a big part of the motivation for dragging myself to my workout class...But i need it for mental clarity, and I know that. Starting second week of Oct. I am starting for real, no more excuses...
I really like the previous poster's suggestions.

[arivecchi]

Thanks for all the suggestions. I am working out and on a diet, so I am taking care of that part. Working out early in the morning helps a lot but some days (like today), I still get overwhelmed when the issues causing my stress bubble up to the surface. I am not asking for much - just some certainty and stability, but that is hard to attain while my DH keeps working in his existing field. So it is what it is for now.

Fairy, I really like the suggestion of writing things down and seeing which ones I can tackle. It may give me a greater sense of control.

Thanks again for all the support! It really helps! I feel a little better now and my heart is no longer beating like crazy. I am so distracted I have been barely able to function at work though. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Melbel, hugs to you. What you experience is a whole other level of stress I cannot even begin to imagine. I am always in awe of your strength. :hug: I think I need to borrow a page from your playbook. You are seriously a rock.

[khm]

I hear you. My husband's job is.... shakier than shaky. We've literally been waiting for the other shoe to drop every day for nearly three years. Some days I think it'd be better to just get it over with. "Is today the day?" for three years.... ugh. And, then there are the super crappy days where things just suck for him and I have to hold back from throwing up from the stress of it all....

I too had NO idea how carefree we used to be, until we weren't. I miss it and fear that I'm often a crap parent and a crap person in general because I'm just so freakin' tense.

Group :grouphug:

[arivecchi]

I hear you. My husband's job is.... shakier than shaky. We've literally been waiting for the other shoe to drop every day for nearly three years. Some days I think it'd be better to just get it over with. "Is today the day?" for three years.... ugh. And, then there are the super crappy days where things just suck for him and I have to hold back from throwing up from the stress of it all....

I too had NO idea how carefree we used to be, until we weren't. I miss it and fear that I'm often a crap parent and a crap person in general because I'm just so freakin' tense.

Group :grouphug:I'm sorry to hear you are going through this too. It sucks. :grouphug:

[crl]

I am right there with you. And the hardest thing for me is that I can't plan because the future is just too uncertain. And has been for a while now. And likely will be for several more months.

So sorry. :grouphug:

Catherine

[LexyLou]

I'm sorry. We've been pretty stressed out around these parts lately too. It sucks.

Do you have anything in your life that's just yours? Like running, or pilates, or even a book club or a monthly girls night out?

I have really found having me time (without guilt) is so important for relieving stress...that and deep tissue massages. :)

[hillview]

HUGS. Sorry it is so stressful. I find it is good to get some chill time and I need extra sleep when really stressed. HUGS

[jent]

No words, just wanted to send hugs. Hope things get better.

[goldenpig]

:hug: Hugs A. It sucks when you both are working so hard and yet life is still so stressful and it's not clear when if ever things are going to get easier. DH and I are kind of in the same boat as you guys due to our jobs, living in a HCOL area, etc. I hope things start to look up for you and your family soon. Thanks for supporting me when I was down several months ago...it really helped. Let me know if you need a sympathetic ear...I'm always available! You are such a positive influence on the rest of us here, and you deserve all the happiness in the world! :kisscheek:

[niccig]

I'm not sure how to word this, so I hope I don't offend. How is DH dealing with his stress?

I'm just asking because my Father got stressed over every thing, big and small because he had PTSD. It didn't get better for anyone else in the family, until HE started to get it under control by seeing a psychologist. The rest of us could have done all the yoga and meditation in the world, and it wouldn't have made any difference.

Your DH's stress is impacting you and I'm assuming the kids as well, is there anything that HE can do to deal with things, so it's better for everyone? I understand he may already be doing everything that he can. It may be something that neither of you can do much about to reduce the stress right now. Is there anyone that the two of you can talk to together to find a way to deal with this?

I hope it gets better soon, I agree with you deserving rainbows and sunshine. :hug:

[MontrealMum]

:hug: We are also living with a lot of uncertainty and stress and my therapist has helped me to see that there are many things that I cannot control. And many things that I can control...including, and most importantly, my own reaction to things. Rather frustrating to hear for me since I'm quite a control freak. But she's totally right.

Because of this, I love Fairy's suggestion of writing up a list so that you can see the various stressors in your life divided up into causal categories. But even that doesn't always do the trick, and I think that Niccig's suggestion about how it's affecting your DH and how he deals is also very important. If his reaction causing you stress and negative feelings, well, somehow that has to be dealt with if you're going to feel more positive and in control.

[Reina]

Darling, just wanted to send you some :hug::hug::hug:s ...

I'm there too... Stress from work, DH, and now my social life is about to go down the drain. It sucks big time. Keep it together. If nothing, you have 2 kids who I'm certain adore you...

xoxoxoxo

[citymama]

Deep breaths. Exercise and yoga always help me, and also as much sleep as it's possible to get. Sending hugs.:hug:

[lovin2shop]

Maybe just a little down time? I know when I get stressed, get myself worked up in a tizzy and start trying to fix everything all at once. I've found that it helps to take a couple of days and just be slacker so that I can focus on what's really important to focus on and deal with right away. Hugs, hope you are feeling better today!

[lmwbasye]

Well, with the past 10 years consisting of moving, prepping for a deployment, deployments, or recovering from one, I feel like I have constant high-level stress going on. The Army really focuses on the term "resiliency" and I have found this to be super helpful. Basically, focus your energy only into what you can change or do something about. Stressing over things you can't control (DH's getting hurt, DH's getting killed, DH's return time from deployment, next assignment, etc.) changes absolutely nothing except your own health and well being. Whenever I find myself starting to feel completely overwhelmed about some of this, I stop and ask myself whether this is something I can do anything about. If the answer is no, I do my best to stop thinking on it and focus on something I can do something about.

HTH!

[Green_Tea]

:hug::hug::hug:
(((arivecchi)))