Need some Ammo re: extended BFing and nosey family...

[todzwife]

I have a family gathering this weekend. My entire family will be there for a few days. Last time I went home my mom asked me not to nurse Z (17 months now, 15 at the time) anywhere but in the bedroom so I wouldn't gross out my teenage brother. My dad commented that I needed to break her of the "habit" and my brother who is entering pre-med this January, thinks he already knows everything and told me she's too old to still be "doing that". She doesn't nurse THAT much anymore. A few times a day, and sometimes not at all during the day if she's busy.

Now, My MIL and FIL are totally supportive, as is our doctor and my husband. I'm trying to think of what to say if MY family gives me a hard time this weekend. My IL's live about 45 minutes away, so I'm tempted to just pack our stuff up and leave to their house if I get attacked again.

Any suggestions or snappy comebacks?

[MamaInMarch]

I think I would just remind them that it's your baby and you get to make the decisions. Along the lines of "She's my baby and I get to call the shots. If you want to do the actual research and show me something other than what I've learned, I might discuss it. Otherwise, it's off the table."

[karstmama]

^she nailed it. either that, or 'shut the f*ck up'.

in my family, the code word is 'you raised yours'.

[brittone2]

Tell premed brother that his position is interesting considering the AAP, WHO, and the American Academy of Family Physicians statements on extended BFing. Suggest he might want to "get up to date" on those ;)

I would draw a boundary and pass the bean dip-I'm not discussing it with you. I've done my research, I'm comfortable that we are doing the right thing for our family. How about X Sports Team? How about some bean dip? Rinse and repeat.

If you've tried boundary setting and passing the bean dip, and they persist, and this is an ongoing problem, I'd tell them we won't be attending family events because we "don't want to make you all uncomfortable."

If they are attacking you, continuing to harp on it, etc. despite your diplomatic passing of the bean dip, IMO you have every right to leave and head to your ILs. I go for diplomatic boundary setting initially, but once they make it clear they are going to persist, I draw a *very* firm boundary and keep myself sane that way. BTDT with the ILs years ago, but thankfully they have changed considerably.

Hugs. Don't let them get you down. YOu are doing the right thing for your child.

[lalasmama]

Can you just yell "VAGINA"? Or heck, even "BREAST!" would work great! :rotflmao:

For the pre-med-to-be, you could print out (or just point out) that the AAP, WHO, and AAFP all recommend nursing AS LONG AS MUTUALLY DESIRED, two of them (AAP, WHO) recommending until at least 2 years old. But he may know better than all those weird people who support "doing that".

As for the embarrassed teenage brother... well, a teenaged boy is embarrassed by EVERYTHING--I'm sure he's embarrassed by the fact his sister has (GASP!) breasts at all. I'm sure he's equally embarrassed that his mother and his sister have discussed his thoughts about his sister's breasts. Oh yeah, we were talking about breastfeeding, huh? But to a teenaged boy, the feeding part is a pointless, ignored part. How embarrassing that his sister has breasts! I mean, can't you do something about that fact?! (My brother, older than me, is *still* embarrassed by the fact that I'm a woman, that I have hips and a bust, and that [GASP] his friends see me as a woman, not a genderless pest!)

My mom didn't get my beliefs about nursing. Remember, our parents are from a generation where formula was touted as the "modern, clean, classy" way to feed. They were told it was better than breastfeeding--that the scientists had improved beyond what Mother Nature could offer. Breastfeeding was only done if you were poor, uneducated, dirty, etc. So, for them to now hear from their daughters that breastfeeding is the healthy, "modern" way to feed, it just makes little sense to them; it goes against everything they were told when we were younger. And, if they dared to nurse, they were told it turns to water at some point--sometimes at 6 weeks, sometimes at the mother's first postpartum period, sometimes at 4-6 months, most certainly they were told it was water well before a year old.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Really, I have no snappy comments (other than yelling BREAST or VAGINA, of course!). But you know you are doing what's best, and I think it's fair to remind them that you know darn well what you are doing, and that you are making the best choices for your child, just as your parents did for you, and that it's not a subject up for discussion if they would like to continue to see their grandchild.

[babybunny]

Michael Jordon was breasted until three or so...Pele until five ..and Albert Einstein. They turned out pretty well.
My son is an amazing athlete at almost 7 And he breastfed until the age of 3-1/2. : )

[PearlsMom]

Sorry you're dealing with this. I've breastfed my toddler in front of my teenage brother lots, and I've always been impressed at how maturely and non-challantly he handled it. Give the kid a chance to be a grown up!

Personally, I like to hide behind authority figures when others question my parenting practices. Can you just tell them that your pediatrician thinks it's a good thing, and it works for you?

Good luck!

[elizabethkott]

"Did you push this child out of your VAGINA? No? Well then, you don't get to make decisions about her upbringing, do you? Please pass the bean dip."

[Pear]

I aim for polite deflection. I also won't hide to nurse so I would just leave their house if they asked us to leave the room everytime DD wanted to nurse.

If polite deflection doesn't work then I just talk about the who recommendations and that our dr supports breastfeeding. If they really keep on it then I just talk about the nutritional benefits. I hate going that far because some people can perceive extolling the virtues of breastmilk as formula bashing, but if they really want to go there I will.

[JBaxter]

I breast fed jack till he was two. My teens didn't bat an eye. It's normal

[trcy]

^she nailed it. either that, or 'shut the f*ck up'.

in my family, the code word is 'you raised yours'.
:yeahthat:

[mjs64]

PPs have good recs. I just wanted to add that I think it's awful that your own mother is asking you to BF in another room. That's really alienating, and could really make you feel left out. I hated having to do that with my family when I was BFing (and I didn't make it nearly as long as you--way to go!). I'm sorry your family isn't understanding.

[hellokitty]

I would innocently ask, "Why is it so important to you?" Most likely, they will get flustered, since they can't give a good answer w/o making themselves look like a$$es and they'll finally shut up. If they continue, I would just shut them down and say that you refuse to discuss this with them, since it's none of their business.

[mum-to-be]

I would also quote AAP and WHO. And I like the "you raised your children" comment. I also like the "Why does it concern you?" comment. Whatever they say back, you can always tell them that research has proven otherwise.

I sort of understand where they are coming from wrt to your youngest brother. Perhaps you could let him know when you are about to breastfeed so he can leave the room if he feels uncomfortable. And your dad and mom too. I wouldn't be hiding away though. I do think it is healthy for men to realize that breasts are not just for their enjoyment.

As for your pre-med brother, well he is about to enter pre-med, so why is he an authority on anything medical? I hope he is embarrassed when he finally researches this topic.

If, after a conversation about it, they stand their ground and make you feel uncomfortable, then yes, I would go to the in-laws. I would tell them that they've made you feel uncomfortable, that breastfeeding is your decision as is any parenting decision, and you will not budge on it. I would tell them they are welcome to visit you at the ILs, but to be aware that you breastfeed freely there.

[todzwife]

Thanks everyone. My feelings were very hurt last time I was at home, with all of them attacking me at once. We went to the IL's and I was telling my MIL about it and she said "why do they even care?"

I don't know. I'm the oldest of 7 and my mom nursed us all until our first birthday and weaned us cold turkey. She's from the firm "not older than 1" camp.