Help! My newborn is hard!

[bisous]

Okay, so this is DS3. I SHOULD be an old hand at this. I'm so exhausted and discouraged! DS3 is 3 weeks old today and I'm going to lose it! He needs A LOT of holding/rocking/nursing and my "go-tos" aren't helping soothe him!

So far I've tried:

Swing (tried 3 times) he will tolerate for about 5 minutes, maybe 10.

Baby Bjorn (tried 2 times) won't tolerate at all.

Moby Wrap (tried only once) cried hysterically. Of course he was already upset.

Walking in stroller works only while moving

Driving in the car works only while the car is moving

Pacifier, tolerates sometimes but cannot keep in mouth

Rocking chair, tolerates for a few minutes!

All that seems to work is feeding, burping and then walking for 15 to 20 minutes only to eke out a 45 minute rest!!

At night he will cosleep but it generally involves LOTS of night nursing and is still tiring.

He'll stay asleep longer in human arms.

Tell me this will be okay. I'm exhausted...

[Katigre]

How does he do with the 5 S's? Have you considered getting him adjusted by a chiro or something like that? Any chance he's in physical pain (like reflux)?

[bisous]

I think he is in pain. He's SO tired but pain keeps waking him up! this is new territory for me. He's SO little. Is it too early to diagnose for reflux?

The 5 Ss. (Let me see if I can remember...)

Well, he does like to nurse but not a pacifier. (Sucking)

He doesn't like a swing. (Swing)

I do "shush" him when I walk him. (Shush)

He doesn't like a tight swaddle (I think--how much do you force it??) but he does better when his arms are "restrained". (Swaddle)

Can't recall the fifth...

[Katigre]

How does he do when you do all 5 together (swaddling, side-lying, swaying, ssssshhhhhing, sucking on pacifier).

If you sense he is in pain, then I could try to do what you can to adjust your diet for reflux. I'm not sure how they diagnose for reflux but I'd probably place a call to the ped.

[bisous]

Thank you. I'll try all 5. Since a few of those really seem to work (at least a little! Swaying, sucking, shushing, swaddling) its worth it to try. I have Dr. Karps video on hold at the library.

I have a ped appointment on Wednesday so I'll ask then. This is new territory for me! Poor baby!

[Momit]

Definitely refresh your memory and check out how he specifically recommends doing each one - I remember in particular the sssshhhhing and swinging being more vigorous than I would have thought for a newborn. And my DH was the world champion swaddler, which also really helped DS sleep for a longer stretch.

[wellyes]

Hang in there. It will get better. And I agree with the PPs, I remember being shocked at how vigorously he recommended to swing and swaddle.

[boltfam]

I agree with Katigre that it kind of sounds like the symptoms of reflux (both of my DCs had it). I would write down the things that you wrote in your first post and bring them into the ped. I always tend to forget all the specifics of my concerns at the dr. office by the time I've waited in the waiting room for 45 min. with two unhappy children. ;) Hang in there, and good luck!

[Simon]

I don't think its silly at all to be having trouble. Every kid is different and you just have to find what they like best. Or, at least that was our experience with some more challenging infants. Ds1 was a tough nut and very specific in what he liked/didn't like. Ex. by three weeks old he could distinguish bewteen a traditional rocker and a glider and would scream bloody murder in a glider!

Here are a few more that I didn't see on your list:

1. Loud white noise. Ds1 would instantly calm if we went into a dark bathroom and turned on the shower. (not just the sink). Other kids I know liked vaccums and hair dryers.

2. Bouncing on an exercise ball was Ds2's secret trick. It fit with Karps jiggling head gently is good. Don't have a ball? use the corner of a bed might work though its far less comfortable for the adult.

3. Yeah, the 5 S's all have to be done at once per Dr's advice or it won't work. Swaddle first, add Suck/pacifier (I used to swadle up to Ds' nose so the paci was smooshed to their face and then would move/loosen when I laid them down), turn on their Side like holding a football (right side specifically), then VERY BIG up and down motions or side to side motoins. Big and maybe fast. Nothing wimpy here. Shushing can be you or other white noise. Again, we used a running shower.

A few other questions.
Are you running the swing on its highest setting? Big motion is better. Adding heat before helped Ds2 (like putting a hot pad in the seat first).

It isn't too early for reflux trouble. Constant nursing can be normal (growth spurt time?) or a sign that they are trying to soothe the pain.

Elevate one end of the crib and changing table. We used phone books (what else are they good for these days?)

[JoyNChrist]

I would force the swaddling a little. I remember DS1 would fuss unless he was really wrapped up tight, then he'd settle down and be fine.

Good luck mama!

[nfowife]

Have you tried a sound machine? Nursing in bed? The first few weeks are just really hard. My DD2 is a dream baby but she didn't really become one until right around 3 months. Before then it was just HARD. I thought she had reflux as well, my DS had it and one night in the middle of the night I felt I had an epiphany and she had it too. But my ped felt since she was gaining and not spitting up she did not want to go the meds route and she would outgrow it- and really, she did. It just took time.
Hang in there, mama. I think it was around 2-3 months that I started getting longer than 45 minute naps. I used this chart I found on babycenter about max wake times and that helped immensely too until pretty recently. I find if I really stick to that (so hard with 2 other kids!) sleep comes much easier and for much longer. You can see that the max wake time for such a young baby is 45 minutes-1 hour. That means that if they wake at 6, they should be back to sleep by about 7. That includes time feeding. So pretty much feed, wakeful for a few minutes, and maybe feed to get back to sleep! I know you feel like you aren't doing anything else! :hug:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11GHo4keUb2TVJUlSL1kD6HQcEgaNFBmzoQoOzcpcyas/edit?hl=en&authkey=CPXE1bsO&pli=1

[tribe pride]

I don't have anything to add to the excellent advice already offered, but wanted to say :hug: You can do it!!!

[ellies mom]

With my oldest, I had some luck with an exercise ball. I could sit down but still sway her like I was standing up. So she got "walked" and I got to sit.

[ray7694]

My dd would scream constantly and the doctor kept saying colic which I never believed. I gave up nursing as I didn't have the will power to cut my entire diet. Then we went on reflux meds that didn't help and finally switched to Nutramigen.

I knew it wasn't normal as she cried so much. I hope you get it figured out soon! If only they could talk:)

[amldaley]

No advice. Just a note to say I hope it gets better for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(And to tell you that your post has terrified me. DD was so easy...what if this one isn't???????????/ I had never thought of that until your post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[bisous]

Thank you all! The messages of encouragement AND the advice are super helpful!

I need to be better at swaddling. I've tried white noise but not WITH the other things--I'll try that!!

I'll write everything down for the ped to review. Poor DS. I know that a couple of months is the tiniest speck in our lives but right now a couple of months of THIS seems almost unbearable!

[ThreeofUs]

It will be okay. I'm so sorry you're going through this. We had an awful run of it with DS1, and DS2 wasn't much better. Just keep trying everything and eventually something will click. That something might change frequently, but still something will click.

ITA with checking out reflux. DS1 didn't spit up at all, but he sure as heck couldn't relax at all. Only slept in our arms for months.

[veronica]

Well, twin DS's were diagnosed at 3 & 5 days old. Looking back , it makes me ok with the fact that one was in the NICU because having that confirmation was key. ODS had reflux and we weren't diagnosed for 4 months- no one should live like that.

Try the Fisher Price rock n play sleeper-the boys love it. It's reclined and raised , perfect for reflux.

And Laura, Hellbennt , here was amazing to me here. pm me if you like. If the crying and discomfort is all day and night....something is going on.


I think he is in pain. He's SO tired but pain keeps waking him up! this is new territory for me. He's SO little. Is it too early to diagnose for reflux?

The 5 Ss. (Let me see if I can remember...)

Well, he does like to nurse but not a pacifier. (Sucking)

He doesn't like a swing. (Swing)

I do "shush" him when I walk him. (Shush)

He doesn't like a tight swaddle (I think--how much do you force it??) but he does better when his arms are "restrained". (Swaddle)

Can't recall the fifth...

[baileygirl]

Looking back, I think DS1 had reflux...we literally held him 24 hours a day...until I figured out he would sleep in the swing while swaddled (he was 3-4 weeks old by then). We only swaddled his arms (using one of the blankets made for swaddling), so we could still seatbelt him into the swing. Once we figured this out, he became a great sleeper (in the swing swaddled).

[misshollygolightly]

Sounds a lot like my DS was (though DS didn't have reflux or medical issues...that we knew of anyway). DS was just a high-needs, no-sleep kinda guy for that first year--hopefully yours will settle down a lot sooner :-)

We had some luck with the 5 S's (combining 2-3 of them at a time, especially tight swaddles, loud ssshing, vigorous swinging). Also, the white noise machine (set to a somewhat loud setting) and some of those heartbeat baby music CDs (soothing, repetitive music with loud heartbeat sound) helped. Definitely try the Moby again. I didn't have one with DS, but DD LOVES being held upright, snuggled against a chest, and so the Moby is a dream come true for us both. Both kids also love(d) being outside...does your baby chill out in the stroller? I know it isn't always practical to do, but it can be worth some inconvenience if it buys you 15-20 minutes of quiet, IMO.

Also, just try to remember that this really and truly won't last forever...it *will* get better. Those first two-three months are brutal even in the best of circumstances.

[JTsMom]

Sometimes cutting dairy out will help tremendously. What type of swing do you have? Both of mine only liked the side to side motion at first, and it had to be on full blast. Definitely try an exercise ball- that was my sanity saver with J. Have you tried a vibrating bouncy seat?

Hang in there mama. It'll get better. 3 weeks was the hardest point for me both times around, and after a few days, it always started to improve. Hope you're able to get some better rest tonight. Are you nursing side-lying?

[amldaley]

Sometimes cutting dairy out will help tremendously. What type of swing do you have? Both of mine only liked the side to side motion at first, and it had to be on full blast. Definitely try an exercise ball- that was my sanity saver with J. Have you tried a vibrating bouncy seat?

Hang in there mama. It'll get better. 3 weeks was the hardest point for me both times around, and after a few days, it always started to improve. Hope you're able to get some better rest tonight. Are you nursing side-lying?

Oh yeaaaahhhhh....DD would cry and shake and turn red 90 minutes after nursing until she had a BM. I had to cut out dairy entirely and it made a world of difference. I had forgotten about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[echoesofspring]

At 3 weeks, we had what I thought was a growth spurt, except it didn't end...after ten days I went and saw an LC who recommended we hold DS upright for 30 minutes after feedings (silent reflux). It made a world of difference, although I can't tell you how many times I fell asleep in the recliner, holding him upright, only to wake up 2 hours later...and feed him again ;)

Hang in there!

[TxCat]

Ugh, this is giving me PTSD, thinking back to DD's newborn days. I was so miserable during those first 8 weeks (although deliriously in love with DD at the same time).

Agree with all the other advice. We found doing 3-4 of the S's at once helped a lot (side-lying wasn't particularly helpful). I used to think that DD didn't like being swaddled, until I realized that she didn't like the process of being swaddled. Once she was swaddled TIGHTLY, she did better. White noise was super, super useful for us. Before we purchased a white noise machine, we would resort to the vacuum cleaner, the shower, etc.

And, definitely talk to your pedi - there may be something like reflux going on.

Good luck!!:hug::hug:

[Tenasparkl]

Sounds a lot like how my daughter was. We spent lots of time bouncing on the yoga ball and doing all of the 5 S's. We got a great tip to put an electric toothbrush near the baby. The combo of the noise and the vibration is a great baby soother. I always give them with shower gifts and people think I'm nuts until they really need it and then call thanking me. Good luck!

[elizabethkott]

Don't be a hero with the swaddle... get a bundleme/swaddleme type thing, and get that sucker on TIGHT!!!!! The velcro is faaaaaaar superior to any kind of fold-and-tuck that I could come up with on my own.
It does sound like reflux (sorry!). We had a lot of success with a vibrating bouncy seat. Sometimes, it was the only thing that made Stevie happy!
GL, mama! You can do this!!!

[happymom]

Just want to add my :yeahthat: to a few thing-
-Try a SwaddleMe- no fancy folding, and you get a great tight swaddle.
-You must try a vibrating bouncy seat...if you don't have one, see if you can borrow one from a friend. My aunt told me she used to put her kids bouncy seats on top of the running dryer for a similar effect, while she supervised obviously.
-Eliminating dairy works wonders for some.

But I also just wanted to add that this really may be a phase. One of my sister-in-laws said told me (once her 1st DC was a toddler) that she wishes someone had told her how short each phase is with newborns because she would not have stressed nearly as much about each one! I know its so hard for now, but it really may pass sooner than you think.

My DD cried constantly as a newborn- sometimes for 3 hours straight at night. We never really figured out what it was. We thought reflux, so we put her on meds and I eliminated dairy. It helped somewhat, but it was always hard to tell whar was really making the difference, you know? But for my DD, the constant crying was only till about 2 months or so. After that she was an easy baby! So there's hope...for now, just keep trying all the different ideas and hopefully you'll find something that works well for your little guy! Hang in there :hug:

[OKKiddo]

How does he do with the 5 S's? Have you considered getting him adjusted by a chiro or something like that? Any chance he's in physical pain (like reflux)?

Sounds just like both of my sons---and it was absolutely acid reflux. I ended up having to put them on meds once I discussed the issue with the Dr (describe all of the above especially the constant sucking and not wanting to be horizontal). Once the meds kicked in they were much, much better! Hang in there and big hugs!!!

[KpbS]

I couldn't have done it w/o the Miracle Blanket and was super thankful for the Fisher Price rock and play (DD couldn't sleep anywhere else for the first 5 months), prevacid, and white noise. Big hugs, mama! Hang in there--it will get better. :hug:

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

Boy does this bring back memories. I'm sorry your having a rough time. DD2 had laryngomalacia and after much spitting up and very little sleep we finally got to the ENT and he told me to put her to sleep on her stomach.:eek::47:

Now you'll think it's nuts but you might try it a time or 2 to see how it works. I was scared sh!!!ess the first time we did it for her but it made the difference between 10 minutes of sleeping and 4 hours!!! I AM NOT recommending this as a permenant solution but it might help if you're wondering if baby has reflux. Watch him like a hawk when you do it but you might be surprised. Hope all the advice you're getting is helping. Good luck.

[AustenFan]

:hug: Both our first two were absolutely miserable until I cut out dairy. It took 2 weeks to get it fully out of my system, but it was like they turned into different babies. Both have outgrown the allergy now. Hoping for your sake it is something easier than that. Be really easy on yourself!!!

[mum-to-be]

Can you identify the source of the cry - Dunstan baby language really was true for both of mine as babies. Copied from wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunstan_Baby_Language:

Words (sound reflexes)

According to Dunstan, the five universal words (or sound reflexes) used by infants are[3]:

Neh

I'm hungry - An infant uses the sound reflex "Neh" to communicate its hunger. The sound is produced when the sucking reflex is triggered, and the tongue is pushed up on the roof of the mouth.

Owh

I'm sleepy - An infant uses the sound reflex "Owh" to communicate that they are tired. The sound is produced much like an audible yawn.

Heh

I'm experiencing discomfort - An infant uses the sound reflex "Heh" to communicate stress, discomfort, or perhaps that it needs a fresh diaper. The sound is produced by a response to a skin reflex, such as feeling sweat or itchiness in the bum.

Eairh

I have lower gas - An infant uses the sound reflex "Eairh" to communicate they have flatulence or an upset stomach. The sound is produced when trapped air from a belch is unable to release and travels to the stomach where the muscles of the intestines tighten to force the air bubble out. Often, this sound will indicate that a bowel movement is in progress, and the infant will bend its knees, bringing the legs toward the torso. This leg movement assists in the ongoing process.

Eh

I have gas - An infant uses the sound reflex "Eh" to communicate that it needs to be burped. The sound is produced when a large bubble of trapped air is caught in the chest, and the reflex is trying to release this out of the mouth.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Personally, my experience is that babies want to be held a lot, and I tried to work around that but oh my it was hard. I started plating DS's meals at the previous meal if I got the chance. Many days were "stayin' in pyjamas day" for DS. I also found DD was mostly crying because she wanted to poo, and that was how she was trying to communicate her elimination need to me. I started placing her on the toilet at 3 months, but if I had understood earlier I could have started her at this age. She was a much happier baby after that (and no diaper rash). Of course I also think the spit-up frequency really drops off around the same age.

Chin up mama! This will pass! Remember it's all about survival at this point, so don't worry about your house or whether you are doing all the activities you used to.

[goldenpig]

:yeahthat: on the dairy! DD and DS had a lot of the same issues as well and both had silent reflux. DD was on medication till age 2. I never knew about the dairy but I think she probably had milk protein sensitivity too (she never wanted to drink cow's milk). DS didn't get better even with meds until I completely cut out all traces of dairy from my diet, and then I was able to stop the meds at age 1. However, every time I cheated and had anything with dairy (even a tiny bit) all his symptoms came back. Even now at 1.5, he still seems to be sensitive. Every few months I try testing to see if it's better but no luck yet. I had a handful of milk chocolate raisins the other day, and that night he started waking up all night and arching and throwing his hands back above his head. Arrgghh! I can't wait till he grows out of it! So you may want to try cutting out dairy to see if it helps your little one.

You've gotten a lot of great advice so I just wanted to say :hug: and hang in there!

[mackmama]

I'm so sorry you're struggling. Those early weeks can be so hard! :hug:

Re swaddling, I agree about trying the swaddles with the velcro. Our DC liked the swaddle until about 3mo although it always took a few minutes for DC to settle into it. You'll know if your DC likes it or not after about 5mins. There will either be a big change in behavior (from fussy to totally quiet) or not. It does sound like it could be reflux. Does your DC seem more comfortable when held at an angle (versus horizontal)? Our baby often arched backward when being held which helped us figure out that it was reflux. It could also be gas. Maybe ask your pedi about mylicon drops. If you are BFing, maybe try cutting out dairy or gas-producing foods from your diet. If using a formula, you might want to try switching formulas. Hang in there... hopefully this is just a phase!

[lovebebes]

dd3 was somewhat this way...i pretty much held her all the time and then shed sleep on me-otherwise she would NOT sleep. It was insane how long she could spend awake. And this started the second she was born btw, because i remember that night in the hospital after i gave birth...all i wanted to do was pass out for a few minutes to gain some strength and energy and she was right next to me in the hospital bed and would not fall asleep unless she was on the breast. It has gotten better, she is 11 months now but i have to say she is still very very attached. She is just this way, and there is not much i can do about it.
There is one thing that I remember worked with DD2 and then also I brought up to my neighbor when her DD was born...put baby in bouncy chair and place chair nearby a running dryer...worked like a charm. (if you have dryer that is).
Hang in there.

[Tondi G]

Hang in there mama. This is bringing back my early days with DS1 so clearly. I truly think he had silent reflux... but we never got meds and my ped said no to reflux cause he wasn't a spitter. But my DS wanted to nurse ALL THE TIME and wanted to be held and rocked and walked around the rest of the time. Naps consisted of 20 minute cat naps if he wasn't in someone's arms. He would only sleep in his infant car seat, hated it in the car though. He didn't like swings or bouncy chairs. He loved being in the Bjorn. If you've tried the upright options as far as carriers go, maybe a sling? Pouch or ring sling to try to get him in a reclined position ... curled up... and hold that pacifier in his mouth. My DS took a pacifier ONCE. My DS2 liked the Bjorn but he needed to have a receiving blanket over his head and he liked to be shushed and patted rather strongly (on his lower back/bottom) while walking to fall asleep. I think people used to look at me and DH like we were nuts cause we were walking along with DS2 in the Bjorn smacking our little one in the butt while we had a blanket draped over his head! You gotta do what you gotta do!

2 to 3 weeks is prime growth spurt time so that can be an added factor. You could try gripe water too.

we found early on that DS2 was a tummy sleeper and it made a HUGE difference in the amount of time he would stay asleep once we put him down that way. You might try it, even if just for naps while you can be close by. getting in some decent naps can make for a much happier baby.

[mjs64]

Agree with PP that just reading this thread is giving me PTSD! No real advice, though I would rec the woombie for swaddling ( easiest option out there with a zipper). Just want to send hugs. Remember that sleep deprivation is a form of torture. You are doing a great job! I can't imagine doing what you're doing with other DC. Hang in there . This too shall pass.

[AnnieW625]

The miracle blanket swaddler was amazing for DD2. She hated the swing royally most days until she was about 9 months old (now thank goodness for the 30lb weight limit:)), and she eventually took a pacifier (MAM brand worked best for her but we didn't figure that out until she was 2 months old). Had she not had crazy amounts of spit up I would've just figured she had colick, but indeed she did have reflux. I basically had her diagnosed at 6 days old, but she didn't get meds until she was almost 4 weeks old. Those meds although they didn't stop the spit up made her a pretty happy baby (except she still had horrible sleep habits in the day time) so they were a god send in that regard. She had issues sleeping during the day, but started sleeping well at night by 6 weeks. The Nap Nanny which I didn't get until DD2 was over 2 months old was a god send too; I wish I would've got it sooner. It got her to sleep for more than 45 minutes besides the stroller or the car.

Like the others have said things will get better, and once my kids hit that 2/1/2 week mark things did seem to get easier.

[AngelaS]

Sometimes cutting dairy out will help tremendously. What type of swing do you have? Both of mine only liked the side to side motion at first, and it had to be on full blast. Definitely try an exercise ball- that was my sanity saver with J. Have you tried a vibrating bouncy seat?

Hang in there mama. It'll get better. 3 weeks was the hardest point for me both times around, and after a few days, it always started to improve. Hope you're able to get some better rest tonight. Are you nursing side-lying?

I had to give up dairy with my third. She was a very unpleasant baby. :P And then I gave up dairy and she became a joy. :)

[bisous]

Okay. New day and I'm feeling better. (this is typical--mornings feel so hopeful!) I thank everyone again for the tips. You know, with DS1 I cut out dairy and felt like it helped. With DS2 I preemptively cut out dairy. With this one, I've read so many "experts" that feel like the distress babies feel is NOT related to mom's diet that I didn't cut dairy. But I didn't eat any yesterday.

He's not in distress today. Coincidence perhaps? But I'm going with it!

He's really such a pleasant baby when he isn't making sounds that I KNOW as an experienced mom are pain cries! I'm trying to interpret those baby sounds (I haven't clicked on the link yet!) but what DS made yesterday was DEFINITELY pain cries!


So I'm cutting dairy for sure and going to get that Karp video. I'm going to see about a swaddle device--don't have one of those yet! and try the "5 Ss" in tandem. I'm going to see about borrowing an exercise ball to see if that works for DS. Maybe I'll replace the swing and put the exercise ball in its place!

Thanks again! I may check in later for more commiseration but so far today is a new day and I"m feeling hopeful!!

Thanks, mamas!

[JTsMom]

:cheerleader1: Go get 'em mama! When I cut out dairy, within 3 days, the following things happened:
-Persistant eczema totally went away
-Spitting up went from 15+ times a day to 1 or 2 times
-Gassiness decreased by a ton
-Sleeping improved
-Mood improved
-Reflux stopped
-Pain cries disappeared

My doctor thought I was crazy, but I'm so glad I followed my gut. I did later figure out that he was allergic to a few other foods as well, but dairy was the big thing. Now I can sneak a little in and he is fine.

Here's a link to some dairy free subs:
http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=371157

[kboyle]

How does he do with the 5 S's? Have you considered getting him adjusted by a chiro or something like that? Any chance he's in physical pain (like reflux)?

Chiro worked wonders on my fussy/reflux-y ds3 :)

good luck! i had a pain in the butt ds3 newborn too, lol...since 6mo he's been the happiest kid i own!

[RedSuedeShoes]

Just wanted to say I agree with the Miracle Blanket - it was a lifesaver for babies #2 and 3 for us.

Bouncing on the exercise ball was also a lifesaver for baby #2. That and a good front pack carrier (my friend's mom makes a kind you can use with tiny babies).

Also, a good chiropractor or cranio-sacral therapist may be helpful if you have access to one. My MIL's 6th baby was a screamer and she couldn't figure out how to help her until someone recommended chiropractic care. After one treatment she was apparently a completely different baby. Cranio-sacral therapy helped my 3rd baby alot.

Good luck, mama! The first three weeks are the hardest. It will get better, no matter what's going on.