why I oh why do I open certain posts?

[AnnieW625]

I did this to myself 100%; I have no one else to blame. I knew <than 12 mos. of breastfeeding was the minority, but I honestly had no idea that <than 6 mos. was the extreme minority. Maybe I am just living under a rock, :bag. I opened up both of the breastfeeding posts and low and behold the weaning one made me feel awful, like a failed mother. I just can't believe that of 7 pages of responses there were less than 10 posts that highlighted moms who had issues breastfeeding and weaned our children before they knew how to wean themselves. I am all for breastfeeding being the best choice, but sometimes I wish my choices didn't make me feel like a bad mom because I know deep down they aren't. I know I have no reason for feeling awful and will admit that before I had children nursing a walking, talking, and solid food eating baby seriously grossed me out. That's probably another b!tching post in itself so we'll just leave it at that.

Just had to get that off my chest.

[LexyLou]

While I nursed DD1 until 12-13, she did not self wean. I weaned her.

DD2 I had to stop nursing at 6 months because of my MS. So again, I did the weaning, not her.

You aren't alone. Don't feel badly.

If it makes you feel better, my child who was weaned at 6 months is healthier than my child who BF 13 months. While I do believe breast is best. Formula is not going to make your child sickley or mentally behind other children.

Don't beat yourself up!

[gatorsmom]

Oh, gosh, don't worry about it. I weaned all 4 of mine before they weaned themselves. The older 2 were about a year old and the twins were 7mo. I'm proud of making it that far!

If there is anything I've learned from this board is that everyone has to do what's best for their families and not be pressured by others.

I think you've shown that you stand your ground on other parenting topics, why do you let this one bother you so much more?

[ZeeBaby]

Oh, gosh, don't worry about it. I weaned all 4 of mine before they weaned themselves. The older 2 were about a year old and the twins were 7mo. I'm proud of making it that far!

If there is anything I've learned from this board is that everyone has to do what's best for their families and not be pressured by others.

I think you've shown that you stand your ground on other parenting topics, why do you let this one bother you so much more?

I agree with Gatorsmom! BBB moms do not represent the general population when it comes to BFing. Out of my group of friends I am the only one that BF a child to 18 mos and i was not going to force it more then then 7 mos with DD1 since I was pregnant and my breasts were tender and I was in pain. I did the best I could for both and I am damn proud!

[rin]

I also suspect there might be a bit of a selection bias on polls like that; people who've had breastfeeding be a bigger, longer, happier part of their lives might be more likely to open & respond to polls like that in the first place.

[veronica]

I can't open those posts. I feel bad enough as it is......
you are not alone .

[elliput]

BBB moms do not represent the general population when it comes to BFing.

:yeahthat: Or many other baby related things for that matter. We general RF longer, have cooler strollers and pass the bean dip a lot.

You did what was best for you and your children. That is what matters. :heartbeat:

[MoJo]

You said it yourself: You made a good choice for your kids. And you nursed longer than many (most?) moms I know IRL.

I am one who feels so much negative pressure about nursing a solids-eating toddler that I admit it to almost no one IRL. . . but it seemed OK to do so here. But I certainly didn't intend to make anyone feel guilty at all!

The BBB is a skewed sample of moms for sure, and the poll may even be a skewed sample of the BBB.

[MamaInMarch]

I hope it's ok for me to post...

I am very pro breastfeeding and encourage child led weaning when it can happen. My experience is from on the other side of the fence most of the time and I feel very hurt and discouraged when breastfeeding (especially an older child) is seen as sick and some kind of sexual thing for the mom.

All that said as someone who is a huge supporter of breastfeeding, I don't think you should feel guilty about the length of time you were able or for that matter CHOSE to breastfeed. It does not matter why you weaned. Hopefully it was not due to difficulty or lack of info because I think that is a real concern in the US right now and I'd hate to see anyone not get the support to reach their goals. You still have to do what works for you and your family, so if that was weaning by choice, then that's what it is and that's perfectly fine.

Please don't carry guilt over it. It does not define you as a mother.:hug:

[♥ms.pacman♥]

The BBB is a skewed sample of moms for sure, and the poll may even be a skewed sample of the BBB.

:yeahthat:

i don't think i know of a single nonBBB person in my generation IRL who breastfed AT ALL past 6 months. i think BBB is a very very skewed subset of moms, and those who answer certain polls, even a smaller subset. actually, i do know one..my SIL..she nursed her 2nd child past age 2. however, with her 3rd child, she nursed her less than a month and was strictly formula fed after that, due to the problems she encountered with her (she would bite the nipple, be really picky about which side she nursed from, etc). So i really, really do think that often times when people are able to nurse for so long, they often are lucky and have a lot of things in their favor (baby latches pretty easily, no supply issues, no cracked nipples) and what not. At least I know that was the case for me with DS...i admit i had it pretty easy (had great supply, DS latched pretty well), plus i SAH so i didn't have to worry about pumping, which i am not a fan of.

i do get what you mean Annie, and sometimes i feel that way too on here about other things. :hug: I think the only ways i fit into "BBB norm" is bc i keep carseats RFing past age 1, use cloth dipes, and I buy Hanna clothes for the kids. :) that's it! i feed my kids Kraft mac & cheese and lots of non-organic foods, let them watch TV way before age 2, and a number of other things that i'm sure are highly disapproved of. but i've learned to stopped feeling guilty about it...there are only so many things we can do as a mom...we just have to choose what we can do and make the best of it...we can't do *everything*, KWIM?

[BabyBearsMom]

Another 6 monther here. I got the stomach flu when DD was 6 months old and did not want to go through the mega pumping it would take to rebuild supply so I stopped. Annie, don't feel guilty. You did the best you could for your kids, just like we all do. And you have two wonderful, beautiful, healthy girls. There is nothing wrong with formula! My DD was supplemented with formula from month 1 (I had low supply due to BFAR) and went to 100% formula from 6 months to 12 months. She is so beautiful, healthy and perfect, I can't imagine that nursing for 6 more months could make her any better. With the current pregnancy, I am going to try to nurse again, but if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. The most important thing is that your babies had healthy food.

[Melaine]

I would say even that thread was skewed because people like me did not respond. I was pumping for 4 months because I could never get the girls to latch well, even with two lactation consultants, supplements, nipple shield, etc. I was so discouraged and defeated to quit at 4 months. It's definitely a sore spot for me which is why I did not respond to the poll.

[catsnkid]

I never in a million years thought I would do it until 27 months. I dropped the pumping at 10 or 11 months and went to full time formula for daycare. My original goal was 1 year but it just worked out that he wanted to continue. I was DONE when he was 18 months.

[JTsMom]

I think it's good to have those types of polls just b/c IME, it's hard to find anyone that bf's past 3 months or so, but I hate that it makes anyone feel badly. If it helps at all, I don't judge anyone's feeding choices b/c I know that we all have different circumstances, and we all have to do what works best for our family. In some family's that's FF for all sorts of reasons.

I was/am able to bf for a long time, but if I had had to pump long-term for any reason, I guarantee I wouldn't have made it for even a month. Fortunately for me, I didn't have to, but I was lucky. It could have easily gone the other way- and does for many people. And there are a hundred other scenarios just like that.

I congratulate every one of you who made the best decision you could, for whatever reasons you did. We're all just doing the best we can. :hug:

[AshleyAnn]

I weaned "early" and just dont waste my time on breastfeeding threads. Really I just quit so I dont have a whole lot of advice how to wean. You may appear to be the minority but ime most moms still formula feed. And really what difference does it make? Your childs healthy and happy so its immaterial. This whole breastfeeding thing is way over blown IMO.

[Cam&Clay]

Not a drop of guilt here. I went for ONE WEEK with DS1 before switching with formula. Then with DS2 I went for ONE MONTH. I absolutely could not stand breastfeeding.

I admire anyone who does it for any length of time but I never let anyone make me feel badly for such a personal decision.

[tmahanes]

I know exactly what you mean....... I have just stopped myself from opening any post about breast feeding. HUGS!

Sent from my Droid using Tapatalk

[mom_hanna]

Ummm, don't feel bad, please. I weaned dd at ONE month, and ds went straight to formula. I know it is not a popular choice these days, but it is what was best for our family and we do not regret it one bit. You do your best and that is all you can do. Please don't beat yourself up about it.

[ellies mom]

I'm a big pro-breastfeeding person. I think it is a shame that people do not always get the support needed, in whatever form that may be, to breastfeed.

But that said, I don't think that a woman who tries to breastfeed but cannot for whatever reason and not all reasons are physical should feel guilty. It is better for a baby to be cuddled and fed with a bottle than to be nursed by a mom who dreads every moment of it or is stressed out about how much milk she is producing. It really isn't healthy for anyone involved. Yes, breastmilk is the optimal food for babies. I went to nursing school. I know that. But here in the United States and other first world countries with our clean water supplies, formula does not equal poison. It simply doesn't. You can bond without breastfeeding just fine.

[mjs64]

I also suspect there might be a bit of a selection bias on polls like that; people who've had breastfeeding be a bigger, longer, happier part of their lives might be more likely to open & respond to polls like that in the first place.

:yeahthat:

I voted in that poll but did not post. I weaned DS just short of 6 months after major problems BFing. I saw an LC biweekly for 10 weeks. I rented a hospital grade pump and pumped after each feeding including during the night. I used a Lactaid to supplement because of low supply and got donations from Milk Bank. I took Fenugreek, Mother's Milk, Domperidone, and more and never could produce enough for DS. Finally I was diagnosed with hypoplasia (very rare). I was heartbroken that I couldn't make enough to feed my baby boy. I tried so hard. And these threads don't do much for my self-esteem. I'm proud that I made it as long as I did. I would have kept going with the Lactaid etc. but had to go back on medication--and at that point, I figured he wasn't getting much breastmilk anyhow, and I could save us all a lot of work/worry/trouble/hassle. My family, as a whole, is much happier and healthier since I threw in the towel. I'm still sad about it but know I did my best. Every family, every mama is different. We all are trying to do our best for our DCs. It's so obvious from your posts that you are an amazing mommy. You did great!

[citymama]

Annie, the BBB is so much the exception to the norm. We spend so much time here, we think this is how most moms are, but it isn't. IRL, I know hardly any moms who nursed up to a year. My sister and cousins weaned their babies by 2-3 months. My extended family was appalled to see me nurse DD1 at 9 months - like, shocked. The stats on those polls were surprising to me, because they show how out of the norm this group is -at least the group that replied to the poll.

You are a fabulous mom, a working mom who persevered with an uphill battle as long as you could. I WAH and so nursing is an easy option, with DD1 I had to pump and it was the hardest thing. I celebrated the day we switched to cows milk during the work day. Don't beat yourself up!

[Uno-Mom]

Here's a slight twist, but kinda similar:

I.did.not.like.breastfeeding. It was a chore. I did not feel warm fuzzies about it. It did not make me feel close to my baby. When it came to baby care tasks, I actually had more fun changing Sprog's diapers because we got to play an interact.

I was LUCKY that it came pretty easy for both of us. I was also lucky to be pretty thick-skinned when so many people post and write about what a beautiful thing it is for them. For me, babywearing filled that need. Breastfeeding did NOT.

Because I was lucky to have decent supply and ease, I did keep it up a year. However, I preferred the pumping part to actually nursing my daughter. Talk about a feeling that could make someone feel guilty!

I hope that's encouraging to you vs just another person who did nurse a fully year. I just wanted to state, for the record, that I'm one more person who didn't fit the "ideal," whatever that is.

[niccig]

I didn't post on that poll either. I BF DS for a year, but he was getting supplemented from about 6 months with formula, and I was relieved to not have to pump anymore. If I had to work and pump, we wouldn't have gone as long. I hated pumping.

This is another one of those, you've got to do what's best for your family and not carry guilt over it. Life's too short Annie to be upset that you didn't go so long with BFing when there's so many factors involved. It's not the be all or end all of being a mom.

Honestly, now that DS is older, I look back at many things that I was so adamant about, and I see kids whose parents did it different, and their kids are fine. I see all the pressure I put on myself as my mom-insecurities. I would be a lot more easy-going now.

[momm]

Annie! I'm so sorry. I started that other thread, and it was NOT my intention to make you, or anyone, feel like this!!!!

As others have said, BBB is a very select representation of the moms out there. I'm BFing at one year, and I hear almost from everyone how I need to think of weaning. I wanted more info than from my circle, and that's why I posted here.

You have done so much for your kids already, please don't let one single aspect make you feel like this.

So sorry for having inadvertently made you feel this way. You're an awesome mom and don't let anyone or anything make you feel otherwise.

[ladysoapmaker]

Annie,

Please don't feel bad. There is no shame doing what is best for YOUR family.

I'm one of those who posted that they nursed for more then a year but what I didn't post was I HAD to. DS#2 is allergic to soy. We discovered this when he was given supplemental formula at age 2 months. I was planning on just nursing at night and on weekends and supplementing with formula until about 6 months then just use formula. It turns out that soy was used as calories in 99% of formula (may even still be). And the one formula we could find without soy was around $100/bottle. So since it was cheaper and safer for DS#2 to nurse I ended up doing that.

So please don't feel bad. It was not my intention when I posted.

Sorry,
Jen

[arivecchi]

Don't feel bad hon! If it makes you feel better I only BFed for 3 months with DS1 (then pumped another 3) and only Bfed DS2 for 1 month (pumped another 4 or 5) and supplemented with formula from day 1. I have no regrets. I hated every single minute of BFing so why subject myself to it?

[amldaley]

I think the reason the ratio seems so skewed is that the pro-BF crowd seems more likely to post to a BF thread. I don't think those numbers are necessarily accurate overall for society.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Society will do plenty of that for you. We all have to make whatever choices make the most sense for our own families.

[FTMLuc]

Do not feel guilt over this, you are a great mom and did what was best for you and your family. Your girls are healthy, loved and thriving and that is all that matters.

I have been supplementing with formula since DD was 2 weeks old. The only reason that I have not given up is because of my stubborness (not always the best trait to have, trust me), but I am so ready do be done pumping. I am counting the days to 12 months so I can stop pumping.

[mommylamb]

I totally agree with all the other posters. Not something to feel guilty about at all. You've got two healthy, happy little girls! I also think that there are a lot of SAHMs on BBB, and in the grand scheme of things, it's easier to BF if you SAH than if you work and have to pump. Pumping sucks. I did it, but I hated it. FTR, I really didn't mind breastfeeding, just pumping.

[MamaSnoo]

Duration of BF on the BBB is way skewed compared to the general population in the US. It is actually less common for a woman to be EBF past 6 months that not.

This is an interesting acticle (http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/122/Supplement_2/S50.full)that looks at the non-breastfeeding practices of breastfeeding moms (such as supplementing and complementary foods).

I also agree with PP that the poll is probably skewed even on the BBB. I would have been unlikely to open it if I had not BF at all. And frankly, the more ppl who answer with 12 month or with extended BF, the less likely I would have felt to tick the box for a shorter time frame.

Please don't feel bad....you did great!

[lhafer]

Don't feel bad!!

Wanna know why I weaned my DD2? Because we were going to Disney World for 10 days and I didn't want to drag my pump and accesories along with me! And I have really big boobs, and have never gotten the hang of being about to discreetly BF'd in public. She was about 9 months old when I weaned her. I had a lot of BM stored up, but I took formula on the trip.

I don't feel one iota of guilt.

DD1 never got the hang of breastfeeding - I tended to drown her. I always had an over supply, and she just couldn't keep up. So I pumped.

But guess what? I weaned myself from pumping before returning to work when she was 3 months old! Wanna know why? Because it was seriously stressing me out thinking about how much time it would take to pump over a 12 hour shift, and who would have to watch my patients while I did it!! I did have a store of BM for her too, and she had BM until she was about 7 months old.

Don't feel bad - we all tend to do what we think is right and best for us and our children. There's no *perfect* mold for any of to fit into! That would just be a seriously boring world. :)

[MMMommy]

Do not feel bad. I went one month with both. My milk supply was low, and DDs were not gaining enough weight. Per doctor's orders, I had to supplement and then switch to formula. We all do the best we can. No judgment, no guilt.

[trcy]

Annie, I understand how you feel. DD is 9 mo old and my plan was to BF until she is a year. I am just getting to the point of being done with it...especially the pumping...I hate the pumping. After seeing how many moms went longer I felt like I must be very selfish for wanting to be done :(

[gcc2k]

Annie, I understand how you feel. DD is 9 mo old and my plan was to BF until she is a year. I am just getting to the point of being done with it...especially the pumping...I hate the pumping. After seeing how many moms went longer I felt like I must be very selfish for wanting to be done :(

:yeahthat:

I'm at work, pumping right now. DS is 9 months, but this pumping thing is getting OLD. Twice a day at work, once in the evening. I don't drink alcohol anymore because I pump every evening, even on the weekends to keep up with what he needs, and I'm afraid alcohol will lower my supply. I can't afford to lose even an ounce. I'm down to only 6 ounces of frozen BM left. He's going to have to get some supplemental formula, because I can't keep up with what he needs. He'll still get some BM, just not excusively BM on days I work.

[swissair81]

The problem with a poll is that it doesn't give any specifics. It doesn't mention why someone does or does not breastfeed, or whether they had serious problems or not. In my case, my mother breastfed all 4 of her kids, so I felt that this is how you feed a baby. I don't know that a study or vocal lactivists would have changed my mind if I hadn't wanted to. Breastfeeding my oldest dd s**ked. I was in constant pain and my pediatrician had to order me to quit. Once I had stopped, formula became blessed manna from heaven, because it did not involve pain. I didn't have any problems with my subsequent children, because in the 4 years between the births of my first 2 children, I figured out the problem and how to make it better. So it turned out that I loved breastfeeding. Had nursing my 2nd child been as bad as my 1st, I may not have lasted 2 months. It was that painful. Besides loving non-painful breastfeeding, my babies all loved it, I am a SAHM (I despise pumping, and I do it only when necessary) with plenty of extra time on my hands, and it means I have to do less dishes. My 13 month old is still breastfeeding, but honestly, I nurse her once in the morning, once at bedtime, and 1-2 times during the night. The rest of the time she gets table food and whole milk.

[JoyNChrist]

Dude, DO NOT feel bad!

I made it to a year with DS1, but it was easy for us and I was a SAHM. And I totally weaned him before he was ready because he was a biter and I so was not having that. Uh uh, no way, no how. I'll put up with a lot of sh!t for my kids, but getting bitten on the nipples ain't negotiable in this household.

I only made it to 8 months with the twins, with supplementing, and I had to FORCE myself to do that. It wasn't even remotely enjoyable. And I DARE somebody to try to make me feel guilty about weaning them early. ;)

You're a great mama. Breastfeeding, while great, is really such a small issue over the course of their lives.

[jenstring95]

Oh, my gosh - for me, breastfeeding my kids (especially the first one) was the single most stressful thing about having new babies - figuring out whether they've had enough, worrying about whether or not to supplement with formula, and knowing that if you're nursing, it's all on you. SO STRESSFUL, and extremely time consuming and draining during an already difficult and sleep-deprived time. I would never think less of someone who wanted to use formula instead, no matter if it was from day 1, after 1 month or after a year. My mom started off BF me, and it didn't work out. I'm not a mutant (no third eye or anything), I have no known allergies, and I am rarely sick. And that's after formula from the 70's, and I'm quite sure they've tweaked it a bit since then. ;)

FWIW, I have a bit of the same feeling when I open threads about women who think it's so horrible to give birth by C-section. I had a (fairly emergency) C with my first, and I chose it with my second. Didn't even consider a VBAC, and it doesn't make me any less of a mother. I know C-sections are not the norm on this board, however - at least not non-emergency ones.

[ncat]

I think one of the most wonderful thing about these boards (and the breastfeeding threads) is to read about the wide variety of things that have worked well for different moms and their children.

From reading other mama's experiences, I had great confidence that whether I fed my babies formula from birth or nursed them until they self-weaned at 3, they would be OK.

I was thrilled to see so many extended nursers vote and post because it is something I never hear about or see IRL. I don't have any mom friends that nursed their children past a year, and most did not make it that long.

[lizzywednesday]

Annie, beating yourself up over doing what was best for your family isn't fair to you or your beautiful daughters! You're a great mom. The stories you've shared about both of your DDs are enough to convince me of how wonderful a job you've done ... and I should be so lucky to do the same with mine! So what if you didn't breastfeed longer than you did; you did what worked for you.

For me, breastfeeding was more about control than anything else - it was the one thing I perceived as being able to control in an uncontrollable situation with DD's heart condition. I made it work out of sheer stubbornness, but, you know what?

We still supplemented with formula at first because DD was a slow gainer post-discharge & our pediatrician freaked. Also, I hadn't had the time to build up a pump-stash before I went back to work.

Was it the worst thing in the world? Absolutely not, but I, like you, felt a good bit of "Mommy guilt" for using it. However, if formula hadn't been an option, I'm pretty sure that DD would have gotten sicker instead of healthier. Instead, she's now a VERY active 19-month-old who I'm having a lot of trouble keeping up with!!!

Please, please, please don't beat yourself up.

[sste]

I agree that there is alot of "response bias" in that poll! Also situations differ dramatically. As many others have noted, pumping sucks for most women. It is time-consuming, inefficient, and totally un-fun. Also I think spouse support is huge. I have been able to BF past a year because I am at home alot and my husband and nanny both bend over backwards to help out with washing pump and bottle parts, play with the sibling while I BF the baby, bring the baby to me at night, etc! If I had to pump five days a week and didn't have that support at home it would have been exponentially harder and I would have spent significantly less time with my baby for that matter.

I am also stunned at what people consider "not bfing long enough" - - and I am a hard-core BFing supporter. A baby getting some amount of bm for 3, 6, 9 months is a wonderful accomplishment and something to be proud of imo - - not agonizing over. I notice the majority of posters in this thread are in that those categories and just wanted to point out that most ladies would/should be patting themselves on the back. :) Including you OP!